Buttercup84 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Most of the time dumpers do not wait that long to get into another relationship . And as dumpee's we are pretty much too hurt to even think of dating anyone else . From what I have read here , we start improving ourselves , do things that we always wanted to do , go to the gym etc . But the dumpers didn't really give themselves time to heal even though they were over us for a long time . Of course some dumpers had to end the relationship as the dumpee was abusive and not treating the other partner well So are we better off in a way ?
Philosoraptor Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Whether you are on either side of the breakup; the one who takes time to heal is better off.
CaliBabe Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 That is a really good observation. I think we are better off. We get to take the time to nuture ourselves and do things to make us better.
mike588 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Butter I sure hope so! I hope by us dumpees taking time to heal..getting our emotions...thoughts etc. in order we'll be better off in the long run to where our ex.s never take that valueable time...(like mine) and continue to carry that emotional baggage with them which affects their current relationship.
fificremefarben Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 I sure hope so. As the dumpee, although my heart is broken, I feel like I've grown from this experience in so many ways. I've had a lot of time to sit back and reflect on everything whilst I've been licking my wounds. As for him, I'm sure he still thinks his behaviour was acceptable. Oh well, all little boys have to grow up sometime. I'm sure his day will come.
leoc1973 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Ya know I am starting to think this time to heal crap is a load of BS. I think if someone meets the right person.. and I mean the right person not just a good person they don't really need any time to heal. They can and will fall in love and real love and move on. Sucks but I am starting to think it is true. My ex dumped me and found a new guy right after I kept telling myself ok she doesn't really love him she is just transfering the love from me. I been pretty much NC so I didn't make her comfortable and be a friend to her to let her friend zone me while she falls in love with him. I waited around for pretty much 6 months thinking any day she is gonna come to her senses and nothing. We had a very deep relationship we were very much in love at one point. But she is still with him so unless she has some of her circuits damaged then she is truly happy.
Author Buttercup84 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Ya know I am starting to think this time to heal crap is a load of BS. I think if someone meets the right person.. and I mean the right person not just a good person they don't really need any time to heal. They can and will fall in love and real love and move on. Sucks but I am starting to think it is true. My ex dumped me and found a new guy right after I kept telling myself ok she doesn't really love him she is just transfering the love from me. I been pretty much NC so I didn't make her comfortable and be a friend to her to let her friend zone me while she falls in love with him. I waited around for pretty much 6 months thinking any day she is gonna come to her senses and nothing. We had a very deep relationship we were very much in love at one point. But she is still with him so unless she has some of her circuits damaged then she is truly happy. My ex got dumped three weeks before he met me . Got engaged , lived together .. Now look where I am . Rebounds can last sometimes for years .
Eddie Edirol Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 The dumpers are better off, but only if they arent broken up about the breakup. When they move on to someone else, they find someone they think is better, and they are happier. Everyone gets dumped at some point, and has to learn about themselves. But at the time of a dumping, they are better off. They can eat, have fun, laugh, and get things done.
ken_25 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Depends. Sometimes dumpers walk away from those who just aren't good people. Sometimes dumpees are flat out spit on and walked over and never deserved anything close to that treatment. Someone like you buttercup, or me, are better off. But sometimes, the dumper is better off.
BoredAgain Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 Ya know I am starting to think this time to heal crap is a load of BS. I think if someone meets the right person.. and I mean the right person not just a good person they don't really need any time to heal. They can and will fall in love and real love and move on. Sucks but I am starting to think it is true. My ex dumped me and found a new guy right after I kept telling myself ok she doesn't really love him she is just transfering the love from me. I been pretty much NC so I didn't make her comfortable and be a friend to her to let her friend zone me while she falls in love with him. I waited around for pretty much 6 months thinking any day she is gonna come to her senses and nothing. We had a very deep relationship we were very much in love at one point. But she is still with him so unless she has some of her circuits damaged then she is truly happy. If you were waiting around for her for six months, then I doubt that you properly took time to heal.
2sunny Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 It helps to understand what went wrong in the first failed R before moving forward to the next one. For me, I needed to recognize how I participated in what went wrong... And to never do THAT again. Mine had to do with balance and a healthy boundary. Having a voice and speaking my truth is key.
jenny_ruthie09 Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 I am the dumper, its because I walked away from someone who doesnt see anything wrong in girlie clubs. I am taking my time to heal. I dont need another relationship to make things right again. It takes time to fall out of love , so dumpers who get into another relationship, mostly dont realize what they really want.
Exit Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 I'm feeling better off, but only because I made my situation that way. Taking the breakup at face value, I definitely got the short straw and she was better off having someone new to hang out with already and leaving me in the dust. But since then I've lost 30lbs and have worked on other health goals that she always claimed to want to pursue with me but never made any effort, I've been working on projects that I kept putting off for the last few months, and only because of my own effort, do I feel like I'm not the clear "loser" in this situation. Sure she probably has a better social life than me and probably isn't on her computer like I am on a Saturday night, but in terms of personal growth, I'm sure she's the same old psychotic person, and I've actually changed. (That word psychotic reminded me, I've started therapy too, because I can actually acknowledge that some of what happened was my fault and I need work).
leoc1973 Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If you were waiting around for her for six months, then I doubt that you properly took time to heal. I didn't take time to heal.. I didn't wanna heal I didn't wanna move on. I wanted her back because she made me feel like it distance and circumstances were keeping us apart, not us. In my mind I thought I had my soulmate and I thought she felt the same way but we just couldn't financially do the long distance thing. I waited pined suffered. Then I found out that she was in a long distance relationship with someone else. Yuck she is dead to me! I met someone twice as good when I didn't think it was possible guys like wilson and there was another one promised me that I would meet a better girl and I didn't believe them until I did! I am happier these days. Am I completely over her? Hell no but in my mind there is no going back at this point.
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