the89 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Lately there has been 3 occasions (3 different girls) where I haven't been able to get it up due to what I think to be nervousness from what I've seen online from research. I start worrying if I'm acting awkward or not pleasing her, or if she'll make fun of me to other people. I was in a long term relationship that ended about a year ago. I had trouble the first time with her but after that was completely fine. When I masturbate, I am stiff and a board and don't have a problem getting hard. I am in my early 20's and just recently went to the doctor to a get a physical and blood test done. Everything was spot on perfect physically and with certain levels in my blood. My question is, is there any pill, medication or whatever to solve this? (viagra, cialis, etc...) Or is this a psychological problem that's just in my head. I can't go on much longer like this.
Dust Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Sex is about more then just getting it hard. You need to get comfortable with the person. Also cool it on the masturbating when you're going to be getting lucky. Like if you have a date set for Saturday night I would suggest not masturabting the entire week or more. You're not doing a porn shoot. The girl isn't going to make fun of you if you're not hard or can't get it up. You need to relax because it happens to the best of us. Have fun this is nothing to worry about no need for pills. Those pills can make you blind. They are heart medication. If your heart and blood pressure were fine durring your physical I doubt you need them. They'd just end up giving you a very long lasting unatural erection. You need to just enjoy a woman. If your not hard start playing with her boobs, kissing her and you'll get hard. If you can't you can't. I don't think you have a medical issue since you said you're still able to get normal erections. I think you're putting pressure on yourself and its sounds like you're sleeping around. Might help to meet a girl you like and have sex with her a lot that way its not always a new girl.
oldguy Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 You said you had this problem with your ex when you first met & you've seen your MD? I know I'm sounding like a broken record on many of these threads but, see a therapist, get it resolved.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 This is normal for a lot of guys, I've even had it happen to me a few times in the moment but was able to overcome in it as well...I just had lost it for a second because it was all too odd. I'm not the type of guy who easily jumps into bed with women so being with women that were used to that I suppose you can say (even though every woman says they never do this!). It's mainly a mental thing, there's too much on your mind. For me it was just the awkwardness of a new body since I was used to being in relationships with people I was very comfortable with and had a solid relationship and closeness with. With these people I didn't know them and when I was young like you it was a foreign, it was a little fast. However now days it doesn't happen, that's due to a lot of confidence over the years as well, but also I've learned how to act as a cheap whore at times, because let's face it that's what everyone is doing if you're doing it fast! Just relax, take your time...remember intimacy with women is not just about the penis, it's about the psychology seduction and keeping them in tune with you. So you can't attack every woman the same or like on a porn vid, just bam bam bam, add more sensuality, seduction, foreplay, and make her mind go wild before you even go there. That should help you with the final act and release a lot of the pressure. A lot of these even wanna be players go into it with the same strategy of having sex and think their gods, don't be so foolish, every woman is different so learn her body and go with the flow but at the same time direct the winds, if you get what I mean. It'll go away with time, don't psych yourself out...and take your time in the moment, turn yourself on as well and be confident in the things you do even if you're not.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 My question is, is there any pill, medication or whatever to solve this? (viagra, cialis, etc...) Or is this a psychological problem that's just in my head. I can't go on much longer like this. Chances are it's a confidence thing. Go see a doctor and get like 3 pills of Viagra or whatever he prescribes you. That will help you get through this issue and rebuild the confidence. It happens to enough guys that doctors keep samples in their office just for this situation. I know this because the Cialis rep is a good friend of mine.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I was in a long term relationship that ended about a year ago. I had trouble the first time with her but after that was completely fine. When I masturbate, I am stiff and a board and don't have a problem getting hard. I am in my early 20's and just recently went to the doctor to a get a physical and blood test done. Everything was spot on perfect physically and with certain levels in my blood. My question is, is there any pill, medication or whatever to solve this? (viagra, cialis, etc...) Or is this a psychological problem that's just in my head. I can't go on much longer like this. I think you need more familiarity with the women you date. You need to get to know them, relax, treat drinks and dinner as some kind of drawn-out foreplay. Don't jump into bed with them too fast.
Author the89 Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Hey guys, First of all let me say thank you for the feedback - i really appreciate it. Secondly, so to sum it up I need to work on my mental state of mind? Also, there was a mention of Viagra from my doctor...You think hes willing to give Viagra to a 23 year old? Would I need more blood tests? Honestly I would love the thought of just being able to take a pill and be guaranteed ready when I need to be. I recently missed an opportunity (from how I can tell it was escalating) with this girl and its making me really depressed. I've been crushin on her for a while.
Dust Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Hey guys, First of all let me say thank you for the feedback - i really appreciate it. Secondly, so to sum it up I need to work on my mental state of mind? Also, there was a mention of Viagra from my doctor...You think hes willing to give Viagra to a 23 year old? Would I need more blood tests? Honestly I would love the thought of just being able to take a pill and be guaranteed ready when I need to be. I recently missed an opportunity (from how I can tell it was escalating) with this girl and its making me really depressed. I've been crushin on her for a while. No pun intended but getting a boner is supposed to be hard. I've had problems getting a boner in the heat of the moment before. I think even if you do get a boner things are especialy nerve racking the first time with a new person. I mean I love the first time with a new person, but I also enjoy doing it again and again with the same person. First off realize not being able to get it up is nothing you need to be scared of or apologize for. I really recomend just working through this and not getting a pill.
darkmoon Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 am a woman who thinks such vulnerabilty displayed is sweet, let's have a cuddle (then use your hands) and tell me you love me and always will
Author the89 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 As I've been reading online about Viagra, Levitra, amd Cialis. These pills seem like they're designed to help when you have something physically wrong with you and preventing you from getting an erection. If you're completely healthy, but you're not in the right "mind set" or "too nervous", are these pills useless?
silvermercy Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I saw a post in my local newspaper a few days ago and it was very similar to yours. It was answered by one of those "agony aunts". Anyway, long story short, she advised to get to know the girl first and to avoid flings and casual relationships as your problem is extremely common in such situations - and can only be magnified. I would have also advised the same thing.
USCGAviator Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Pills are useless and unnecessary at your age. You just need to build some confidence and learn to connect with women regardless of being in love or not. Kissing and caressing their body will make any woman butter in your arms. Learn to do that well and your all set. The sex itself will not need to last long for either of you if your foreplay is spot on. Trust me on this!!
salparadise Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I've experienced this problem before and relate specifically to what you're saying. For me it's an anxiety issue that's not exactly the same as performance anxiety (I don't believe), but more the newness of the first time with a new lover. Subsequent times never seemed to be a problem at all. Taking it slow and getting to know her is obviously good advice, but it's not the solution unless it works. As a man, you simply want to be ready when she is, stay with the fluidity and spontaneity and have the first time be wonderful. Two suggestions: first, since you're young, just enter her even though you don't have a firm erection and you'll probably get a good one as you get past the first moments. This worked for me back in the day. Second - a low dose of Viagra prophylactically. After my divorce several years ago I found myself in this situation again, and at an age where erections aren't as instantaneous as they were decades ago. After having the issue the first time with my first new lover in 25 years (she kind of caught me off guard) I went to the Doc and got some viagra. Luckily she was an exceptionally responsive and the first time turned out ok for her because I was able to give her a succession of Os with tongue and fingers. The second time, though, I was ready––whole dose of viagra and, well suffice it to say that a whole dose (50mg) was quite a bit more than was necessary for normal activation. Luckily again, she was up to the challenge and that remains quite a memorable evening. I have also found that although the useful period for viagra is said to be about four hours, there is a residual effect that lasts much longer. I'm in a committed relationship now and don't need it but in the beginning I used a low dose just to ensure things would be smooth and they were. I don't really see a downside to it at all.
Casablanca Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I get this way a tiny bit the first time with a new gf. I have to trust them, I'm confident in my looks and performance, but I know I want to make a first impression....typically, even when I'm in a LTR, when I put the condom on, I often get a little bit softer and I have to either self fluff, or once I put it inside it hardens up. I don't have any tips, but I can sympathize as I have a small amount of anxiety, but it goes away quickly, especially once I make the initial insert
Author the89 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks for the responses. What about anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills? I heard anti depressants can have ED as a side effect and anti-anxiety "calms" the mind down, or slows brain function which could lead to ED I guess? I am on no medications now. Would viagra do anything for a 23 year old?
salparadise Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Anti depressants or SSRIs, can in many cases cause sexual disfunction. And they have a long half-life so you can't just skip a day and get your function back to normal. Wellbutrin works a different way and may even enhance performance for some people. Anti-anxiety medications I'm not so sure about and there are probably several different types with different side effects. If you're wondering if these would be appropriate to take to prevent this particular type of anxiety, I seriously doubt that they would help and even if they did it would be like swatting flies with a sledge hammer. Viagra will definitely work. You'd just need a minimum dose 20 min before, and it would be out of your system in a matter of a few hours.
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