Jane2011 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Just wondering because I'm getting kind of antsy. My last real boyfriend and I ended in May 2010, and I've not had a real, lasting boyfriend since then. (I've been briefly involved with four different people since then, mind you -- a couple with good potential even -- but all were near-misses that did not make it past two months.) A male friend of mine was saying that, for him, it's usually two years between serious relationships. What about you? Roughly the same?
TheFinalWord Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I've never heard of any formula like that. But be careful getting too antsy or you might come across desperate.
ditzchic Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I haven't had a "serious" relationship in 5 years. Before that it was a year in between. I've had a lot of dates and a couple of flings in the 2-6 month range. I was mainly focusing on myself and getting my life in order in these last 5 years. I wouldn't put too much focus on the timespan. I try to think along the lines of 'Life will bring me only what I'm ready for.". Keep improving yourself and keep putting yourself out there and meeting new people and it'll happen when you're ready for it.
carhill Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) I tend to reflect upon life and lessons learned during 'downtime' and that was generally six months to a year between LTRs and currently about 2.6 years since my exW and I split up, though our D wasn't legal for 18 months or so. I don't do flings or casual sex so life is full of other passions and pursuits during such downtimes. Historically, I have no issues being alone and understand this might be outlier to general behavior, so YMMV. A sign of that process could be seen if one was to widen out the current avatar to its original form, where my exW could've been seen sitting on my knee clutching her then new engagement ring. Life is a process. Edited January 9, 2012 by carhill
jobaba Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Just wondering because I'm getting kind of antsy. My last real boyfriend and I ended in May 2010, and I've not had a real, lasting boyfriend since then. (I've been briefly involved with four different people since then, mind you -- a couple with good potential even -- but all were near-misses that did not make it past two months.) A male friend of mine was saying that, for him, it's usually two years between serious relationships. What about you? Roughly the same? You could argue I've never had a serious relationship in my life because all of the relationships I have had have been a JOKE in one way or another. That said ... relationship meaning exclusive dating and BF/GF label crap, my biggest gap was 7 years, with very little else in that time. I know guys in their 30s who have never had a GF so your desperation is a bit premature.
Philosoraptor Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 It all depends on where I am mentally and emotionally. I am ready to move on after I've made peace with the past and with myself. After that no feelings for the ex linger and I am free to give myself totally to someone new and allow them to give themselves to me without any comparisons to the past.
D-Lish Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 In between serious relationships my gaps average 3 -5 years. I date sporadically during those gaps (sometimes). People that truly catch my interest, make me feel like I want something more than a fling or a few dates- well, they come along so rarely. It's okay though- I am fine being single.
Author Jane2011 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 You could argue I've never had a serious relationship in my life because all of the relationships I have had have been a JOKE in one way or another. That said ... relationship meaning exclusive dating and BF/GF label crap, my biggest gap was 7 years, with very little else in that time. I know guys in their 30s who have never had a GF so your desperation is a bit premature. Haha, I hear you on that. I've had two "real" relationships in my life, but I too think they had a bit of a JOKE aspect to them, even in their seriousness. (For instance, I was with a guy for five years, but we had lots of issues...)
Author Jane2011 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Yeah, I do need to learn to be more patient and more comfortable being single. I'm going to try to just chill and let it happen when it happens. There's a lot of good to my life -- good friends, good family, and a job I like. Need to just focus on that. I've had my share of boyfriends and relationships, so I can't complain. I just gotta keep myself physically fit and happy, and something will come along eventually. (Still interested in people's answers, though...) Seems 3-5 years is kind of normal.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 its been 15 months for me. the first 6 months after, I didn't even think about women. over the last nine months, I've dated 2 women that didn't make it past date 3, had a 4 week relationship, and a hook-up.
FitChick Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 It all depends on where I am mentally and emotionally. I am ready to move on after I've made peace with the past and with myself. Me, too. If only more people did the same.
iris219 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I've had four serious relationships. The first three were back to back. I like being in relationships. Now I've been single for about a year. My last relationship was off and on, so I was single some during it also. The dating pool has shrunk dramatically, so it looks like I'll be single for quite awhile. This year was pretty uneventful in terms of dating. I think it's important to be entirely single at some point in your life, but I wish I could say I was single by choice.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I think it's important to be entirely single at some point in your life, but I wish I could say I was single by choice. I wonder what percentage of people are single by choice. It seems humans are genetically programmed to crave relationships and affection.
Tybalt Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 It has been 4 years since my last serious, committed relationship lasting any length of time. I feel like I'm ready when the right person comes along. In the meantime I really want to focus on enjoying all that I do have in my life. I sincerely desire a partner and that connection with someone, but I don't want to dwell on the lack of something. There's a liberation I've found in "What the heck, I can do this," whether it is deciding to start taking ballet as an adult, or just meeting my own emotional needs when I feel a little down. I hope the person who does come into my life imagines me as positively as I imagine him.
colliejoanie Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I was engaged for five years, then single for five....then married for five. My divorce was final 3 years ago. It took me a year and a half to even WANT to date again. Since then, I've had 2 semi significant relationships, each about 5 months.....and have gone on dates with 8000 people . I've gone on multiple dates with a couple of guys recently.....very nice guys.....but I'm thinking it's time to take a break again and refocus. Dating is draining!!!
thehead Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 The older I get, the longer the period of time. It's gone from weeks (in high school) to now a year.
LexiB Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 3-5 years on average with a few "almosts" in between.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 In between serious relationships my gaps average 3 -5 years. I date sporadically during those gaps (sometimes). People that truly catch my interest, make me feel like I want something more than a fling or a few dates- well, they come along so rarely. It's okay though- I am fine being single. This. I've been branching out more and experimenting with different personality types and that's usually fun. Necessary too since I meet guys I really really enjoy very rarely unfortunately.
Janesays Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 The longest I've gone was 8 months or so. And believe me, I've TRIED to be single for longer. I guess I just get lucky and stumble upon pretty decent guys. Maybe it's the area I live? A lot of the men around here are pretty cool.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 The longest I've gone was 8 months or so. And believe me, I've TRIED to be single for longer. I guess I just get lucky and stumble upon pretty decent guys. Maybe it's the area I live? A lot of the men around here are pretty cool. Probably age. When I was in my 20s I went from LTR to LTR but I've made a lot of changes in my 30s and I'm looking for something different.
Janesays Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Probably age. When I was in my 20s I went from LTR to LTR but I've made a lot of changes in my 30s and I'm looking for something different. I'm 33 now. I was married for 8 years and when I got divorced, I said I was just going to be single for awhile. No go. Ended up with a really awesome guy instead.
Titania22 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 For me it has been 5yrs. And it is starting to really feel like it might be time.
Emilia Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I'm 33 now. I was married for 8 years and when I got divorced, I said I was just going to be single for awhile. No go. Ended up with a really awesome guy instead. I thought you were talking about a trend rather than a one-off
Andy_K Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 6-12 months, depending on when exactly I start 'actively looking'. Currently at about 4 months since the last one.
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