kikilove Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Emma, I just happened to browse your thread, dont mean to crash it or anything but I wanted to let you know that I am so happy that you didnt go ahead and go through with the abortion. See people who are given the miracle of children should embrace it not destroy it, I have been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years and going, I can honestly tell you that I have tried everything, within my resources ofcourse, but it makes me sad the fact that woman who can bear children even think about the abortion option. I know that it is in your best interest and that in the end is ultimetly your decision but I am glad that you turned around. More power to you MOM!
disguy Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Emma, you seem like you have a very low self-esteem. You should just move on with your life and leave this guy behind. Like everyone else here is saying, this guy does not want anything to do with YOU. As for the unborn child. It is your body and it is your unborn child. You do with it as you please. I personally believe pro-choice. But like i said it your decision and yours only. It would help if the guy actually stuck around and cared, but aparently that is not the case. You gotta quit worrying about wheather this guy calls you or not. Because being a man myself, i've been in a situation sorta like this. Except i didn't avoid her. I stepped up to my responsibilities and stayed by her side for a year after my son was born. But now we are not together and i'm paying ALOT of money a week for child support. (that's another story) Anyway goodluck
Author emma16 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Posted June 2, 2004 You are right low self esteem, why beucase of the stuff veryone tells me I care to much about what people think then letting it go in one ear and out the other. I know I am young and very attractive people tell me that all te time I just seem to end up wtih men who can't grow up. It really was not a relationship to start with mostlikely fun and then not. I really don't know. I am going to take responsibilty for my actions and keep this child however what am I going to tell this child for the rest of its life. I have spent most of the day filling out papers on getting a paternity test done. What I feel bothers me the most is that this does not bother him, not his body, and really doesn't have to believe that this is his child. The thing that will bother me most is that do men ever think or do they just assume every girl is on the pill and what not. I am sucking this up but what do I tell this child for the rest of it's life I'm sorry I know who your father is but he want nothing to do with you and what happens when we come across him in public people are going to know whose baby it is. What stopped me was thing about my sister who was told by my father she needed to have an abortion and to this day she can not handle it even after three years. she sees the childs father and has nothing but hate in her eyes for him because he wanted it to. Everytime she looks at my son she cries a few tears. I could not do that do I hate the father of child I am carring yes. Beucase at 27 he is not man enough to at least discuss the situation at hand. However I will confront him if I see him in public and maybe it is not the right thing to do. Do guys every think about this it would I feel bother a women for the rest of her life but will it actually bother a man to know they have a child out there somewhere. I really don't think so. I should have known from the start this guy is a chump I mean he said he dated a girl for five years and then cheated on here because as his friends say he is such a nice guy and didn't know how to break up with her. He is a chump. I am going in tomorrow for an ultrasound to actually see how my child is doing and I can't wait...
tiki Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Congratulations on making the decision to parent this child. From one single mom to another, you go girl!
disguy Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Congrats on keeping your unborn child. With the attitude of your last post, i see that you have finally mustered up the strength to carry on. But this is only the beginning. Wish you well on your long journey ahead.
soserious1 Posted June 2, 2004 Posted June 2, 2004 Go do the right thing,get the abortion and spare everybody involved 21 yrs of pain and anguish..trust me if he wanted to do the baby drama thing with you he'd have told you.His silence tells you all you need to know,that you were a casual lay,a cheap,easy bit of poontang and nothing more.
Author emma16 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Posted June 2, 2004 Well thanks that makes me feel a whole lot better. I am not cheap, or easy, yeah maybe it was just to get laid but why the hell hang around for two weeks after you tell him. Oh can keep getting it until she has the abortion. I am having this child becuase I want to despite what he feels silent does tell it all jsut like when we met always quite he never even lets anyone know he is with someone. Will he learn from having unprotected sex no will I yes yes yes. However yes I have one child already who was concieved while on the pill. Is that considered not talking percaution. I don't think so but yeas drunk sex with out a condom no talk about percationary measures stupid and now here I am. I guess MsLandon made me feel I did not give him a choice but I don't have to I have his answer however I am keeping this child.
tiki Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by soserious1 Go do the right thing,get the abortion and spare everybody involved 21 yrs of pain and anguish..trust me if he wanted to do the baby drama thing with you he'd have told you.His silence tells you all you need to know,that you were a casual lay,a cheap,easy bit of poontang and nothing more. ok that was just sooooo rude and uncalled for. Emma sounds like she's made her choice anyway.
Author emma16 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 Well here is an update last night my unborn childs father called of course i made him leave a voicemail on my cell phone and i have not listened to it yet. I don't care what he has to say anymore about this I have enough to worry about already. With my lst child I went to the dr every two weeks and twice a week the last two months beucase of my lupus and medication that I need to be on from preventing me from losing my frist born son. so today I am of to my regualr ob and then I drive an hour and a half from there to see a high risk pregnancy dr for a number of other tests to determine medication. Has anyone here ever given a baby up for adoption and do they get to see the child I mean it another possibility seeing as there are alot of people out there taht would love to have a baby and I know two of them myself. Giving the child to someone you know would that be hard?
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Emma, I'm new to your post. I'm glad to see you are going to do what makes YOU comfortable. Check your phone directory to see what kind of services are available to help you and your child (if you decide to keep it). As for adoption, that is something only you can decide if it is right for you. I do think though that as there are so many people out there who want a child and can't that you would be able to handpick your child's parents and be able to ask that you are kept in the loop about their progress and development. As for the father, while I think what he did was awful give him a chance to explain. It could be that he was in shock and that he needed time by himself to think things through. Everyone handles stuff differently.
Author emma16 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 Well he called yesterday. I asked him what he would like to do about this and HE stated I do and I don't want to have this baby and I think you should have an abortion. He stated also it was his fault to and things got all messed up and he has been thinking about it alot. Well I spoke with my firend and I guess the decision is going to be based souly on me I know what he wants so I told him i would have an abortion however he does not know that I am not at this point I need to really think about it I now know for sure where he stands. I hope that I don't run into him anytime soon because I have no clue what I will say to him but he already has heard that I have not been drinking or smoking and will not be for awhile yet until I make up my mind on what I want to do now. I am still so unsure about what to do has any guy had someone have an abortion and regret it? I know many girls that regret it but do men just blow it off like it never happened, not their body they don't have to go throught it?
Shasta Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 You know, you need to tell him that you're going to have this baby. Adoption is such a good thing hun! It will give someone a chance to have a baby that can't. Your one of the fortunate ones that can get pregnant. Don't give in just because now he wants an abortion. Tell him that you had made up your mind when he decided to ignore you, and that adoption is the way it will have to be. Hell, if he doesn't want an adoption, get a really good guy friend and say he's the father and let him sign the adoption forms. My mom didn't put my real father on my birth certificate, just because he was a low life and didn't want me having his last name.
soserious1 Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by emma16 Well he called yesterday. I asked him what he would like to do about this and HE stated I do and I don't want to have this baby and I think you should have an abortion. He stated also it was his fault to and things got all messed up and he has been thinking about it alot. Well I spoke with my firend and I guess the decision is going to be based souly on me I know what he wants so I told him i would have an abortion however he does not know that I am not at this point I need to really think about it I now know for sure where he stands. I hope that I don't run into him anytime soon because I have no clue what I will say to him but he already has heard that I have not been drinking or smoking and will not be for awhile yet until I make up my mind on what I want to do now. I am still so unsure about what to do has any guy had someone have an abortion and regret it? I know many girls that regret it but do men just blow it off like it never happened, not their body they don't have to go throught it? The two of you were casually dating,how on earth can you expect him to come across as some wellspring of emotion on this issue? I'm not hearing much concern in your posting for either the prospective child or for the father wishes in this matter.I'm hearing that you like this guy a lot more than he likes you and perhaps are hoping that he'll spring forward and offer to do the right thing or something. Babies should only happen within the context of a marriage/ commited relationship hopefully after open discussion and agreement from both parties.If you can't abort adoption is a good choice but have you considered how you're going to feel in a few months walking around as big as a house while he's out there living his life? Have you considered how you're going to explain the situation to your family,pre-existing child? Have you thought about how it's going to feel to have hand that baby over,walk away and never look back? Have you considered how it's going to feel to go thru this alone? What of the child? Adoption isn't always a rose garden,go to google.com and search for "bastard nation" and listen to adult adoptees tell their stories.What if the child isn't born perfect?Then you're either going to be placing a disabled kid into the foster care system or be stuck rearing him/her yourself and depriving your other child in the process. Base your choice on those realities,not on some hope that your sex partner is going to come to his senses and morph into Prince Charming.
Leikela Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 First you say you are going to have an abortion, then you say you're definitely keeping the baby, but after talking to the guy you're considering having an abortion again? What is wrong with this picture? You have a life growing inside of you!! A life that will grow into a person like you and me! How can you be so casual about something like this? The decision is really only up to YOU! It's your body and your life. You made a mistake by getting pregnant and now it's your responsibility to live up to what you did. What do YOU want to do? If you want to keep the baby, then keep it. HE CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. You've already been through birthing a child so would you go through that again to give your unborn child a life? Even if you don't keep the baby, putting it up for adoption would be a good thing. I am adopted and I am so glad I wasn't aborted. I love my parents and wouldn't have wanted my life any other way. Not to mention that my parents, who couldn't have kids, are now fufilled for having me in their life too. It's your decision, so make it according to what YOU want. Not some guy who you barely know...
MsLandon Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by emma16 I guess MsLandon made me feel I did not give him a choice but I don't have to I have his answer however I am keeping this child. Emma, I never said that you didn't give him a choice. When you first started posting you - you said that youfelt that you didn't give him a choice. My advice to you was that he's already told you what his choice is by his actions -- and I was right -- based upon the phone call you said that you had with him. I told you that this wasn't really even about you giving him a choice...you should realize that you are using this issue as a means to a connection with him. Hoping that he'll do something or change his behavior in such a way that would include you and the unborn child in his life. Not gonna happen. I suggested that you focus on what the right decision was for you and the unborn child...not him or how he is reacting. At this point there isn't even any reason to think about him. You have bigger fish to fry, like making a concrete decision about the life you are carrying. I haven't followed your posts for a while but it seems that you are more consumed with him than the life you are carrying. Who cares what you'd say to him if you see him again??? Hon, that's not important. Focus on the potential child. As I said, I am pro choice. There are so many options available to you. Each are gonna be difficult. I could not imagine having an abortion. It would be on my conscience until I left this world. I could not imagine carrying a child for 9+ months only to give it away. Spending the rest of my life wondering if the parents were ok parents, where the child was, if it was ok, if it would try to find me one day.... I'd feel conflicted about how fair it would be to subject an unborn child to a life where I'm not mentally, emotionally or financially mature enough to care for it. Knowing that my lack of development would cause needless "issues" for them to work out in their child, adolencense and adulthood. None of these choices are easy ones. You have a hard road ahead of you. Take a step towards growing into the mature woman I know you can be and make the best choice possible - for all involved. I will pray for you.
Author emma16 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 I told him I had it done but I have not I have gone to see a cousoler at Planned parenthood to discuss all of my options. I do't sleep or eat I have lost ten pound within a two week period. I need to deal with this on my own. Like I said I have to talk to someone and it can't be my family my dad forced my sister to have an abortion at 25 he still thinks he can run my life he is controlling and I do can not stand my father none of us can he cuts us down all the time this will be another reason. I am very angry at myself and honestly angry at everyone for something I did. I am so stressed and depresed over this I don't even spend anyime with my on right now because my life was going fine and was turned upside down when things were getting better. Its not a question but a lesson learned in time..
Iamhappy Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Just genuinely curious, how old are you really? Also, have you had other adult relationships (not just casual dating, but long-term)?
Author emma16 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 I am 25 I was in a realtionship for a year with a guy we lived together and started talking about marriage but I have a great fear of falling in love and being hurt so I push men away or relationship ended at the end of March. Then this the relationship prior was with my sons father that was for three years and the abuse was to much I think that is where alot of these problems stem from. Low self esteem, afraid to be hurt and get close to anyone I mean I was very happy in my last relationshil and then I thought when is he ging to cheat on me or raise a hand to me and I just started pulling back and that was it done. Same with this when I knew I was pregnant I did not want to tell him but I did and I did things that I know would make any guy mad when you first start dating just to push him away and make everything easier however I felt guilty so I told him. Then continued the alot of my friends know this is the way I am and I have no clue why. I am not a whore or a slut I just feel that since I had my son I don't want him to get to attached to someone and maybe it is beucase my father keeps telling me I should either be with my sons dad or be alone.
miz_barby Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Your story is such a sad story and to think you're not a young girl you're a grown woman! You shouldn't let what people say influence your life so much! Who cares what your dad says if he "abused" you as you say in your last post then why would you want to be with him? No one deserves that! Yes you had stated you want to keep your baby then you say because he said you should have an abortion (after YOU told him that's what you were going to do) then you tell him you DID even though you say you DIDN'T I'm sorry but all of this sounds a little psycho to me! Why would you tell him you killed his baby if you didn't then later when you mature a little you're gonna realize and want him to be in this child's life because a kid deserves a father as well, then you're going to be sorry because he will probably doubt he is the father and he will probably think you are sick in the head for telling him such a thing and then you carried on with the pregnancy! I'm sorry but you sound really messed up right now, you said looking at your son you realize you could never "kill" or abort this baby you are carrying now and just like the other poster said just because that guy said you should you're thinking about doing it! And you say you don't want your son to get attached to anyone....well don't you think he deserves a positive male role model in his life? Is his father involved with him or do you feel that if he isn't with you then he can't be involved with the kids? I don't think that anyone is trying to be mean or judgemental here but you need to really wake up and realize that this isn't a pawn or an item it's a baby, a human life! You mentioned having low self esteem but right now this shouldn't be about trying to have a relationship, your baby isn't going to make that guy come back to you most likely, you need to realize that and figure out what (on your own) you are prepared to do. You mentioned seeing a counselor and I think that's a good idea because you need some help in learning to love yourself more and you said it yourself you have an issue with trust. Your life and the life of your son and now this baby is all being affected by the choices you are making so I hope you get it together and things get better for you!
Author emma16 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Posted June 10, 2004 WAIT my sons father abused me he was a chronic drug user and still is he can see our son whenever he wants but he never really wants to smoking up and sniffing are more important. My father feels non of his children will have to ever support themselfs dosen't support any of our dreams to clarifiy that. That is most likely why I am the only child in our family that works beucase I am trying to prove to him that I do not need him. my sister is 23 and does not have a job he supports her and she has a house to live in for free that he owns. As for the abortion I told him I did it and after along talk with the couselor I am going to go through with it because it is the best choice for me at this point. Like I stated i just nought a new car and a house. Even with child support i will never be able to afford to put to children through daycare at $250 a week. Along with my medical condition which is Lupus I think I mentioned it earlier it is best. Seeing as how with my son I was on medication and injections at the hospital just so I would not lose him during the pregnancy along with two months of bed rest. without the support from someone to help me if I am on bed rest I will not be able to take care of my son and may cause more harm to my current condition. I do feel this is the right choice for me and I do know that anymore children for me is really unlikely as the condition gets worse. So the next step after this is looking at a sterilazation procedure. Thanks for all the adivce alot of it does not make sence but I have a hard time expressing what I am thinking.
Miss_Behavin143 Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 For you to be a grown woman who is already a mother makes it even more sad. At the beginning of these posts.. you weren't concerned with having a child inside of you, you were concerned over this guy calling you who you've known a month. Look at your baby that you have now.. could you ever imagine, you yourself taking that child out of this world? Because, that's what your about to do to this other baby, who would one day be just as precious and wonderful as the one you have running around now. Why would you do that when there are so many people in this world who can't have children because of infertility, or what ever? Why do that? You could have this child, not have to worry about recieving child support, or paying for daycare, have this child and give it to someone who would love and take care of him or her. You.. to be a grown woman, made a huge mistake. Drunk or not... you should of known what you were doing and been more responsible. If you got so drunk you DIDN'T know what you were doing, you need to seek help for that. But, you made the mistake. You were irresponsible. You should not make this innocent baby you've created die because of that. I say you tough through the pregnancy, and put the child up for adoption so someone out there who can't have children can expierience the joys of parenthood. NEXT TIME, being as your a 25 year old woman, be a little more responsible. At 17 years old, when I lost my virginity, and I WAS DRUNK, I even remembered and kept in mind to use protection. So, if you can't drink and still know what your doing, get help. You also should get help in general, it sounds like you have some majorrrrr MAJOR issues, between family, relationships, and just making decisions for yourself. I AM SO SORRY.... that this innocent life has to be involved in your ****. This is one thing I have no tolerance for and to see how indecisive you are about it... and just about to fling it off like it's nothing.... it really bothers me. I'm done. Next time though, be more responsible, and get yourself some help.
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