PoppyLove89 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Having read more than just a few threads on the 'Second Chances' forum, I've realised that it's mostly the female dumpers who reach out or contact the dumpee again. I guess it's because women tend to act on their emotions more? So like, if the female dumper misses the dumpee she is more likely to contact him on a whim. A male dumper is more likely to ride out the emotions and leave the dumpee be. Am I right?
otherfish Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 My ex-gf (dumper) has no emotions. She is cold-hearted and controlling! I rolled the dice ... didnt respond and started NC immediately when she sent me the "its over" text. Meanwhile, Im doing what I need to do to get my single life rolling and naturally I am curious as to whether or not she will eventually contact me. I hope your right tho because I wasnt done with the relationship yet. Will keep you updated....if there is ever anything to update.
BoredAgain Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 I think it's a false stereotype that women act on their emotions more. You don't have to read many threads on LS before you realize that a lot of guys will do crazy/illogical things after a breakup. In my own experience, I have noticed that women tend to be more concerned with "keeping contact" then men. Most guys I know are happy to have a relatively small group of friends, but most women I know often reach out to old friends who they haven't seen in awhile. As I said, this is just my experience but that may be why women tend to make contact more often (...if indeed they actually do).
CaliGuy Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 What? You have been misinformed. Women are least likely to seek a second chance. It's men because they don't often think about their decision to leave whereas women take a long time to decide to leave and when they do, the odds of them changing their mind is very slim compared to men.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 I think you're right that women take their time in thinking about the break-up before actually going through with it; a lot of women won't leave until they're either 100% sure or they have someone else on standby that they can hop into the next relationship with. I was on and off with my first serious boyfriend for three and a half years, I didn't cut contact with him completely until I met my most recent ex (though I must state that we hadn't been together for well over seven months by this point, just general 'friendship' contact). I haven't heard of many male dumpers getting back in touch.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 I think you're right that women take their time in thinking about the break-up before actually going through with it; a lot of women won't leave until they're either 100% sure or they have someone else on standby that they can hop into the next relationship with. I was on and off with my first serious boyfriend for three and a half years, I didn't cut contact with him completely until I met my most recent ex (though I must state that we hadn't been together for well over seven months by this point, just general 'friendship' contact). I haven't heard of many male dumpers getting back in touch. Did you eventually reach out to your first ex after you cut contact?
Kamila Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Like CaliGuy said, I also think that women are less likely to reconsider the relationship after they dump their partner. It took me a very long time to understand that the relationship I had was going nowhere. After 2.5 y I finally had the courage to leave and that was it. In my case as the female dumper, I didn't reach out to my ex-boyfriend after the break-up. Instead, he as the dumpee did most of the post break-up communication. A woman is 'in general' more emotional than a man. But that is just on the surface. I greatly think that men also deal with a lot of emotions inside of them. They just don't show it that easily. Men are meant to be the more strong gender and should control their emotions more (according to society!). Now just because women tend to be more emotional on the surface doesn't mean that they act more on their emotions. Maybe they feel more at ease with crying and stuff ? And about which emotions are we talking about ? The pain of the break-up, the heartbreak, the love for the lost relationship, the pain for missing the comfort of the other ? On which emotion is a woman acting on when she tries to contact the dumpee again ? It's surely because she misses him. But she also could pour her heart out to her girlfriends, rather than contacting the ex. Imagine a guy pouring his heart out to his mates. Do they even do that guys ? If a woman tends to not break contact, like in my case, its because the emotion to protect herself kicks in. The relationship failed because Xyz-reasons, and she doesn't want to get caught into another web of emotions. It's self-preservation, it's a way to survive, it's a protection shield. I have countless of examples where my ex contacted me on a whim. But that was AFTER the break-up. In our relationship, I did the most pulling and taking initiatives. I think that the moment that I was gone, my ex-bf got a slap in his face and he started to panick a bit. He thought a lot about me he told me, maybe because he missed me ? Sounds like in your description he was the girl and I was the man in the post break-up. LOL.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) YouNeverKnow89: I'll admit, feeling completely lost after this split, he was the first person I was about to run to because I was just desperate for something 'safe'. But since I'd spoken to a mutual friend only a couple months beforehand it stopped me. This friend happened to mention the fact that my first ex hadn't dated anyone seriously since we split and that he wasn't over me - this stopped me from contacting him since I no longer have romantic feelings for him (I wouldn't have been able to get into a new relationship and fall in love if I did) and I didn't want to give him false hope, it wouldn't have been fair to him. I'd literally have kept him around until I was in a better place, but I knew it would have been selfish and I decided to battle through it alone; after all, it was my problem not his. I'd happily be friends with him but I'm not about to initiate it since I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea...without sounding conceited lol. Edited January 9, 2012 by PoppyLove89
EgoJoe Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 These generalizing posts go nowhere. It's not either or based on SEX (gender is identity not anatomy) and we could speculate on the parameters of the equasions that govern the "logical decisions" with "emotional backdrops" until the cows come home. But, then what would we have? Pre-butchered steak. Like Hawking said in his book the grand-design, "While possible to calculate whether someone is going to throw a punch, at whom and when based on the particles in their body, their spin, their flavor and their position it is impractical due to the extraneous outliers and principles of quantum physics."
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 So like, if the female dumper misses the dumpee she is more likely to contact him on a whim. A male dumper is more likely to ride out the emotions and leave the dumpee be. Am I right? I would more than likely think that the woman dumper, feels guilty about dumping someone, and know that there is a person on this planet that doesn't like them. They may not want to come back to the relationship, but they would like to think that the person doesn't hate them for breaking their hearts. So, they normally would contact you for selfish reasons. To see how you are and where they stand.
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