hellohello Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 WARNING: I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTHY POST, BUT... Aiight I'm about to explain the situation, and yes, as you read further and further and finally reach the part where I explain what I did, you will agree with the title of this thread: #1 bonehead move of 2004. I apologize for my audacity/idiocy... Me and this chick at work been feelin' each other for over a month now, there was a mutual attraction and I could tell. HOWEVER, she had a boyfriend, who she had been with for 2 years, so I decided to just go with the flow and see where it goes. Eventually I got her cell #, talked to her a couple times over the phone but never because I called her on her cell, but she called me after I texted her or I called up the work number. Anyway, let's continue... She had told me that she was going to go shopping for her prom dress with her b/f this Friday that just passed, and she was also planning on getting him some stuff too. Let me add that her boyfriend has no job, always broke, never pays and actually has her pay for dinner, drives a car that's not his, etc. Let me also add that he is around 5'10" 210, and this girl is about 4'11" 89 lbs, literally. Let me continue... So she doesnt come to work on Friday cuz she went to go shopping, and then on Saturday she's supposed to come in, and I wanted to talk to her about what she had bought. And then I hear she ain't comin in...hmmm...and then someone at work tells me how she came in today all beat up with bruises and scratches and that on Friday her b/f beat her bad and the cops were after him. >:>:>: Now when I hear this, my mindstate is completely fuccked up, and I call her and all I get is her voicemail, and I leave a message askin if she aiight, and I continue to work all fuccked up. She had wanted to come in that day, but she was told she should stay home. However, she definitely wanted to come in the next day, Sunday, and I would be workin' with her in the morning, so I waited... Her mother called that Sunday morning, I talked to her about the whole situation, and then they both came in. Throughout the course of the day, I talked to her about the whole situation, about everything, life, and she had flat out said she still wanted to be with him... Obviously, she was in a state of shock and emotional distress, but I kept talkin' to her about how much of a piece of shiit he was, she needed to stay away from guys like him, etc. As I look back, I definitely see that as a miscalculation on my part, but it gets worse later... She's an insecure girl, so I always try to bring her self-esteem up and make her feel good, and I definitely did that even further that day. And she always talked about how she never went out or did anything, and really hinted that day about how nobody ever called her cell. I was like "You act like nobody likes u..." and she was like " I never said that, I just said THEY DON'T CALL ME." Hint: See second paragraph of this post. Finally, it's time for her to leave, and then she gets picked up by her mom, and leaves with this big smile on her face and says bye to me...and after this is when I pull the biggest bonehead move in the history of playerdom/mankind... Okay, so now it's Monday (yesterday), and I call her mother to see how she's doing. She goes over how her b/f was found and they had just arrested him :eek and how she had went to the hospital the day before and they checked on her. After a long convo, she tells me how I should just call HER instead, and I say how her cell can't be reached, so her mother gives me the HOUSE NUMBER. Now, keep in mind that her mother is VERY protective, especially now at this point, and doesn't want ANYBODY calling her daughter or anything like that. In fact, at the end of the phone call, she TELLS me to call her daughter, and does a little chuckle at the end. I'm just thinking "DAMN, I GOT MOM'S APPROVAL ALREADY!?" And that's what leads to my major fucck-up. I wasn't planning on calling the chick herself, especially at her house, so now I'm not thinking and just wondering what exactly to say. So basically, this call turned out to be rushed and basically freestyled and to a certain point not by my own will. Remember I rarely called her before, and I would play the ignore game PLENTY of times before, and was never this open and friendly to her, so it must've been a major shock when I called up her HOUSE #, which I had just gotten an hour before from her mother, and started talkin' to her. I asked what had happened, how she was doing, what her plans were, but the whole way I did it was WRONG. Instead of sounding comforting and consoling, I came off as all cheery and pushy, and she obviously sounded like she wanted to end the call. AND THEN... Right after she said she had to go, I asked what she was planning on doing tomorrow (TUESDAY) and she said the usual "Nothing". I always ask her what she's doing, and always just said "Okay" but this time I said "Well, I got a day off, you wanna do something?" Her: Uhhh I dont know... Me: Come on, you said you weren't doing anything, so... Her: Well, I don't think my mom allows me out on schooldays... Me: We can just chill at ur house then or something... Her: *nervous laugh* Uh I don't know I'll talk to u tomorrow... END OF PHONE CALL... WTF WAS I THINKING?!?! AM I FUCCKING RETARDED?! I don't know, I had a SERIOUS lapse of judgment at this point. I wouldn't even consider this an amateur mistake, or a stupid mistake, just plain retardedness. Now only was I not going about it the right way, but the timing was downright ridiculous. I wasn't thinking at all, no excuses... AFTER THIS LENGTHY POST, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS... Just HOW bad did I fucck things up? I already know I did for sure. I know she will be incredibly uncomfortable next time I see her, and I will definitely try my best to make sure she's feels all right. But I'm worried I completely fuccked up any chance of being with her EVER for this ridiculous stunt. How would she feel after this? Would it just be a lil' uneasiness, or downright "WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?!?!" or something else? I'm wondering how she would react to this, and how I should go about and remedy the situation and put things at ease. HELP ME, MY COMPULSIVE SIDE GOT THE BEST OF ME...
moimeme Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Chill. Seriously. Chill. You'll live. Wait until you see her again and see how she is. Maybe she had to think about it. Maybe she was still pretty upset after getting beaten up. Maybe she still wants the other guy. Or maybe she just had to go do something really bad and didn't have time to talk. So take many deep breaths and just be nice as usual next time you see her.
tinkstwin Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 play hard to get now. I think your smothering her, and if you do it will just make her run far far away. Seriously, if you play hard to get and act like you dont care about her all of a sudden, she'll miss it and want u to come running back. give it like a week... and you can update
Love2share Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Eventhough your intentions weren't too bad, I think you were clearly out of line. You let your selfish desires get into the way of her need to be comforted. By doing this, you "obviously" were attempting to take advantage of the situation. Clearly, you have feelings for this girl. But don't let that get the best of you. It doesn't sound like she is attracted to you in that way. That could also be a reason for you to keep in mind for how she reacted to your offer. Her mother gave you the home number out of concern. I would suggest you not call her at home anymore. Despite your concerns, you should have allowed the girl to give you permission to call that number. Right now she could be thinking that you masterminded some kind of selfish plan to go behind her back by getting to her mother. All you really needed to do was give the mother a message to tell the girl. That would have been enough. Don't worry. It's not as bad as you think because you have at least acknowleged you were wrong. Now, you need to confront her in person to apologize about your being too forward and out of line. Get her a nice little "thinking of you" greeting card to express your friendship with her. Let her know that you are there for her "whenever" she needs you. Don't put anything about the apology in the card, though. Apologize in person as you are giving the card to her. That will warm her mood so that she won't feel more uncomfortable taking the card from you. Put your phone number in the card. Then, stay away from her, except for short & friendly hello's. Allow her to come to you. If she doesn't, then just except the fact that she isn't the right one for you. Good luck !!!
Guest Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Wow.....where to start? Something tells me you're both still in high school, or at least of teenage ranks, so we'll go this route. The best thing you can do is forget about the "playerdom" bull$hit and just be honest. It seems that you got your two heads mixed up here. It is possible, believe it or not, to have feelings for a girl and genuine concern for a girl and not want to get with that girl at the same time. Ask yourself, "Do I like her?", if the response is yes and you have true feelings and/or concern, then just be there for her. She just got the crap kicked out of her by a bf who is obviosly not right for her, but she doesn't realize that. IT has been said that women who stay in abusive relationships are going on what is called a "variable schedule of positive reinforcement." In other words, he is nice alot, then he hits and beats. She'll keep coming back because she only sees the good times, which usually predominate the bad. She needs help that you can't give her in that respect. Additionally, and correct me if I'm wrong, it seems that she doesn't have a father to watch out for her.....and her mom ain't doing things right either. But its not your job to be the daddy or the big brother, especially when you want to be with this girl romantically. The best bet for you is to JUST BE THERE. If she sees you as someone who is trying to "move in" on her, she'll back off and you'll be where you are now. I say don't call the house, just talk to her at work/school. Make sure she's okay, but don't be pushy. She may warm up to your kindness and see you for your true caring intentions, if that is what they are. And, in the long run, you'll grow closer based on your friendship, rather than your "playerdom."
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