Buttercup84 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 My ex spike badly about his ex , saying how awful she was . Maybe she was , but my ex spoke badly about me too . I wasn't perfect , sure . I wish I did things differently But what I'm getting to is , if your partner speaks badly about their ex , it's not a good sign . In my case , I would only speak of the good , as he meant a lot to me despite the cheating etc . But someone might not be the " crazy ex " after all , or mean and selfish . Some people always look to blame others except themselves . Thoughts ?
stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 My ex spike badly about his ex , saying how awful she was . Maybe she was , but my ex spoke badly about me too . I wasn't perfect , sure . I wish I did things differently But what I'm getting to is , if your partner speaks badly about their ex , it's not a good sign . In my case , I would only speak of the good , as he meant a lot to me despite the cheating etc . But someone might not be the " crazy ex " after all , or mean and selfish . Some people always look to blame others except themselves . Thoughts ? Not sure what you mean by a bad sign. My ex bashed ALL of her ex's. All of them were bad according to her. But now seeing what she did to me (read my first thread), it makes me wonder. I know I'm not perfect either. But she never said one good thing about any of them. Except that her youngests dad was a good father. Oh yeah? Then why isn't he involved in his life or paying child support and is in jail for drugs most of the time? Oh my god, what the eff was i thinking getting involved with this girl. Lord only knows... I walked away twice in the beging but she kept coming after me. I should have stayed away. But hey, stuff happens. I guess I just wanted to give her the benefot of doubt. Never again!
Philosoraptor Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Bashing one's ex usually means that they haven't made peace with the past and still have feelings of some sort. It also leads to them making comparisons which even good ones show a connection with the past.
wilsonx Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 A common pattern with labeling your ex or your ex labeling you or their ex black means that they still love you and or you still love them. Its not being crazy, love isnt black and white. Want to see a common example of this recently on the forums, read stunned's posts, he paints her black as night, but its only because he still loves her Just throwing that out there.
Million.to.1 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) I think Buttercup is right. I have had 2 boyfriends who have rubbished all of their Ex's and I know that I have now joined that list. It seems to be a pattern. Reassure the current BF/GF by rubbishing the previous and making them out to be the bad guy. It's extremely immature. It's similar to friends who always bitch about other friends behind their backs. If they do it to them, they'll do it to you too. But I also think there is truth in what Wilson says in some situations. My recent Ex, who I have always known wasn't over his ex because he always rubbished her to me while keeping in contact with her (always instigated by her though) and never had space to heal. After we broke up, he even referred to her as a conniving bitch in an email to me for taking back her BBQ while he was on holiday. I gave him a new one see, but he was still hung up on her BBQ (her) and my BBQ (me) was never going to be a worthy substitute. So I took mine back. He seemed to be more focussed on hating her for taking her BBQ back than seeing the new BBQ that was right in front of him. Anyway... 2 weeks after our BU, they are friends again and hanging out... Both are now recently single and I'm waiting for them to reconnect so I can do the "I told you so dance". I was a rebound and I know it. Maybe it is a pattern with people who rebound over and over... they never give themselves time to heal and reflect so are still all caught up with all the mixed feelings. True healing results in a calm indifference. That's what I aim for. Edited January 10, 2012 by Million.to.1
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