Wolf18 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I married the "clingy" guy. He just really liked me and was scared I would be scooped up by another man (especially as he was my first 'date' from OLD). So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he was just awkward/had been burned a few times and wasn't a smooth talker. Turned out to be a great husband. That's why I feel for the OP - she may be passing by Mr. Right because all "Mr. Right" likes her a lot but isn't initially showing it in the way she thinks he should I've made the mistake of being clingy once or twice, and it definitely was out of fear someone else would take the girl from me. Maybe 2 years ago a girl I was close to getting got a job at a bar and I remember freaking out about it and scaring her away ala OP. I learned my lesson not to act that way again, but this girl missed out on a guy who authentically cared about her. Now she's engaged to a guy that made her get breast implants and cheats on her every weekend, perhaps she learned something as well
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 For most people (men and women), yes, someone being cute/fun/stuff in common is enough. With all due respect, it's not as if the man is considering you to be his wife or mother of his children - just a girlfriend. You may be forgetting that many men are terrified to take it slow because they think they will be friend-zoned. How long are you expecting a guy to slowly talk to you/slowly get to know you before asking you to be their girlfriend? Men are kind of screwed in that situation right? If you are cute/fun/share interests then that's actually a pretty good match and yes, they will want to snap that up. If they don't, they think someone else will. BTW I am a female. So I sort of feel for the guy who likes you - because how is he supposed to meet your standards for "boyfriend" without someone else coming by and scooping you up?? And in that same sense, I guess I feel bad for you too because I think you might be writing off a potential life partner because they like you a lot but are too quick for your 'timeline' I see your point bean1 (I mentioned something like that earlier). I also think that there is something to be said for solid boundaries, and people who come on strong like that usually (not always as in the case of your husband I'm sure, but still usually) have bad boundaries. So I would advise her to find someone who knows how to lay back a bit.
Woggle Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 The way I see it as that if a woman wants to leave me for another guy he can have her. She will be his problem now.
Author ditzchic Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 I just want to add that the first guy I mentioned I really did give a chance too. I liked him but I really did find the whole thing draining. I couldn't even go for a jog or a stroll with my female friends in the evening without him texting me incessantly. He was constantly whoring for attention. Sending me pics of him making sad face and what not because I wasn't available to take his calls. My friends would get annoyed with me because I would try to appease him. It was bad. It made me moody and I kind of started growing distant from him. Even when we were physically out together he would get pouty if I walked away from him longer than like 5 mins to talk to someone else because "he didn't know anyone." When I would be out with him and his friends I would make conversation with anyone and let him go do his thing with his boys. That annoyed him slightly too. He thought I should have been by his side all night. It lasted 2 months and he actually initiated the break up talk. He didnt think I was available enough for him and he felt alone. So yeah, we were just incompatible. I'm actually hoping his grows so independence and we come across each other again in the future. There were so many things I did like about him...
TheFinalWord Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I just want to add that the first guy I mentioned I really did give a chance too. I liked him but I really did find the whole thing draining. I couldn't even go for a jog or a stroll with my female friends in the evening without him texting me incessantly. He was constantly whoring for attention. Sending me pics of him making sad face and what not because I wasn't available to take his calls. My friends would get annoyed with me because I would try to appease him. It was bad. It made me moody and I kind of started growing distant from him. Even when we were physically out together he would get pouty if I walked away from him longer than like 5 mins to talk to someone else because "he didn't know anyone." When I would be out with him and his friends I would make conversation with anyone and let him go do his thing with his boys. That annoyed him slightly too. He thought I should have been by his side all night. It lasted 2 months and he actually initiated the break up talk. He didnt think I was available enough for him and he felt alone. So yeah, we were just incompatible. I'm actually hoping his grows so independence and we come across each other again in the future. There were so many things I did like about him... Yeah, that is a bit much. You're not married so he has to respect your space. He has to give you time with your friends. You sound cool to me. When I was at a work party my ex walked all around without me and mingled. We did some mingling together but I actually thought it was neat she could strike up and hold conversations with complete strangers. But I am not a possessive type. If someone is draining you emotionally, especially a GUY, it is time to cut your losses.
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) I just want to add that the first guy I mentioned I really did give a chance too. I liked him but I really did find the whole thing draining. I couldn't even go for a jog or a stroll with my female friends in the evening without him texting me incessantly. He was constantly whoring for attention. Sending me pics of him making sad face and what not because I wasn't available to take his calls. My friends would get annoyed with me because I would try to appease him. It was bad. It made me moody and I kind of started growing distant from him. Even when we were physically out together he would get pouty if I walked away from him longer than like 5 mins to talk to someone else because "he didn't know anyone." When I would be out with him and his friends I would make conversation with anyone and let him go do his thing with his boys. That annoyed him slightly too. He thought I should have been by his side all night. It lasted 2 months and he actually initiated the break up talk. He didnt think I was available enough for him and he felt alone. So yeah, we were just incompatible. I'm actually hoping his grows so independence and we come across each other again in the future. There were so many things I did like about him... Are you bringing up that azzhat AGAIN? Cripes. You've been hung up on him since you joined the forum. That you're still thinking about him is now saying more about YOU and YOUR shoddy boundaries. Get some standards for the men you date! Edited January 10, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author ditzchic Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Are you bringing up that azzhat AGAIN? Cripes. You've been hung up on him since you joined the forum. That you're still thinking about him is now saying more about YOU and YOUR shoddy boundaries. Get some standards for the men you date! This is a different asshat actually. Lol. This asshat I got with a few months after the first one ripped my heart out. The first one I was exclusive with. The second never made it that far. And the seconds ending didn't hurt nearly as bad. But between the first asshat and the second, you can see why I'm gunshy when it comes to clingers.
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) This is a different asshat actually. Lol. This asshat I got with a few months after the first one ripped my heart out. The first one I was exclusive with. The second never made it that far. And the seconds ending didn't hurt nearly as bad. But between the first asshat and the second, you can see why I'm gunshy when it comes to clingers.\ That you'd consider taking him back says a lot about you and your boundaries though. Too much. Seriously, would you be able to recognize the difference between a good guy worth getting to know, versus one you should shun? I mean, I'm sure there are a lot of great guys out there who would like the chance to get to know you. But they can't if you keep getting hung up on the losers. Edited January 10, 2012 by Imajerk17
NYC-BigKat Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Thanks for articulating this OP. One common problem with online dating (and dating in general) is that men are automatically penalized for being a stranger. You can go out and have a great date with a girl, only to have all the attraction evaporate in a few days as you exchange text messages, trying to plan another date. The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her. However, if you attempt to "forge" a connection by texting her continually, you will likely be punished for showing too much eagerness. It's a catch 22; this is why most traditional "dating" models don't lead to relationships. The best strategy is to mimic the communication strategies of high valued men and use a woman’s need for validation. This is what it means to be a "challenge." Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects. This means to avoid giving her any closure following the first date. Don't make plans for a second date on the first one, don't text her to make sure she got in ok at the end of the night, and don't text her the next day to thank her for a nice time. Wait at least a couple of days, unless she contacts you first...and even then, show restraint. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty. When you DO ask her out again, keep it short and sweet- don't try too hard to be witty and keep these dates SIMPLE. A man valued by many women will NOT bend over backwards trying to impress a girl he just met. Trying to impress her will send her running at this stage in the game. In the event that she can not make the day you suggest and doesn't offer an alternate day, say nothing. Either wait for her to text you again, or wait a week and contact her. If she cancels the second date abruptly, say nothing. The common thread in these responses is to treat disinterest with amplified disinterest- meaning that you won't even offer her closure by saying, "sure, that ok." This is the only way you can demonstrate value in these situations. I hate game playing, and it's a shame that two people that like each other can't just go out and be transparent with one another. Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her -- in the early stages, anyway. Fellas, listen to OP. If you've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards, it is because you failed to leave room for doubt. You will have much better luck if you disappear for a bit immediately following the first date. Its awful that women are acting like this to good men that wanna get to know them. I'm suffering from this as well. Seems that everytime I try to connect w/ a girl I like the more they run away. I cant help who I am .
chryssy83 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Sounds like you didn't really like these guys. They would be smoother to take it slow though. My style would be to try to set up another date before that date was over though. Like if the date was tonight at the end of the date I'd want to have dinner sunday setup or something like that. I'd also send a one txt after the date to let the girl know I like her. Then maybe on Thursday I'd send a quick thinking of you txt looking foward to Sunday. Then Sunday afternoon I'd call to conform we were still going out. It's like Dust read my mind....I also hate clingy guys. But I can tolerate a greater amount of clingyness if there is a greater amount of attraction on my part. But the communication described here is completely the perfect amount. Guys should follow this like a manual.
carhill Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Carhill, I'm not sure what you mean by your "slow and methodical style", but that said, I'm sure there is a difference between that and texting so much early on, talking about future plans... Last time I dated, about 20 months ago, was about one date a week with maybe one phone call in between dates for a little chit chat, and maybe a couple e-mails about shared interests. I don't text at all, but that's probably age-related.
USCGAviator Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 OP I have the exact same dilemma but with women. Mine get clingy way too fast and I'm immediately turned off. I've had very few that played it out cool and those lasted much longer than 1 or 2 dates haha.
Andy_K Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Ok, so I'm cute-ish, I'm fun and we have some stuff in common. Is that really all it takes for a guy to decide who is girlfriend material?? Pretty much. All most guys really want is a girl who they find attractive, has a few common interests, and is fun to be with. What else really matters? We don't care about your ambition We don't care how much you earn We don't care how smart you are If you cause drama you're not fun Hell, you don't even have to be funny, you just have to think we are! Sure, there are a few other things like 'must not smoke' or whatever, but by and large these are really very easily achievable things. Men are simple!
irc333 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Yeah, acheiving "familiarity" with the woman is paramount....if it's just a chance or cold turkey meeting, trying to acheive familiarity that way is difficult. That's why people have mostly met through friendship circles, have had the best success, because of constantly being seen out in a group setting (movie night with friends and co-workers) and by seeing each other on a routine basis, taking a shine to a specific individual in that group, and then getting to know each other WITHIN the group. But, it's hard to also delve into a social circle if you're new in town or something. I have a journal about a nice lady at the post office who became available while I was separated. She was married again before my D was final. That's pretty typical around here. 'You snooze, you lose' I had to change my intrinsic approach style markedly to make any headway in dating back in my 30's. In fact, my exW and I never would have become an 'item' if I had continued that methodical style which had failed me so completely prior. As is often opined by women on these forums, they know within ten seconds of meeting a man whether or not he has potential. If true, and she meets many men each day or week of her life, then it follows that she will be exposed to many styles of approach and many potentials each day/week. A man has no way of knowing whether he is attractive to her or if his approach style is compatible. He only sees the results retrospectively and learns, or not. I learned the harsh way, by women telling me directly the above quote. Question: Have you ever grown a successful relationship with a man who has a 'slow' and 'methodical' style of romancing you? Have you ever found such a man to be attractive? The one who doesn't overtly compliment you at every turn, who doesn't go to sex on the first couple dates, the one who takes time in introducing you to friends and family and doesn't plan out your whole future, rather takes it one step at a time........?? To me, it's about compatible styles. Attraction can morph and change over one's lifetime. It's not an immutable constant, IMO.
irc333 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Well, some people who use the word "clingy" too often with someone they're dating...usually are of the commitment phobe variety. There's this ONE woman that I met online, I thought was a PERFECT match for me. Mid 40's, never married and no children....AND attractive. (which is VERY odd a small town) She worked with her mom at their insurance business, lived in that town most of herl ife, has her own home. Her sister is married with children, and even one grand child on the way.....so a "spinster" great aunt lol She said she had been engaged a couple of times.....but it the guys became to "clingy" for her when it got to that point...stopping by her house a little too much and also expecting her to reschedule and perhaps put off going out with her other friends to the local watering hole and other of her hobbies. Because when couples start to get serious, well, they tend to start spending LESS time with their social circle and mostly with each other, and that' sjust the reality of relationships, but she had no part of it and called them both off. Thus her reason for being a mid 40's, never married and no kids. lol Too true to an extent, I guarantee if the guy texting her all day and cleaning up his fridge were Johnny Depp she wouldn't think he was clingy I think she needs to go for guys that have her type of schedule and also are not looking too move fast. I think men can go at a slower pace and not get friend-zoned, but it takes experience to figure it out. I don't have a lot which is why I've been reading these forums and trying to learn from some of the men on here that seem to have a good handle on how women tick and also have a lot of experience dating. You can only learn two ways: someone teaches you or you find out for yourself If she likes one of these guys, she can teach him. There was one girl that said I suffocated her and she dumped me, although I honestly still do not see how. She said I pushed fast. The thing is I wasn't trying to do that, I just wanted to show her getting to know her was a priority to me. If she had taken the time to tell me that I was texting too much (2 a day LOL) I would have backed off. But every woman is different in terms of how much communication they want and when in the dating game. If they told us instead of just blowing us off it would make dating much easier. They may even find a good guy if they give him an honest chance But that may take effort on her end and it sounds like she wants a guy that is already well versed. I'm sure you'll find it OP, but you may have to date a lot of men.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I had to change my intrinsic approach style markedly to make any headway in dating back in my 30's. In fact, my exW and I never would have become an 'item' if I had continued that methodical style which had failed me so completely prior. Maybe. After experiencing different attraction styles I'm not sure you would have spotted during a 6 months courtship what you spotted while living with her for several years. As is often opined by women on these forums, they know within ten seconds of meeting a man whether or not he has potential. If true, and she meets many men each day or week of her life, then it follows that she will be exposed to many styles of approach and many potentials each day/week. A man has no way of knowing whether he is attractive to her or if his approach style is compatible. He only sees the results retrospectively and learns, or not. I learned the harsh way, by women telling me directly the above quote. Question: Have you ever grown a successful relationship with a man who has a 'slow' and 'methodical' style of romancing you? Have you ever found such a man to be attractive? The one who doesn't overtly compliment you at every turn, who doesn't go to sex on the first couple dates, the one who takes time in introducing you to friends and family and doesn't plan out your whole future, rather takes it one step at a time........?? To me, it's about compatible styles. Attraction can morph and change over one's lifetime. It's not an immutable constant, IMO. The question isn't addressed to me but I'm one of those that posted before about immediate attraction so I'll give you my point of view. I know whether I find a man likeable and sexually attractive within a short period of time. That's a good starting point, 'likeable' being as important as 'sexually attractive' and that combination isn't always there so it's not as frequent as I'd like. However, I find dating a lottery in the sense that in my experience over the years, regardless how long I have known someone I couldn't accurately guess their dating persona. My most recent example is someone I was friends with first whom I liked and found attractive and ended up dating. It was only once we started a romantic relationship I realised that a) we weren't sexually compatible and b) he had a high-handed and controlling side towards women he dated. The former I wouldn't have known of course no matter what until we had sex and it's extremely important to me. The latter became apparent because we were in situations that as friends we had not been exposed to together before. If we had seen each other romantically, I would have probably found out about his controlling side before sleeping with him but then I don't find having sex with someone a big deal as I only get attached when we have closeness/intimacy in bed and the sex is good (ie not as often as I'd like unfortunately). Over the years I came to the conclusion that it's best to date whom you are attracted to soonish because it's a numbers game and a longer 'getting to know you' process will only reveal certain aspects of someone's personality as they (and me!) will only show sides of their character once emotions are involved. Also, as I like sex, I need to know whether we have long term potential sexually as well. I don't believe you can end up meshing in bed no matter what, sometimes it just doesn't work.
irc333 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Actually, online dating has become a LOT more main stream than let's say back in the 90's where people thought online dating was a realm for the seriously desperate. NOW, with the commercials for Match.com and Eharmony and other dating sites being advertised on TV. Well, it's become more acceptable And approaching women in public the old-fashioned way, is pretty much off putting to a woman out running errands or trying to enjoy some "alone" time ina coffee shop without some "annoying " guy trying to strike up a conversation. There is this attitude of "(sheesh, can I not go out to the grocery story, withOUT being hit on? I'll just smile and nod, and say as LESS as possible to this guy, until I check out my groceries and run home, lock the door, and log into Match.com ) Remember back in the day, where suggestions of meeting single women were the laundry mat, grocery store, church (church was suppose to be the BESt place, because, a good church girl was great relationship material lol) You see, online, there's the option of "ignoring/deleting" a man from her view...in person...well, she's more of a "captured audience" and that's becoming more annoying to some women. In fact, I heard some women prefer online dating, one actually stopped going to her local singles groups at her church, because they weren't attractive enough or somewhat socially awkward men trying to approach her. It's pretty sad when you actually forgoe public encounters to chase afteronline ones. Good point, and this is the catch-22 was online dating. This strategy is obviously less effective in an online dating context when a woman has a steady stream of suitors knocking at her door. Offline, women tend to be more loyal and stick with a guy as she has no other prospects. With online dating, when there are hundreds of dudes hollering at her, all that goes out the window. Women have a shopper's mentality, they have a hypergamous mentality and are constantly on the lookout for the bigger and better deal. The slightest indiscretion/neediness/over-zealousness leads to a NEXT. The OP is a classic example. This is why if online dating becomes mainstream average guys will be SOL. Guys with no approach anxiety and women with seemingly infinite options is a recipe for dating disaster. Average guys should stay away from online dating and learn pickup skills in the real world.
carhill Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Quote: Originally Posted by carhill " I had to change my intrinsic approach style markedly to make any headway in dating back in my 30's. In fact, my exW and I never would have become an 'item' if I had continued that methodical style which had failed me so completely prior. " --Maybe. After experiencing different attraction styles I'm not sure you would have spotted during a 6 months courtship what you spotted while living with her for several years.--- In reflecting back about that period, I recall pretty vividly two dynamics: 1. I definitely skated 'you snooze, you lose' because exW and I were technically LDR (lived sixty miles apart until getting married) and she essentially told me so. E-mail had become common at that point, but cell phones were still a novelty and long distance charges were a factor. We still dated in person about once a week and didn't become intimate for nearly three months after meeting. 2. By the time I proposed, about 11 months after meeting (see current avatar for picture of me doing so), I had seen a number of dynamics which I gave the benefit of the doubt to and accepted which would become factors later while M. TBH, my exW never really surprised me with anything while M. Pretty much everything was revealed, again with the clarity of retrospective reflection, while we were 'getting to know'. ---------------- LS has been a great resource to see, openly, the myriad of attraction, love, emotional and relationship styles out there. Understanding how those mesh together has been a great resource which augmented the real life lessons from dating, LTR's and M. Some women sincerely enjoy and are attracted to what other women call a 'clingy' man; some the opposite, and everything in between. The same for a man regarding a woman's 'style'. When that 'enjoy' and 'attraction' match up, one healthy potential can occur.
Author ditzchic Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) Laundry list? Excuse me for actually having options and not settling for just any girl that falls into his lap like some men on this site. I am looking for a girl that I really connect with, not someone whos merely "OK" to be with. I agree with OP, that those dudes came on way too strong. Most people would be freaked out by that behavior right off the bat, male or female. I dont know who some of you people are hanging out with, but no one I know likes clingy behavior. Even if someone wants a mate, they shouldnt get all clingy and desperate to appease someone. P.S. - Kid keep my name out of your mouth when you post. Its honestly the equivalent of talking behind someones back. You have a habit of bringing me up in threads...got a crush or something brah? I actually appreciate guys like Kaylan. If I know a guy has high standards and he is trying to nail down it's a completely different animal than a guy who will take any kind of attention from a warm body. It makes it feel more real. It's all about the connection for me as well so a guy like Kaylan and I are on the same page. That's the kind of guy I could form a lasting relationship with. Whereas a guy that just wants to nail it down because I'm cute and fun, I'm not really feeling connected with because we aren't just on different pages, we are reading completely different books when it comes to falling in love. And just for the record, If I were 5 years younger I could totally bag Kaylan Edited January 10, 2012 by ditzchic
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I actually appreciate guys like Kaylan. If I know a guy has high standards and he is trying to nail down it's a completely different animal than a guy who will take any kind of attention from a warm body. It makes it feel more real. It's all about the connection for me as well so me and a guy like Kaylan and I are on the same page. That's the kind of guy I could form a lasting relationship with. Whereas a guy that just wants to nail it down because I'm cute and fun, I'm not really feeling connected with because we aren't just on different pages, we are reading completely different books when it comes to falling in love. And just for the record, If I were 5 years younger I could totally bag Kaylan I think it's kind of simplistic to put it like that. There's a fine line between desperate and picky. I'm certain that while you don't like desperate and clingy men, being with a picky man would get old fast. There has to be a balance.
Author ditzchic Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 I think it's kind of simplistic to put it like that. There's a fine line between desperate and picky. I'm certain that while you don't like desperate and clingy men, being with a picky man would get old fast. There has to be a balance. Well I mean, yeah of course there is. If he i having second thoughts because I wore brown shoes instead of black or because I work in marketing instead of finance or because I prefer liquor and girly drinks to beer (true story) or something shallow and superficial like that, that's crossing the line. But if he's interested in me because I'm smart, educated, driven, goal-oriented, I take care of myself, I'm a good conversationalist, fun loving and a good person that makes me take him much more seriously than someone that can only verbalize their interest in me as me being pretty, fun to hang out with, willing to put out for him and I don't annoy him that terribly... make sense?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Well I mean, yeah of course there is. If he i having second thoughts because I wore brown shoes instead of black or because I work in marketing instead of finance or because I prefer liquor and girly drinks to beer (true story) or something shallow and superficial like that, that's crossing the line. But if he's interested in me because I'm smart, educated, driven, goal-oriented, I take care of myself, I'm a good conversationalist, fun loving and a good person that makes me take him much more seriously than someone that can only verbalize their interest in me as me being pretty, fun to hang out with, willing to put out for him and I don't annoy him that terribly... make sense? The thing is though is that there is huge competition for women like you (assuming what you write about yourself is true since I don't know you in real life). Guys who don't want to compete with other men to date you won't bother trying to date you or will act desperate or settle for whatever it is they think they can get. We admonish guys all the time for not lowering their standards (i.e. be less picky) and yet when they do they're criticized for that too. It's a tough line to walk. Although I'm not really interested in dating right now, I'll use myself as an example. I might be educated, in shape, reasonably good looking, etc. But, the fact that I'm so inexperienced (and currently unemployed) means that I have no right to date someone of higher quality that I'm truly interested in so I'd have to take what I could get if I were to try to date. There are a lot of guys out there in a similar spot.
bean1 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 If you are as great of a catch as you say you are (and like the above poster I am assuming you are being true) then a man is not going to want to waste time to 'get to know you' while you are off dating other men because you'll be gone. You're thinking like a woman who has many options but you are forgetting about the perspective of the man. WHY would he see you so casually for so long, to "really get to know you" (or whatever your standard is to become a girlfriend, I don't know) if that means any other man will just step in at any time because you're still a free agent? You see an item you've wanted for SO LONG on sale. You don't know when the sale ends. Are you going to walk by it every day for weeks and then eventually decide to buy it? No, you'll make the scoop right away. I don't want to compare you to a TV or computer but it really isn't more complicated than that. I wonder if you find it insulting that a man is perfectly fine with you just being good looking, has common interests, and isn't too crazy. I hate to say this but that's an okay standard. A man doesn't need to worship you or be your life partner to be your boyfriend. That's why he's a boyfriend and not your husband. I dunno, I guess I just don't understand why you think a man has to be so picky. My husband says that I'm "hot" but not "too hot", "not too crazy", and I can cook well. Perfect wife. Does he share my passionate love for foreign French film or breastfeeding advocacy? No. But we both like to watch the Simpsons. Good enough.
carhill Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I dunno, I guess I just don't understand why you think a man has to be so picky. My husband says that I'm "hot" but not "too hot", "not too crazy", and I can cook well. Perfect wife. Does he share my passionate love for foreign French film or breastfeeding advocacy? No. But we both like to watch the Simpsons. Good enough. ^^ I like. Good on you for your successful synergy.
Author ditzchic Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 If you are as great of a catch as you say you are (and like the above poster I am assuming you are being true) then a man is not going to want to waste time to 'get to know you' while you are off dating other men because you'll be gone. Well I'm no Kate Beckinsale but I would say I'm a solid 7 on a decent day. I have 8 potential if I'm really doing it up. Which is often while you'll hear me refer to myself as cute or pretty as opposed to hot or gorgeous or something like that. And I feel that the measure of successful and dateable are highly subjective. I have a pretty strong personality so naturally I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. So I'll never tout myself as the girl any guy would kill for. But I do ok in the dating department obviously (at least getting interest). And I'm happy with who I am, generally. I dunno, it's just the thought that if a guy is that scared I will be snatched up so quick that he feels he has to push my boundaries and make me uncomfortable then maybe he knows I'd probably be better off with someone else and he has to lock it down before I realize it. It comes off as underconfidence to me. And if he isn't confident he would win my affections, why should I be? I don't get attached easily but when I do, I am extremely loyal. I don't want to get to that point before I am ready to....
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