LilThalie Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I went on a weekend trip with my group of friends and one of the guys brought another friend. His studies are in the same field as mine and it was really interested to talk to him. I was very impressed by his knowledge about some topics. All in all, I really enjoyed the conversation. On Saturday night, we all got pretty drunk and I ended up making out with him. The next day he made it pretty clear that he thought this was more than just some drunk make-out session. He was very flirty and touchy feely. I sat next to him on the train back home and fell asleep with my head resting on his shoulder because I was so tired. When I woke up, he had covered me with his jacket because it was rather cold in the train and held my hand. He kissed me and told me he was so happy that I was there. I agreed to grab some drinks with him tonight. I don't know why I did. I don't see this going anywhere and he doesn't seem the casual type of guy. I feel pretty crappy because of this and was thinking about telling him the following: I really enjoy talking to you and our discussions are by far the best I've had in a long time. But I want to be honest with you. I don't know where you see this going. I know for myself that I only want something light and casual. I wnat to meet people, date and explore who I am and what I want. I don't really know that right now and I'm not sure I will anytime soon. I would be happy to meet you again under these terms but I would understand if you're not up for that. Good idea?
Philosoraptor Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 All you can do is be honest. What you wrote sounds fair.
Andy_K Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I'm sure the guy will be devastated to hear you only want him for casual sex with no commitment
Author LilThalie Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 I'm sure the guy will be devastated to hear you only want him for casual sex with no commitment Oh dear irony.... So I guess it's safe to assume you're one of those guys who believe that sex without commitment sounds like heaven to any male human being!?!
Andy_K Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Lets put it this way: Whilst I am actively seeking a relationship, and do indeed prefer that to casual flings, the chances of me being upset at the prospect of casual sex with someone I fancy is vanishingly small. Worst case, I'd be having great sex and still be able jump ship at any time if I met 'miss right'. What's not to like?
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Yeah, you have to honetly say you don't have feelings for him to start a LTR.
Author LilThalie Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) Apparently it's not that easy and I feel like a really bitchy girl right now. I met him for drinks that night but before I got to say anything, he told me that he wasn't taking things between us seriously. I was rather surprised because he didn't act that way but I just said that it was good to hear that since I thought this was the best approach considering that I'm moving away in 3 weeks. I slept with him that night, he treated me good, and I really thought I had found a nice fwb situation for the time being. I met him again last Saturday and again had sex, all seemed very easy. We even talked about past relationship which I wouldn't do if I was interested in a relationship with him. Then came Monday night. I was out with friends when he texted me that his friends were going home and he was looking for people to join. So I told him to come there. He came and was very touchy, I tried to keep my distance and eventually told him that I was really not into PDA unless a guy was my boyfriend. He was really pissed and screamed at me for not giving him enough attention that night. I begged him to calm down. Just about an hour later we ran into my ex, I said 'hi' and when he just screamed 'So that's the guy you ****ed for a year'. By that time I was majorly annoyed, so I asked him to come with me to talk for a minute. I explained that I thought this was highly inappropiate and that I felt offended. He got super emotional and almost started crying and told me how much he liked me and that he was willing to give everything even though I was leaving in 3 weeks. And that I was not fair because he got the feeling that I didn't like him that much and that the thought of me with other guys was killing him. I was shocked! I had a feeling that he liked me a lot more than he admitted but he told me this wasn't serious for him and I took his words seriously and now I'm facing all this drama. I feel like a player for hurting his feelings that way, it makes me sick. I like him but I don't want anything serious. I thought about calling him tomorrow to explain everything... Or should I just leave him alone? Edited January 18, 2012 by LilThalie
Imajerk17 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Hahahaha... what a chump. This guy sounds like he could be abusive. Let him be.
jobaba Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Apparently it's not that easy and I feel like a really bitchy girl right now. I met him for drinks that night but before I got to say anything, he told me that he wasn't taking things between us seriously. I was rather surprised because he didn't act that way but I just said that it was good to hear that since I thought this was the best approach considering that I'm moving away in 3 weeks. I slept with him that night, he treated me good, and I really thought I had found a nice fwb situation for the time being. I met him again last Saturday and again had sex, all seemed very easy. We even talked about past relationship which I wouldn't do if I was interested in a relationship with him. Then came Monday night. I was out with friends when he texted me that his friends were going home and he was looking for people to join. So I told him to come there. He came and was very touchy, I tried to keep my distance and eventually told him that I was really not into PDA unless a guy was my boyfriend. He was really pissed and screamed at me for not giving him enough attention that night. I begged him to calm down. Just about an hour later we ran into my ex, I said 'hi' and when he just screamed 'So that's the guy you ****ed for a year'. By that time I was majorly annoyed, so I asked him to come with me to talk for a minute. I explained that I thought this was highly inappropiate and that I felt offended. He got super emotional and almost started crying and told me how much he liked me and that he was willing to give everything even though I was leaving in 3 weeks. And that I was not fair because he got the feeling that I didn't like him that much and that the thought of me with other guys was killing him. I was shocked! I had a feeling that he liked me a lot more than he admitted but he told me this wasn't serious for him and I took his words seriously and now I'm facing all this drama. I feel like a player for hurting his feelings that way, it makes me sick. I like him but I don't want anything serious. I thought about calling him tomorrow to explain everything... Or should I just leave him alone? Wow... It is kind of surprising to see a guy act like that. Maybe you were his first. You guys must be young. Like 20, 21? Whatever, he'll get over it. I see nothing wrong that you did... How old are you guys? You must be in undergrad or something.
monkey00 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 He sounds like a pretty needy guy, imagine if you actually wound up in a R with him...not a pretty picture at all. I've seen this exact situation before with a female ex-roomie of mine. The guy cried and wanted a R but they continued being FWB nonetheless. I would leave him alone, unless you wanted to just be friends and keep in touch to explain.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Wow... It is kind of surprising to see a guy act like that. Maybe you were his first. You guys must be young. Like 20, 21? Whatever, he'll get over it. I see nothing wrong that you did... How old are you guys? You must be in undergrad or something. This is the classic " role reversal", when the guy literally turns into the girl...
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Apparently it's not that easy and I feel like a really bitchy girl right now. I met him for drinks that night but before I got to say anything, he told me that he wasn't taking things between us seriously. I was rather surprised because he didn't act that way but I just said that it was good to hear that since I thought this was the best approach considering that I'm moving away in 3 weeks. I slept with him that night, he treated me good, and I really thought I had found a nice fwb situation for the time being. I met him again last Saturday and again had sex, all seemed very easy. We even talked about past relationship which I wouldn't do if I was interested in a relationship with him. Then came Monday night. I was out with friends when he texted me that his friends were going home and he was looking for people to join. So I told him to come there. He came and was very touchy, I tried to keep my distance and eventually told him that I was really not into PDA unless a guy was my boyfriend. He was really pissed and screamed at me for not giving him enough attention that night. I begged him to calm down. Just about an hour later we ran into my ex, I said 'hi' and when he just screamed 'So that's the guy you ****ed for a year'. By that time I was majorly annoyed, so I asked him to come with me to talk for a minute. I explained that I thought this was highly inappropiate and that I felt offended. He got super emotional and almost started crying and told me how much he liked me and that he was willing to give everything even though I was leaving in 3 weeks. And that I was not fair because he got the feeling that I didn't like him that much and that the thought of me with other guys was killing him. I was shocked! I had a feeling that he liked me a lot more than he admitted but he told me this wasn't serious for him and I took his words seriously and now I'm facing all this drama. I feel like a player for hurting his feelings that way, it makes me sick. I like him but I don't want anything serious. I thought about calling him tomorrow to explain everything... Or should I just leave him alone? Welcome to being a man...now you know how it feels to be intimate with someone, open up and be affectionate but still want them to hold their emotions at bay because for you it's just fulfilling some of your needs but your expectations are not entirely met with them, whether from who are they or from what you're looking for at the moment. Just remember this when you're all wrapped into a guy that doesn't want anything to do with you more than casual sex...just remind yourself of this situation and you'll know how he feels. This is all too common of an experience with women. You feel cheated even though you thought you made it clear and everything was fine, then bam! drama out of nowhere. You just have to not do many things as well as you would normally do (which probably doesn't mean much to you) is what I learned, if you don't want someone sprung on you.
thatone Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 if you're not his first you must be pretty amazing in bed, lol. this guy is whipped. i don't think from what you're saying that you did anything wrong. if he came out and volunteered that he 'wasn't that serious' about you then you are off the hook, as far a responsibility goes.
Phateless Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Apparently it's not that easy and I feel like a really bitchy girl right now. I met him for drinks that night but before I got to say anything, he told me that he wasn't taking things between us seriously. I was rather surprised because he didn't act that way but I just said that it was good to hear that since I thought this was the best approach considering that I'm moving away in 3 weeks. I slept with him that night, he treated me good, and I really thought I had found a nice fwb situation for the time being. I met him again last Saturday and again had sex, all seemed very easy. We even talked about past relationship which I wouldn't do if I was interested in a relationship with him. Then came Monday night. I was out with friends when he texted me that his friends were going home and he was looking for people to join. So I told him to come there. He came and was very touchy, I tried to keep my distance and eventually told him that I was really not into PDA unless a guy was my boyfriend. He was really pissed and screamed at me for not giving him enough attention that night. I begged him to calm down. Just about an hour later we ran into my ex, I said 'hi' and when he just screamed 'So that's the guy you ****ed for a year'. By that time I was majorly annoyed, so I asked him to come with me to talk for a minute. I explained that I thought this was highly inappropiate and that I felt offended. He got super emotional and almost started crying and told me how much he liked me and that he was willing to give everything even though I was leaving in 3 weeks. And that I was not fair because he got the feeling that I didn't like him that much and that the thought of me with other guys was killing him. I was shocked! I had a feeling that he liked me a lot more than he admitted but he told me this wasn't serious for him and I took his words seriously and now I'm facing all this drama. I feel like a player for hurting his feelings that way, it makes me sick. I like him but I don't want anything serious. I thought about calling him tomorrow to explain everything... Or should I just leave him alone? Wow, this guy is a nutball! Your head was in exactly the right price after your first post. He told you what he thought you wanted to hear so he could spend more time with you. Just leave him be, calling him will only result in more drama and he's already proven that he's incapable of being reasonable. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you tried to be straight with him and he did this to himself.
Author LilThalie Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Thanks a lot for the input. To answer the question about the age, I'm 21 and he's 25. I doubt I was his first but I could definitely tell that he doesn't have a lot of experience. Anyways since Monday night, he sent me two very long e-mails. He apologized for behaving the way he did. He said he was drunk which I consider a very stupid escuse and I can't say that he seemed that drunk at all. Then he said how much he cared for me. And basically went on begging me for forgiveness and saying how much he wants to see me again. So I guess I'm going to have a talk with this guy to state for once and all very clearly where I stand. I'm still majorly annoyed by the fact that he screamed "so that's the guy you ****ed for a year" when we ran into my ex in front of all my friends. Everybody could hear it. How could he?
thatone Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 honestly, at this point it might be best to just disappear. he doesn't respond well to you trying to point out his boundaries, apparently. no reason to suspect he'd respond well to being given another one. he's way too attached, you might be better off just pretending he never happened.
musemaj11 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Finding a FWB 101: "If you want a guy for a FWB, don't tell him you want him as a FWB. Tell him you want a relationship."
refurb Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 As I guy, I would be disappointed with your explanation, but I would have a lot of respect for you being up front about it. RF
Phateless Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Phate!!!!! Lol! I know I've been seriously MIA for a long-ass time. Not planning on frequenting but I would like to stop by every now and then. Feel free to PM me if you want to catch up. Thanks a lot for the input. To answer the question about the age, I'm 21 and he's 25. I doubt I was his first but I could definitely tell that he doesn't have a lot of experience. Anyways since Monday night, he sent me two very long e-mails. He apologized for behaving the way he did. He said he was drunk which I consider a very stupid escuse and I can't say that he seemed that drunk at all. Then he said how much he cared for me. And basically went on begging me for forgiveness and saying how much he wants to see me again. So I guess I'm going to have a talk with this guy to state for once and all very clearly where I stand. I'm still majorly annoyed by the fact that he screamed "so that's the guy you ****ed for a year" when we ran into my ex in front of all my friends. Everybody could hear it. How could he? This guy has already shown you early on what his true colors are like. Please, just run while you can. I'd bet $20 that the only thing tempting to you try to work it out with this guy is you feeling guilty/sorry for him. Don't. Just move on and hopefully he'll realize he needs to sort his head out.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Lol! I know I've been seriously MIA for a long-ass time. Not planning on frequenting but I would like to stop by every now and then. Feel free to PM me if you want to catch up. I wish there was a batting eyelashes smiley...
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