chelsea2011 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 So, I have been dating an amazing girl that I got to know about two months ago. (I am 32, she is 25, btw) Over the course of time, it has been always me that starts contacting. She has never called me or texted me or suggested meeting before I do so. However, she always calls me back if she misses my call, always texts me back and asks me more in return so that the conversation would continue and has never flaked out or turned me down. On the contrary, we even spent the new year's eve together, she stayed at my apartment last weekend and she even said she likes me. (no sex yet tho) I really like this girl and thus am taking in slow, showing her respect. Now, I guess all the signs or her pattern of behavior might imply that things are going well between me and her. but I have been just always curious that it is normal for me to always contact her first. I did not want to bring this up since I did not want to come off insecure or clingy. I know that if I suggested to her that we do something together, she would definitely say yes, but she never first brings it up first. What do you guys think of this? Am I just being insecure? should I test the water by not contacting her a while? Thank you guys. Just talk to her and tell her that you would like it if she contacted you too. Tell her it would be a nice surprise to hear from her. Don't start playing games by not contacting her on purpose. That's the worse thing you can do because she may start to think you're not interested. She could be shy about it and may just be waiting for a signal from you that it's okay for her to initiate contact. Tell her that you don't mind if she comes up with suggestions for things to do together too. When you have a question it's always best to go ahead and ask. Good luck!
Emilia Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 :rolleyes: You really don't see the difference between a "hey, how's your day goin?" text and harrassing someone / being pushy? Really, after a month of a guy contacting you on a regular basis, you still can't send him a text? Wow. If you're that terrified of rejection, dating is maybe not the best idea for you. OP-- I'd see if she will meet up after the volunteering event and then bring all of this up. Her going along with silence is telling. She is either not interested, or she is an insecure mess like some of the gals posting in this thread who need engagement rings before they will call a guy. This. Communication should be a two-way street OP and you should talk to her instead of just stopping contacting her. I would have asked why she wasn't contacting at all. Someone else here said it's a respect thing and I agree. As a woman I see other women using the 'too timid' excuse to be passive, don't buy it. They step up if they have to. Also, until she starts having sex with you don't believe whatever she says about liking you. What are your plans there? Are you comfortable with waiting? Make sure she isn't wasting your time.
nothappyjan Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 :rolleyes: You really don't see the difference between a "hey, how's your day goin?" text and harrassing someone / being pushy? Really, after a month of a guy contacting you on a regular basis, you still can't send him a text? Wow. If you're that terrified of rejection, dating is maybe not the best idea for you. OP-- I'd see if she will meet up after the volunteering event and then bring all of this up. Her going along with silence is telling. She is either not interested, or she is an insecure mess like some of the gals posting in this thread who need engagement rings before they will call a guy. Its not rejection its self preservation. I think i'm hanging on by a thread after the way I have been treated by most men. I do contact once I know we are exclusive. But I have been burned too many times by people who disappear or never reply to my messages and I hate the feeling of knowing they read it and ditched me which has happened so often. Guys would always do the fade on me so after one too many times I dont like to contact unless we are exclusive and I know he likes me and is not just messing with me. Contacting guys was only getting me involved with guys who were lukewarm and following through only because I was contacting them too. They probably would have disappeared earlier if I hadn't made the effort which would have been a good thing rather than waiting for me to be hurt months down the road.
Emilia Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Its not rejection its self preservation. I think i'm hanging on by a thread after the way I have been treated by most men. I do contact once I know we are exclusive. But I have been burned too many times by people who disappear or never reply to my messages and I hate the feeling of knowing they read it and ditched me which has happened so often. Guys would always do the fade on me so after one too many times I dont like to contact unless we are exclusive and I know he likes me and is not just messing with me. Contacting guys was only getting me involved with guys who were lukewarm and following through only because I was contacting them too. They probably would have disappeared earlier if I hadn't made the effort which would have been a good thing rather than waiting for me to be hurt months down the road. This is exactly what the problem is when you are a passive person. You allow men to choose you rather than proactively learn about their character and personality - which would allow you to decide whether you want to keep seeing them or move on. If you let other people take the lead and you allow them to have control over your personal life, don't be surprised if it doesn't work out to your advantage.
Cypress25 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I've been thinking about this matter and I stopped contacting her and it's been three days since we talked last time. So...I guess her interest level is not the same as mine?? She probably thinks you lost interest in her or found someone else. Congrats, you just lost a great girl. Next time, just communicate honestly with the girl instead of testing her. This Sunday we are bound to meet at this volunteering activity where we got to know each other originally. I may need to broach the idea... Do you think this is a good idea? You're gonna have to say something. You abruptly cut contact after dating her for over a month, she's probably wondering what the hell is going on. You tried to test her, and it backfired. I totally disagree. The women who are too "shy" to initiate conversation even ONCE in OVER A MONTH are insecure "rules" girls. No normal, healthy woman is too scared to start a conversation with the man she is dating. A gal with major issues definitely is. I don't know about rules, but some women really are that shy. Insecure, possibly. I don't think insecure is a fatal flaw though, unless it's extreme. Insecure people often have troubled pasts, which leads them to be overly cautious in the future. A woman who is shy about initiating contact has probably been seriously hurt before and lacks the confidence to initiate anything. She is either not interested, or she is an insecure mess like some of the gals posting in this thread who need engagement rings before they will call a guy. Engagement ring? No, just a relationship. I don't date a guy for months on end without it turning into a relationship. If I've been dating a guy for more than 2 months and he still hasn't brought up the topic of exclusivity, I'll move on. That's why I asked the OP if he had talked to her about becoming exclusive yet. He didn't respond to that, he decided to just stop talking to her instead. As a woman I see other women using the 'too timid' excuse to be passive, don't buy it. They step up if they have to. It's not an excuse. I'm not so timid that I won't send a casual "hope you're having a good day" text to the guy I've been dating, but some women are. Everyone is different and you have to account for different personality types. You don't have to be shy to understand that there are shy people in the world. It's very hard for them to do anything out of their comfort zone, and it doesn't help when people judge them so harshly for it.
thatone Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Its not rejection its self preservation. I think i'm hanging on by a thread after the way I have been treated by most men. I do contact once I know we are exclusive. But I have been burned too many times by people who disappear or never reply to my messages and I hate the feeling of knowing they read it and ditched me which has happened so often. Guys would always do the fade on me so after one too many times I dont like to contact unless we are exclusive and I know he likes me and is not just messing with me. Contacting guys was only getting me involved with guys who were lukewarm and following through only because I was contacting them too. They probably would have disappeared earlier if I hadn't made the effort which would have been a good thing rather than waiting for me to be hurt months down the road. it is rejection. you are causing yourself to be rejected by every man you played this game with who didn't play along. you cannot keep one foot in the door, as i just posted in another thread, and expect men to MAKE you feel like you want to feel. it doesn't work that way. so think about the fact that when a man who you were dating suddently disappeared on you, it was probably your fault. the only thing you were preserving was a string of failures.
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