Content Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Men.. WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself.. I know plenty of women who are untrusthwrothy cheat use men for free dinners etc
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Many men would agree with you. Still, you've got to find ways around certain obstacles until things change. Example: take women out for coffee instead of dinner before you've gotten into a longterm relationship.
Shaun-Dro Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Men.. WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself.. I know plenty of women who are untrusthwrothy cheat use men for free dinners etc No man wins these days with courting women. It's a dead process, having gone up in flames shortly after the feminist movement, whether or not it was part of the intention I dont know. Your best bet is to never give your heart to her no matter what? It will be stomped on and returned back to you in pieces.
jobaba Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Depends on the man and the woman he takes out. Since I do have the benefit of being a former doormat and talking to a lot of women on a platonic level... First date with average to below average guy: (tells best friend flippantly as they walk to subway platform) "Meh. I'll give him a shot. I don't really like him but I don't want to be mean. Who knows, maybe I'll see something I missed. Stranger things have happened ... I suppose." Same woman, first date with good looking guy: (tells every woman in office in harried excitement the morning after some random guy gets her number at Staples) "I HAVE A DATE! OMG! He's so good looking. What dress should I wear? What should I say? What should I do?" After a few dates with good looking guy who keeps in regular contact through texts and phone calls: "OMG. He's so sincere, honest, and warm. Finally, a man who doesn't play games and is not afraid to share his feelings." After a few dates with average to below average man who keeps in regular contact through texts and phone calls: "How the h@ll do I get rid of all these clingy guys?"
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself.. You should admit that women are naturally less inclined to bad behavior than men. Back in the day courting made tons of sense... and families were heavily involved. Today parents barely give two squirts of pee who their daughter dates... and the ones who do are labelled controlling. Parental rights and interest have slowly been eroded.
iris219 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Why does everything have to be fair all the time?
Author Content Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 You should admit that women are naturally less inclined to bad behavior than men. Not true at all women use men like men use women just in different ways instead of sex theyll get free dinners out of the guy or maybe use him as an ego boost or for an emotional pillow I also have two buddies who recently walked into their home to see their wives cheating on them i dont know why you think women are angels they are not,theyre just as bad as Men
Woggle Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Courting is pretty much pointless. If a woman proves herself worthy then give her this kind of treatment but don't break your back trying to woo a woman when it won't mean much anyway.
kaylan Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Courting: you're doing it wrong. This. Ive never really had to court a gal. We usually show each other we both like one another and take it from there. No one pedestalizes anyone. If you have a girl on a pedestal then you arent valuing yourself properly. Remember, thyself is the prize. Thats what I tell myself. I always ask "what can she offer me in a relationship" And if its not as much as I can offer her, then I move on.
Woggle Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I never had to court a woman to get her interested. When I was in my player stage if I did pay on a date it was always some cheap place and I never spent more than forty bucks for the both of us. If a woman likes you she likes you and no amount of extra effort will make a difference in that. You can think of special treatment as something a woman earns if she treats you right. You don't see it as something you should do to prove yourself worthy.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I've never been courted. I don't need to be impressed by your wallet your car, or your condo. Just show me you're reliable, dependable, and is not a game player and we'll get along fine. The guys I do tend to like are the ones who doesn't shy away from communication. What they tell me is more important than what they buy me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Not true at all women use men like men use women just in different ways instead of sex theyll get free dinners out of the guy or maybe use him as an ego boost or for an emotional pillow I also have two buddies who recently walked into their home to see their wives cheating on them i dont know why you think women are angels they are not,theyre just as bad as Men Yeah... but if you had all the opportunities that a woman does... you would be so much worse. Look, I've been ripped off and cheated on more than most. I know it hurts, but you just need to get back on that horse and learn not to take crap from anybody.
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Men.. WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself.. I know plenty of women who are untrusthwrothy cheat use men for free dinners etc These gender wars are getting so tiresome. People need to take responsibility for the people they choose to date. Both men and women meet and fall in love with people that demonstrate red flags, yet continue to date them- then lament that they were duped. Yes, women cheat, men cheat- people need to use their instincts when choosing a worthy partner. Both genders get screwed over by members of the opposite sex (or same sex). Being immoral isn't a gender specific quality. For every story of a man getting screwed over by a woman, there is an equal amount of women experiencing the same unfortunate reality. Instead of blaming the opposite gender, sometimes we have to look deep within ourselves and figure out why we choose to date the particular people we choose to go out with. My exH got another woman pregnant after being together for almost 9 years. Do I hate all men because of that? No- that would make me bitter. I am rational enough to realize that just because some men in my life have screwed me over does not mean that ALL men = my exH. The birth of feminism over 50 years ago has not created a species of immoral women, they've always existed, ancient history illustrates this. People need to learn to trust their instincts and use common sense when dating. If you meet a woman that makes you feel like you MUST put her on a pedestal in exchange for sex or gifts... You've made a bad choice in choosing her as a dating partner. If she screws you over, take some responsibility for ignoring the red flags, learn from that experience, and be more discerning in whom you choose to date in the future. Never put a person on a pedestal when you first meet them, it makes no rational sense to do so. Why? You'll set both of you up to fail. Edited January 10, 2012 by D-Lish
johan Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 You don't have to put her on a pedestal. If you do, you only have yourself to blame. You just have to think she's hot. Contrary to popular belief, there are situations where it's actually better to think with your d**k.
kaylan Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 These gender wars are getting so tiresome. People need to take responsibility for the people they choose to date. Both men and women meet and fall in love with people that demonstrate red flags, yet continue to date them- then lament that they were duped. Yes, women cheat, men cheat- people need to use their instincts when choosing a worthy partner. Both genders get screwed over by members of the opposite sex (or same sex). Being immoral isn't a gender specific quality. For every story of a man getting screwed over by a woman, there is an equal amount of women experiencing the same unfortunate reality. Instead of blaming the opposite gender, sometimes we have to look deep within ourselves and figure out why we choose to date the particular people we choose to go out with. My exH got another woman pregnant after being together for almost 9 years. Do I hate all men because of that? No- that would make me bitter. I am rational enough to realize that just because some men in my life have screwed me over does not mean that ALL men = my exH. The birth of feminism over 50 years ago has not created a species of immoral women, they've always existed, ancient history illustrates this. People need to learn to trust their instincts and use common sense when dating. If you meet a woman that makes you feel like you MUST put her on a pedestal in exchange for sex or gifts... You've made a bad choice in choosing her as a dating partner. If she screws you over, take some responsibility for ignoring the red flags, learn from that experience, and be more discerning in whom you choose to date in the future. Never put a person on a pedestal when you first meet them, it makes no rational sense to do so. Why? You'll set both of you up to fail. Everyone please let what D-Lish said in bold sink in. Especially the part about take responsibility for ignoring red flags. Ive known for a while that I cannot blame all women when I run into a bad apple. Especially when I have a pattern of being attracted to women who are bad for me. Its like Ive been attracted to trouble. I think I made a thread about it too. But I only blame myself for making those mistakes. Also, D-Lish...can I be your boy toy? #srs I love your posts....we could rule LS forums together
Cypress25 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Treating a girl to a $10 meal is hardly putting her on a pedestal. Really, women aren't asking for a lot here. And no one uses people for free meals. Trust me, a woman would much rather buy her own dinner than have to sit through dinner with a guy she doesn't like. Unless you're dating homeless women, in which case they might be that desperate for a free meal. Dating is like anything else: you get out of it what you put in. Men and women both have to invest some time and effort in dating if they want a satisfying relationship. I'm not lazy or stingy in my relationships, so I won't put up with a partner who is. If you're the type of guy who doesn't want to give anything to a relationship, then maybe you just shouldn't date.
Dust Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Heres my courting process... I say "Lets watch tv back at my place" she says "you're not going to rape are you" I reply "that would be imposible" (because she wants it) Also, D-Lish...can I be your boy toy? #srs I love your posts....we could rule LS forums together I have a very long list of women who post on this site who you are not to flirt with:cool: D-Lish will not be playing you because that would ruin it for me if I ever get the chance to play with her! If Cypress25 is single I give you permision to fall:love: for her... Second thought I take that back... No girls for you!
soulm8 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 People need to take responsibility for the people they choose to date. Both men and women meet and fall in love with people that demonstrate red flags, yet continue to date them- then lament that they were duped. Yes, women cheat, men cheat- people need to use their instincts when choosing a worthy partner. Instead of blaming the opposite gender, sometimes we have to look deep within ourselves and figure out why we choose to date the particular people we choose to go out with. take some responsibility for ignoring the red flags, learn from that experience, and be more discerning in whom you choose to date in the future. Beautifully said D-Lish! I'll be heeding this advice as I listen to my D-Lish angel trying to steer me right. Thank you!
joystickd Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I never really courted since I got better with women. When I did I had the worst time. When I worked on my issues and stopped giving a s**t about courting women came to me. We may go out on a date or just go straight to sex. The come to me I don't chase anymore. I met someone special recently and its different than anything I have ever had. I didn't do any of that courtship stuff to get the woman I'm in love with. It all at the end of the day depends on the level of attraction that person feels for you. The main thing is to focus on you and quit worrying about feminism or any of this other bulls**t. Its your world and they are just a squirrel trying to get a nut. That's the mindstate I have and dating has been different for me.
A O Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women First off, the term courting is little more than an old style word for what we commonly call dating now days. Let's not get to hung up on the term. As for unfairness, there is no such thing! What there is though is a severe lack of education and awareness. The days when only men had to prove themselves to the opposite sex are long gone. Loong gone. There is nothing stopping you or any man from making a woman prove herself to you. Absolutely nothing other than a lack of education/awareness that men actually have the ability to do such a thing. Many, many men are brought up in the old ways, that first and foremost we must prove ourselves, we must somehow make an impression or prove our worthiness to a woman. The other half of that equation, that they must do the same back to men is rarely taught. That extremely crucial part of the dating game barely rates a mention. Hence the problem here is a lack of awareness/education - fairness or the lack thereof is not the issue. and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Another education issue. Again, many men are brought up to treat women, simply put, with more respect than we would treat our fellow man. We are told not to do this, that and the other and never told in return that they may well be capable of doing this, that and the other. Again, education is one-sided - we simply do not get the full picture. There must have been a genuine reason for this, back in the day, but again - those days are long gone. WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men Indeed. You are one giant step ahead of most men. Women are no better or worse than men. Now if only this were common knowledge rather than the out-of-date teachings that seem to find there way down to many men. I'm damn sure that there would be a lot less bitter men in this world if the full picture was commonly known. .
Woggle Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I agree about making women prove themselves. When a man does she usually goes out of her way to not mess it up in the man's eyes. My wife knows that to have gained my full trust is no easy feat for a woman and I don't think she will do anything to shatter that trust. When you give her your best no matter how she treats you just because of her gender is when things start to go wrong.
Sanman Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Treating a girl to a $10 meal is hardly putting her on a pedestal. Really, women aren't asking for a lot here. And no one uses people for free meals. Trust me, a woman would much rather buy her own dinner than have to sit through dinner with a guy she doesn't like. Unless you're dating homeless women, in which case they might be that desperate for a free meal. Dating is like anything else: you get out of it what you put in. Men and women both have to invest some time and effort in dating if they want a satisfying relationship. I'm not lazy or stingy in my relationships, so I won't put up with a partner who is. If you're the type of guy who doesn't want to give anything to a relationship, then maybe you just shouldn't date. Cypress, Dates cost more than $10 (hell two cups of coffee can cost more than that). Also women do use men for a free meal: http://www.businessinsider.com/confessions-how-she-made-1200-a-month-using-matchcom-2011-11 Though, I agree with most of the other stuff you said.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 You should admit that women are naturally less inclined to bad behavior than men. LOL...You can't possibly be naive enough to actually believe this???
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Treating a girl to a $10 meal is hardly putting her on a pedestal. Really, women aren't asking for a lot here. And no one uses people for free meals. Trust me, a woman would much rather buy her own dinner than have to sit through dinner with a guy she doesn't like. Unless you're dating homeless women, in which case they might be that desperate for a free meal. Dating is like anything else: you get out of it what you put in. Men and women both have to invest some time and effort in dating if they want a satisfying relationship. I'm not lazy or stingy in my relationships, so I won't put up with a partner who is. If you're the type of guy who doesn't want to give anything to a relationship, then maybe you just shouldn't date. I kind of agree and kind of disagree on this. Sure, the vast majority of women are not out for a free dinner. However, they will often go out with a guy they are not particularly attracted to because it costs them nothing. They will let the guy pay for dinner then flake out 2 days later with not a word. They will decide the guy isn't what they are looking for... and still let him pay the full meal. ... ect. Also, if you think a guy paying for a date means he is "generous"... your being naive.
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