Feeling unjust of what ex gf wrote~(wilsonx you may want to read this)

[Awarth]

So recently, i happen to chk out my ex's blog (something which i had not been doing for quite a long time). anyway, i saw something that really makes me either furious or wanna laugh..

 

anyway, she wrote something lyk this "i have lost a wonderful relationship, but have gain a lot of growing up instead"..i mean..seriously..did she tink that she had really grow up a lot? LOL! why must she sound lyk as if she is the one being dumped? not to mention that SHE is the one that ENDED this "wonderful" relationship by leaving me for another guy! so i guess this is growing up? two timing your bf after a 5 yr relationship and dumping him for another guy because why not? i think this guy is much more better, although i only noe him for freaking 3 weeks! ....

 

Gosh..and it is not only this incident.. at a lot of instances, my ex always emphasize that she had grown up a lot...saying that she is a grown woman ready to face the real world..(she is 22 by the way, about to graduate)..i feel really furious after knowing all this..i mean, if she has really mature, then she would fully understand the pain and agony that she had caused me..

 

so, i just wanna ask if anyone had any ideas why she is doing this? is it because she is feeling guilty and so she is lying to herself, saying that this is just "growing up" and so sort of reduce her guilt? haha..if this is so, then i have to hand it to wilsonx! haha~wow! you have made a rather accurate prediction of what she will do after my last post..

 

Cheers..

[wilsonx]

You have to go NC. Stop reading her blog, all its going to do is hurt you.

 

Dont believe anything that comes out of her mouth, its all hot air and smoke. Trust me on this. She has no clue what shes saying and wont for a while. She's self talking and convincing herself shes great

 

What else do you want to know

[BoredAgain]

I have a pet theory on this (criticism is welcom!):

 

In GIGS*** break-ups the dumper is often torn between two desires. On one hand, they really want to date around and have freedom from the long-term relationship. But on the other hand, they still care and want to keep the deep bond that they had in the relationship.

 

This often causes some erratic behavior. For instance a lot of Dumpers will be very upset when their Ex decides to do the "No Contact" thing. Or they'll express a genuine desire to stay friends and sometimes express the possibility that there will be a reconciliation in the future. Likewise, they'll often talk about how hard it is to lose the relationship.

 

In fact, I recently got a note from my Ex wherein she said how sorry she was that the relationship is over. It doesn't really make a lot of sense, but that's because I think it comes from a very confused place.

 

***By "GIGS" I am specifically referring to a (generally) happy long-term relationship which ends because one person gets the "itch" to see what else is out there.

[wilsonx]

 

In GIGS*** break-ups the dumper is often torn between two desires. On one hand, they really want to date around and have freedom from the long-term relationship. But on the other hand, they still care and want to keep the deep bond that they had in the relationship.

 

 

Hence the term I love you but not in love with you where in love = infatuation and love = attachment

 

The erratic behavior comes from emotional maturing where the ego takes over. Read smokey's posts on understanding GIGS and you will get all the answers to the questions

 

You understood the letter, the only thing I dont agree with you on it boredagain is the guilt, its not there yet, it will be there soon enough though but just not yet

[smokey bear]

Whats the story of this break up? How long seperated etc?

[Awarth]

Whats the story of this break up? How long seperated etc?

 

I have posted my story before on LS, so i just copy the whole thread here;

 

i will try to summarize my story~here goes...

 

so basically both of us had been dating for 5 yrs, talk of having a family after we both graduate and got a job..

 

Then in around July this yr, she suddenly tell me that she really love this another guy, lets call him guy A, and have lost feelings for me..since she is my first love, i of course make those standard mistakes like begging and crying and being angry..and of course like most cases, she still left me..then i jus go on NC with her for 1 wk plus when she suddenly calls me and says she miss me..we talk for a while and agree to meet on the next day..so we met and talked..she told me that guy "A" is just lying to her and she is really hurt..so i jus gif her a shoulder to cry on..and before long, we were doing things that only couples do and it is lyk as if we are back together again..she will msg me nuw and then to see if i am doing well, take care of me, being nice..i spend more time wif her then usual too and she seems happy about it..but when i ask her to become my gf again, she jus say don't pressure her and gif her time to come back..so i jus let it go..this goes one for around two months..

 

then, in October, she suddenly call me at night, and ask if i still love her..i say i do..but then, she just tell me "Can u pls let me go, i've been seeing this guy (let's call him guy "B") and when i am wif him, i feel so in love.."..this time i did not beg her to stay, instead i ask her why, in a calm tone.. coz its only a few days ago when she told me that she had loved me again and she regret leaving someone that love her so much..she just answer me "i dont know"..

 

At this point, i am really heart broken..i even forgot to be angry..i just say, (calmly again) "Fine, i let u go..be happy.." then she jus say "i'm sorry" and hang up..

 

after that night, i gone on NC wif her again for 2 wks..then suddenly, she called again..asking me why i did not call her, and asking me to not ignore her..i jus say i was busy..we talk for a while..never mentioning anything about her relationships..and i say i will call her when i haf the time..i wish her good nitex and then we jus hang up..my heart has lightened a bit as i tot that maybe she will come back again..

 

then the nxt morning, when i was back in the campus, i saw her walking wif another guy..all the way back to his dorm room..i don't know if that is the guy "B" or what they are doing inside the room..my heart just feel like it shattered again..

 

i call her a couple of times in the following wk..but she only gives one word answer and seem so distracted that i have to end the call after just a few minutes..i mean, i just don't understand, isn't she the one that want me to call her? Yet she is now acting so cold..

 

i did call her again on her birthday at the start of November..this time, she replies me in that cute tone that she used to use when she is around with me..but again, she does not seem to want to talk, and so i just hang up after 1 minute..and we have not been in contact till now..

 

Gosh..i am just so confuse now..i don't think she know what she wants..i still love her..but i just have no idea what she was thinking now..

 

I've read something about the so-call "Grass is Greener syndrome"...is this what she is having now? Both of us are 22...we gone through so much together..we have never have any big fights and i have been trying to be the perfect BF..treating her like a princess, but giving her lots of space and basically no restriction on who she goes out with...always be there for her..but now she is doing this to me..

 

and then around two weeks of what happen above, she has been calling me again..after i go NC on her..so at first, she just says that she is sorry and i dont deserve this treatment and saying i am a great guy blah blah blah...i play it cool and manage not to say anything much..

 

recently she has been calling me again..on one day, she called me lyk twice, once in morning and another at night..told me that she had been dreaming of me every night and says she really misses me..that she really feels comfortable talking to me..and she called me "darling" a couple of times..and in the end, she ask me out for a movie..

 

But then in the end, when i call her to ask her out, she tell me that she will be busy the whole freaking holiday..then another two wks later, she suddenly SMS me asking how was i doing~i didnot reply immediately as i was busy. we exchange a few msg, thats when i found out that she has been having a few fights with the new guy..

 

then the interesting part come, after she tells me that they have a few fight, i told her in a neutral tone, saying that "couples fight, of course its natural to have a few arguments". I am just trying to be passive about it, then she told me that she found out that i really dote on her when we were together, and says that "other guys just wont do the same". i did not really comment on that, after a few more msg, i told her i need go to do something and bail~

 

so basically, that's whole story of my BU..sorry if it is too long..

[Chi townD]

I have posted my story before on LS, so i just copy the whole thread here;

 

i will try to summarize my story~here goes...

 

so basically both of us had been dating for 5 yrs, talk of having a family after we both graduate and got a job..

 

Then in around July this yr, she suddenly tell me that she really love this another guy, lets call him guy A, and have lost feelings for me..since she is my first love, i of course make those standard mistakes like begging and crying and being angry..and of course like most cases, she still left me..then i jus go on NC with her for 1 wk plus when she suddenly calls me and says she miss me..we talk for a while and agree to meet on the next day..so we met and talked..she told me that guy "A" is just lying to her and she is really hurt..so i jus gif her a shoulder to cry on..and before long, we were doing things that only couples do and it is lyk as if we are back together again..she will msg me nuw and then to see if i am doing well, take care of me, being nice..i spend more time wif her then usual too and she seems happy about it..but when i ask her to become my gf again, she jus say don't pressure her and gif her time to come back..so i jus let it go..this goes one for around two months..

 

then, in October, she suddenly call me at night, and ask if i still love her..i say i do..but then, she just tell me "Can u pls let me go, i've been seeing this guy (let's call him guy "B") and when i am wif him, i feel so in love.."..this time i did not beg her to stay, instead i ask her why, in a calm tone.. coz its only a few days ago when she told me that she had loved me again and she regret leaving someone that love her so much..she just answer me "i dont know"..

 

At this point, i am really heart broken..i even forgot to be angry..i just say, (calmly again) "Fine, i let u go..be happy.." then she jus say "i'm sorry" and hang up..

 

after that night, i gone on NC wif her again for 2 wks..then suddenly, she called again..asking me why i did not call her, and asking me to not ignore her..i jus say i was busy..we talk for a while..never mentioning anything about her relationships..and i say i will call her when i haf the time..i wish her good nitex and then we jus hang up..my heart has lightened a bit as i tot that maybe she will come back again..

 

then the nxt morning, when i was back in the campus, i saw her walking wif another guy..all the way back to his dorm room..i don't know if that is the guy "B" or what they are doing inside the room..my heart just feel like it shattered again..

 

i call her a couple of times in the following wk..but she only gives one word answer and seem so distracted that i have to end the call after just a few minutes..i mean, i just don't understand, isn't she the one that want me to call her? Yet she is now acting so cold..

 

i did call her again on her birthday at the start of November..this time, she replies me in that cute tone that she used to use when she is around with me..but again, she does not seem to want to talk, and so i just hang up after 1 minute..and we have not been in contact till now..

 

Gosh..i am just so confuse now..i don't think she know what she wants..i still love her..but i just have no idea what she was thinking now..

 

I've read something about the so-call "Grass is Greener syndrome"...is this what she is having now? Both of us are 22...we gone through so much together..we have never have any big fights and i have been trying to be the perfect BF..treating her like a princess, but giving her lots of space and basically no restriction on who she goes out with...always be there for her..but now she is doing this to me..

 

and then around two weeks of what happen above, she has been calling me again..after i go NC on her..so at first, she just says that she is sorry and i dont deserve this treatment and saying i am a great guy blah blah blah...i play it cool and manage not to say anything much..

 

recently she has been calling me again..on one day, she called me lyk twice, once in morning and another at night..told me that she had been dreaming of me every night and says she really misses me..that she really feels comfortable talking to me..and she called me "darling" a couple of times..and in the end, she ask me out for a movie..

 

But then in the end, when i call her to ask her out, she tell me that she will be busy the whole freaking holiday..then another two wks later, she suddenly SMS me asking how was i doing~i didnot reply immediately as i was busy. we exchange a few msg, thats when i found out that she has been having a few fights with the new guy..

 

then the interesting part come, after she tells me that they have a few fight, i told her in a neutral tone, saying that "couples fight, of course its natural to have a few arguments". I am just trying to be passive about it, then she told me that she found out that i really dote on her when we were together, and says that "other guys just wont do the same". i did not really comment on that, after a few more msg, i told her i need go to do something and bail~

 

so basically, that's whole story of my BU..sorry if it is too long..

 

 

Yeah, when your ready and you start dating again; if she finds out you've been dating other girls, you're phone is gonna blow up!

 

Go NC and stay there. She's not your problem anymore. Anytime you feel like contacting her or responding to her. Just stop and remember the time you watched her go into that guys dorm room. She has no respect for your feelings. Best to remain in NC. Heal and move on.

[lalalandman]

She's wrapped up in a mess of confusion. Trust me, you DON'T want to be with someone who is that confused. Now repeat: "I don't want to be with someone as confused as she is". As for her blog, stop reading it. Wilson is correct. Plus, what if she's referring to guy A, or guy B or C for that matter? Go back to being a Man. You don't want to get wrapped up in her mess. You need to let go and flush all this negative energy down the toilet.

[BoredAgain]

Yeah - I agree with the above sentiments. She's taking advantage of the fact that you care about her. As long as you keep letting her, she'll keep up this game of being hot and cold.