arbrne_vet Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 allow ourselves to be manipulated and taken advantage of. I have never in my life had this happen to me. i am trying to figure out why. i have been hanging on to something that was, not looking at something that is. The thing that really gets me, is how can a person do this to someone else. how can someone string someone along, take advantage of them, blah, blah blah. maybe i am just venting. i am really f***cking pissed. i don't know who i am pissed at, or who to direct my anger at. i really want to tell her to go **** herself, go screw someone else up, you ****ing looser!!!!! i am so ****ing mad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2sunny Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 It only happens if we allow it. Looking back - were there things that were signs you ignored or didn't see as problematic at THAT time? What have you learned that you can take to your next R - for boundaries that will work for you next time?
Philosoraptor Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Most people who do so do not understand the pain they are putting you through. They are emotionally immature and find regret in those actions later in life when they do mature. Those who do so with intent are to be pitied. All we can do is forgive their actions and ourselves for falling for such actions. At that point we will find peace and can regain true happiness again.
geegirl Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) Granted there were no signs in the first 6 months, I believe that once the manipulative behavior started surfacing, my fear kicked in. Denial is the worst form of fear. I denied because my self esteem was low. I denied because I was afraid to be alone. I accepted his behavior, even when signs of cheating were rather blatant. Example, I walked into his bedroom and saw a glass on each side of his bed. As soon as he realized it, he was scurrying to get them out of the room. At the time, it never registered. Six months after the break up, like a bubble it burst in my head and I went, "oh god, how did I not see it?" Maybe I saw it, I don't know. I can't say, even till now. If he told me the sun is green, with a little persuasion, I would have believed it. I couldn't hold my own because I did what I needed to do to make things work. Co-dependency at it's worst. My parents were alcoholics and my father was abusive until I was about 20. I made it work then and I was going to make it work now. I was weak minded and in a sad way, felt the most dire need to be loved, accepted and validated, as a child growing up and as an adult. And I was going to do it at any cost. We cannot control the behaviors of others. I can also in a sense attest to my ex probably not realizing the damage he has done or will continue to do. He once said to me that he will always be this way and that while he believes he needs help, he doesn't want to change. And there were times he felt he wasn't flawed and that everyone else was just a little off. What to do? Focus on why you made those choices to stay. You have no control over change when it comes to someone else but you do for yourself. I've come a long way and I will never allow someone to manipulate or hurt me like that again. And while I may stumble along the way, I do believe that I will never allow myself to hit rock bottom like that again. Sometimes a painful lesson is a wonderful blessing. Edited January 6, 2012 by geegirl
sleepykitten Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Granted there were no signs in the first 6 months, I believe that once the manipulative behavior started surfacing, my fear kicked in. Denial is the worst form of fear. I denied because my self esteem was low. I denied because I was afraid to be alone. I accepted his behavior, even when signs of cheating were rather blatant. Example, I walked into his bedroom and saw a glass on each side of his bed. As soon as he realized it, he was scurrying to get them out of the room. At the time, it never registered. Six months after the break up, like a bubble it burst in my head and I went, "oh god, how did I not see it?" Maybe I saw it, I don't know. I can't say, even till now. If he told me the sun is green, with a little persuasion, I would have believed it. I couldn't hold my own because I did what I needed to do to make things work. Co-dependency at it's worst. My parents were alcoholics and my father was abusive until I was about 20. I made it work then and I was going to make it work now. I was weak minded and in a sad way, felt the most dire need to be loved, accepted and validated, as a child growing up and as an adult. And I was going to do it at any cost. We cannot control the behaviors of others. I can also in a sense attest to my ex probably not realizing the damage he has done or will continue to do. He once said to me that he will always be this way and that while he believes he needs help, he doesn't want to change. And there were times he felt he wasn't flawed and that everyone else was just a little off. What to do? Focus on why you made those choices to stay. You have no control over change when it comes to someone else but you do for yourself. I've come a long way and I will never allow someone to manipulate or hurt me like that again. And while I may stumble along the way, I do believe that I will never allow myself to hit rock bottom like that again. Sometimes a painful lesson is a wonderful blessing. How very true, and I hope that I will never hit rock bottom like I did, I had a whole host of abandonment/no selfworth issues and just clung on for dear life, even afterwards his betrayal and lack of any remorse just continued to eat away at me. All I can do is work on myself and take each day as it comes.
fificremefarben Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 maybe i am just venting. i am really f***cking pissed. i don't know who i am pissed at, or who to direct my anger at. i really want to tell her to go **** herself, go screw someone else up, you ****ing looser!!!!! i am so ****ing mad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry, it's good to be angry. I think it's the second or third stage of grief. Means you're on the road to recovery, even if that road is still on rocky terrain right now. This is the point you should be putting her picture on your dartboard as a target . Direct your anger there, lol Things will get better. She won't be able to get away with her behaviour forever. It'll catch up to her.
Recommended Posts