xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 because obstacles keeps coming in between us. I'm currently "seeing" B, the same guy who cancelled on me because of grandma issues. We finally met in person last Thursday, had a three hour date, and since then has texted each other nonstop. There is the possibility of a second date, I have hinted at it, he has suggested it, and basically we are on par that we're meant to see other again. However, I'm swamped with work on the weekends and he's starting his medical internship this coming week, so what little time or off days we have, we're literally just going to clash. I'm disappointed even though he has shown optimism that we will make this work out somehow. Our dynamic has proven this- he's always keen to text me and ask about my day. I can communicate with him until the very minute I fall asleep; he'll still be responsive, and apologize the next day, if he was the one to fall asleep first. I think I'm being naive if I think a relationship can build from something like nonstop texting. I don't look forward to taking that giant step back from meeting in person to going back to being avatars on our cellphones. I'm undecided about where to go from here. Some things to take into considerations. He lives about an hour away from me and he's the only one of us who has a car and can drive. If I had the means to do so, I would meet him halfway. He works weekdays while I work weekends. I think everything would be better if he bothers to pick up the phone to call. At least that will be an reassurance that he is interested in pursuing something with me.````
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Really no input? Maybe I should date other people then.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think I'm being naive if I think a relationship can build from something like nonstop texting. I don't look forward to taking that giant step back from meeting in person to going back to being avatars on our cellphones. I'm undecided about where to go from here. Some things to take into considerations. He lives about an hour away from me and he's the only one of us who has a car and can drive. If I had the means to do so, I would meet him halfway. He works weekdays while I work weekends. \ Stop being a negative Nancy. My fiance and I chatted on MSN Messenger for 3 months before we had even 1 official date. Actually I would tell her about my other crappy dates... and she told me hers. I was the only one with a car and I lived 45 minutes away. I really liked her... I made it work. Look, stop worrying about where this is going and just enjoy it for what it is. Right now you have a guy interested who likes to talk to you. Don't sleep with him really quickly. That will make him feel like crap. You want him to feel special... so make him work for it. Make sure he has feelings for you. Beyond that... Just enjoy this.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Stop being a negative Nancy. My fiance and I chatted on MSN Messenger for 3 months before we had even 1 official date. Actually I would tell her about my other crappy dates... and she told me hers. I was the only one with a car and I lived 45 minutes away. I really liked her... I made it work. Look, stop worrying about where this is going and just enjoy it for what it is. Right now you have a guy interested who likes to talk to you. Don't sleep with him really quickly. That will make him feel like crap. You want him to feel special... so make him work for it. Make sure he has feelings for you. Beyond that... Just enjoy this. Wouldn't be silly if my name was actually Nancy? ( Which it isn't of course) But I don't think I'm more negative than I am actually wary of all the waiting I have to do just to get to a second date! We haven't even kissed yet. Yeah, okay, it's already been a month since I'd met him, but I also feel like he isn't as keen on seeing me as I do him. If that's the case, fine, I have two legs, I can definitely walk away from this. No problem. Yes, we have that dynamic where we talk, but being a texting junkie, myself, even I have my limits. Despite my limited minutes, I still take the consideration to call my BFF or my friends. All he can do is text me and ask me about my day. We know each other, but seeing as I'm dating for a relationship, I need physical contact as well to develop chemistry. Despite how much I work, I do make time for people. I have done dates where I literally went from working 10 hrs a day to getting home, getting dressed and meeting guys at night. That shows effort. What has he shown me? That's the bigger question.
Cee Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I suggest you read the novel "House of God" by Samuel Shem. It was written in the 1970s, but is still revered as showing the true hell of internship. Internship is a grueling experience where new doctors are thrust on the wards expecting to know what the hell they are doing. These interns or first year residents are terrified of making a mistake and killing someone. If you learn about your boyfriend's world, you will be able to connect with him more. I dated a 3rd year med student long-distance for a year. We made it work by spending a lot of time cuddling and sleeping. He was tired, but he cared. Good luck in your new relationship.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Wouldn't be silly if my name was actually Nancy? ( Which it isn't of course) But I don't think I'm more negative than I am actually wary of all the waiting I have to do just to get to a second date! We haven't even kissed yet. Yeah, okay, it's already been a month since I'd met him, but I also feel like he isn't as keen on seeing me as I do him. If that's the case, fine, I have two legs, I can definitely walk away from this. No problem. Despite how much I work, I do make time for people. I have done dates where I literally went from working 10 hrs a day to getting home, getting dressed and meeting guys at night. That shows effort. What has he shown me? That's the bigger question. Haha... I'm glad your name isn't Nancy. I don't think that name would really fit you. Anyway... I agree he shows a lack of effort, but that won't always be the case. Guys don't develop feelings quickly. Initial attraction isn't deep at all... it's going to be your personality, who you are as a person that makes him really get excited about you. How can that happen if he doesn't know you yet. You two are bouncing texts back and forth all day. That is good news. Communication is communication. It may seem like he isn't putting any effort in to you, but to him this seems like a low pressure way to get to know you. Here is a tip. Guys are suckers for the damsel in distress. Next time you run into a serious problem. Text him and ask if he has a few minutes to talk. Tell him about your problem and see what he does and says. Make sure to thank him for listening/ any advice/ or actions. This will help cement his interest in you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 I suggest you read the novel "House of God" by Samuel Shem. It was written in the 1970s, but is still revered as showing the true hell of internship. Internship is a grueling experience where new doctors are thrust on the wards expecting to know what the hell they are doing. These interns or first year residents are terrified of making a mistake and killing someone. If you learn about your boyfriend's world, you will be able to connect with him more. I dated a 3rd year med student long-distance for a year. We made it work by spending a lot of time cuddling and sleeping. He was tired, but he cared. Good luck in your new relationship. Thank you for your input, but I would really use the word " boyfriend" loosely here. He has the potentials for a good bf but seeing as we can't progress with any amount of physical contact let alone face-time, he's relegated to " guy I'm ( barely) seeing). I think I should elaborate- he's not a doctor but he is finishing this year to get his masters in Occupational Therapy. I don't know how internships work but for him, he needs to spend the next 12 weeks in a rehab hospital involving patient work. I understand it's going to be grueling but honestly I have held down two jobs previously working more 10-13 hours a day, alternatingly, and I have a dog at home whom I take care; and I still manage to have a social life. I'm not going to nag because who am I anyways in his life except the girl he texts occasionally. So yeah.. whatever.
turt Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Thank you for your input, but I would really use the word " boyfriend" loosely here. He has the potentials for a good bf but seeing as we can't progress with any amount of physical contact let alone face-time, he's relegated to " guy I'm ( barely) seeing). I'm not going to nag because who am I anyways in his life except the girl he texts occasionally. So yeah.. whatever. Tell him that you want to meet him in person (like you said above)! If he knows your serious about starting a relationship and wants to do the same, I bet he'll make time at some point.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Tell him that you want to meet him in person (like you said above)! If he knows your serious about starting a relationship and wants to do the same, I bet he'll make time at some point. I flirted, I hinted, I asked. I even outright asked him if he was going to make plans with me anytime soon. Of course, I don't know whether he's deliberately doing it on purpose or not, but he says he doesn't know his schedule yet and he likes to change the subject abruptly. I hate wasting my time, especially since I feel like I have more in common with him than most of the guys I dated. I am being very patient but my friends are telling me I'm being a doormat and that I should have more standards. I'm not even multidating at this point because my mindset right now is to focus on one person. But he's not doing anything to convince me. It actually took me two weeks last time just to get him to meet him. And then he took his leave after 3 hours.
turt Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 I flirted, I hinted, I asked. I even outright asked him if he was going to make plans with me anytime soon. Of course, I don't know whether he's deliberately doing it on purpose or not, but he says he doesn't know his schedule yet and he likes to change the subject abruptly. I hate wasting my time, especially since I feel like I have more in common with him than most of the guys I dated. I am being very patient but my friends are telling me I'm being a doormat and that I should have more standards. I'm not even multidating at this point because my mindset right now is to focus on one person. But he's not doing anything to convince me. It actually took me two weeks last time just to get him to meet him. And then he took his leave after 3 hours. It sounds like you're going to have to ask specifically if you really want to know. You have to make sure he doesn't see you as a friend rather than a potential girlfriend.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 It sounds like you're going to have to ask specifically if you really want to know. You have to make sure he doesn't see you as a friend rather than a potential girlfriend. I discussed the issue with my bff and we have came to the conclusion that I'm wasting my time. First of all, I ve done most of the initiations , from texting to askng him out. He's raken a backseat to everything. Second, Ive shown more interest in wanting to go out than he had. Looking back he has always given me a runaround in regards to a set date even after I politely asked him. I haven't heard from him in two days. He really isn't interested. Its so annoying to be led on. All this time, he could've be a man about it and tell me he doesn't want to date thenn I would've just gone and look for someone.
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