weltschmerz Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Him and I: In our early 30s, independent, successful, now wanting to settle down. Relationship Status: We were in an LDR. We met up in Feb 2011 BUT broke up in September 2011! Backstory: Everything seemed perfect. We got along really well, our families really liked the idea of us getting together and to others, we made an envious pair! In the short span of 7 months, he even came and stayed with me and my family. The two of us even went out of the town for a weekend and both of us loved it, completely! Reason for the Break-up: Nothing significant in particular (a political debate!!! I know, I know, sounds stupid, but it wasn't!), one thing lead to another (especially some rude personal remarks), and the situation eventually escalated! Things got worse, when his Mum joined the bandwagon, and the two of them almost ganged up against me!!!! (Basically, more than anything, it was a case of a bruised male ego). Anyway, I tried my level best to sort things out amicably, to calm things down and all, but he acted a bit silly and eventually took me to a point, where I got really very angry and impulsively called things off. Things ended on a bad note with a couple of angry emails and phone calls. He realised things were going really bad, he apologised, I denied to accept it. He suggested and rather requested, that we be friends and keep in touch, but I completely rejected the suggestion and we went NC. In the meantime, I missed him and thought of our good moments together. and for strange reasons, also had a strong feeling, that he was missing me too and will write me back, sooner or later. ...to my surprise, on 31st December 2011, on the new year's eve, I actually got a mail from him! He wrote me, Dear , As we embark upon a new year I would like to say that I really wish we had parted on a better note. After all we did share many good moments. It's unrealistic that we can be friends but the parting could have been a lot better. I believe I have wronged you and I am very sorry for it. I would like to apologise once more for the unfortunate incidents for which I am culpable. And thank you again for everything that you have taught me. I wish you and your family all the best for the year ahead and beyond. Please note that I don't expect a response to this message. Best wishes, I was pretty happy to receive his mail, but I didn't want to make it all very obvious and easy (Of course, I had not forgotten the stupid things that happened before we broke up). I took a day to respond to his mail, and decided to keep my mail short and to the point. I wrote back, Dear, Thank you for your best wishes for me and my family. We wish you and your loved ones the very best, as well. Yes, we indeed shared good moments. Perhaps, a reason, I hold nothing against you. Consider yourself absolved of whatever you have apologised for. Of course, I agree we could have handled things in a better way but anyway. Hope you're doing excellent. Feel free to communicate, if you need any help. Best wishes, To this he replied in 30 minutes, Dear, Thanks so much for your message. It's an excellent New Year present. I am well and I hope you are too. I extend the very same sentiment. Please feel free to communicate if you need any help, including things computer-related. If it's not inappropriate, please pass on my regards to your family. All the best, To which I replied, I am doing well, ___. Yes, I shall pass on your message to my family. I do not see anything inappropriate about it. ...and as always, be good, do well and stay happy. ...And this was it. Since my last mail to him, we have not exchanged any mails. Now, I feel, anxious. I have a feeling, that we still like each other and want to work things out. The problem is the last time we broke up, since his Mum got involved, things got a little bitter. That still seems to me a sore point. I really do not know, if he can ever overcome that. Wondering, what's in store or what's on his mind... Please share you insights, everybody. I really need to understand this. Let me know, is he really thinking of resuming everything we shared or it is only because he's feeling apologetic and wants to get rid of his guilt? Confused! Also, should I now write him back and be honest about how I feel about this???
Philosoraptor Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Sounds like you've both absolved any guilt and bad feelings. Not sure if anything comes of this other than a clean break.
chelsea2011 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) Hmm. This is a tough one. Is this how you two communicated during your relationship? It seems, to me anyway, like the apologies were genuine, but you both glossed over the true emotions behind what happened. Kind of like you both have walls up and are communicating on a surface level and then you go back to your perspective corners, so to speak. It's hard to say what it means in this particular situation. It could be a clean break conversation or maybe he is extending an olive branch and just not ready to talk about it yet? I dunno. I know I've been guilty in the past, of reaching out and apologizing while saying goodbye in my situation, but not really meaning it. I know...mature right? It meant that I wasn't sure where I stood and I was afraid to express how I really felt. What is your gut telling you and do you think he would be open to hearing your feelings? Sorry you are going through this. Love is hard isn't it?! It's tough not knowing which way to turn or what to do. Hope this helped a little anyway. Edited January 10, 2012 by chelsea2011
sugarmomma Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Well you did break up with him and its possible that you two can work on your communication skills and start over. I would set up a meeting face to face and see where it goes from there.
Author weltschmerz Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Sounds like you've both absolved any guilt and bad feelings. Not sure if anything comes of this other than a clean break. Honestly, I never felt guilty about a thing during and after our break-up. One very strong reason that I could stop communicating with him, completely. For me, that indeed, was a clean break. It was impulsive, but otherwise, I knew what I was doing. The thing is, when things went awry for us, I showed a lot of patience, actually acted like an adult, and tried fixing things for us, whereas he acted nasty and made things all the more unbearable for me. My aggression was more in his face, whereas he showed a lot of passive aggression. Eventually, he was also very vicious and cocky. Something, that he genuinely regrets now and is perhaps also embarrassed of. @chelsea2011 Is this how you two communicated during your relationship? It seems, to me anyway, like the apologies were genuine, but you both glossed over the true emotions behind what happened. Kind of like you both have walls up and are communicating on a surface level and then you go back to your perspective corners, so to speak. It's hard to say what it means in this particular situation. It could be a clean break conversation or maybe he is extending an olive branch and just not ready to talk about it yet? I dunno. I know I've been guilty in the past, of reaching out and apologizing while saying goodbye in my situation, but not really meaning it. I know...mature right? It meant that I wasn't sure where I stood and I was afraid to express how I really felt. What is your gut telling you and do you think he would be open to hearing your feelings? Not always, but yes he's got a peculiar way of writing things. He's been to Oxford, and is always particular about the words he speaks and writes. (Now you see, why the "Political Debate" could ruin things for us). The thing is, we're very unlike each other (He's been to Oxford - he is a snob, but an introvert whereas I have been to a filmschool and in his words, I am "loquacious" but intelligent with a good sense of humour!). I am easy going and laidback, whereas he's very particular rather rigid about everything in life. I am someone who works best under pressure, whereas he's someone who needs his time and will mess up under pressure. And the same thing happened, when things got difficult for us. I handled things in a very matured way, was very patient, tried dissuading the arguments, but he continued being vicious, accused me of things I never meant and eventually almost compelled me into calling things off. A very strong reason, why I feel, he feels embarrassed now and is afraid of opening up. I think, perhaps, he feels, he's lost his chance. (You see, the first time, I hinted him that we need to end this, he emphasized on the point that he indeed loves me. But at the same time even after saying that, he never really stopped being mean. A reason, why I really feel, it was nothing but his bruised ego). Also, you're right about us "glossing over our true emotions". I feel, I did my level best to save our relationship when he didn't care enough and now, even though I want us to get back together again, I don't think, it would be right of me, to be ready and available again, only because he feels so. He, I believe, anyway feels he's ruined it all for us, he's lost his chance and will only invite my wrath, if he even suggests me of us getting together. My gut feeling is we wish to be together again but now we do not know how! @sugarmomma Well you did break up with him and its possible that you two can work on your communication skills and start over. I would set up a meeting face to face and see where it goes from there. Well, yes I did break up with him, but for reasons that I couldn't ignore. Let's see, if we're able to overcome what we have created for ourselves. of course, would love a face to face meeting with him.
PoppyLove89 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Look on the bright side, at least you popped into his mind on NYE! But having said that, I wouldn't read into them too much. I'm sure if he's still interested he'll contact you again
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