Do you ever feel that others don’t take your LDR seriously?

[only_human]

Hello everyone! Been a lurker on the various forums for a while, but never posted until now that I find myself in a LDR. A little backstory:

 

Over the summer I attended a reunion of my old college friends in a state over 1000 miles away. Some of us have kept in touch regularly, others semi regularly, and forothers it was the first time they had seen each in over 20 years. While we were in school, we were a very close knit group and all knew that some/most of us would be friends for life.

 

During the reunion weekend and out of the blue, one of the men that I had seen periodically throughout the years (the last time was 4years ago) and I had a romantic spark that we had never felt before. We managed a few minutes alone over the weekend and decided to explore this new facet to our relationship. Fast forward, I have flown to visit him twice and he is visiting me and both our families in February. He has 2 teenagers which I have made a goodconnection with, both in person and over Skype. They were genuinely happy tosee me again over the holidays and the time we spent together was comfortable. My BF and I talk on the phone or Skype every day and share our daily activities and are as close as wecan be without living near each other. I don’t have kids.

 

Today I received a text from a mutual GF of ours that’s part of thisgroup. She is on the rebound, as her husband of 15 years left her last year, and I do know that almost 30 years ago she led on my new BF and when he reciprocated her advances she dropped him cold. She just wanted to see if she could get his interest. (Yes, we were avery close group!) She asked how this trip went and of course I replied it went well. She then said that it must be funto have a “vacation relationship”. I never heard this term before, so I Googled it. It seems to have a negative connotation; its when a couple only see each other when they go on vacation together. I’m very hurt by her comment and have resisted the temptation to text back something that would only come across as defensive. Although we don’t have a set “end date” for the LDR, we have openly and honestly discussed the possibility of living together/marriage in the future.

 

Not sure what my question is. I guess I wonder if its common for people that have never been in a LDR to trivialize the LDRs of others? Am I justified in being hurt by this comment or being too sensitive?

 

Anyway, hope I didn’t make this too long. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Just typing this out is very therapeutic

Edited January 7, 2012 by only_human

[folieadeux]

LDRs always get a bad rap, but it's really not worth stressing over what other people think. As long as you both are happy that's all that matters.

[Els]

LDRs always get a bad rap, but it's really not worth stressing over what other people think. As long as you both are happy that's all that matters.

 

Yep, second this.

 

I agree that people generally scoff at LDRs - some go as far as calling them 'not real Rs'. IMO an LDR is as much a R as any other - just a far more difficult one. I did not find my R to be any more 'real' now that we're in the same place, as compared to when we were LD.

[salparadise]

Yes, people often say things that indicate they think of LDRs as being less serious or less than real than a 'normal' relationship. They tend to think of anyone that starts one intentionally a being a bit kooky. There is one aspect in which they are at least partially correct. In LDRs your lives remain separate, most of your time is spent separately, and the time you do spend together is usually focused entirely on your partner and the relationship. This, as opposed integrating your lives fully. These people seem to not comprehend the reason we endure the hardship and limitations... that is, to those of us who stick it out, people are not interchangeable like clothes or furniture. The misunderstanding is based on their assumption that any equally fun and attractive person, or anyone who meets basic criteria, but lives nearby could simply be switched out for the sake of practicality. Perhaps that is true for them but not for us.

 

I did the online dating thing and met (coffee date, meet & greet style) something on the order of 40 women over about two years time. Many of them were nice, attractive people who would have been acceptable partners if the chemistry and connection were there. I was holding out not just for someone who seemed acceptable, but for someone that made my pulse quicken and my knees weak. After two years I finally found her and she lives five hundred miles away. We both have kids in high school and we're seeing them through graduation. My perspective is that I was damn lucky to find her and since the feeling seems to be mutual and everything else is working extremely well, I'd be a damn fool to give her up because the distance is inconvenient. Soul-mate potential at may age ain't nothin to sneeze at. So, I'm not about to roll the dice under the assumption I can find the same thing within walking distance. I care about her so much more than the role she plays in my life or my desire to have a date every weekend.