U1987 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) I remember hearing somewhere that men appear more attractive on online dating profiles if they express their thoughts and opinions rather than simply describe themselves (the old "I'm so-and-so, I'm whatever-years old, I work here, I go to school there, I like to travel/cook/etc etc"). Apparently, expressing thoughts and opinions are more thought-provoking and sincere, and create an emotional response in the women reading it. Of course, this contradicts the "be mysterious" advice men often get for online dating. However, the idea sounds promising in making a unique profile, as most guys don't seem to express opinions on their OLD profiles. Of course, you'd have to avoid things like politics or religion, but what would be some good effective ways to express these thoughts/opinions/musings? My current idea is to express them in my "Favorite Books/Movies/Food/Drinks" sections of my profile. For example, for favorite books, I'd write things along the lines of One of the best books I've ever read falls in the contemporary-history genre. It Corporate Warriors, which is a book on the history of modern mercenaries that reads at times like well-researched academic essay, at other times like a Tom Clancy military/action thriller. For favorite food/drinks I'd put something along the lines of Grey Goose; sure it's ubiquitous, and not as fine and smooth a vodka as Ketel One or Belvedere. Still, I think there's such thing as "too smooth." Ketel One and Belvedere are tasteless; you might as well be drinking water. I like Grey Goose because I like to KNOW I'm drinking vodka.How do those sound? Any other ideas? Edited January 9, 2012 by U1987
D-Lish Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 What's really important are good pictures when it comes to OLD. I don't understand why men feel the need to include pics of other women in their profiles. It's such a huge turn off. I think men post pics like that to prove they are popular with the ladies- when in reality it just confirms how insecure they are. That's a pet peeve of mine when viewing profiles and I'll disregard the profile immediately. Have some good solo pics, and come across and humble in your description, the combo of good pics and a humble desciption along with some wit is attractive to me.
Author U1987 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 The pictures I have on my profile are the best I have; I don't know what else I can do to improve them. Define "humble."
Emilia Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I wouldn't worry about 'humble', if you restrict your self-description too much your profile will come across boring. It really depends on what you are looking for. Have the kind of woman you want in mind when you are writing up your profile. Think about what you think she would respond to. There is no way of appealing to everyone, it's best if you try to appeal to the kind of girls you like. Expressing your opinions/views (in moderation) can be a good thing because it can provide more hooks for another person to respond to. The problem with simple profiles/humble profiles is that you don't get a feel for the other person. When a guy essentially describes only what I can already see on his photo, how do I converse with him? If you are after a smart girl, she won't buy it.
oaks Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 What's really important are good pictures when it comes to OLD. I don't understand why men feel the need to include pics of other women in their profiles. It's such a huge turn off. I think men post pics like that to prove they are popular with the ladies- when in reality it just confirms how insecure they are. That's a pet peeve of mine when viewing profiles and I'll disregard the profile immediately. D-Lish, I agree with you, but I suspect some people do it because they've had advice that proving they are popular with the ladies actually attracts other women, while others do it because those just happen to be among the 'best' photos they have, and yet others do it because they are clueless about online dating. Anyway, where's your photo gone?
FitChick Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 while others do it because those just happen to be among the 'best' photos they have Everyone has Microsoft Photo Editor don't they? Easy enough to crop someone out. I do it all the time. If a middle-aged man has a photo of himself with a much younger woman, I always say, "Gorgeous daughter you have!"
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Isn't the section on OKCupid just favourite movies, books, music, & food? I don't remember a "favourite drinks" section. So by throwing in your little thing about vodka when they didn't even ask for it, it kind of sounds like you're trying too hard to seem "sophisticated" by displaying your discerning vodka preferences. But I agree with everyone else; pictures trump everything. If you're not getting results in online dating, and especially knowing your posting history and how much time you've spent adjusting/augmenting/improving every aspect of your profile, it probably has the most to do with how you look. I'm not trying to be mean here, just blunt.
D-Lish Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 D-Lish, I agree with you, but I suspect some people do it because they've had advice that proving they are popular with the ladies actually attracts other women, while others do it because those just happen to be among the 'best' photos they have, and yet others do it because they are clueless about online dating. Anyway, where's your photo gone? I took it down, I get paranoid about getting recognized sometimes:cool: I think it's a clueless thing. No healthy woman will look at a profile of a guy with his arms around an ex or surrounded by Hooter's Waitresses and think to themselves.... Hmm, I want to meet that guy. They'll think the opposite. I look at a profile with pics like that and immediately think- RED FLAG- INSECURE. Same goes for profiles that are filled with their bitter experiences and outlining what they aren't looking for. A negative profile illustrates a picture of a bitter and negative person. I think some good photo's, a few positive passages outlining what they are looking for and what they have a passion for is good enough. Common interests can be a good thing- but I am also intrigued by people who are different than I am. Everyone has Microsoft Photo Editor don't they? Easy enough to crop someone out. I do it all the time. If a middle-aged man has a photo of himself with a much younger woman, I always say, "Gorgeous daughter you have!" lol:laugh: Sometimes I am tempted to respond with "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON".... The worst are the shirtless pictures taken in the bathroom mirror with a cell phone....
Lonely Ronin Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 lol:laugh: Sometimes I am tempted to respond with "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON".... The worst are the shirtless pictures taken in the bathroom mirror with a cell phone.... The same can be said for women who hold the phone way up in the air trying to get as much cleavage into the shot as possible. The first thing that comes to mind, is what is she trying to distract me from.
El Brujo Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I got wise and learned how to use Elements on my pics so I don't look like I have more chins than a Chinese phone book. The same can be said for women who hold the phone way up in the air trying to get as much cleavage into the shot as possible. The first thing that comes to mind, is what is she trying to distract me from. The same can be said of women who take pics of themselves in a mirror with a phone, PERIOD. It says "I'm tacky, and vain about it too". Ask your neighbor to take the pics for you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 When I was online dating - I was ALWAYS attracted by a guy who looked like he had a twinkle in his eye and a very engaging smile. Of course a person can easily misrepresent themselves in a profile, but I did feel like I could tell if a guy had a sense of humor and didn't take himself too seriously. I was right for sure with the last one!
Dust Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 When I was online dating - I was ALWAYS attracted by a guy who looked like he had a twinkle in his eye and a very engaging smile. Of course a person can easily misrepresent themselves in a profile, but I did feel like I could tell if a guy had a sense of humor and didn't take himself too seriously. I was right for sure with the last one! You hear that not only should you photo shop in some nice muscles (especialy abs) but you really want to add that twinkle to your eye! Seriously though online dating is a sham. If you're having trouble I suggest you focus all your energy on living life in the real world and talking/flirting with people. They can't ignore your "I like your style" if you say it to a girl in line in the real world as easily as they do online.
Wolf18 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I don't know why you're bothering with online dating op. Even the best looking guys with a lot going for them get ignored in that realm. The proportion of males to females is just too unbalanced. I agree with Dust, use all the time and effort you put into that profile to talk to women in real life.
Wolf18 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 D-Lish is right on the money. You can write all you want on your profile - and it can be an outstanding literary triumph in the world of online dating - but if you look like a bridge troll, it just isn't going to matter. I've seen the Profile Reviews section on the POF forums. Guys who are ugly as sin dipped in sh*t will post in that section, seeking help for their profiles because no women will reply to their messages. Everyone jumps all over themselves telling him how he needs to put more interests in the hobby section, or write more creatively in his "About Me" section, etc. etc. etc. But the simple truth is that the guy is horrifically unattractive and THAT'S what's keeping him from getting any replies. The picture is the first thing pretty much everyone looks at on a dating site. Only a rare few will put more stock in the written portion of a profile. I wish more women would come out and say this. It might rub people the wrong way, but it's better than pretending it's about something else. The picture, height and income makes you or breaks you. Everything else is a footnote.
thehead Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I don't know why you're bothering with online dating op. Even the best looking guys with a lot going for them get ignored in that realm. The proportion of males to females is just too unbalanced. I agree with Dust, use all the time and effort you put into that profile to talk to women in real life. Yup. I can't think of a single reason why online dating is a better idea than getting out and meeting women. Being too busy is one reason I've heard mentioned. I'm a busy guy but I've never been that busy. It seems like an excuse. Go out. Meet the real thing.
El Brujo Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Just today, I was thinking about how the inventors of online dating probably didn't know they were screwing with a paradigm when they perfected their invention. No wonder OLD has caused so much hell for all involved... its premise seems to be that women will do 50% of the pursuing, instead of the 1% or 5% or whatever fraction of the ratio it is in the real "caveman" world. Now, women are faced with 1) having to do some of the pursuing themselves, and 2) figuring out that you can't really flirt through a wire. Add to that a bunch of female profiles which have been ghostwritten, and you can never really be sure if that person at the other end of the wire is a guy with stolen photos, or a real woman who thinks you're going to use your ESP to pick up her brainwaves.
jobaba Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Oddly enough, the more outgoing people in my social circle view online dating as something desperate people have to do who can't create and find potentials in their own social circles. Most of them after all live in NYC, SF, and Los Angeles. I didn't view it as that, but thought it was mostly shallow and that's why I never tried it. Of course ... that was before I finally accepted that dating is pretty much shallow across the board. That said, two of my most hopeless friends met a woman using Match.com and eHarmony, respectively, which turned into serious relationships.
phineas Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I took it down, I get paranoid about getting recognized sometimes:cool: I think it's a clueless thing. No healthy woman will look at a profile of a guy with his arms around an ex or surrounded by Hooter's Waitresses and think to themselves.... Hmm, I want to meet that guy. They'll think the opposite. I look at a profile with pics like that and immediately think- RED FLAG- INSECURE. Same goes for profiles that are filled with their bitter experiences and outlining what they aren't looking for. A negative profile illustrates a picture of a bitter and negative person. I think some good photo's, a few positive passages outlining what they are looking for and what they have a passion for is good enough. Common interests can be a good thing- but I am also intrigued by people who are different than I am. lol:laugh: Sometimes I am tempted to respond with "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON".... The worst are the shirtless pictures taken in the bathroom mirror with a cell phone.... I just created my match profile & am waiting to get my hair cut to take a picture. I did look at the guys profiles to try & get an idea what to do & honestly, some dudes write a book then have nothing but topless pics. Ok, I only got a 2-pack & an atlas belt but even if I did have a 6-pack I still wouldn't post topless pics. So many dudes that look like they don't even lift with crappy bathroom topless pics. WTF? I'm now starting to understand why a lot of the women who were on the site last yr when I took a look are still on the site. LOL!
phineas Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Yup. I can't think of a single reason why online dating is a better idea than getting out and meeting women. Being too busy is one reason I've heard mentioned. I'm a busy guy but I've never been that busy. It seems like an excuse. Go out. Meet the real thing. well, i'm 40 and have my kids every weekend. Not going to ditch my 3 & 5 yr old to go troll the bars for a GF. during the summer there are lots of mid-week outdoor concerts & patio bars & I did pretty good meeting women but most just wanted to have fun & I wasn't going to say no to that. the down side is your usually looking for a new woman every month of the summer. Wait, is that a down side? LOL!
oldguy Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I think OLD should be, on-line meeting, It's a great way to meet & even interact a bit but I agree, the dating part needs to be in person as much as possible.
Taramere Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) I remember hearing somewhere that men appear more attractive on online dating profiles if they express their thoughts and opinions rather than simply describe themselves (the old "I'm so-and-so, I'm whatever-years old, I work here, I go to school there, I like to travel/cook/etc etc"). Apparently, expressing thoughts and opinions are more thought-provoking and sincere, and create an emotional response in the women reading it. yes, I would agree. You don't get much sense of the essence of a person when they simply list age, occupation and hobbies. For example, for favorite books, I'd write things along the lines of For favorite food/drinks I'd put something along the lines of....Your ideas were well expressed, but my immediate feeling about them was that they sounded a bit more geared to a conversation with other guys than with women. Your favourite book is Corporate Warriors. Fine, but this... One of the best books I've ever read falls in the contemporary-history genre. It Corporate Warriors, which is a book on the history of modern mercenaries that reads at times like well-researched academic essay, at other times like a Tom Clancy military/action thriller. will make a lot of women just switch off. "mercenaries....well-researched academic essay....Tom Clancy". It doesn't bode well for the date. Could you think of another book or film you love that would attract a more diverse range of readers? You're limiting yourself there to women who are likely to be interested in hearing about the history of modern mercenaries. I don't know the book at all, but when I hear a phrase like "Corporate Warriors" I think "Psychopaths in the workplace! Enron! Snakes in Suits!" Which would be far more interesting to talk about. Okay...conjuring up visions of psychopaths in a dating profile might not be what you want to achieve...but there are other subject areas you could pick that would be more conducive to a 2-way discussion. Anything related to psychology tends to be a winner. What you want is for women to think "wow...that sounds like an interesting thing for us to have a conversation about." I'm sure there are women out there who would be keen to talk about modern mercenaries and Grey Goose vodka...but spreading your net a bit wider would probably be a good plan. Edited January 10, 2012 by Taramere
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) Of course a person can easily misrepresent themselves in a profile, but I did feel like I could tell if a guy had a sense of humor and didn't take himself too seriously. The thing about vodka is good, leave it in. But where's the emphasis on humor as Chaucer alludes to? Humor in the emails and profile description reel women in. Lifting a woman up onto a cloud of light and frothy fancy created by your imagination hooks them, and if you keep it up, keeps them coming back for more. Make 'em laugh, make 'em breakfast should be every dating man's motto. Edited January 10, 2012 by EnigmaticClarity
Sith Apprentice Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 What you write in your profile is mostly irrelevant. A hot guy with a 2 sentence profile will have a higher response rate than an average looking guy that posts a novel about himself. 100% PUA FIELD TESTED! I personally find contacting women on OLD sites to be a waste of time. I have better things to do than take attitude from the "all stars" who "have it all". Back when I was into OLD hardcore I'd probably get 100 rejections and flakes for every date I'd land. I still have a profile up, but I no longer actively pursue women with it. I only communicate with women who write or wink at me first. The ratio is so skewed in women's favor that it's going to be a waste of time for most men. The math is simply against you. The horrible ratio causes women to overplay their market value and you'll get fatties and plain janes who now think they deserve GQ models, but wouldn't even get looked at offline. Plenty of Fish has the worst male to female ratio.
Sith Apprentice Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) I would urge you to deemphasize online dating and consider talking to girls you encounter in everyday life as the only way to go about this. they dont have like 100s of guys approaching them in real life. i really hope online dating doesn't become even more acceptable and the norm otherwise average guys will suffer. it definitely is darwins theory of survival of the fittest and natural selection, women on there will only reply to the best looking guys and then they complain when these guys only want to use them for sex because for them OLD is just a supplement while an average guy who sincerely wants a girlfriend gets nothing. As much as women say they dont focus on looks, on internet dating looks takes absolute precedent as a filtering process. Edited January 10, 2012 by Sith Apprentice
Wolf18 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 What you write in your profile is mostly irrelevant. A hot guy with a 2 sentence profile will have a higher response rate than an average looking guy that posts a novel about himself. 100% PUA FIELD TESTED! I personally find contacting women on OLD sites to be a waste of time. I have better things to do than take attitude from the "all stars" who "have it all". Back when I was into OLD hardcore I'd probably get 100 rejections and flakes for every date I'd land. I still have a profile up, but I no longer actively pursue women with it. I only communicate with women who write or wink at me first. The ratio is so skewed in women's favor that it's going to be a waste of time for most men. The math is simply against you. The horrible ratio causes women to overplay their market value and you'll get fatties and plain janes who now think they deserve GQ models, but wouldn't even get looked at offline. Plenty of Fish has the worst male to female ratio. I just signed up to OK Cupid for ****s and giggles, as I saw quite a few girls I would be interested in compared to awful sites like Plenty Of Fish. So far, I messaged about 10 women, and got 2 responses, only 1 of them may lead to any sort of conversation. My messages were all 1 liners. I'm not going to waste my time writing a woman a message when she will probably write me off for my facial hair style, or because I smoke or any other triviality. I have to somehow balance women I'm interested in with a numbers game, and OK Cupid actually does a pretty decent job of matching you IMO. OK Cupid also tells you which women respond and which women don't.
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