prosense Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 So, I have been dating an amazing girl that I got to know about two months ago. (I am 32, she is 25, btw) Over the course of time, it has been always me that starts contacting. She has never called me or texted me or suggested meeting before I do so. However, she always calls me back if she misses my call, always texts me back and asks me more in return so that the conversation would continue and has never flaked out or turned me down. On the contrary, we even spent the new year's eve together, she stayed at my apartment last weekend and she even said she likes me. (no sex yet tho) I really like this girl and thus am taking in slow, showing her respect. Now, I guess all the signs or her pattern of behavior might imply that things are going well between me and her. but I have been just always curious that it is normal for me to always contact her first. I did not want to bring this up since I did not want to come off insecure or clingy. I know that if I suggested to her that we do something together, she would definitely say yes, but she never first brings it up first. What do you guys think of this? Am I just being insecure? should I test the water by not contacting her a while? Thank you guys.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Sounds like a recipe for success. Take it slow, having a good time, get to know each other. As for you always contacting first, that's fine... and more of the rule than the exception. I recall my previous ex's some I had to contact a lot at first... but over time, she gets more comfortable with initiating. If she is responding then you are not being too clingy for her. Best of luck man. I wouldn't play too many games with her. But I wouldn't invest all your emotions into it just yet, since it's in the early stages. Take it easy, don't over think and have fun. Things will play out if they are meant to work.
nothappyjan Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 haha for a second I though you were the guy i'm seeing as im 25 and seeing a 32yr old for 2 months too. Plus he is the one to suggest meeting up most of the time. I think some girls are worried about being clingy as we are told that guys like to do the pursuing etc. So i say if shes enjoying the dates and continues to see you, then don't worry. However if she doesnt seem keen or show appreciation in any other way then there might be a problem. Some girls just prefer to wait until they are in a "secure relationship" before they start being the main initiators. Once i know where we stand i'm always a lot more involved in making our plans. Of course all the guys will now comment and tell you to dump her as shes using you lol
imfromhoiland Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I think it's a good sign that she's always responding, but think it would be good for her to at least text you sometime on her own accord. Dating and communication is a two way street, you don't have to be the one starting everything all the time. That will tire you out after a while.
jobaba Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 So, I have been dating an amazing girl that I got to know about two months ago. (I am 32, she is 25, btw) Over the course of time, it has been always me that starts contacting. She has never called me or texted me or suggested meeting before I do so. However, she always calls me back if she misses my call, always texts me back and asks me more in return so that the conversation would continue and has never flaked out or turned me down. On the contrary, we even spent the new year's eve together, she stayed at my apartment last weekend and she even said she likes me. (no sex yet tho) I really like this girl and thus am taking in slow, showing her respect. Now, I guess all the signs or her pattern of behavior might imply that things are going well between me and her. but I have been just always curious that it is normal for me to always contact her first. I did not want to bring this up since I did not want to come off insecure or clingy. I know that if I suggested to her that we do something together, she would definitely say yes, but she never first brings it up first. What do you guys think of this? Am I just being insecure? should I test the water by not contacting her a while? Thank you guys. Does she ever text you with initiative just to see how you are doing or to say what's up, how's ur day, etc.?
Author prosense Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Does she ever text you with initiative just to see how you are doing or to say what's up, how's ur day, etc.? Well, not really. As I mentioned, she's never initiated any contact whatsoever. And yet, if I said something to her via text e.g. "so, how is your class going? (she is a teacher)" then she would reply back with "how is your day going?" or "how is your going?"
Shaun-Dro Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Well, not really. As I mentioned, she's never initiated any contact whatsoever. And yet, if I said something to her via text e.g. "so, how is your class going? (she is a teacher)" then she would reply back with "how is your day going?" or "how is your going?" I had this situation with a girl back in high school. I never thought much of it. I wanted her and knew I had to keep it moving in order to nail her. If the relationship turns exclusive and she continues to do this thing, then you might wanna bring it up to her in a subtle way. If she really likes you, she'll respond in kind. There's a chance she isn't even aware of what she's doing. Consider that too.
jobaba Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Well, not really. As I mentioned, she's never initiated any contact whatsoever. And yet, if I said something to her via text e.g. "so, how is your class going? (she is a teacher)" then she would reply back with "how is your day going?" or "how is your going?" 2 months is a pretty long time so I disagree with the others. She should have at least sent you one text that says, "Good morning. How are you doing?" "How was work today?" "How did the bypass surgery go?" The way I see it, there's one of two possibilities ... 1) She's not that into you. 2) She's a cold, closed type personality. One of my GFs was like this. She would rarely call me or text me by her own initiative even though we dated for 2 years, lived together, and did everything together. I found she was like this with everybody, not just me. She was a type A personality who was really into her work and herself. On occasion, she would text me to set up a dinner or something, but I was usually the initiator. At the time, it didn't bug me so much, because we had so much fun together. But, from dating other women I know, it's nice to have someone who cares about you, who is thinking about what to get you for Valentines Day in advance, who is planning a dinner, outing, or trip with you. If you are always taking the initiative, she could be the coolest girl and faithful, but it will get tiring.
nothappyjan Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Well, not really. As I mentioned, she's never initiated any contact whatsoever. And yet, if I said something to her via text e.g. "so, how is your class going? (she is a teacher)" then she would reply back with "how is your day going?" or "how is your going?" even weirder, im a teacher too lol
Author prosense Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 I stand correct. Its been slightly over a month since we started dating if this matters.
Imageiko Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I recall my previous ex's some I had to contact a lot at first... but over time, she gets more comfortable with initiating. If she is responding then you are not being too clingy for her. this for sure. You can get her to invest a little more buying saying call me on x and let me know how x goes etc should get her to initiate more since she sounds interested.
DirtyDancing Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I see it a different way: Usually when I am really interested in someone, it's very difficult for me NOT to contact them. Initiating spending time with a man that I am really into is something that I WANT to do, and not necessarily wait for him to make the first move. The fact that you are actually spending time together and things seem to be going well is a good sign, but her lack of initiation with you is to me, an indication that perhaps the interest level is imbalanced. The way I see it, I would back off for a bit and let her contact you. I've had guys always be the one to initiate, and it honestly started to rub me the wrong way...although everyone's different. Bottom line: if she likes you, she will be in touch.
imfromhoiland Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 this for sure. You can get her to invest a little more buying saying call me on x and let me know how x goes etc should get her to initiate more since she sounds interested. I agree with this. Even when you end a conversation, just say "text me sometime tomorrow." This will work if she is interested in you, she'll want you to know that she remembered.
Cypress25 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Many women are shy about initiating contact until they are in a secure relationship. They don't want to appear clingy or pushy, so they wait for the man to contact them. From what you say about the way she responds to you, she's definitely interested and wants to continue seeing you. I can almost guarantee you that every time she gets a call or text from you, she's like "Yay, it's him!" If you abruptly drop contact now, she'll think you just lost interest. And most women know better than to pursue a guy who's no longer interested. If you really like her, why not ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with you? It seems like you've been dating long enough, and she's clearly reciprocating your interest. She's probably waiting for you to broach the subject of exclusivity. That might give her the reassurance she needs to start initiating contact. I can tell you that it definitely works that way for me. In the early stages of dating, I let the guy initiate contact, but once we're a committed couple, I feel comfortable contacting him.
nothappyjan Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Many women are shy about initiating contact until they are in a secure relationship. They don't want to appear clingy or pushy, so they wait for the man to contact them. From what you say about the way she responds to you, she's definitely interested and wants to continue seeing you. I can almost guarantee you that every time she gets a call or text from you, she's like "Yay, it's him!" If you abruptly drop contact now, she'll think you just lost interest. And most women know better than to pursue a guy who's no longer interested. If you really like her, why not ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with you? It seems like you've been dating long enough, and she's clearly reciprocating your interest. She's probably waiting for you to broach the subject of exclusivity. That might give her the reassurance she needs to start initiating contact. I can tell you that it definitely works that way for me. In the early stages of dating, I let the guy initiate contact, but once we're a committed couple, I feel comfortable contacting him. Totally agree with this
nothappyjan Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I see it a different way: Usually when I am really interested in someone, it's very difficult for me NOT to contact them. Initiating spending time with a man that I am really into is something that I WANT to do, and not necessarily wait for him to make the first move. The fact that you are actually spending time together and things seem to be going well is a good sign, but her lack of initiation with you is to me, an indication that perhaps the interest level is imbalanced. The way I see it, I would back off for a bit and let her contact you. I've had guys always be the one to initiate, and it honestly started to rub me the wrong way...although everyone's different. Bottom line: if she likes you, she will be in touch. Sorry but its the exact opposite for me. If i really like someone I worry more about being rejected or pushy so i dont harass them. Its guys i dont really care about that I feel confident to call up and say im bored lets go to dinner as it wont matter if they say no or think im too needy.
nothappyjan Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I see it a different way: Usually when I am really interested in someone, it's very difficult for me NOT to contact them. Initiating spending time with a man that I am really into is something that I WANT to do, and not necessarily wait for him to make the first move. The fact that you are actually spending time together and things seem to be going well is a good sign, but her lack of initiation with you is to me, an indication that perhaps the interest level is imbalanced. The way I see it, I would back off for a bit and let her contact you. I've had guys always be the one to initiate, and it honestly started to rub me the wrong way...although everyone's different. Bottom line: if she likes you, she will be in touch. Sorry but its the exact opposite for me. If i really like someone I worry more about being rejected or pushy so i dont harass them. Its guys i dont really care about that I feel confident to call up and say im bored lets go to dinner as it wont matter if they say no or think im too needy.
FitChick Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 If you really like her, why not ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with you? It seems like you've been dating long enough, and she's clearly reciprocating your interest. I agree. Start out saying how she is so different from any other woman you've dated and how happy you've been since you met. "I was wondering how you felt about our dating exclusively?"
Dust Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 even weirder, im a teacher too lol Damn he's a lucky guy to be dating you...! You didn't use LS in front of him did you... this could be him messing with you? Well, not really. As I mentioned, she's never initiated any contact whatsoever. And yet, if I said something to her via text e.g. "so, how is your class going? (she is a teacher)" then she would reply back with "how is your day going?" or "how is your going?" Let me explain something to you mr. clueless girls don't initiate especialy in the begining. I once had a girl ask me after many months of dating if it was olright to call me... WOMEN ARE TIMID. Well most anyways. Also why did you have her over to your place on alcohol filled New Years and not have sex with her? She's 25 you owe it to her to mess her up!
jobaba Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Sorry but its the exact opposite for me. If i really like someone I worry more about being rejected or pushy so i dont harass them. Its guys i dont really care about that I feel confident to call up and say im bored lets go to dinner as it wont matter if they say no or think im too needy. Sorry but its the exact opposite for me. If i really like someone I worry more about being rejected or pushy so i dont harass them. Its guys i dont really care about that I feel confident to call up and say im bored lets go to dinner as it wont matter if they say no or think im too needy. We're talking about texting the guy to ask how his day went. She hasn't even done that... Games, games, games. You play games, you lose good men...
Author prosense Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 well, I appreciate your input...I've been thinking about this matter and I stopped contacting her and it's been three days since we talked last time. So...I guess her interest level is not the same as mine?? This Sunday we are bound to meet at this volunteering activity where we got to know each other originally. I may need to broach the idea... Do you think this is a good idea?
veggirl Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Many women are shy about initiating contact until they are in a secure relationship. They don't want to appear clingy or pushy, so they wait for the man to contact them. From what you say about the way she responds to you, she's definitely interested and wants to continue seeing you. I can almost guarantee you that every time she gets a call or text from you, she's like "Yay, it's him!" If you abruptly drop contact now, she'll think you just lost interest. And most women know better than to pursue a guy who's no longer interested. If you really like her, why not ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with you? It seems like you've been dating long enough, and she's clearly reciprocating your interest. She's probably waiting for you to broach the subject of exclusivity. That might give her the reassurance she needs to start initiating contact. I can tell you that it definitely works that way for me. In the early stages of dating, I let the guy initiate contact, but once we're a committed couple, I feel comfortable contacting him. I totally disagree. The women who are too "shy" to initiate conversation even ONCE in OVER A MONTH are insecure "rules" girls. No normal, healthy woman is too scared to start a conversation with the man she is dating. A gal with major issues definitely is.
veggirl Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Sorry but its the exact opposite for me. If i really like someone I worry more about being rejected or pushy so i dont harass them. . :rolleyes: You really don't see the difference between a "hey, how's your day goin?" text and harrassing someone / being pushy? Really, after a month of a guy contacting you on a regular basis, you still can't send him a text? Wow. If you're that terrified of rejection, dating is maybe not the best idea for you. OP-- I'd see if she will meet up after the volunteering event and then bring all of this up. Her going along with silence is telling. She is either not interested, or she is an insecure mess like some of the gals posting in this thread who need engagement rings before they will call a guy.
dizy Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I would contact the guy that I like at the beginning but once i made it clear that im interested, I would expect some efforts from him. its not about gender roles its just a basic respect thing. People who suggest that asking "hows ur day, hows everything going" is not pushy or needy have no clue of what they are saying. when i know someone is interested and I am not, I would be annoyed if he keeps asking abt my day. I wouldnt call 2 month a relationship. it is still in the "getting to know each other" "see if its going to work out" period and some people just take their time. I mean I wouldn't mind initiate all the contacts as long as I am 100% sure that the person will be happy to receive my msgs and calls, but human beings are such complex creatures that we cant never be sure abt anything=). If it rly bothers you, just talk to her. its way better than destroying a potential good relationship because some people on the forum told you that shes simply not interested.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I would contact the guy that I like at the beginning but once i made it clear that im interested, I would expect some efforts from him. its not about gender roles its just a basic respect thing. . This. I'm not shy about contacting, and I always make my intentions clear. I recently got " suckered" into a position where I am always the one who initiates. He has no problem getting back to me but I'm not really seeing any effort on his part to " engage". So I'm backing off. I do have a feeling that I will be batting a hundred that he will disappear on me ( he has once went a week without contacting me). So yeah, if he does it again, I'm moving on. What you may presume as chemistry could be something else entirely. Women who are interested in you do not push and pull. Especially at 25, they should be very self- aware. I do know alot of teachers myself, especially since my work has them as clients and customers. Almost all of them who I've come across are outspoken and opinionated people. They have no problem being proactive.
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