spiderowl Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Suppose someone you'd met briefly via work emailed you, said she thought you seemed nice and wondered if you'd like to have a coffee some time. You reply and say that would be nice. She thinks you don't sound all that enthusiastic and maybe that you are just being polite, so she emails back and says so. How would you feel? What would you do if (a) you liked her; (b) didn't like her, or © felt curious but neutral?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Assuming I'm single and unattached and I liked her, I'd contact her to try to assure her that I was in fact enthused and would still like to have coffee with her. If I didn't like her, I might be surprised that she's interested in me and change my mind about liking her and try to see her. If I really disliked her, I'd just be glad she took it that I wasn't enthused but also not nasty. If I were neutral and her communique caused me to think of her in a new and pleasant way, I'd try to see her. If I thought her a dog or a problematic pain in the ass I might follow up with some message implying I'm not into it in some decent way. If I felt that she was sick in the head, I'd have to see more to say if I'd just ignore her or try to be helpful and polite but of course not exploitative.
HughHardcastle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If you're interested, email her back and let her know you ARE. Maybe make a joke about it or something. If you're not, then I would just not email her again. That's probably better than a "Sorry, I'm not interested" email.
Author spiderowl Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 If you weren't at all interested though, would you email her to say that it would be nice to meet for a coffee? Would you agree to a coffee simply because you were worried about offending a work colleague - even if she was someone you would be unlikely to have much contact with in a big organisation?
phineas Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 When a woman asks me to do something "sometime" and I say sure & she doesn't come back with a date & time or tries to figure out a date & time it has always turned out she apparently just wanted me chasing her because when I tried to set up a time or place I got flaked on, brushed off, or lame excuses & it never actually occurred. I mean why ask me to do something & not follow through with a date & time? Don't you as a woman hate it when a guys say's "let's do X sometime" and doesn't follow up with a date & time? it's wishy washy & most women read it as "player behavior" or game playing. So do men. So when women ask me to do something "sometime" or say i'll talk to you "soon" my gut tells me she's just looking to validation.
carhill Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 She thinks you don't sound all that enthusiastic and maybe that you are just being polite, so she emails back and says so. How would you feel? What would you do if (a) you liked her; (b) didn't like her, or © felt curious but neutral? 1. I'd stop at that point because my drama canary would be gasping. 2. a. see above b. see above c. see above To be honest, if I approached *any* woman that way, she'd be doing me a favor by giving me a silence sandwich. I've gotten some pretty brutal rejections and, in this case, hypothetically, IMO deservedly so. Advice (hypothetically): Trade keyboard for small handheld electronic device and select 'audio' function and ask said person out for coffee. 'That would be nice' can come across completely differently when spoken/heard.
chryssy83 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 1. I'd stop at that point because my drama canary would be gasping. I love this response. I'm not a guy, but if someone asked me out for coffee, I said yes, then they said that I didn't act like I wanted to go badly enough....I would feel just like the quote above. He said he wanted to go, you should have just made a plan and been chilll, not acted like your emotional needs weren't being met by his response. Makes it seem like you have so many expectations he could never meet them all, even if he tried. Just my opinion... That said, I like you from your posts, so I hope this doesn't come off too harsh. I just think that your follow up email was kind of a mistake.
jobaba Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Suppose someone you'd met briefly via work emailed you, said she thought you seemed nice and wondered if you'd like to have a coffee some time. You reply and say that would be nice. She thinks you don't sound all that enthusiastic and maybe that you are just being polite, so she emails back and says so. How would you feel? What would you do if (a) you liked her; (b) didn't like her, or © felt curious but neutral? I'd expect to hear that kind of invitation from two types of women: 1) A woman who has no interest in your unattractive wussy a@@ whatsoever and is looking for a 'buddy'. 2) My grandmother
TheFinalWord Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Suppose someone you'd met briefly via work emailed you, said she thought you seemed nice and wondered if you'd like to have a coffee some time. You reply and say that would be nice. She thinks you don't sound all that enthusiastic and maybe that you are just being polite, so she emails back and says so. How would you feel? What would you do if (a) you liked her; (b) didn't like her, or © felt curious but neutral? I can only answer b b/c if a woman answered me like that right away I would think she is drama. I would respond, "not a lack of enthusiasm, I am just hesitant to date people from work". If she is professional she will respect that.
Author spiderowl Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your replies. I did want to hear honest comments. I agree the response was over-dramatic and probably very off-putting. We all make mistakes, I guess, and then regret them later Wish I could rectify this but I do have this feeling he was just being polite and that it would have made for a very awkward coffee. Edited January 9, 2012 by spiderowl
Feelsgoodman Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 She thinks you don't sound all that enthusiastic and maybe that you are just being polite, so she emails back and says so. That seems like a rather passive aggressive reaction. It would make cautious.
Author spiderowl Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Is it the case that most think it was a bad move?
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 If she emailed me for coffee, then got mad because I didn't sound enthusiastic enough, I'd start ignoring her.
chryssy83 Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Is it the case that most think it was a bad move? I think so, yes. But we've all done something similar...
Author spiderowl Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Yes, I guess it was a stupid move. Don't see how I can rectify it now though. Doh!
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Is it the case that most think it was a bad move? Yes. My canary wouldn't just be gasping. Poor thing woulda fell off her perch.
mortensorchid Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I assume at this point you did not have the get together. I hope that you can have a healthy working relationship despite this little awkwardness.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Is it the case that most think it was a bad move? What makes it worse is that it is a coworker of yours. Dating coworkers is already problematic for all sorts of reasons....and going on a date with a coworker who is insecure and potentially crazy is just not worth the risk.
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