ThinkPink218 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 I haven't posted in a while because I've been doing great. Getting out and enjoying my life, but I want to know why do exes want to remain friends especially when they've moved on? No matter how many times I've cut my ex off, he always wants to attempt to be my friend. WHY though? Is it just his personality or what? He's moved on and claims to not want anything with me anymore, so why does he keep trying to be my friend?
carhill Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 How exactly does this 'be my friend' manifest itself? Do you have common interests? Is he involved with your family? Is he happy that you're moving on and perhaps dating other men? Do tell
Author ThinkPink218 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 How exactly does this 'be my friend' manifest itself? Do you have common interests? Is he involved with your family? Is he happy that you're moving on and perhaps dating other men? Do tell Be my friend meaning he'll talk to me about random things, but he doesn't want to hang out. We've always had common interests and wants, but our relationship didn't work out for a few small reasons. He's moved on, says he doesn't want anything with me except to be cool, but everytime I cut him off, he comes backs trying to be my friend. Idk why.
Kamila Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 I'm still figuring this one out in a virtual parallel universe where me and my ex-boyfriend would try in being friends. But obviously we're not. Luckily in my head I can unleash the possible scenarios. The ex-boyfriend wants to be friends with you because: 1) He really wants to try the friendship thing and he doesn't think of you in a romantic way anymore (meaning he's not in love with you). 2) He really doesn't know and he is just going with the flow and seeing where things could go. Maybe getting back together in the middle run. 3) He doesn't know how he feels about you, so he's keeping you close as a friend. In other words, he's keeping you as a back-up plan in case he finds no one else... 4) He still has some residual feelings for you and feels regret. Being your friend is the closest he'll get right now, but that is enough for him, because later on he hopes that the relationship fire will ignite again. Take your pick, or maybe the answer isn't written above. What do I know ? As for the personality thing, my ex-bf was also trying to be friends with everyone. He wanted to gather as much information possible to satisfy his curiosity. Sometimes I wonder if dating me was also a manifest of his extraverted personality.
carhill Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 So, interests.... video games? cooking? gardening? what? You also avoided my question about his perspective on you 'moving on'. As a friend, he should be happy that you have, since he has. Generally, men want to keep tabs on women they've had sex with because they still want to have sex with them or want to otherwise occupy them so another man won't easily get in there. By using the 'Cheers' approach, his presence stirs the loins a bit and makes things a bit more difficult. None of this has to do with a relationship. It's purely territorial. That way, if he changes his mind, it's easy to turn on the charm and use the oxytocin mind meld to swing you back his way. Now if he's just a video game freak who likes hanging out with you and discussing Zen philosophy and is tickled shytless that you've got another man in your life, congratulations; you are the rare recipient of a true friend. Value him. Good luck
Glove_slap Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 they don't want the guilt of just abandoning you, they rather want to make themselves feel better by keeping you around as a "friend". I'd elaborate but I don't think it's necessary.
BoredAgain Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 In some cases, dumpers honestly want a friendship. For example, if two people were friends for years before they started dating, it makes some sense that dumpers would prefer to go back to that. In reality, I think this is pretty damn rare. Most of the time, I think the desire to be friends is a manifestation of guilt. In their mind (thought I doubt this is a conscious thought), if you guys are "friends" then you must forgive them for hurting you. Afterword, their strong desire for "friendship" quickly dissolves and you barely hear from them ever again.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I'm still figuring this one out in a virtual parallel universe where me and my ex-boyfriend would try in being friends. But obviously we're not. Luckily in my head I can unleash the possible scenarios. The ex-boyfriend wants to be friends with you because: 1) He really wants to try the friendship thing and he doesn't think of you in a romantic way anymore (meaning he's not in love with you). 2) He really doesn't know and he is just going with the flow and seeing where things could go. Maybe getting back together in the middle run. 3) He doesn't know how he feels about you, so he's keeping you close as a friend. In other words, he's keeping you as a back-up plan in case he finds no one else... 4) He still has some residual feelings for you and feels regret. Being your friend is the closest he'll get right now, but that is enough for him, because later on he hopes that the relationship fire will ignite again. Take your pick, or maybe the answer isn't written above. What do I know ? As for the personality thing, my ex-bf was also trying to be friends with everyone. He wanted to gather as much information possible to satisfy his curiosity. Sometimes I wonder if dating me was also a manifest of his extraverted personality. I honestly feel as though it may be a combination of all of these things. I probably shouldn't read too much into it. So, interests.... video games? cooking? gardening? what? You also avoided my question about his perspective on you 'moving on'. As a friend, he should be happy that you have, since he has. Generally, men want to keep tabs on women they've had sex with because they still want to have sex with them or want to otherwise occupy them so another man won't easily get in there. By using the 'Cheers' approach, his presence stirs the loins a bit and makes things a bit more difficult. None of this has to do with a relationship. It's purely territorial. That way, if he changes his mind, it's easy to turn on the charm and use the oxytocin mind meld to swing you back his way. Now if he's just a video game freak who likes hanging out with you and discussing Zen philosophy and is tickled shytless that you've got another man in your life, congratulations; you are the rare recipient of a true friend. Value him. Good luck Just general life interests and hobbies. I'm probably reading too much into it. they don't want the guilt of just abandoning you, they rather want to make themselves feel better by keeping you around as a "friend". I'd elaborate but I don't think it's necessary. That may be it. In some cases, dumpers honestly want a friendship. For example, if two people were friends for years before they started dating, it makes some sense that dumpers would prefer to go back to that. In reality, I think this is pretty damn rare. Most of the time, I think the desire to be friends is a manifestation of guilt. In their mind (thought I doubt this is a conscious thought), if you guys are "friends" then you must forgive them for hurting you. Afterword, their strong desire for "friendship" quickly dissolves and you barely hear from them ever again. I think you hit the nail on the head here. This is more than likely the case. I do think he feels bad for hurting me so his attempt to be friends is to clear his conscious and will most likely fade over time.
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