bsweet00 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Hi everyone, hope you all can help me out and I get some insight/opinions on my situation. I met this guy Sam, about a month and half ago while I was in school. I am 22 and he just turned 21. He was a really friendly guy, we chatted for about half hour before we exchanged numbers and decided to meet up the following week for coffee. That weekend he text me and said he was looking forward to meeting up. We had a great time that night, and he expressed interest in seeing each other again. We talked about how both of us had been single for a while now and how similar our situations with our exes were (We both had been cheated on) and how he wanted to find a good girl to spend his time with and who wouldn't screw him over. Throughout the next few dates,we started to know more of each other: He told me about his father who had passed away earlier in the year and how close they were, about his family and friends, about his plans of buying a house with the money he got from his dad's life insurance, etc etc. It was refreshing to have a found a guy with a mentality like his, mature for his age. Someone who had gone through some of life's struggles and learned from them. And things seemed to be going quite well. He mentioned to me several times that he saw real potential in us, but he wanted to take things slow, that he didn't want to rush things or just sleep with me like other girls in the past, that he had more respect for what we had and that it was different for him as well. We had spent a few nights together already, but nothing major had happened. Just kissing and cuddling was all we ever did. And I was totally fine with that, it made me happy he thought that way. He even suggested us going together to get tested for STD's, which I found surprising considering no guy had ever asked me before, but I was happy he was being considerate...it made me feel he cared. So, Christmas came around and we didn't see much of each other between the holidays because of us being out of town visiting family and whatnot and because he left to go to NYC with his roommates for New Years. However, throughout those two weeks he kept in contact with me, calling me once a day to just ask how I was. He even brought me a gift from the city. This week is when everything changed....he turned 21 on Jan 4th and came over that night to see me, he spent the night here and told me all about his trip, gave me my gifts and told me he was happy to see me again. He said his friends had been giving him s*** because he choose to come over to my apt. at midnight, instead of being out at the bars with his buddies. That made me feel really nice. That night we got a little friskier than normal and I wanted to see if he'd let me go down below on him, but I wanted to make sure it was ok, since he wanted to wait. That's when he told me he needed to say something to me, and confessed that he had sex with his ex girlfriend earlier that evening. FYI this girl has a boyfriend! I was upset but didn't react as mad as I could have been, after all we were seeing each other but hadn't had that talk about being "exclusive". He said he felt like it was "closure" for him and made him realize she's not the girl he wants, that he likes the qualities that I have and he wants us to work out. I said to him that I just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page, and that if all this was just too much to handle at once, that I needed to know so I could just move on or simply give him his space. He said no and that he liked me a lot, and that he would've felt guilty not telling me what happened. This still kind of upset me but for some reason I believed him. The next day, he came by my apartment to pick up something he had left the night before. I talked to him for a few mins and he said he was going out with his roommates that night to celebrate his birthday. He said he felt like we needed to talk further about the whole ex girlfriend thing, but I said we would on a later date, since that night he wanted to celebrate. I told him to have fun, gave him a kiss and said goodbye. It's been 5 days now and I have heard nothing from him. I called him once the next day, wanting to know how his night went. He didn't answer and never returned my call. I assumed oh well maybe he's just hungover, after all it was his 21st. I text him the day after that just to say good morning. Nothing. No one is that busy that he can't just pick up the phone or just send a quick text that he's ok or alive. I am so dumbfounded and hurt by all this. I feel like an idiot. I feel lied to. I am so disappointed that I thought maybe I had finally met a nice guy who wanted the same thing that I did. I told him from the beginning that I was genuinely interested, and that I appreciated honesty. I am a big girl, I can take the truth even if it hurts. I am not clingy but I do like reassurance, what woman doesn't? And why would he just vanish into thin air like he didn't even exist? What about all the compliments? Or the fact that he said he saw potential in us? Why string me along like this just to drop me? I never even had sex with him! I keep asking myself if it's something I did. I haven't tried to contact him at all except for today, I just sent him a quick text asking "hey, are you ok?" he hasn't responded. I don't' think he will. Where did it all go wrong?:( Edited January 9, 2012 by bsweet00
soulm8 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 he turned 21 on Jan 4th and came over that night to see me, he spent the night here and told me all about his trip, gave me my gifts and told me he was happy to see me again. That night we got a little friskier than normal and I wanted to see if he'd let me go down below on him, but I wanted to make sure it was ok, since he wanted to wait. That's when he told me he needed to say something to me, and confessed that he had sex with his ex girlfriend earlier that evening. FYI this girl has a boyfriend! he was going out with his roommates that night to celebrate his birthday. It's been 5 days now and I have heard nothing from him. I called him once the next day I text him the day after that I just sent him a quick text asking "hey, are you ok?" he hasn't responded. I don't' think he will. Where did it all go wrong?:( I'm sorry you're hurting. Please learn from this that men can and will tell you anything to get into your goodies. Pay attention to his actions not his words. Try very hard not to call or text until the guy has responded. You've contacted him enough. Isn't it obvious that he doesn't want to be in touch?? Respect yourself. You deserve much better than this rebounding creep who more than likely cheated on her, not the other way around.
Lobouspo Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Effing sucks girl, Im so sorry. At least this all came out before you slept with him and before you had more vested in the relationship. Think of it as good riddance and go no contact with this guy immediately.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I keep asking myself if it's something I did. I haven't tried to contact him at all except for today, I just sent him a quick text asking "hey, are you ok?" he hasn't responded. I don't' think he will. Where did it all go wrong?:( I can't see how any of this is your fault (unless there's something you chose to omit from your post). You sound like a nice enough person. Don't let this get to you. I don't think you should be feeling like you were played for a fool either. The guy could have had sex with you but he didn't. Obviously, he wasn't after sex.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I'm sorry you're hurting. Please learn from this that men can and will tell you anything to get into your goodies. Pay attention to his actions not his words. And you should pay attention to the posts you are responding to. She made it very clear that he never tried to have sex with her.
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I'm sorry about your pain. It sounds to me that he isn't as over his ex as he might have thought. If I were his older brother I would tell him that he needs to get back to you.
soulm8 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 And you should pay attention to the posts you are responding to. She made it very clear that he never tried to have sex with her. Excuse me? My point was, he could very well have been pulling on her sympathy strings... and it seemed to work well as she was ready to go down on him. Now, she's bombed his phone. OP, actions speak so much louder than words. His actions are pretty clear. Thank goodness you've dodged this dud.
Dust Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think the no calls for 5 days is hurtful. Even if this guy does call now wanting to be with you I'd think long and hard. Better you move on to some one who treats you better.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think the guy was honest. Can't blame him for that. However, he may have a good reason for not calling for 5 days. He is getting over his gf. It's a difficult process.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Excuse me? My point was, he could very well have been pulling on her sympathy strings... and it seemed to work well as she was ready to go down on him. You implied that the guy was just trying to get in her pants. I pointed out that he wasn't.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Is the name Sam a common denominator for douchebags? Because I too met a loser who tried to use me for sex, but luckily I didn't bite. OP you may be upset right now but be glad you didn't do anything with this a$$. You'll get over him soon enough. Just be wary of men who promises too much but shows little effort to fullfill those promises.
Author bsweet00 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I think the no calls for 5 days is hurtful. Even if this guy does call now wanting to be with you I'd think long and hard. Better you move on to some one who treats you better. He told me he had been broken up with his ex gf for at least 6 months. He didn't give me an exact date but I would think 6 months would be enough to get over an ex. Maybe that's just me. It might sound stupid but this has been keeping me up at night. I wish he would just call me or text and at least tell me "hey, sorry but this isn't working out" That would suffice. I hate being hurt over this guy... :(
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