Cupiddd86 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Hello Everyone, So I've screwed up my chance with my ex.. Majorly if I might add. I wasn't even aware of what I was doing wrong until just now. I was just smothering her and being pushy. I thought expressing my love for her would make her happy but it had the opposite effect and she ran away. (after the break up I just continued but ended up being pushy as well) I do know she has strong feelings for me and I also know she feels unfulfilled with how things went. I would like to have another chance with her and this time show her that I'm not a pushy/smothering jerk. 2 days ago she told me she was talking to her bestie about moving away to Australia or the US and it really freaked me out. I don't want to lose her but at the same time it feels like I already have. I was considering writing her the following note: "Hey! I know I have no right asking this of you but if I don't ask, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. When you told me you are considering moving away to Australia or the US I got scared. I realised I don't want to lose you even though maybe I already have. I would like to ask you to postpone these decisions of moving away and maybe even consider giving us a chance. I will give you time and space, will back off and leave you alone. I have only been pushy and worst of it; I didn't even realise how much I was cornering you. I just thought that expressing my feelings would make you happy but instead I was suffocating you more and more. I know that after the break up I should've given you time and space from the start but to be honest, I didn't realise that I was just doing the same thing over and over again. After all this you might have forgotten.. but I know that you know deep inside that I'm not this pushy, controlling jerk." But I guess sending her this in itself is pushy. I'm just at my wits end, could you please give me some pointers on what to do or on the note? Thanks!
CaliGuy Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Hello Everyone, So I've screwed up my chance with my ex.. Majorly if I might add. I wasn't even aware of what I was doing wrong until just now. I was just smothering her and being pushy. I thought expressing my love for her would make her happy but it had the opposite effect and she ran away. (after the break up I just continued but ended up being pushy as well) I do know she has strong feelings for me and I also know she feels unfulfilled with how things went. I would like to have another chance with her and this time show her that I'm not a pushy/smothering jerk. 2 days ago she told me she was talking to her bestie about moving away to Australia or the US and it really freaked me out. I don't want to lose her but at the same time it feels like I already have. I was considering writing her the following note: "Hey! I know I have no right asking this of you but if I don't ask, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. When you told me you are considering moving away to Australia or the US I got scared. I realised I don't want to lose you even though maybe I already have. I would like to ask you to postpone these decisions of moving away and maybe even consider giving us a chance. I will give you time and space, will back off and leave you alone. I have only been pushy and worst of it; I didn't even realise how much I was cornering you. I just thought that expressing my feelings would make you happy but instead I was suffocating you more and more. I know that after the break up I should've given you time and space from the start but to be honest, I didn't realise that I was just doing the same thing over and over again. After all this you might have forgotten.. but I know that you know deep inside that I'm not this pushy, controlling jerk." But I guess sending her this in itself is pushy. I'm just at my wits end, could you please give me some pointers on what to do or on the note? Thanks! Ok so let me explain something to you. When guys get too mushy and gushy over a girl they're dating they always push her away. They want men to be a bit of a challenge (but not a jerk) and to have an air of "upredictability" about them. In other words, you have to be someone that makes her THINK (because women do like to wonder what a man is thinking and not have him TELL her all the time -- this lets her mind wander, which is more often than not a good thing). Now that you've already been dumped the absolute WORST thing you can do is contact her. You need to disappear. It goes against what you're thinking because you love her (or think you do) and think that by wooing her she'll come running back to you -- and you're WRONG. There are a couple threads that I wrote that will help you best: No Contact Guide So You Want a Second Chance? Read them both, adhere to them and don't attempt to contact her. If she's going to leave there is nothing you can do about it. You don't control her, she does so you need to LET GO of the things you don't control and work on the ONE thing you do, YOU. I know you'll probably not like this advice but as someone who has been in your shoes a couple times (as a dumper and a dumpee) I can tell you that the advice I am offering you is the quickest way to recovery and working on making yourself a better person. That way you'll be more attractive to the right person. Don't follow the silly "C**ky and Funny" bullcrap that is being dolled out to men. Just work on making yourself a fun and happy guy and you'll attract the right woman. Cheers.
BoredAgain Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Yikes! Please do not send that note. Here's how it reads to me: "I promise not to be pushy anymore. So could you reverse a major life-decision on my account?" If you really want to show her that you're not pushy, you need to back off and give her space. If she wants to move to another country, the worst thing you can do is try to stop her. So do the No Contact thing. Move forward with your life, meet new people, start new hobbies, etc. It sounds odd, but if you really want to get your Ex back, then the best thing you can do is to get over her.
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