stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I'm curious about something. Let's say you are a single 35 year old Mom with two children (just turned 4 & 5 in August) from two different fathers who are not involved in the childrens lives because in a nut shell, just losers. How easy is it for them to find a decent man who will except her, and her children, love their children as if they were his own, along with his family excepting them as his wife and his own kids? If you were her, and you had a good man in your life, who paid the bills, did 90% of the laundry to help, took care of the yard, helped clean the house, took care of the cars, did dishes after dinner, spent quality time with her kids, helped teach one to write her name before kindergarten, wasn't a jerk, a drinker, very attentive to everyones needs (without forgetting about his own), wasn't abusive, wasn't controlling but just an all out decent man that loved her and her kids like they were is own family, wouldn't you cherrish this? does she think men like the above mentioned are grown on trees?
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think this person is not fulfilled by this other person and that's why a relationship fizzles out. It's not about how much you can do for me, it's about how they feel.
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I think this person is not fulfilled by this other person and that's why a relationship fizzles out. It's not about how much you can do for me, it's about how they feel. This isn't the question why they didn't stay.. The question is how many men out there would take that on
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 All it takes is one. And one who wants to be with said person would accept the responsibilities that come along with the package. I would do everything listed and more for the right person if my heart was in it.
mitchell Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 This is all very hypothetical, but you've described what would be the perfect man for this situation. What is the woman like in this scenario? She comes with a lot of baggage. Two kids from two different deadbeat dads speaks of very poor judgment and low self esteem. What does she bring to the table to attract and keep the perfect man you have described?
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 This is all very hypothetical, but you've described what would be the perfect man for this situation. What is the woman like in this scenario? She comes with a lot of baggage. Two kids from two different deadbeat dads speaks of very poor judgment and low self esteem. What does she bring to the table to attract and keep the perfect man you have described? Well, to me, what she brought to the table was really not much. I believe the care, love, concern and all was a facade now. I waited two years before we lived together... But what you say about the self esteem hits the nail on the head. Thats why she sabotaged the whole thing because she didn't think it was all real, and she probably didn't feel worthy. So she gravitated to work, a little pub making sanwiches where she felt more comfortable. Also where her boss who she is now in a relationship with was always putting her ona pedistool. But thats another story because he is nothing but a player. That won't last, trust me. But with that, work is where she didn't have to deal with her kids. She couldn't wait to get them to school and go to work... I got caught in the middle of all this crap unfortunately. But you would think one would appreciate what they now have compared to what they are used to. Don't know. I just have a hard time understanding some days like today. I know I'm better off in the long run... But again, I can't imagine many guys out there would take that on unless he is another dirtbag. Maybe I'm just having an off day today and thats why I'm here. But I will tell you, these days are getting far and few in between.. FINALLY!
mitchell Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Good luck to you. I feel for those two kids. Sounds like you were doing right by them despite Mom's craziness. Best to move on with your life.
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Good luck to you. I feel for those two kids. Sounds like you were doing right by them despite Mom's craziness. Best to move on with your life. Thanks. I did do right by those kids. They loved me to death. Called me Dad and it was so hard to see there faces out the window of the car looking back at me when she drove away. They cried that they didn't want to leave. Getting over this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It took a serious toll on me. Thank god for my big family and army of friends. Yeah, she cheated on me with her boss. Left me for him. He has already raised a 16 year old on his own and owns a small pub in a shotty part of town. He isn't in this for the long haul. She came a long way in two years. Made great improvements. This is what lead me to believe to believe in her. I didn't judge her by her past, I judges her on what she told me she wanted in life which was a good man and a family. I don't think she was able to handle it when she realized it was all coming true. She "checked out" so to speak. Seems like she tried, but she just regressed back to when she was single and being a bartender. She took ten steps backwards in life I'm certainly glad it happened now instead of later. But i still have a hard time undertsanding. But this too shall pass.
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Stunned, you may mean well ...but 'huh'??!! This woman is a person. She need not settle for second best because she is a single mother. She need not feel obligated to reciprocate in any kind except on her terms as a feeling human being. She doesn't 'owe' you or anybody anything. Some guy 'take it on'....!!!! hint..she is a person not someone who needs someone to 'take it on'. She may have low self esteem but yours is misdirected. I don't have low self esteem. Not at all. It's so hard here in this forum for anyone to get the full gist of the situation. No, she doesn't owe anyone anything except herself and her kids. But in this situation, to put it in nut shell, she took ten steps backwards in life. Turned back to drugs, and a view other unhealthy choice things. All for the sake of partying. It all has to do with her being emotionally unstable and emotionally imature too. She put on a great facade for two years. I also believe she didn't want have to feel like she had to be held accountable for her actions. If you knew how she treated her kids too, you would be amazed. It's her life, it's her choice and she is the one that has to live with them choices. Me? I'm off the hook now. I would have given her and her kids the world, but she pissed it away for a seedy pub, a snake of a boss and drugs. I STILL can't understand how that is more appealing and probably never will. But it is what it is and I'll just keep trucking along and deal with these down days which are getting far and few inbetween.
gaius Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I don't have low self esteem. Not at all. It's so hard here in this forum for anyone to get the full gist of the situation. I think we are getting the gist of it pretty well. It's clear from your posts you never thought much of this woman, so I don't know what else you would call settling for someone you have no respect for. Sorry for the pain of the break up, but Martin is right. She might have issues, but you have issues of your own if you think she should be with you just because you do things for her and are good to her kids.
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I think we are getting the gist of it pretty well. It's clear from your posts you never thought much of this woman, so I don't know what else you would call settling for someone you have no respect for. Sorry for the pain of the break up, but Martin is right. She might have issues, but you have issues of your own if you think she should be with you just because you do things for her and are good to her kids. Wrong. I thought the world of her and her kids until she did what she did. I never thought she could do this ( I was blinded by her). And I'm sorry, you DON'T get the gist of it. And i don't think she should be with me because of everything I have done. That's silly. And that isn't what I said at all here. I was simply asking in this post why wouldn't someone embrace something healthy. I understand that they may have past relationship, or childhood issues which she does but, I still can't understand being blind to all the respect she got from and my family, my friends, how happy her kids were, and her Mom was extremely happy for her that she finally found a good guy. But I guess all that doesn't matter if she isn't happy within herself.
Author stunned8165 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 You' re still not getting it. She could be a drug addicted whore on the streets of Calcutta and you might be a knight in shining armour ...but that mean ZILCH. She is not an object that needs to compromise..she is a woman. The very fact that you bring up how her situation and how grateful she SHOULD be says something about your warped sense of what a relationship is. ... 'her Mom was extremely happy for her that she finally found a good guy'. Your mention of this sounds CREEPY...like you are entitled to some award and how dare she not recognize it. She owes you NOTHING. She is not a commodity that needs to suppress her emotioins for your insecurities. She is a women with children...period. All people have worth and should be treated as such regardless of their situation.Go away and leave her alone. I'm not going to sit here and argue with you. You know nothing about me to judge that I have a warped sense of what a relationship should be. And it's creepy that I mentioned her Mom was very happy? How can you twist this around? Let me ask you, how old are you? What experience have YOU got? Obviously very little. And obviously you have no life either sitting here all day basing people looking for a little compassion and understanding. But you come out using the word whore and all ? You obviously are in denial of having issues yourself. I can admit I'm still confused and have a few issues because of a toxic relationship. But don't come off at me like you know it all. You talk like a punk. I hope this happens to you some day. Because you have no friggin clue as to the damage these people cause. I know she's a women. And she has every right to make what ever decision she chooses. I expected just respect in return just as I showed her respect. But no, she cheated on me while I was at home baby sitting her kids. So I don't care what you say. She was wrong. She had everything she said she wanted only to screw it up because she is emmotionally unbalanced. And once again, the reason for this thread is to get an opinion from other single moms what it's like out there trying to find a decent guy like myself. And which I was. And always will be. I would appreciate you going to play a video game or something then coming in here making me look like I was the bad guy. I get to get of this place.
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