Author Breezy Trousers Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Phoenix, no. I don't believe my friend has lied to me about having herpes. If anything, I believe she has been completely transparent with me about everything. You're right. Neither scenario negates the risk to the wife. Last weekend, my friend told me she hadn't informed MM because she was still waiting for test results confirming whether she had "shingles" in the genital area or if it was herpes. (!!) She said even if tests prove it's herpes, she's not sure she's going to tell MM. She's afraid he'll explode, get defensive and blame her, and she doesn't want his drama. I got angry, asking why his opinion should matter to her at this point. She wouldn't answer. I e-mailed my friend yesterday, asking if she called this man. Uncharacteristically, she didn't reply. I take that as a "no" -- and, possibly, a "mind your own business." I'm going to call her this evening. I'll be honest. I don't want to violate my friend's confidence. Also, it's a terrible responsibility to tell a stranger she may be exposed to herpes. I want my friend or MM assume that responsibility because it's theirs, not mine. I just don't think either will step up to the plate. I'm not sure it would be helpful for me to inform MM if my friend fails to. I don't trust he would do anything with the information. ((Seren)). Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Your comments are very moving and helpful. The friend who gave me advice last night has lupus herself, so it's ironic in a way. (She also told me she has a 63-year-old friend who contracted genital herpes from her former husband -- as with K, it's how the woman learned of his infidelities. She thought they had the perfect marriage. He had multiple OW, as it turned out.)
Spark1111 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I just keep shaking my head....not at you Breezy, but at the world in general. Me, me, me, I, I, I. Will someone, anyone stand up and act like a grown up and inform this woman her health is at risk????????????????????? Will someone be adult enough to inform her in any way possible, anonymously or not, to please get tested or treated as her health is at stake? Will the mature grown-up(s) please take ownership of their actions and ACT like an adult? Maybe not, and how damn depressing is that? I can think of teenagers who are more responsible for their sexual and reproductive health than these two yazooos. Run, duck, cover and hide. Now Breezy is left holding the bag. Breezy, if this was YOUR situation, would you want to be informed? Would you care how you got the info? I wouldn't. 1
Spark1111 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 How about this: Your friend asks her doctor to send the letter. If questioned, he/she cannot divulge who's test results it is by law. Patient confidentiality. Your friend can tell her doctor that her partner was a MM. Maybe the doctor can give her some advice. But the woman and her husband are informed. Would that work?
So_Overit Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks for sharing your opinions. You probably would have sided with the neighbors who closed the blinds when Kitty Genovese was getting stabbed, eh? Oh well. Diversity makes the world go round. Actually no, I would not have sided with the neighbors in that case. But in THIS case I think you are misguided. The wife probably has Herpes too! and how do you know that SHE was not the one to pass it onto her husband? Oh, and right... this is not even YOUR personal life. Your friend's life in which you are putting in your nose... Your friend... ever so honest with you how do YOU know she wasn't sleeping with other people? And maybe she even had Herpes for years and didn't know it? It is possible, you know. Her sex life is HER business, Breezy, not yours. You must have tons of time on your hands to spend pondering other folks dilemmas...
Author Breezy Trousers Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 How about this: Your friend asks her doctor to send the letter. If questioned, he/she cannot divulge who's test results it is by law. Patient confidentiality. Your friend can tell her doctor that her partner was a MM. Maybe the doctor can give her some advice. But the woman and her husband are informed. Would that work? BRILLIANT idea, Spark! Thank you so much! I called my friend after reading this. She told me she's in too much pain & too furious right now to even care about MM and his wife. So I offered her your suggestion. As it turns out, my friend has an appointment with her OB-GYN tomorrow. She promised me that, tomorrow, she will ask her doctor to write a letter to MM and his wife. She will let me know what the doctor says. (She's having a hard time getting through to the doctor, so she's worried the doctor will say she's too busy, but I pointed out it was a public health measure ....) Genital herpes is far worse than I ever imagined, so I hope the notification happens soon .... I had no idea the pain radiated down the legs, even with pain meds.
beenburned Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 BT, The saddest case of stds I ever read about was a couple in their 60's. The H was cheating and contracted HIV positive and unknowingly passed it on to his wife. She was so ashamed that she hasn't even told their grown children or grandchildren. Therefore she has no one to confide in real life. She attempted suicide right after finding out.
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