stunned8165 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Most of you know know my story. If not, read my first post. I'm actually doing much much better 7 months out too. But that fact still remains this is one of the most difficult breakups I have ever had. Mainly becuase I was committed to her and her children. But this paragraph below makes a lot of sense to me. Of coarse there are some other traits she had too. But for months until the end, work, is all she seem to care about. Couldn't wait to get there, then boom, left me for her boss. And there has been a bit of contact during the holidays mainly because I wanted her to meet with me for two minutes so I can give her gifts for the kids. She agreed but then backed out with a fabricated text message. Which I got angry and told her off in another text. I won't get into word for word communication but, trust me, she isn't 100% happy with the choice she mad. She even through in my face that I know have a roomate which is an ex. An ex from years ago who had serious water damage in her place. So she is only here temporarely. No friends with benefits or anything like that. Although I never told me EX that. It's none of her business. But this paragraph pretty much sums it up for the most part. [sIZE=3]"The Saboteurs: These low self-esteem sufferers (stemming from childhood, failed relationships and or addictions etc.) feel they have the ability and skills to be successful in their jobs and devote the majority of their time and energy into making that happen. Work brings them a modicum of satisfaction and feelings of adequacy as long as they remain in the job or position from which they get praise and/or reward from co-workers and/or supervisors. Tending to gravitate where they feel best about themselves, work becomes a form of SELF-sabotage in their marriage or relationship , as they place work before family or social arenas in which they feel less adequate. Saboteurs often don't know how to or make time for their personal life then ignore and neglect those who are in their lives and family who love and need them the most."[/sIZE]
Author stunned8165 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 By the way, before anyone starts. I DID make her feel special. I always told her she looked nice, did a good job, was a good Mom (but she really wasn't that great of a mom), did nice things, listened to her, talked to her, and many "acts of service" to let her know she was loved, needed, wanted, desired and special. But I truly feel that she couldn't believe it all was true. She couldn't believe our drama free, stable, loving life was real. She even said to me a few times she has a hard time believing all of it was real. She was very insecure. Even while we were out she would worry about other women checking me out and say " I saw them girls checking you out, you gonna replace me with one of them?"... Of coarse, I would always re-assure her. But nothing seemed to work. I truly see now that this breakup, as much as it hurts, was a blessing in disguise and made me realize some things about myself too. Like, You can't fix someone, they have to fix them selves first.. Yep, I'm guilty of ignoring red flags too. But now I know better.
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