Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Plenty of awful people get into relationships but for the most part I don't see women who truly do treat men well staying single for too long. There are exceptions but when men see a gem we quickly do what we can to have her in our life.
soserious1 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Why do guys think it's OK to tell you they are bored and horny when they contact you on a dating site? What is any decent woman supposed to say to that? Why does it seem wrong and old-fashioned if a woman says she wants to get to know a guy first before venturing into sex-chat territory? Why is that seen as boring and not fun? Is getting to know a person just a frustrating barrier to sex for guys? Don't they think about the message they are conveying? "I'm feeling bored tonight." translated as "I've got nothing better to do and I'm bored so I spotted you online and thought I'd try you." "I'm feeling horny." - so? Why is that my problem? Why are you telling a total stranger this? translated as "I don't see you as a potential partner for some reason so I'll just be direct and tell you about my c**k instead for a bit of fun online." All in all, it seems grossly insulting. To assume someone is prudish because they don't like being treated like an online fun-doll outlet is crass. Is there any excuse for it? Is there anything well-meaning in this behaviour at all? If so, I can't see it. You're visiting an online dating site, if you aren't interested in what a man is offering, just say "no thank you" and move along. Why make it like a guy is committing some sort of crime just because he's looking for "a bit of fun online" ?
Author spiderowl Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 You're visiting an online dating site, if you aren't interested in what a man is offering, just say "no thank you" and move along. Why make it like a guy is committing some sort of crime just because he's looking for "a bit of fun online" ? If I have written clearly on my profile that I'm interested in a relationship where I get to know the man and not interested in a fling or quick shag, then he has no excuse whatsoever to make an approach like I've described. Guys like him are offensive, no two ways about it. Why excuse someone who isn't bothering to read even?
ScreamingTrees Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If I have written clearly on my profile that I'm interested in a relationship where I get to know the man and not interested in a fling or quick shag, then he has no excuse whatsoever to make an approach like I've described. Guys like him are offensive, no two ways about it. Why excuse someone who isn't bothering to read even? Maybe they've had positive experiences with people who've had a "change of heart" after they sent them sleazy messages? Who knows.
Woggle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 They do it because it works. These guys still get the women into bed. It might not work with you but it works with plenty of women. In fact I bet these guys do better than gentlemen who are also looking for a relationship.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 (edited) Plenty of awful people get into relationships but for the most part I don't see women who truly do treat men well staying single for too long. There are exceptions but when men see a gem we quickly do what we can to have her in our life. If that was true Woogle, again I repeat (something both you and Carhill are avoiding mention of) there would be no cheaters, liars or abusers in relationshps. There wouldn't be the high divorce rate that we see today. Tell me how so many good people are in relationships yet we have high divorce rates, with women that end up with the children and more the half the man's stuff in some cases. Isn't this a common compliant from men? About all the women that take a man's things upon their divorce? Is she a good woman? Tell me how so many good people are in relatoinships when we have men and women both lying to each other and cheating at a pretty high rate. Answer me those questions. Because so far, both you and Carhill have completely ignored the common sense in my question. It's funny to me that you of all people think all the good ones are taken yet you repeatidly laminate about how women treat men poorly and cheat and lie. If you really believed that men were picking good women, and that most relationships where filled with two healthy individuals, you wouldn't even express the opinions you do here of men and women. You yourself don't even have a great view of women yet your in a relationship. Only healthy people get into relationships? Please. Look at all the messed up people on here that are in relationships. Look at all the people in real life. 99.9% of people are messed up in some way. I see women who treat men well and women who treat men like crap in relationships all the time. I see men who treat women well and men who treat women like crap in relationships all the time. People come with their own set of traits, needs and baggage that aid in who they end up with. No one in this life remains unscathed and I think every person on the face of this earth has relationships issues they need to work on and overcome within their personal experiece. To imply that most men pick good women is to imply that men are 100% intelligent and superior to women when picking mates and know more about relationships then women do. That men are completely 100% healthy individuals and women aren't. And that's just really strange. Because that in itself isn't even a healthy mindset. Further, you and carhill are insinuating that women are too ignorant to know good men which is why good guys end up alone while you keep telling yourself men are so smart in these matter they snatch up good women. Do you know how many women I've seen say the same stuff about men? That all the good ones are taken? I tell them the same thing I've told you and Carhill. Men don't automatically see "good women" and "snatch her up" because of her "goodness". So many other factors come into play and usually for men, the number one factor of men choosing a mate has first to do with looks. Not a woman's inherent "goodness". Usually a man will overlook a lot if she is really hot. Then he is willing to put up with more because of her hotness. Next thing he knows, he's in a relationships for years. Sorry, but men are not so relationships minded superior to women that men in droves are snatching up 'good women". If they were, like you and Carhill are implying, there wouldn't be nearly the number of failed relationships and relationship issues we see in today's culture. And you know it. Which is why both you and Carhill have ignored me everytime I asked you how it was possible for men to be snatching up "good women" when so many divorces and cheating on one another in a relationship happens. Edited January 8, 2012 by Disenchantedly Yours
xxoo Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If that was true Woogle, again I repeat (something both you and Carhill are avoiding mention of) there would be no cheaters, liars or abusers in relationshps. There wouldn't be the high divorce rate we see. Tell me how so many good people are in relationships yet we have high divorce rates, with women that end up with the children and more the half the man's stuff in some cases. Tell me how so many good people are in relatoinships, we have men and women both lying to each other and cheating and a pretty high rate. Answer me those questions. Because so far, both you and Carhill have completely ignored the common sense in my question. These are two different things. I'm not sure if there is truth to the statement that all the "good ones" are snatched up. But if that were true, it could also be true that lots of "bad ones" (lol) are busy marrying, lying, cheating, divorcing, etc, supporting the divorce and abuse rates. I think the larger truth is that both men and women find it easier to identify a person as a "good one" when they are already in a relationship, walking the walk, and being an awesome partner. A single person is living a single lifestyle, which is fundamentally different from a married lifestyle (me vs. we). It takes some investment to discover if that person is a "good one" for marriage, while it is much more readily evident with happily married acquaintances.
xxoo Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If I have written clearly on my profile that I'm interested in a relationship where I get to know the man and not interested in a fling or quick shag, then he has no excuse whatsoever to make an approach like I've described. Guys like him are offensive, no two ways about it. Why excuse someone who isn't bothering to read even? He simply doesn't view any risk from taking a chance with a crass proposition. You may be offended, but he doesn't care. Relatively anonymous internet communication reduces the risk to the point where he says what he wants, when he want. The internet killed what was left of our decency
Casablanca Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 He simply doesn't view any risk from taking a chance with a crass proposition. You may be offended, but he doesn't care. Relatively anonymous internet communication reduces the risk to the point where he says what he wants, when he want. The internet killed what was left of our decency That and/or they probably don't even read your profile...they just send them out based on pictures
phineas Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 They do it because it works. These guys still get the women into bed. It might not work with you but it works with plenty of women. In fact I bet these guys do better than gentlemen who are also looking for a relationship. Yep. Law of average's. Get enough women's attention & one or more is bound to be DTF whether it's online or in real life. online just let's you reach more at once.
Woggle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 There are plenty of awful people who marry or get into relationships but I don't see too many great women that stay single for long. It's especially true after a certain age. Maybe the same concept applies to men as well. I don't date men so I can't tell you. I can accept the fact that I do not fully understand relationships from a woman's point of view so why can't more women believe men when we speak about relationships from our point of view. For men looking for a happy and healthy relationships it is very hard.
snug.bunny Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Why do guys think it's OK to tell you they are bored and horny when they contact you on a dating site? What is any decent woman supposed to say to that? Why does it seem wrong and old-fashioned if a woman says she wants to get to know a guy first before venturing into sex-chat territory? Why is that seen as boring and not fun? Is getting to know a person just a frustrating barrier to sex for guys? Don't they think about the message they are conveying? "I'm feeling bored tonight." translated as "I've got nothing better to do and I'm bored so I spotted you online and thought I'd try you." "I'm feeling horny." - so? Why is that my problem? Why are you telling a total stranger this? translated as "I don't see you as a potential partner for some reason so I'll just be direct and tell you about my c**k instead for a bit of fun online." All in all, it seems grossly insulting. To assume someone is prudish because they don't like being treated like an online fun-doll outlet is crass. Is there any excuse for it? Is there anything well-meaning in this behaviour at all? If so, I can't see it. Funny. But, try not to let it get you down. The best thing to do would have been to either (a) ignore it or (b) say "no thanks, bugger off" (perhaps in a less pleasant way of course...) I recall a time a few years back, after I had exchanged mobile numbers with a guy I met. He sent me a picture of his penis, completely unprompted, I was in disbelief (I mean it was big and all, but eek ). And, a female friend had the same thing happen to her once. Except, the guy is married (she knew him from work). So, I guess some guys think nothing of it. I'm sure there are females though who send pics of their naughty bits to random strangers just the same. Heck, girls flash their boobies to guys just for the hell of it. Have you ever heard of "Whip 'em Out Wednesdays"?
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