annabanana85 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Long story short, I met this guy (let's call him Mr. X) 5 months ago and we started dating. In the beginning, he was extremely passionate and romantic, constantly taking me out on dates and showering me with attention. Then all of a sudden, after 3 weeks of dating, he told me that he just got out of a serious relationship of 8 years where his ex gf cheated on him and left him for another guy a year ago. He told me that he is not ready for a long term relationship and told me that we should take a break. Since then he only sent me a few txts on my bday and Thanksgiving. A month ago, I bumped into his friends who told me that he is crazy about me and keeps talking about me. Then Mr X contacted me again and we met up. He bought me flowers and told me that he wants to get back together. He also told me that during the break, he had gotten back with his ex gf who had heard about me and who was no longer with his current bf. But things with his ex gf did not work out since they no longer had chemistry and they had not had sex, although they had kissed. He told me that he is no longer in love with her although she will always be in his life, as a friend (sigh!) I have not seen him for a month since I was gone for two weeks and now he is gone for two weeks. But we are in constant contact through e-mail, txts and phone. Now the complicated issue is that I did an online search for this guy and I found out that the ex-gf has been married to this other guy since 2009!!!! And I think that now she is divorced from that guy. So the dates that he told me do not match at all. Also, Mr X is supposed to be in Boston this wknd for a friends graduation. And further search online revealed to me that this friend is actually his ex gf's sister!!!! Now I find this situation extremely shady. Why did he lie to me about the dates and why is he in Boston for his ex gf's sister graduation? Yet he seems very much into me at the moment and he introduced me to all his friends. So how do I go about interpreting all of this? What is his deal? Should I tell him that I know about these lies - even though it will make me look like a stalker, obviously? Or should I just pretend I don't know and go along with it and give him a chance? I'm really tempted to call him now and call him out on his web of lies!!!
FitChick Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 He sounds confused and maybe wants to hedge his bets to see which woman sticks around. Maybe you should stop sleeping with him and start dating others as well until something gets sorted out.
skelterhelter Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Here's the heart of the matter: He took a break from you to see where he stood with his ex (or, a worse scenario, he's been seeing his ex this entire time). Do you want someone who puts his ex above you? Someone who keeps you as a back-up? You're way better than that! I know it hurts to hear, but you're not a priority to him, no matter how "nicely" he treats you (besides, showering you with flowers and a text every day doesn't prove much of anything. To be honest, the ****ty way he keeps you on the back burner to his ex should tell you everything). I say this because I just went through the same thing and am better for telling him to **** off. If he wants his ex, let him have her! Just don't think you're getting me in the process
Author annabanana85 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 So he has not contacted me since Friday when he left for the trip. He was supposed to come back to Chicago today or tomorrow. The anticipation is killing me. Should I just contact him and demand an explanation?
betterdeal Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 He's got things he needs to sort out on his own, and you're probably best to not be involved in that. My advice is to suggest he gets in touch with you when he has tidied up his loose ends, and move on. This yo-yo behaviour will not do you any good. The anxiety you're feeling now? That's going to be common place if you don't draw a line.
salparadise Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 He also told me that during the break, he had gotten back with his ex gf who had heard about me and who was no longer with his current bf. But things with his ex gf did not work out since they no longer had chemistry and they had not had sex, although they had kissed. [...] Why did he lie to me about the dates and why is he in Boston for his ex gf's sister graduation? Yet he seems very much into me at the moment and he introduced me to all his friends. [...] Should I tell him that I know about these lies - even though it will make me look like a stalker, obviously? Or should I just pretend I don't know and go along with it and give him a chance? So he has not contacted me since Friday when he left for the trip. He was supposed to come back to Chicago today or tomorrow. The anticipation is killing me. Should I just contact him and demand an explanation? Getting involved with anyone who hasn't cut the ties completely from their previous relationship(s) is a really bad idea. Some people just can't let go and some of them don't even want to, but they want something temporary, a plan B, someone to assuage the loneliness, soothe the ego, make the ex a little jealous, hang with and sleep with. They need someone who will be easy enough to let go if the ex takes them back, and someone gullible enough to just accept whatever distorted version of reality they proffer. You really DO NOT want to be that person. Why did he lie? Well, that's simple enough. Because that's what liars do. Why do fish swim or chickens lay eggs? He's disingenuous and that's all you really need to know, isn't it? No, don't tell him what you know. It will just result in him telling you more lies and professing his undying love to try and keep you on the string. Don't call him up and demand any explanation. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction or closure of knowing that you caught him lying and were hurt. He won't care anyway and it will be a relief to him rather than thinking that you're arbitrarily rejecting him. Better to just let him wonder why you're kicking his lying butt to the curb... that is if you even hear from him once he returns.
TLCbear Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I say let it go and move on, you haven't been dating that long anyway. Don't allow this guy to continue to lie to you.
Author annabanana85 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 So he sends me a realllllly long txt message this morning at 4 AM saying that he was not able to contact me because even though he came back from Boston on Sunday night, he left straight for his parents house in the suburbs, left his phone chargers at home, and then stayed there for the weekend. Sounds like bull**** to me!!!! I don't know what to believe. I bet he will contact me tonight asking me what I'm doing for the weekend. Should I confront of him and tell him that I know about his lies even though my stalkerdom will be revealed?
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Naw, don't give him the time of day. What could he possibly say/lie about that would invalidate what you already know? Don't answer his calls or text all weekend. Then text him on Monday saying you left your phone charger somewhere and were gone all weekend where there were no phones, and your car broke down, and you just got back...blah blah.. Monkey see, Monkey do. How fun to throw his crap back into his face. Or don't even answer him at all. Personally, I would let him know that you see right through him by texting him the same ridiculous excuse, and then never talking to him again.
betterdeal Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 What can you possibly gain from talking to him any more? What is it that is stopping you from walking past this bum of all the bums you ignore in life?
vsmini Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 What is there to interpret? He's got LOADS of baggage and he lies. End of story. Already the fact that he told you he keeps in contact with his ex on a regular basis is a HUGE red flag - it's not as if the dust has even settled from that relationship and drama. If they hadn't been dating for over a year or two maybe....but when the ex is still in the picture...even this soon after a break up. Bad news. The situation is not that complicated - move on from this guy. It just sounds like drama all around.
skelterhelter Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Wait...so he went on this long trip and didn't bring a phone charger?! That would be the first thing I'd throw in my bag if I was going to be away for a long period of time. I guess his parents' phone was dead too so he couldn't contact you that way either, right? And how did he alert his parents on his supposedly dead phone to tell them he was coming over? Smoke signals? Morse Code? Yeah, this reeks of bullsh*t. I'd say ignore his calls, make him squirm a bit, then cut this assh*le loose.
chryssy83 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 He is either with her or wants to be. The good news is he's probably really just stringing her along, though. The bad news is that he is doing the same with you. From personal experience I can tell you he is a bad apple. You will feel great in a few weeks if you tell him that the story of his Boston weekend is BS and he knows it. No need for further discussion, tell him never to contact you again.
phineas Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I extract myself from complicated situations & avoid confused people. I subscribe to the KISS method when it comes to women. Keep It Simple Stupid. I suggest you do this also with men OP.
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