Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 And that's what it is. You're in the talking stage with maybe 4-5 guys in the time period of a month, and you divide your feelings between them all. While for each guy, you may be the only girl that they've been in this stage with in a couple months, or more. That is one reason why dating is so hard for men. (1) Women don't care about how hard dating is for a guy. No one is going to end up with you out of pity. In fact, they prefer a guy who makes his own luck. (2) There are about as many young women as there are young men in this world. For every young man not dating, there is a young woman out there not dating either. Go find her!
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (1) Women don't care about how hard dating is for a guy. No one is going to end up with you out of pity. In fact, they prefer a guy who makes his own luck. Where did I say anything about pity? (2) There are about as many young women as there are young men in this world. For every young man not dating, there is a young woman out there not dating either. Go find her! Actually no. I think there are more guys that are single and looking then there are single and looking girls. It's no secret that the average woman goes on a lot more dates than the average man. Also, I strongly belive that women are only single because they choose to be. If ditzchic wanted to, she could get into a relationship with any of the men she just mentioned.
Wolf18 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (2) There are about as many young women as there are young men in this world. For every young man not dating, there is a young woman out there not dating either. Go find her! This is what logic would tell you, but experience says otherwise. Seems like all the girls I meet have atleast something in the pipeline. I'm talking about all of them, not just the hot ones. On the other hand, even when I had a six pack and my shoulders were more broad, I would still only have maybe 1 new girl who was authentically interested in me romantically every couple of months, and that was seen as very successful. Even now, some of my best looking friends, get maybe 1-2 girls romantically interested in them a year. I don't know how to logically explain it, but it just feels like there's more men then women or that men date a lot less.
Author ditzchic Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I don't know how to logically explain it, but it just feels like there's more men then women or that men date a lot less. I think it's that women are much more likely to actively take time out from dating than men. It's rare that you find a man that really REALLY chooses to stay single. They may say that because there is nothing coming down the pike for them but if an opportunity were to present itself they would jump on it. Most women, especially the desireable ones (the ones with careers, education, in great shape etc), have had at least one time in their lives where they have sworn off men for a bit of time.
TheFinalWord Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think it's that women are much more likely to actively take time out from dating than men. It's rare that you find a man that really REALLY chooses to stay single. They may say that because there is nothing coming down the pike for them but if an opportunity were to present itself they would jump on it. Most women, especially the desireable ones (the ones with careers, education, in great shape etc), have had at least one time in their lives where they have sworn off men for a bit of time. The last bit defies the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line
Wolf18 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think it's that women are much more likely to actively take time out from dating than men. It's rare that you find a man that really REALLY chooses to stay single. They may say that because there is nothing coming down the pike for them but if an opportunity were to present itself they would jump on it. Most women, especially the desireable ones (the ones with careers, education, in great shape etc), have had at least one time in their lives where they have sworn off men for a bit of time. That makes sense actually, but it just reinforces the point that women have the advantage in romantic relationships if they can take "time off" whenever they want and be confident that when they get back all the suitors will still be there. A lot of the guys who claim they're taking time off from women, especially on this forum , are in reality just not getting any dates.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 The answer in my opinion is pretty simple. You're on the confident side of the spectrum, and likely you are attractive in the face and in the body! I know that sounds superficial because it is, when a guy sees a nice little package then he's like "oh wow, this is like the perfect girl, she has the right qualities I'm looking for" Plus you seem level-headed and independent. Most guys aren't used to that kind of attitude so when you're not all sucked into them they react even more so like this is the right girl for me. Same situation with guys, If the guy is careless or at least on pace with things you think "oh this guy isn't over or under doing it". But then at the same time, start fast ends fast so the fact that you're not gullible or needy enough to cling into the arms of one of these guys is a good sign of your personal health. You're just going to have to keep dating until you find a guy that is balanced and willing to take things at a natural more progressive state. But honestly the nice guys are the ones that kinda get all lovey dovey with you quickly and it's the *******s that are careless enough not to be into you so much because they might have another girl on the line anyway as a backup. So you might want to tell guys before hand or when they're getting all wrapped up into things and saying too many things they'll regret to give them a chance to put on the brakes...because at least these guys genuinely want to be with you and might just treat you right. Beware of falling for the confident jerk that is just going to take you for a ride just because he could care less what you are doing or whether you're that into him or not.
spinaroonie Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Interesting stuff spinaroonie, and I feel the need to comment. [Why is it that the best posts on this forum tend to not be commented on? This one deserves a comment...] I'm not sure I agree that disappearing after a first date for a few days is best though. I see what a guy who does this is going for--her wondering "Why hasn't he contacted me yet? Will he ask me out again?"--and if she is doing this, then the guy wins. I'm not sure if that always happens. The chemistry after the date vanishes quickly as you said, and meanwhile, she is hearing from guy after guy. Who is to say that she won't end up losing interest? Good point, and this is the catch-22 was online dating. This strategy is obviously less effective in an online dating context when a woman has a steady stream of suitors knocking at her door. Offline, women tend to be more loyal and stick with a guy as she has no other prospects. With online dating, when there are hundreds of dudes hollering at her, all that goes out the window. Women have a shopper's mentality, they have a hypergamous mentality and are constantly on the lookout for the bigger and better deal. The slightest indiscretion/neediness/over-zealousness leads to a NEXT. The OP is a classic example. This is why if online dating becomes mainstream average guys will be SOL. Guys with no approach anxiety and women with seemingly infinite options is a recipe for dating disaster. Average guys should stay away from online dating and learn pickup skills in the real world.
mtber75 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Most guys who want a girlfriend will act this way. If that's not what you want, what exactly do you want? There are plenty of guys out there who will oblige to screw you through the mail slot of their front door and never talk to you again if that's what you want. I can't imagine how someone trying to connect with you, talking to you every day or being considerate to the point of stocking their fridge with things you may like to eat is so offensive, but you're not the only one. I would rather act like that with females I like, but I don't because I know it's seldom appreciated, if not downright unattractive to women. Frankly, you are probably just not attracted to these guys. My thoughts exactly! Most guys are NOT this considerate...Wanting to talk to you everyday and making plans for the future! It seems to me that you just want a casual hook up or no relationship at this point?
kaylan Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) In short, yes, that is the only criteria. Well except for guys like say, Kaylan, who has a woman-style laundry list of shallow requirements. Laundry list? Excuse me for actually having options and not settling for just any girl that falls into his lap like some men on this site. I am looking for a girl that I really connect with, not someone whos merely "OK" to be with. I agree with OP, that those dudes came on way too strong. Most people would be freaked out by that behavior right off the bat, male or female. I dont know who some of you people are hanging out with, but no one I know likes clingy behavior. Even if someone wants a mate, they shouldnt get all clingy and desperate to appease someone. P.S. - Kid keep my name out of your mouth when you post. Its honestly the equivalent of talking behind someones back. You have a habit of bringing me up in threads...got a crush or something brah? Edited January 9, 2012 by kaylan
pinkie Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 The last two relationships I ended up in, began with "clingy" guys.... They will suck the last breath out of you! If they feel leechy, then they probably are. If you are an independent, strong, like having your own space, don't NEED someone, etc. type... Be careful. These men typically feed off women like this and you could become mentally, emotionally, physically drained, depressed and overall unhappy. Pay attention to your gut instincts. They are usually RIGHT!
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Good point, and this is the catch-22 was online dating. This strategy is obviously less effective in an online dating context when a woman has a steady stream of suitors knocking at her door. Offline, women tend to be more loyal and stick with a guy as she has no other prospects. With online dating, when there are hundreds of dudes hollering at her, all that goes out the window. Women have a shopper's mentality, they have a hypergamous mentality and are constantly on the lookout for the bigger and better deal. The slightest indiscretion/neediness/over-zealousness leads to a NEXT. The OP is a classic example. This is why if online dating becomes mainstream average guys will be SOL. Guys with no approach anxiety and women with seemingly infinite options is a recipe for dating disaster. Average guys should stay away from online dating and learn pickup skills in the real world. Yes. The thing with online dating is that there isn't much of a story of how the two of you met. No "eyes meeting across a crowded room", no you having the balls to walk over and talk to her, the stuff that women love but men tend to care a lot less about. Learning how to cold-approach and cold-approach well is a valuable skill. But even here, it is as you said. You are still a stranger, and that puts you at some sort of a disadvantage versus a guy in her social circle. You have to have your act together at every step, from your approach until she is hooked. There's no chance for attraction creeping up, as it might with someone (who might not be as smart, good-looking, and who even might not have as much "game" as you) who is her coworker or something.
silvermercy Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Yes, women tend to project their wants and desires onto men. In reality, the vast majority for men are perfectly content with a woman with a pretty face, fit body and pleasant personality. The comedian Chris Rock had a hilarious bit that "women want everything, all men want is "food, sex, and silence." Since these women are increasingly rare, a man who comes across one is ready to to do everything to reel her in. Problem is most men don't realize that this will only chase her away. LOL Do you know how difficult those... "little" things are to achieve?
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 LOL Do you know how difficult those... "little" things are to achieve? Most young women are pretty without having to do anything. Not getting fat is easy. And if you don't have a pleasant personality, that's just too bad. Go read a book.
Wolf18 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Laundry list? Excuse me for actually having options and not settling for just any girl that falls into his lap like some men on this site. I am looking for a girl that I really connect with, not someone whos merely "OK" to be with. I agree with OP, that those dudes came on way too strong. Most people would be freaked out by that behavior right off the bat, male or female. I dont know who some of you people are hanging out with, but no one I know likes clingy behavior. Even if someone wants a mate, they shouldnt get all clingy and desperate to appease someone. P.S. - Kid keep my name out of your mouth when you post. Its honestly the equivalent of talking behind someones back. You have a habit of bringing me up in threads...got a crush or something brah? It's nothing personal dude, you are just a very good caricature
silvermercy Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Most young women are pretty without having to do anything. Not getting fat is easy. And if you don't have a pleasant personality, that's just too bad. Go read a book. I'm told a have a great personality. I still read a lot of books though. (I wish that were true. Plastic surgeons and aestheticians would be out of job by now.)
bean1 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 But I have trouble trusting that it's actually me they want and not just the persona of me when they move that quick. Ok, so I'm cute-ish, I'm fun and we have some stuff in common. Is that really all it takes for a guy to decide who is girlfriend material?? Because my criteria for boyfriend material is much more extensive than that... For most people (men and women), yes, someone being cute/fun/stuff in common is enough. With all due respect, it's not as if the man is considering you to be his wife or mother of his children - just a girlfriend. You may be forgetting that many men are terrified to take it slow because they think they will be friend-zoned. How long are you expecting a guy to slowly talk to you/slowly get to know you before asking you to be their girlfriend? Men are kind of screwed in that situation right? If you are cute/fun/share interests then that's actually a pretty good match and yes, they will want to snap that up. If they don't, they think someone else will. BTW I am a female. So I sort of feel for the guy who likes you - because how is he supposed to meet your standards for "boyfriend" without someone else coming by and scooping you up?? And in that same sense, I guess I feel bad for you too because I think you might be writing off a potential life partner because they like you a lot but are too quick for your 'timeline'
iris219 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 OP, if you were into these guys you wouldn't even use the word clingy. You'd use thoughtful or considerate. Attention is only a negative when it's unwanted. It's unusual for a man to be the way you describe with someone who is not reciprocating. Secure men usually have too much pride to shower an uninterested woman with attention. Also, it's not a competition between men, as others have suggested. Either a woman likes you or she doesn't; she doesn't choose the one who's going out of his way more than the other. We aren't keeping score because the score doesn't matter.
somedude81 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 For most people (men and women), yes, someone being cute/fun/stuff in common is enough. With all due respect, it's not as if the man is considering you to be his wife or mother of his children - just a girlfriend. You may be forgetting that many men are terrified to take it slow because they think they will be friend-zoned. How long are you expecting a guy to slowly talk to you/slowly get to know you before asking you to be their girlfriend? Men are kind of screwed in that situation right? If you are cute/fun/share interests then that's actually a pretty good match and yes, they will want to snap that up. If they don't, they think someone else will. Yeah just the way it is bro. Most women just don't see how hard it is for us. We go too slow we're friendzoned. Too fast and we're clingy. Just can't catch a break. BTW I am a female.
Shaun-Dro Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Is it normal that this is such a turn off to me? Or am I really just a cold hearted, unemotional beyotch? Yes, you are a mean-spirited bitch, because you need to ask us just to have it confirmed.
bean1 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I married the "clingy" guy. He just really liked me and was scared I would be scooped up by another man (especially as he was my first 'date' from OLD). So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he was just awkward/had been burned a few times and wasn't a smooth talker. Turned out to be a great husband. That's why I feel for the OP - she may be passing by Mr. Right because all "Mr. Right" likes her a lot but isn't initially showing it in the way she thinks he should
TheFinalWord Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) OP, if you were into these guys you wouldn't even use the word clingy. You'd use thoughtful or considerate. Attention is only a negative when it's unwanted. Too true to an extent, I guarantee if the guy texting her all day and cleaning up his fridge were Johnny Depp she wouldn't think he was clingy I think she needs to go for guys that have her type of schedule and also are not looking too move fast. For most people (men and women), yes, someone being cute/fun/stuff in common is enough. With all due respect, it's not as if the man is considering you to be his wife or mother of his children - just a girlfriend. You may be forgetting that many men are terrified to take it slow because they think they will be friend-zoned. How long are you expecting a guy to slowly talk to you/slowly get to know you before asking you to be their girlfriend? Men are kind of screwed in that situation right? If you are cute/fun/share interests then that's actually a pretty good match and yes, they will want to snap that up. If they don't, they think someone else will. BTW I am a female. So I sort of feel for the guy who likes you - because how is he supposed to meet your standards for "boyfriend" without someone else coming by and scooping you up?? And in that same sense, I guess I feel bad for you too because I think you might be writing off a potential life partner because they like you a lot but are too quick for your 'timeline' I think men can go at a slower pace and not get friend-zoned, but it takes experience to figure it out. I don't have a lot which is why I've been reading these forums and trying to learn from some of the men on here that seem to have a good handle on how women tick and also have a lot of experience dating. You can only learn two ways: someone teaches you or you find out for yourself If she likes one of these guys, she can teach him. There was one girl that said I suffocated her and she dumped me, although I honestly still do not see how. She said I pushed fast. The thing is I wasn't trying to do that, I just wanted to show her getting to know her was a priority to me. If she had taken the time to tell me that I was texting too much (2 a day LOL) I would have backed off. But every woman is different in terms of how much communication they want and when in the dating game. If they told us instead of just blowing us off it would make dating much easier. They may even find a good guy if they give him an honest chance But that may take effort on her end and it sounds like she wants a guy that is already well versed. I'm sure you'll find it OP, but you may have to date a lot of men. Edited January 10, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Woggle Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 LOL Do you know how difficult those... "little" things are to achieve? Not really. It just means not hideous, not morbidly obese and you can actually get along with her for a week with no drama. If those things are hard for women to achieve then men might as well just give up already.
dispatch3d Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Like I said, I would like a boyfriend. I don't NEED one though. I get that the guys who seem to jump on it so quick want a girlfriend. And that's respectable. But I have trouble trusting that it's actually me they want and not just the persona of me when they move that quick. Ok, so I'm cute-ish, I'm fun and we have some stuff in common. Is that really all it takes for a guy to decide who is girlfriend material?? Because my criteria for boyfriend material is much more extensive than that... You say this, but in actual fact the last three guys got screened due to "neediness". Now if you said Guy A didn't work because you have different communication styles, Guy B didn't work because he works night shifts and you work day shifts, and Guy C didn't work because he's jewish and your a strong catholic (religious reasons) then I could jump on board and say you DO have a screening criteria. Like one girl I might like doesn't seem to like jokes at all, which would be a screener for me because I don't want to go the rest of my life scared to tell a joke around my girlfriend. That would probably suck. You actually are screening out guys that are interested. If I wasn't that interested in a girl I wouldn't make any of the "mistakes" that you see them making. I wouldn't feel the need to plan dates ahead of time, call you all the time, text you all the time, etc. etc.
dispatch3d Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I think it's that women are much more likely to actively take time out from dating than men. It's rare that you find a man that really REALLY chooses to stay single. They may say that because there is nothing coming down the pike for them but if an opportunity were to present itself they would jump on it. Most women, especially the desireable ones (the ones with careers, education, in great shape etc), have had at least one time in their lives where they have sworn off men for a bit of time. lol I laughed at this one. As a guy that's chosen not to date certain girls that were very interested due to legit reasons (ie. they have a boyfriend, my interest level is mediocre at best, etc. etc.) I'd say this isn't true at all. That said, I do go with periods of liking a particular girl, asking her out, and then getting turned down. There are multiple girls I'd like to date at one time and I get turned down. I really think the difference is more that guys actually ask out girls, and via some mechanism that doesn't fully make sense to me, this makes girls cooler even if they are single (ie. they are "taking themselves out of the pool" or, actively turning down guys they like due to previous relationships).....
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