Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) If it were me I'd probably dump you instead of his alternative as you don't seem to respect other ppl's boundaries. You do realize that they live together ?? as such I would hazard a guess that she doesn't have a problem respecting other people's boundaries, if she did they wouldn't still be living together. She has said that she had some issues with calling him at work but he was also part of that problem. To the OP.. let time pass on this problem, let him do what he wants and you will find that he gives you the number one day... I would talk with him about how you feel like WWIU mentioned but not to get the number but to show him that you are worried about the relationship and want to work out this wrinkle. I would also pay attention to his passive aggressive tendency's in fixing problems.. it seems to be a pattern after reading your past threads Edited January 10, 2012 by Art_Critic
Els Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 You do realize that they live together ?? as such I would hazard a guess that she doesn't have a problem respecting other people's boundaries, if she did they wouldn't still be living together. She has said that she had some issues with calling him at work but he was also part of that problem. To the OP.. let time pass on this problem, let him do what he wants and you will find that he gives you the number one day... I would talk with him about how you feel like WWIU mentioned but not to get the number but to show him that you are worried about the relationship and want to wok out this wrinkle. Agreed on AC's advice, given your past history with him.
Imageiko Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 He gave her a way to contact him if there was an emergency how is that not enough? He's got a stressful job that is probably financially lucrative and can't be on the phone all day with his gf. She should respect that... since they are in a serious relationship he's going to be able to provide much better if he's productive at work instead of spending a bunch of time on personal calls. Her insistence on him being available to her all day seems clingy, needy and selfish. I'm sure he wouldn't be withholding it if she hadn't abused it in the past...
Emilia Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 The PROBLEM was when we would have a disagreement or I was upset about something. I have trouble dropping things when I'm REALLY upset and if I felt like I was being blown off, then it really got messy. He would say he needs to get back to work, "we'll talk about it later", etc....and I would a) not let him get off the phone b) call him back c) text him incessantly or d) all of the above. I know. :/ So...now, this job is 300% more demanding than grad school, the expectations are much higher and more real, and he basically doesn't even want to be bothered by having to CHECK his phone if personal texts are coming in b/c, even if he doesn't reply, he has to stop and check his phone to determine if it's work related or personal. He is especially worried that I will intentionally bother him and try to distract him if I'm feeling really angry and upset. What upsets me about this is that I'm not being trusted to HAVE his work number and NOT contact him, although as he has said himself, maybe I got what I earned. But...I already feel somewhat resentful of this job for numerous reasons listed in another post, and this is just one more thing that makes me feel like I'm being knocked down several pegs in importance. I feel like I'm being cut out of a significant portion of his life and it scares me and really hurts. It's not that I necessarily need his number to contact him (although the thought of simply NOT being able to directly get ahold of him does cause a lot of anxiety)....it's just that it makes me feel like I'm not as significant in his life anymore. Sorry if that's wrong....that's just really how I feel. I'm all for expressing opinions/thoughts/etc but I think you need to learn how to reign in your feelings/anxiety/jealousy and all the other negative emotions that you unleash on him otherwise he will get fed up with you. People have boundaries when it comes to dealing with emotional issues and it looks like you let yours out very easily, clearly it's something that puts a strain on your relationship. The part I highlighted in bold is selfishness on your part. He needs to get on and build a life and you seem to be showing strong co-dependency traits that are not healthy in my opinion. How about your finding something that occupies YOUR time?
Emilia Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I would also pay attention to his passive aggressive tendency's in fixing problems.. it seems to be a pattern after reading your past threads I didn't see passive aggressive in the other thread copied in by carhill. I see a guy struggling to keep his codependent girlfriend happy while trying to maintain his own boundaries.
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I didn't see passive aggressive in the other thread copied in by carhill. I see a guy struggling to keep his codependent girlfriend happy while trying to maintain his own boundaries. I wasn't talking about that thread.. She has many threads... Here is an excerpt from one.. Bear in mind she moved clear across the country to move in with him as well... This was a LDR that turned in an LTR If I reject sex...he gets mad, pouts, pressures, pesters and keeps coming onto me, asks WHY I'm not in the mood (repeatedly), compares us to other relationships, and I have noticed that when he DOES get sex, he is noticeably nicer to me afterward and the next day. If he doesn't, he withholds things more and is less willing to do other fun things that I suggest. He wants us "just being together" to be enough, but when I want exactly that, it's not enough for him unless we fit sex in there somewhere. And...I feel even more turned off by his pouty, immature behavior when I initially reject sex...and the cycle continues.
azsinglegal Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I wasn't talking about that thread.. She has many threads... Here is an excerpt from one.. Bear in mind she moved clear across the country to move in with him as well... This was a LDR that turned in an LTR Something I wish I had learned long ago: Never reject sex. I think some of my relationships would've been a lot more successful had I acknowledged the importance of sex to a man instead of being selfish and only doing it when *I* wanted it.
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