tangerinetrees Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I met this really amazing man thru an online dating site. We talked on the phone and thru text for almost a month before I flew to his hometown to spend New Year's weekend with him. Before I went out there, we talked all the time...literally texting each other all day everyday and he was very aggressively pursuing me. I noticed about a week before we met, when I finally admitted that I was starting to have some feelings for him and I was really interested, he seemed to back off a little bit. Still texting, but less calling and less frequent messages. He works in retail, so I just assumed he was very busy at work - which he was and was absolutely thrilled when I told him I would come out for the weekend. We had an incredible weekend. The chemistry was there from the second we laid eyes on each other. We went out for New Years and had a wonderful time and then took a long drive on Sunday and then I had to go home Monday. He took me to the airport and left me with an incredible kiss and a tight hug and asked me to text him when I got back home. We have texted off and on a bit since then, but he hasn't called to chat with me and I feel like his messages are just a bit half-assed. Am I getting the brush off, or is he really just busy with work? I don't know what to expect from him and I don't want to be that obsessive girl either. Do I just cool it and wait it out to see what happens? Need some advice!
Quiet Storm Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 The chemistry was there from the second we laid eyes on each other. What makes you say this? Did he say that, or was it a feeling that you had?
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 6, 2012 Author Posted January 6, 2012 He said it later at dinner. I agreed. The kiss he laid on me in the middle of the airport when he picked me up also spoke volumes.
Dust Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Did he get to see the tangerinetrees with out her leaves on I wonder? You seem like a sweet girl, his loss if he's lost interest.
jobaba Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 We had an incredible weekend. The chemistry was there from the second we laid eyes on each other. We went out for New Years and had a wonderful time and then took a long drive on Sunday and then I had to go home Monday. He took me to the airport and left me with an incredible kiss and a tight hug and asked me to text him when I got back home. We have texted off and on a bit since then, but he hasn't called to chat with me and I feel like his messages are just a bit half-assed. Am I getting the brush off, or is he really just busy with work? I don't know what to expect from him and I don't want to be that obsessive girl either. Do I just cool it and wait it out to see what happens? Need some advice! 'Chemistry' defined from a woman's perspective at last! :love:
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 6, 2012 Author Posted January 6, 2012 Did he get to see the tangerinetrees with out her leaves on I wonder? You seem like a sweet girl, his loss if he's lost interest. Lol....yes. He sure did....everything about it was incredible. Maybe I am just having a hard time believing that it will all work out. Its almost a too good to be true kind of scenario. He's charming, handsome, passionate and knows what he wants. He doesn't seem to play all the typical stupid dating games and he's a MAN! There are so few real men left out there, it seems. I know he's interested in me, but I suppose I am just being impatient.
FL Lady Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Been here. My honest advice - go completely NO CONTACT. Has worked for me. Guys that come on that fast and furious - cool off that fast and furious. Big red flags for me now. Anyhow. Blow him off and when he does reappear be less enthusiastic. Read that book Flirtexting and be the sassy girl. I AM HER. It works. When I'm Nice Jane , it doesn't. Honestly, I don't like guys who are Nice Joe. It's more fun to be playful. No one van realistically keep up the level of chemistry you described in the beginning. We'd never get any work done. Red flag.
Dust Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Lol....yes. He sure did....everything about it was incredible. Maybe I am just having a hard time believing that it will all work out. Its almost a too good to be true kind of scenario. He's charming, handsome, passionate and knows what he wants. He doesn't seem to play all the typical stupid dating games and he's a MAN! There are so few real men left out there, it seems. I know he's interested in me, but I suppose I am just being impatient. That lucky devil. One of the dating games I play is after spending the kind of quality time I can only imagine you had I always make every effort to call and speak to the girl the next day and let her know how great she is. I'd also want to have another clear date setup in the near future... So he's not doing it my style. He still may like you very much like you felt. Time will tell!
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 That lucky devil. One of the dating games I play is after spending the kind of quality time I can only imagine you had I always make every effort to call and speak to the girl the next day and let her know how great she is. I'd also want to have another clear date setup in the near future... So he's not doing it my style. He still may like you very much like you felt. Time will tell! He IS a lucky devil!! I am a great catch! He did a little more texting today, but is definitely distracted. Wish I could clearly see whether he is distracted because he has been working double shifts all week long or if its because I'm just not on his mind. And I am OBSESSING again! I really need to just accept things for what they are and hope for the best. I am SO not good at playing these dating games!
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Been here. My honest advice - go completely NO CONTACT. Has worked for me. Guys that come on that fast and furious - cool off that fast and furious. Big red flags for me now. Anyhow. Blow him off and when he does reappear be less enthusiastic. Read that book Flirtexting and be the sassy girl. I AM HER. It works. When I'm Nice Jane , it doesn't. Honestly, I don't like guys who are Nice Joe. It's more fun to be playful. No one van realistically keep up the level of chemistry you described in the beginning. We'd never get any work done. Red flag. I have heard of this whole 'no contact' thing. Mad props to anyone who has the will power to actually do it! I have made several attempts to not send him a text at all to see if he would initiate conversation, but the longest I've made it is 1pm! I am hopeless!! As far as the chemistry goes....I don't expect that to last forever, but more than just like 3 days would be nice! My issue is that I am just me.....I have tried so many times in the past to be this awesome dater girl who is flirty and sassy and plays all the games just right and I just can't keep that up and I don't want to. If I can't find a man who likes me for exactly who I am....the true blue me, then I think I would rather be alone. I'm not playing anymore games. I have hurt people and I have been hurt too many times by doing it.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 UPDATE: He still hasn't bothered to call me. All I am getting are these ridiculously brief text messages and half of them are sort of sexual in nature. I am frustrated and feeling really let down. I guess I just expected better from a man who laid so many claims about wanting me and wanting a relationship. Even if he is SO busy at work as he says he is, is it wrong of me to hope for a quick phone call in the evening to catch up? Doesn't even have to be every day! Honest opinions here guys.....am I expecting too much??? Be brutal. I really want to know!
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 If he was relationship material, the lady he just made love with would be hearing (as in on the phone) his plans to fly to her locale to continue this love affair. His busy schedule would find a hole and his substantial income would provide the pittance an airline ticket costs. Lovely man, extra points for technique. Brush off? Nah, he'll be back in touch just at the right moment. They always are.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 If he was relationship material, the lady he just made love with would be hearing (as in on the phone) his plans to fly to her locale to continue this love affair. His busy schedule would find a hole and his substantial income would provide the pittance an airline ticket costs. Lovely man, extra points for technique. Brush off? Nah, he'll be back in touch just at the right moment. They always are. Damn.....that seriously sucks. Plain and simple. I can see such great potential with this man and I am that point where I REALLY want it. So, in your opinion, do I just move onward and upward? Forget about him and continue looking or is there something I can do to turn things around?
carhill Posted January 7, 2012 Posted January 7, 2012 When he calls you asking when a convenient date would be for him to visit, assess then. That's my opinion.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Damn.....that seriously sucks. Plain and simple. I can see such great potential with this man and I am that point where I REALLY want it. So, in your opinion, do I just move onward and upward? Forget about him and continue looking or is there something I can do to turn things around? I'm currently in a similar situation as you... I've been texting and talking to a guy I'd met online for almost a month now, and we had one " date" where we'd went for desssert at this local bakery I know. There was no PDA and definitely no kiss for goodbye, but there was enough chemistry for the both of us to continue contact. In fact, since our date the other night, we've texted each other continuously ( except during the day when I work). He's always quick to respond and we don't really end our conversations until one of us falls asleep. I think a relationship based on texting is bad, unless there are the possibility of seeing each other again. I haven't build my hopes because there was a time where I had to initiate most of the contact and he had been lukewarm to meet me ( he cancelled on me once because of his grandma). However he has started to contact me and I notice his enthusiasm when he texts me or wishes me a good day/night. And as of this moment while I am posting this, we are in the process of setting up a second date.
FitChick Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Perfect example of why, in long distance dating, the man should always travel to you first because he will be invested in you. If it doesn't work out, you aren't inconvenienced and out of pocket. I think he realized that no matter how great you two may have been together, the reality of a LDR hit him and it's too much trouble.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 Perfect example of why, in long distance dating, the man should always travel to you first because he will be invested in you. If it doesn't work out, you aren't inconvenienced and out of pocket. I think he realized that no matter how great you two may have been together, the reality of a LDR hit him and it's too much trouble. I would normally agree with this, but in this case, he sort of 'surprised' me with a plane ticket to see him. He'd been asking me to come out to see him, but i kept putting if off for this or that reason - really because I didn't think it was appropriate for me to spend that kind of money. And then, next thing I knew, he'd emailed my travel itinerary......I actually didn't spend a dime on my trip. There was never even an opportunity to do so. The LDR thing might be an issue....its honestly not something we've really discussed, other than him asking me if I'd be willing to relocate someday.
FitChick Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 he sort of 'surprised' me with a plane ticket to see him. And then, next thing I knew, he'd emailed my travel itinerary... its honestly not something we've really discussed, other than him asking me if I'd be willing to relocate someday. It is a good compromise because you have to do the actual traveling, while he pays for it. I've done that myself. Yes, one person has to think about moving if and when things heat up.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 It is a good compromise because you have to do the actual traveling, while he pays for it. I've done that myself. Yes, one person has to think about moving if and when things heat up. yes....I would be happy to relocate if the relationship progressed the that level and I let him know as much. Just not sure at this point that it will ever get there! He is texting me now...and all seems fine. Maybe I am reading too much into all this. I think when it really comes down to it, I need to slow down. I am jumping into this so quickly and its actually quite terrifying. I haven't been in a relationship or even dated a whole lot since I was divorced a year or so ago.
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