TheFinalWord Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 The girl that said she doesn't want a relationship right now, is seeing someone else. So many of her odd behaviors make sense now! For the fellas, if a girl tells you this, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! Do not make an a$$ outta yourself like I did and keep pursuing! 1
phineas Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Took a couple of tries for me to learn this after my divorce. Well actually, I mean the women who approached me, flirted, showed interest then said this when I asked them out. Then said they just wanted to be friends. I can't remember ever chasing after a woman that said that to me. But good advice
ThaWholigan Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 The girl that said she doesn't want a relationship right now, is seeing someone else. So many of her odd behaviors make sense now! For the fellas, if a girl tells you this, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! Do not make an a$$ outta yourself like I did and keep pursuing! Agreed. The few times I found myself in a scenario similar to this, it is usually that she doesn't want to have a relationship or date ME, as opposed to date anyone. Frustrating but deal with it.
dasein Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Binary... anything other than an unqualified "yes" is a "no." Keep sane, keep binary.
phineas Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Binary... anything other than an unqualified "yes" is a "no." Keep sane, keep binary. I did that for a while but was only finding women that wanted flings. Thought i'd ease up & first time I did the attention whore slipped past my defences & flaked because she had a bad day then txt'd me the next week and said that I "scared her off & she doesn't want a relationship & blah,blah,blah,blah. can we just be friends & go from there?" after I already told her I was cool with being just friends. I ignored. Haven't heard from her since. Going back to Binary.
Author TheFinalWord Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Agreed. The few times I found myself in a scenario similar to this, it is usually that she doesn't want to have a relationship or date ME, as opposed to date anyone. Frustrating but deal with it. True bro. The thing is she would give little hints as though to keep me on the back burner. Women, please do a favor and just tell the guy you're not interested! It makes it much easier. If we feel we have a sliver of hope we don't give up. The advice I am asking is should I tell her I know? We see each other regularly and she acts really weird. It makes sense now. The thing is I'm not mad. I just dont want it to be weird at work. Should I tell her I'm cool with it and move on?
dasein Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Spend the time you would have spent "telling her" anything finding other women or doing something else you enjoy.
ThaWholigan Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 True bro. The thing is she would give little hints as though to keep me on the back burner. Women, please do a favor and just tell the guy you're not interested! It makes it much easier. If we feel we have a sliver of hope we don't give up. The advice I am asking is should I tell her I know? We see each other regularly and she acts really weird. It makes sense now. The thing is I'm not mad. I just dont want it to be weird at work. Should I tell her I'm cool with it and move on? They do that. Some will even go as far as to tell you they think your sexy (although I suspect that in my instance it was my failure to read signals that resulted in being palmed off). If I were you, I wouldn't say anything to her, it would make things even more awkward and weird. Ignore it, greet her when you see her and go about your business. Talk to other girls even....
Author TheFinalWord Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Spend the time you would have spent "telling her" anything finding other women or doing something else you enjoy. Okay, thanks for the tip. I'm mainly just wanting to get rid of the awkwardness at work. If I tell her I know the secret is out there. Then tell her I'm not mad and wish her the best. Will things go back to normal? Ladies your thoughts?
Casablanca Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 The girl that said she doesn't want a relationship right now, is seeing someone else. So many of her odd behaviors make sense now! For the fellas, if a girl tells you this, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! Do not make an a$$ outta yourself like I did and keep pursuing! Most likely when a woman says this she forgets to add the phrase "with you" at the end. It really is just them saying they aren't interested in a relationship with whomever they tell this to
phineas Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Okay, thanks for the tip. I'm mainly just wanting to get rid of the awkwardness at work. If I tell her I know the secret is out there. Then tell her I'm not mad and wish her the best. Will things go back to normal? Ladies your thoughts? Oh, i've dealt with women trying to lead me on at work. I don't ask women out at work. But they have asked me then flaked or said I don't want a relationship. I just ignore them or tell them I'm not interested in being friends. Why should you feel awkward? She's the POS trying to attention whore a co-worker. Honestly, women like this have to be retarded to bring this crap to the work place. Ignore her & don't say a damn thing. Before you know it she'll be telling her manager you make her feel "uncomfortable" or some other crap because you let her know you know she led you on.
chelsea2011 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 The girl that said she doesn't want a relationship right now, is seeing someone else. So many of her odd behaviors make sense now! For the fellas, if a girl tells you this, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! Do not make an a$$ outta yourself like I did and keep pursuing! So true! When someone is involved with another, definitely abort. Saves a lot of trouble down the line. No harm in telling her that you know. It will stop any future games and misunderstandings as well as any awkwardness.
joeyanna Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Met with a guy, he texted within the hour of leaving me even though he was just about to start a night shift and he talked about 'the next time' and was super flirty (actually still is). He mentions meeting up nearly every time we text (I've considered him a good friend for a while now and we text nearly every day and chat maybe once a week) but it has yet to materialise. He seemed sincere during conversations but the longer it continues the more I feel he's stringing me along, it could be a back burner moment or for legitimate reasons...anyway my point is, men do it too!!!!
Author TheFinalWord Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 Met with a guy, he texted within the hour of leaving me even though he was just about to start a night shift and he talked about 'the next time' and was super flirty (actually still is). He mentions meeting up nearly every time we text (I've considered him a good friend for a while now and we text nearly every day and chat maybe once a week) but it has yet to materialise. He seemed sincere during conversations but the longer it continues the more I feel he's stringing me along, it could be a back burner moment or for legitimate reasons...anyway my point is, men do it too!!!! Oh yeah, I agree. Men are probably worse actually. The thing is I have helped this girl with a lot of stuff in the past. We've talked for hours and spent a lot time getting to know each other. When she told me she didn't want a relationship I did told her I needed time apart so I could think of her as just a friend. Well she made me feel guilty about that and now I find out she was lying the whole time. It would have been better if she just said she was seeing someone. The fact she made me feel bad when she was just playing me the whole time is the annoying part. I could say something, but I don't think I will go out of my way to do so. I don't think it would change anything and I don't want to cause any problems at work. I'm just glad I see her true colors now!
joeyanna Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Oh yeah, I agree. Men are probably worse actually. The thing is I have helped this girl with a lot of stuff in the past. We've talked for hours and spent a lot time getting to know each other. When she told me she didn't want a relationship I did told her I needed time apart so I could think of her as just a friend. Well she made me feel guilty about that and now I find out she was lying the whole time. It would have been better if she just said she was seeing someone. The fact she made me feel bad when she was just playing me the whole time is the annoying part. I could say something, but I don't think I will go out of my way to do so. I don't think it would change anything and I don't want to cause any problems at work. I'm just glad I see her true colors now! Not that I'm defending this girls actions but perhaps she behaved in that way because she values your friendship and didn't want to hurt your feelings!? I know it's hurtful and upsetting, especially as you really like (d) her but maybe her intentions were honourable though misguided. I've had this happen to me a couple of times where someone I liked and thought had potential as a partner has friend zoned me in this way, it hurt to begin with and I took some time away to lick my wounds and to mentally move them from someone I had romantic feelings for to friend but now I'm friends with both of them so it's possible to maintain friendships after such a let down, I guess that's up to you and whether you feel you can handle that!
HughHardcastle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Something similar happened to me. This girl I work with basically rejected me without ever actually giving me an answer to my text out for dinner or drinks. She seemed a little distant towards me for a week or so afterwards, but the last 2 weeks, she's back to being seemingly more than just "work nice". Of course, at our belated Christmas party last night, I overhear her talking about the guy she went on a date with on Thursday night, and how she's really into him. So naturally, her, another co-worker and myself spent last night drinking at the other womans house, where the girl I want promptly passed out on the living room floor. Sometimes I wish I was a eunuch.
Author TheFinalWord Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 Not that I'm defending this girls actions but perhaps she behaved in that way because she values your friendship and didn't want to hurt your feelings!? I know it's hurtful and upsetting, especially as you really like (d) her but maybe her intentions were honourable though misguided. I've had this happen to me a couple of times where someone I liked and thought had potential as a partner has friend zoned me in this way, it hurt to begin with and I took some time away to lick my wounds and to mentally move them from someone I had romantic feelings for to friend but now I'm friends with both of them so it's possible to maintain friendships after such a let down, I guess that's up to you and whether you feel you can handle that! I appreciate your insight b/c I want to view things objectively as possible. In this case, do you think I should tell her I know? I found out in a round-about-way. It seems that if I told her at least this awkwardness wouldn't be there. How should I resolve it? I don't think she is going to tell me b/c she is concerned I will overreact. But I won't. At this point I do just want to move on and for her to not act weird around me at work. Something similar happened to me. This girl I work with basically rejected me without ever actually giving me an answer to my text out for dinner or drinks. She seemed a little distant towards me for a week or so afterwards, but the last 2 weeks, she's back to being seemingly more than just "work nice". Of course, at our belated Christmas party last night, I overhear her talking about the guy she went on a date with on Thursday night, and how she's really into him. So naturally, her, another co-worker and myself spent last night drinking at the other womans house, where the girl I want promptly passed out on the living room floor. Sometimes I wish I was a eunuch. LOL
Art_Critic Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 For the future then... I don't want a relationship right now = I don't want a relationship with you but will gladly have one with the guy I'm lining up right now
Els Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 It is pretty much common sense that if someone gives you a clear 'no', whatEVER their reason, you should take it as a no and move to greener pastures. I never saw a point in trying to dissect their 'true' motives and such. Best case scenario: She really doesn't want a R and so she's not interested in you. Worst case scenario: She wants an R, but not with you. Either way, does it matter?
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