jobaba Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 As Emilie said, for most women they decide in the first few seconds whether or not they want to sleep with a man. If your date has already had that spark, and you haven't, it would be unfair to string her along (even though I know that's not your intention). So, how about it? How many of you gals really do think this way? That is ... rule a man as in or out within the first moments of meeting him based on physical attraction. I would like to get a representative headcount for my own purposes...
Standard-Fare Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think attraction isn't as simple as that for most women. Sure -- sometimes you see someone or meet someone and recognize immediately that you're attracted. That's the most powerful type of attraction, and it's what we all hope for in starting a relationship because it's so clear cut. But there are more complex and elusive types of attraction, and to me women have always seemed more generous than men in exploring those. For example, we can get to know someone and realize that their intelligence or sense of humor is a real turn-on. Or we can find that a trait we initially dismissed as arrogance is actually just the type of confidence that keeps us intrigued. I think it's easier to instantly recognize the people we will NEVER be attracted to. Everyone else falls into the broad, flexible pool of "attracted to or COULD be attracted to."
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I don't think women decide in the first few seconds whether or not they wish to sleep with a man. If they do, it doesn't matter. A woman can easily change her mind afterward. Many women on this forum alone have currently said they didn't find their current bf/husband particularly attractive. But look now, they are still with these guys.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Men do the exact same thing. It takes me about two seconds to figure if I fancy the girl physically.
TheBigQuestion Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Yes, but I'd venture to say that most men do something very similar. I can size up women pretty quickly in terms of putting them on my "would sleep with" and "would not sleep with" lists. Actually dating them is another story. That naturally is (and should be) a small pool of women.
Cypress25 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I can decide in a few seconds if I'm physically attracted to a man. But it takes me a lot longer to decide if I want to sleep with him. I'd have to get to know his personality for that. I know a lot of guys who are very good looking but I would never sleep with them because they're jerks.
Author jobaba Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Three clear cut yes(es) and one no. Keep em coming. Men can answer too.
Cracker Jack Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Men do the exact same thing. It takes me about two seconds to figure if I fancy the girl physically. This, pretty much.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 But there are more complex and elusive types of attraction, and to me women have always seemed more generous than men in exploring those. For example, we can get to know someone and realize that their intelligence or sense of humor is a real turn-on. Or we can find that a trait we initially dismissed as arrogance is actually just the type of confidence that keeps us intrigued. Well said. For me, there's basically three kinds of guys: 1. I have no attraction to him and would not have sex with him. 2. He's OK, cute, or potentially cute, and if interior qualities are appealing, I would have sex with him. 3. He's a sexy beast, and if interior qualities are appealing, I would have sex with him.
allina Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 That's a tricky one. Yes, when going on dates with men I really didn't know that would be true. However, there have been men in my life that I never looked at that way, then suddenly, after getting to know them or a specific event they became super sexy to me.
johan Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 That's a tricky one. Yes, when going on dates with men I really didn't know that would be true. However, there have been men in my life that I never looked at that way, then suddenly, after getting to know them or a specific event they became super sexy to me. When did you start to feel that way about me? Was it the green avatar? I should put that one up again.
colliejoanie Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I have, on more than one occasion tried to ignore the "non sparkyness" because the guy was SUCH a great guy. The end has always been the same.....at least for me. I end up the A-hole because it just wasn't there. I can't force it. I honestly feel it in the beginning or I don't feel it at all. Now, it's a completely different ball game if it's someone i've met at work or have been in acquaintance for a while.....If initially there is no intention of romance, I do believe feelings can develop over time..... I just think that when you're meeting someone ON A FIRST DATE, you understand that this is not someone you're willing to be around for months or years in order for feelings to finally develop.
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 When did you start to feel that way about me? I guess the TRO has expired then ?
johan Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 TRO? Not sure what that is, but yes, it's expired.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Sure -- sometimes you see someone or meet someone and recognize immediately that you're attracted. That's the most powerful type of attraction, and it's what we all hope for in starting a relationship because it's so clear cut. That type of attraction is the least powerful... because it's 100% superficial. The most powerful attraction is deeper than physical. I have, on more than one occasion tried to ignore the "non sparkyness" because the guy was SUCH a great guy. The end has always been the same.....at least for me. I end up the A-hole because it just wasn't there. I can't force it. I honestly feel it in the beginning or I don't feel it at all. Now, it's a completely different ball game if it's someone i've met at work or have been in acquaintance for a while.....If initially there is no intention of romance, I do believe feelings can develop over time..... I just think that when you're meeting someone ON A FIRST DATE, you understand that this is not someone you're willing to be around for months or years in order for feelings to finally develop. ?? So you are willing to give it time if you are not dating him... but if you are dating him you suddenly lack patience? Do you understand what creates that "spark" for you? Or are you just wandering around in the dark?
Jessica45 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 So, how about it? How many of you gals really do think this way? That is ... rule a man as in or out within the first moments of meeting him based on physical attraction. I would like to get a representative headcount for my own purposes... If there isn't any "spark" within the first few moments, it will never happen. But I disagree that it's just physical attraction. There's alot more that goes into it than that.
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 TRO? Not sure what that is, but yes, it's expired. Temporary Restraining Order
johan Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Temporary Restraining Order Oh that. I don't remember when that expires. I try not to think about it.
colliejoanie Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 That type of attraction is the least powerful... because it's 100% superficial. The most powerful attraction is deeper than physical. ?? So you are willing to give it time if you are not dating him... but if you are dating him you suddenly lack patience? Do you understand what creates that "spark" for you? Or are you just wandering around in the dark? I definitely know and understand.....and it's not JUST physical - Hell, I was engaged to a man an inch shorter than me, who was bald, and had bad teeth.....but we CONNECTED on our first date. I know what I'm looking for - and what I'm not. If it's an acquaintance, sometimes those feelings can creep up on you.....but it takes a while. My experience.
FitChick Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 It's easier to rule someone out immediately. The difficulty comes with someone you aren't sure of and need more time to make a decision. My most intense relationship was with a man who I thought was ugly even before we met. As I got to know him, I got hooked.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I definitely know and understand.....and it's not JUST physical - Hell, I was engaged to a man an inch shorter than me, who was bald, and had bad teeth.....but we CONNECTED on our first date. I know what I'm looking for - and what I'm not. If it's an acquaintance, sometimes those feelings can creep up on you.....but it takes a while. My experience. My experience is that women who understand what they are attracted to usually end up happy. Women who just rely on that "spark" or gut feelings... usually end up hurting everybody including themselves.
allina Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 When did you start to feel that way about me? Was it the green avatar? I should put that one up again. Yeah, I just haven't felt the same since the green robot disappeared.
colliejoanie Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 My experience is that women who understand what they are attracted to usually end up happy. Women who just rely on that "spark" or gut feelings... usually end up hurting everybody including themselves. I understand what you're trying to say......but I don't think this is an affliction.....If it's not there, it's not there. And like I said....the couple of times I've tried to fight it because the guy was just an AMAZING guy, I've ended up hurting him, and feeling like a complete A-hole. Maybe guys are different. I don't know!
Wolf18 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 So, how about it? How many of you gals really do think this way? That is ... rule a man as in or out within the first moments of meeting him based on physical attraction. I would like to get a representative headcount for my own purposes... In my opinion personality can only lower your romantic potential in a womans eyes. If you have any of a womans physical deal breakers your personality isn't going to change that. Me personally, I'm not different, but I have a much broader definition of what's physically attractive than most women do. I definitely have a harder time finding a girl whose personality is compatible with mine than I do finding women who are physically attractive.
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 So, how about it? How many of you gals really do think this way? That is ... rule a man as in or out within the first moments of meeting him based on physical attraction. I would like to get a representative headcount for my own purposes... Women heat up like ovens, slowly. Men heat up like blowtorches, quickly.
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