Imajerk17 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 (edited) If your boyfriend is smart, he would dump you. Not even 48 hours ago, you were saying W is the love of your life and how you were waiting for him to come back for you, and you were talking about having a baby with him. Now you are never going to interact with W again?? Not gonna happen. If your current bf is smart, he wouldn't put any stock in that happening either. If he stays, he is taking just too big of a risk that you are going to cheat. You are a lot like Eternal Sunshine in that both of you expect a level of commitment from your boyfriends that you don't give in return. But your level of selfishness and sense of entitlement is astounding, worse than even ES demonstrated. A lot worse. A year ago you were getting trashed every weekend night and were wondering why no suitable guy viewed you as "girlfriend" material. A month ago you drove drunk--and even smoked a joint in the car!--and you hardly seem to think of all the people you put in danger because of it. It was all about your emotional storm and your craving to "be reinvented" or something. Now you were telling W how you want to have a baby with him one day (nevermind whether you could even provide a stable home for the kid) and the next you were begging your current boyfriend to stay. You need to get yourself out of your own personal romance novel, and into therapy. And in the meanwhile, you need to let your boyfriend go and find a more suitable partner. Edited January 8, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 Frankly, I think you need a lot more self discipline and accountability for yourself on an emotional level. I totally agree. I had been doing ok lately (compared to several years ago) but it seems like I've started to fall apart again in the last couple of months. I think I'm worse when I'm stressed. I think I use emotional fantasies to procrastinate. I have to take exams in my line of work and I know every time I've ever studied for one, a part of me was fantasizing about a different life, either looking to the past or wrapped up in dreams of some other kind of future. Why do you have a boyfriend now, if you desire the freedom to run with all your emotional whims? 90% of the time, I am 100% invested in my relationship. If that's not good enough (and my bf has let me know that it's not) I am willing to forgo the freedom to be there 100%. It's possible to believe in 2 different things that appear to be opposites simultaneously without allowing yourself free reign to follow whatever belief seems most tempting from one moment to the next, and it's a good thing to master if you intend to have other people close to you in life, and for them to be able to trust you. Including any children you might have someday. I used to behave kind of like you describe yourself, when I was young. I have no idea how I'd have reacted if someone tried to call me on it. For all I know, someone may have called me on it and I just was not even able to hear it. I was pretty wrapped up in the intensive drama of being me. It's good to know it's possible to get there. For what it's worth, compared to what a s!ht show I used to be 4ish years ago, I have come a long way, and I would like to think at this point I am deserving of love.
Woggle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If he does dump you just watch the interest level on your part go way up. The fact is that you are attracted to men you can't have and until you deal with this you will never have a successful relationship.
Imajerk17 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 (edited) If he does dump you just watch the interest level on your part go way up. The fact is that you are attracted to men you can't have and until you deal with this you will never have a successful relationship. I'm angry for her boyfriend. He is bound to be cheated on. Read the original post of this thread. eerie contradicts herself when she says that she is 100% in 90% of the time. She said outright that W has known all along that she is open to getting back together. What do you think would happen if W were to make a real push to get ER back? Anyway, eerie's bf is the classic example of a guy who gets cheated on, or even worse, cuckolded. I hope he's watching his back. Edited January 8, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 I'm angry for her boyfriend. He is bound to be cheated on. Read the original post of this thread. eerie contradicts herself when she says that she is 100% in 90% of the time. She said outright that W has known all along that she is open to getting back together. What do you think would happen if W were to make a real push to get ER back? Anyway, eerie's bf is the classic example of a guy who gets cheated on, or even worse, cuckolded. I hope he's watching his back. I really resent that. For all the years I have had these thoughts in my mind, I have never cheated on anyone. I am not afraid to be alone and it I really didn't want to be with my boyfriend, to pursue W or otherwise, I would have broken up with him already. I use this site to vent about my darkest thoughts; it doesn't mean I would act on them when I am thinking clearly.
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 I'm angry for her boyfriend. He is bound to be cheated on. Read the original post of this thread. eerie contradicts herself when she says that she is 100% in 90% of the time. She said outright that W has known all along that she is open to getting back together. What do you think would happen if W were to make a real push to get ER back? Anyway, eerie's bf is the classic example of a guy who gets cheated on, or even worse, cuckolded. I hope he's watching his back. Also, for what it's worth, I sent W an email today asking him not to contact me in the future. I deleted him off FB and deleted the app I use to chat with him from my phone. I am really interested in moving on.
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) I really resent that. For all the years I have had these thoughts in my mind, I have never cheated on anyone. I am not afraid to be alone and it I really didn't want to be with my boyfriend, to pursue W or otherwise, I would have broken up with him already. I use this site to vent about my darkest thoughts; it doesn't mean I would act on them when I am thinking clearly. nevermind.... Edited January 9, 2012 by Imajerk17
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Have you ever considered that perhaps your last 2 years with W were not all or even mostly your fault? Perhaps you sensed him pulling away and things didn't feel "quite right" so you acted out in response to that gut feeling... Anyhow, he is capable of cheating. You really don't want to be with someone who has loose morals like that, no matter how much you once loved him. BTW is your new FB profile pic of you and your bf?
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Have you ever considered that perhaps your last 2 years with W were not all or even mostly your fault? Perhaps you sensed him pulling away and things didn't feel "quite right" so you acted out in response to that gut feeling... Anyhow, he is capable of cheating. You really don't want to be with someone who has loose morals like that, no matter how much you once loved him. It doesn't even matter. I have a better guy and I want to move on. BTW is your new FB profile pic of you and your bf? Yup.
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 Why the turn-around? It's not even a turn around so much as the 90% taking over. I am sure I'll have another relapse at some point but I don't want it to be a total meltdown, nor do I want to connect with W in the process. I'm gonna get me some therapy.
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) I really resent that. For all the years I have had these thoughts in my mind, I have never cheated on anyone. I am not afraid to be alone and it I really didn't want to be with my boyfriend, to pursue W or otherwise, I would have broken up with him already. I use this site to vent about my darkest thoughts; it doesn't mean I would act on them when I am thinking clearly. Well, you had better believe that these thoughts have crossed your boyfriend's mind. And that your boyfriend is right now considering breaking up with you. You don't think he went to his circle to talk about this too? As much offense as you took to what I wrote, his friends are probably telling him the same things as well. Regardless, he still might change his position from what you both "agreed" upon the other night and think that this isn't worth saving. Those texts you exchanged with W were pretty strong. If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, I would have a lot trouble getting past you having talked with another guy about "putting a baby in you". Emotionally but also logically. The costs for a guy marrying the wrong woman are just too high. The statistic that over 10% of men are raising kids that aren't theres is something that is in the back of the minds of a lot of us. The thing isn't so much that you *thought* about running away with W. We all think crazy dark thoughts. My worst thoughts, if I ever acted upon them, would land me in prison for a long long time. I think that's true for about anyone. The thing is that you ACTED on your thoughts, sort of. You exchanged those texts with W. It didn't go any further than that, but then again what if you and W were in the same town at the time? I'm sure your boyfriend is right now wondering the same thing. Edited January 9, 2012 by Imajerk17
kaylan Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Wow OP. I have seen your old threads and read this one in full. As someone who dated an emotionally unavailable girl I will say this: You are selfish, and a girl who craves drama. Also, your boyfriend is stupid for accepting your behavior. If I was not the only love in a girls life, Id be out the door so fast. Because I have no time for someone who doesnt feel the way about me that I do about them. Nor someone who constantly goes back and forth about their feelings for me. You romanticize all that drama with your ex...and you act all weird and dramatic with your current boyfriend. Why the hell should he stay with how you are behaving? Would you trust someone with your heart if they behaved as you do? Thank god I am the analytical, proud, and perceptive guy I am. Because I could never stand for behavior like this. I have to admit though, this thread has pushed me to resurrect a thread of mine I made a month ago. Youve actually helped me come to a decision with my own dating life...so you did good there. Please let this guy go and stop being selfish. Do unto others are you would have them do unto you. If you really loved this man, youd let him find REAL love.
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Harsh but true. I'm a mess. Since last weekend my bf has been saying ily. I have been lookin for jobs in another state. I can't handle another failed relationship in this one. Hopefully I will be gone by the spring.
mitchell Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Your description of your previous love reads like a lousy romance novel. We made love in a cave?? Stop looking back on your first love with these rose colored glasses and grow up. You seem to love drama. Picking fights and passive aggressive behavior will get you nothing but heartache. Strongly consider some therapy to deal with these issues.
Author eerie_reverie Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 I don't think I'm addicted to drama because if I were, I would have more of it in my life. In the 7 months we've been dating this was he first fight I have ha with my bf, even if I haven't been emotionally present the whole time. Similarly, I have friction free relationships with everyone else in my life. What I am apparently addicted to is heartache. Going back t the past to feel that pang in my heart is as deeply engrained a habit for me as brushing my teeth. I think I like feeling heartache because it isn't confusing. It feels like the truth to me more than any other feelings I have.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It seems that every aspect of your life is defined by "grass is greener syndrome." Grass may be greener - but please forgive me for using a hackneyed cliche: "No matter where you go … there you are." Please stick with your resolve to go to counseling. I hope you will.
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