spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Why do guys think it's OK to tell you they are bored and horny when they contact you on a dating site? What is any decent woman supposed to say to that? Why does it seem wrong and old-fashioned if a woman says she wants to get to know a guy first before venturing into sex-chat territory? Why is that seen as boring and not fun? Is getting to know a person just a frustrating barrier to sex for guys? Don't they think about the message they are conveying? "I'm feeling bored tonight." translated as "I've got nothing better to do and I'm bored so I spotted you online and thought I'd try you." "I'm feeling horny." - so? Why is that my problem? Why are you telling a total stranger this? translated as "I don't see you as a potential partner for some reason so I'll just be direct and tell you about my c**k instead for a bit of fun online." All in all, it seems grossly insulting. To assume someone is prudish because they don't like being treated like an online fun-doll outlet is crass. Is there any excuse for it? Is there anything well-meaning in this behaviour at all? If so, I can't see it.
Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 To me it's brutally honest. At least a guy is letting you know exactly what his intentions are. Why waste time when you can just cut to the chase. They need to have dating sites for more old fashioned people though who don't want to deal with this.
Philosoraptor Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 I'd agree, better to have it come out early then to get your hopes up and have a "want to see my penis" or "want to hook up" happen mid conversation. I don't find it proper though.
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 I agree it's brutally honest, but I also think some of these guys have no idea that women find this behaviour offensive. They seem surprised to be told that. Yet time and time again, I hear of women complaining about this behaviour. What exactly is wrong with getting to know the person you intend to have sex with? Is the intention really to put off the women who don't sleep with every stray guy on the internet who approaches them in a directly sexual manner? Guys simply do not see they are shooting themselves in the foot. They think they are being direct and honest but actually they are lacking in social skills.
Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 This brutally honest approach is more successful than you think. When I was living the player lifestyle I was upfront from the very start. That gave a woman a chance to decide if that is what she wanted or not.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Guys that think it's okay to tell you how bored and horny they are have no social skills. Or are just completely lazy and selfish. Either way, none of these reasons would be good qaulities to have in a guy. They don't know that a woman looking for a quality guy wants to be unwrapped layer by layer in a fun dance instead of having a slab of meat slapped infront of her while he asks, "you want to play with it?" But quality guys DO know this and they TOO will enjoy the dance. When guys would say this to me I'd say various things: "Fantastic. Well this has been .... it's been something alright. Best of luck." "Your conversation skills are enlightening." "Really dude? Do you really think telling me how "bored" and "horny" you are is getting me in the mood?" "Alrighty then. Well, that's great. I'll let you get to it then..." After then said that to me, I was so disinterested in talking to them anymore. And no, there is no well meaningness behind it. Men that use that aren't looking to build anything. They probably spend a lot of time looking at porn instead of learning what really attracts women.
ThaWholigan Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Why do guys think it's OK to tell you they are bored and horny when they contact you on a dating site? What is any decent woman supposed to say to that? Forgive them, they don't know any better. They are desperate and have no prospects outside of the internet, so they come online and go straight for the jugular because they are dying for a shag . Such is the reality.... Why does it seem wrong and old-fashioned if a woman says she wants to get to know a guy first before venturing into sex-chat territory? Why is that seen as boring and not fun? Is getting to know a person just a frustrating barrier to sex for guys? Is getting to know a woman a frustrating barrier to sex? For some guys, yes it is. For many reasons that include not being able to get any kind of sex, you tend to want to skip all that and get to the sex (reason why escorts are so popular lol). The reason why it's seen as boring and not fun, and frustrating, is because: 1) These guys don't know how to make it fun. They are generally poor at social skills, attraction and being interesting. They are consumed by wanting the sex so much that they forgo actually enjoying a conversation with a woman by putting too much emotional investment in her saying yes, and fearing her rejection. They tend to want to avoid this, so they ask for sex online. 2) As a result of the above, they are always susceptible to rejection 100% of the time. They also tend to want to avoid this too Don't take it too personal. They are having a much worst time than you
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Completely agree that honesty is best. Some guys just seem amateurish though. I get the impression they are trying to suss out whether you are interested in a sexual relationship with them. Perhaps they've heard from other guys that if a woman isn't into sex talk from the start she's frigid or not interested. She might be very interested but put off by the lack of interest in her as a person and lack of respect indicated by a direct sexual approach. If guys are simply asking "do you want sex with me now because I'm horny", then fair enough, but if they are looking for a fun and potentially long-lasting relationship, they are sabotaging themselves.
Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Completely agree that honesty is best. Some guys just seem amateurish though. I get the impression they are trying to suss out whether you are interested in a sexual relationship with them. Perhaps they've heard from other guys that if a woman isn't into sex talk from the start she's frigid or not interested. She might be very interested but put off by the lack of interest in her as a person and lack of respect indicated by a direct sexual approach. If guys are simply asking "do you want sex with me now because I'm horny", then fair enough, but if they are looking for a fun and potentially long-lasting relationship, they are sabotaging themselves. This I agree with. People should state in certain terms what it is they are looking for.
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Forgive them, they don't know any better. They are desperate and have no prospects outside of the internet, so they come online and go straight for the jugular because they are dying for a shag . Such is the reality.... Thanks. Yeah, that's the impression I get. It's hardly flattering is it? The stupid thing is that often the guys are physically attractive and even could be considered 'good catches'. They just seem to think this is how you talk to women. They don't want to chat online ... for more than a few sentences ... without their key demands being met. Quite frankly, it's depressing. Guys don't seem to be brought up to respect women any more. What woman wants to feel that she's just seen as there to 'service' guys online?
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Guys that think it's okay to tell you how bored and horny they are have no social skills. Or are just completely lazy and selfish. Either way, none of these reasons would be good qaulities to have in a guy. They don't know that a woman looking for a quality guy wants to be unwrapped layer by layer in a fun dance instead of having a slab of meat slapped infront of her while he asks, "you want to play with it?" But quality guys DO know this and they TOO will enjoy the dance. Wow! Spot on. That's exactly the way it comes across. Where are the quality guys though?
Cypress25 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Why do you care what these guys think of you? Just ignore them. You don't owe them a response, and normal guys don't think of women as boring or prudish if they want a few dates and "getting to know you" conversations before sex. Ignore the horny douchebags propositioning you for sex, and focus on the guys who actually want to date and build a relationship.
Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Thanks. Yeah, that's the impression I get. It's hardly flattering is it? The stupid thing is that often the guys are physically attractive and even could be considered 'good catches'. They just seem to think this is how you talk to women. They don't want to chat online ... for more than a few sentences ... without their key demands being met. Quite frankly, it's depressing. Guys don't seem to be brought up to respect women any more. What woman wants to feel that she's just seen as there to 'service' guys online? I agree that men don't respect women anymore but there is very little respect the other way around. It's a two way street.
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 I don't care what they think of me. It's just depressing that they seem to be the only guys that take the initiative and get in touch. I do ignore them once I realise. Most say the are looking for a relationship and it's only when chatting that you realise that they are 'going for the jugular'. That's what's depressing. I don't know if decent guys exist any more or if they are all being fed this crap that women are not interested in a sexual relationship if they won't engage in sex chat from the start. I think most get their sex education from porn!
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 I agree that men don't respect women anymore but there is very little respect the other way around. It's a two way street. In what way don't you think women respect guys? Is it any wonder if this is how they behave?
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Why do guys think it's OK to tell you they are bored and horny when they contact you on a dating site? What is any decent woman supposed to say to that? I guess they're being honest, kinda like semen splooging on the carpet after rubbing one out. Hard to deny the reality. Probably better to say nothing, IMO. Why does it seem wrong and old-fashioned if a woman says she wants to get to know a guy first before venturing into sex-chat territory? Because, apparently, even back when I was a teenager a couple generations ago, they didn't think that way, hence 'wrong and old-fashioned' Why is that seen as boring and not fun?It's time taken away from spending time with their male friends and doing guy stuff. Sex is a good diversion. 'Quality time' not so much. Is getting to know a person just a frustrating barrier to sex for guys? Don't they think about the message they are conveying?For some it is. Guys don't necessarily think that much when it comes to women. We see examples of it all the time on LS. "I'm feeling bored tonight." translated as "I've got nothing better to do and I'm bored so I spotted you online and thought I'd try you."Or, 'I could post on LS or get a woody chatting up some babe.' Hmm... "I'm feeling horny." - so? Why is that my problem? Why are you telling a total stranger this? translated as "I don't see you as a potential partner for some reason so I'll just be direct and tell you about my c**k instead for a bit of fun online."You're interchangeable with any other woman, at that point anyway. All in all, it seems grossly insulting. To assume someone is prudish because they don't like being treated like an online fun-doll outlet is crass. Is there any excuse for it? Is there anything well-meaning in this behaviour at all? If so, I can't see it.From your perspective it is crass, vulgar and disrespectful, evidently. From theirs, they likely could care less. Look at it this way. By not caring and just hanging it out there, there are no feelings involved and, somewhere, sometime, they'll get a positive response. Chum is cheap; that's why the water is bloody. Someone who is polite, respectful and careful spends a lot of Friday nights alone.
Woggle Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 In what way don't you think women respect guys? Is it any wonder if this is how they behave? Just look in that other thread where some women say who cares what men have to deal with. Misandry is rampant in our society. Also despite what some women say being a gentlemen that respects women pretty much gets a man nowhere in the dating world.
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 It's a pretty simple equation and it goes back to childhood. Negative behavior elicits an emotional response and emotional memories are some of the longest lived memories in the human mind. If the person has love tapes which are triggered by such negative behaviors, they may 'hate' the behavior cognitively but are drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Smokin'
ThaWholigan Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Someone who is polite, respectful and careful spends a lot of Friday nights alone. :lmao: I don't care who thinks otherwise, this is the truest. Carhill knows what he's talking about
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Also despite what some women say being a gentlemen that respects women pretty much gets a man nowhere in the dating world. Well, that's not true for me. The guys I've dated have all been gentleman. They have 'dared' to ask me out, so in that respect they are not passive, but they were gents and respectful. I have to say they got a pretty good sex life with me too. Women who have any self-respect will dump a guy who treats her disrespectfully or as an object. I think what you've said is a myth put about by the PUAs. Their techniques might work for a short while on naive women but most women are looking for something better. I bet dating coaches are not teaching guys to 'go for the jugular'.
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 It's a pretty simple equation and it goes back to childhood. Negative behavior elicits an emotional response and emotional memories are some of the longest lived memories in the human mind. If the person has love tapes which are triggered by such negative behaviors, they may 'hate' the behavior cognitively but are drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Smokin' Sorry Carhill, I don't understand. Who is drawn to what behaviour? Sorry if I seem a bit slow on the uptake here
ThaWholigan Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Well, that's not true for me. The guys I've dated have all been gentleman. They have 'dared' to ask me out, so in that respect they are not passive, but they were gents and respectful. I have to say they got a pretty good sex life with me too. Women who have any self-respect will dump a guy who treats her disrespectfully or as an object. I think what you've said is a myth put about by the PUAs. Their techniques might work for a short while on naive women but most women are looking for something better. I bet dating coaches are not teaching guys to 'go for the jugular'. I think that many men mistakenly equate being a respectful gentleman with being passive to an extent. PUA do have some valuable information on how to be initially attractive at first impression, but past that point their information is useless IMO. Self-respect doesn't come into the issue many times IME, if you do not know how to be attractive and have good enough social skills, no amount of gentlemanly behavior is going to get you the woman.
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Another nuance to consider is that healthy women do not last long in the dating realm. They are quickly pursued and removed from the potentials. What is left is, well, what is left. The same can be said for men, except for the variable of pursuit strength. If a man is circumspect or a weak pursuer, no matter his health otherwise, it will take him longer and he will be exposed to more of 'what is left'. Obviously, demographics/geographics come into play. As I opined in another thread, within ten miles of me, there are 19 women of *any* age on match dot com right now. Within ten years of me, age-wise, there are two, and they're both Hispanic. That's what one calls 'geographic'. I met a few single women around here while I was married who seemed healthy (one is in my journals) but they were gone within days/weeks. I could act like a total jerk online and it wouldn't make any difference. It's like pissin' in the wind.
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) Sorry Carhill, I don't understand. Who is drawn to what behaviour? Sorry if I seem a bit slow on the uptake here IME, broken women, generally those abused, molested and/or raped in their childhoods have love tapes which draw them to negative behaviors. Sometimes, but more rarely, adult women who have had negative relationship experiences at a young adult age. It's almost like the horrific behaviors transfix them. I've seen it with my own eyes. I liken it to 'deep' military training where code words trigger an operative or 'asset' at a subconscious level. 'Normal' men seem 'alien' or 'fake'. I've heard that description a few times. Ouch. Edited January 7, 2012 by carhill clarified 'what' behaviors.
Author spiderowl Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Are you saying I'm not seeing these guys as normal or something? 'Fraid I still don't understand.
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