Women, do you expect love to just happen to you?

[Jane2011]

I wouldn't say I wait for love/opportunities to "just happen" to me. Of course, I try not to chase men or be too aggressive in trying to talk to them (in fact, I don't do that at all). But I do try to put myself in situations that facilitate meeting men. i.e. I've done online dating off and on plenty over the years. I'm open to going on dates, occasionally, with men who I think are so-so, just to see if something happens on the date that tips the scale in their favor or to see if there's some unexpected chemistry. I also join things in hopes of meeting men. I also do speed dating every so often.

 

That said, I don't go out of my way to be super "open" to men if I'm not attracted to them. I don't need practice, per se, in how to show interest. If I'm not showing interest, that means I'm not interested. If I am interested, I show it in spades. There's never been an instance when I was interested in someone but could never get him to see it because I was afraid of being too overt about it...

Edited January 7, 2012 by Jane2011

[Content]

 

Girls act like this doesnt happen to guys all the time where we put in the "heavy work" only to have a girl lose interest late. Guys love to feel wanted as much as women do, so sometimes we sit back and may wait and see who bites. There have been times where I pretty much forced a girl I liked to put herself out there and flat out say we should hang out. Why? Because I got sick of getting signals and even hooking up with girls who ended up not being that much into me.

Its all a crap shoot, really. You can never tell how much anyone likes you until you get to know them some. So take control of your life everyone. Dont just sit around.

 

 

Whats so hard to understand? Everyone else has got it.

 

Exactly one time i went to a lounge with a girl i already went on a few dates with,i was talking to my friend as she disappeared for a few minutes some guy came to me and told me the girl started hitting on him and telling him how shes with some guy[who was me] who shes not that into but is taking her out for dinner and buying her things but she really wants to be with him..

 

Another girl i took out to a lounge/club started making out with another guy when she didn't think i was looking..

 

Women on here want to shield themselves from any hurt or getting screwed in the begining while putting it all on the guy..

 

I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Men..

 

WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself..

[AD1980]

Exactly one time i went to a lounge with a girl i already went on a few dates with,i was talking to my friend as she disappeared for a few minutes some guy came to me and told me the girl started hitting on him and telling him how shes with some guy[who was me] who shes not that into but is taking her out for dinner and buying her things but she really wants to be with him..

 

Another girl i took out to a lounge/club started making out with another guy when she didn't think i was looking..

 

Women on here want to shield themselves from any hurt or getting screwed in the begining while putting it all on the guy..

 

I hate the whole courting thing because it basically is the man putting a women on a pedestal and saying the man needs to prove himself to the women and that the man should have blind faith that the women he doesnt know that well should be trusted and would never have bad intentions herself and its up to the man to prove he has good intention not the women when in reality theyres just as many if not more scnadalous women out there as Men..

 

WOmen dont deserve the benefit of the doubt that they should be trusted anymore then Men in the begining of the datign or courting process yet in our culture all the benefit goes to the women while the man has to prove himself..

 

Great point Men get burned,used for dinner and other things all the time yet as the man were expected ot show blind faith in the women were courting while the women sits back?

[FitChick]

Seeing someone out in public, you are at a disadvantage. You don't know if they are single or not or even looking, in addition to basic things like employed or crazy. By putting myself on a dating website, I am saying I want a relationship, I want to get married. So a man knows that immediately. If he finds me attractive and wants similar things, then he can contact me.

 

When I was younger, I used to chase and it never worked out. It was also very emotionally draining, with me constantly trying to figure out how to manipulate him into calling me, asking me out, loving me, etc. Since I learned that it's better for a man to pursue because I will immediately know he is interested, I've been happier and calmer. However, I realize there are passive men who like dominating women, so there is someone for everybody. Unfortunately, I have a somewhat dominating personality and often attract those types, but like Madonna and Barbra Streisand, I need an even stronger man because I won't respect someone I can walk all over.

[thatone]

Seeing someone out in public, you are at a disadvantage. You don't know if they are single or not or even looking, in addition to basic things like employed or crazy. By putting myself on a dating website, I am saying I want a relationship, I want to get married. So a man knows that immediately. If he finds me attractive and wants similar things, then he can contact me.

 

When I was younger, I used to chase and it never worked out. It was also very emotionally draining, with me constantly trying to figure out how to manipulate him into calling me, asking me out, loving me, etc. Since I learned that it's better for a man to pursue because I will immediately know he is interested, I've been happier and calmer. However, I realize there are passive men who like dominating women, so there is someone for everybody. Unfortunately, I have a somewhat dominating personality and often attract those types, but like Madonna and Barbra Streisand, I need an even stronger man because I won't respect someone I can walk all over.

 

what you're saying is on a dating site you have control. but you want someone who won't let you control them. contradictory.

 

and i get that, but it's why men for the most part discover that the dating sites are a waste of their time.

[FitChick]

what you're saying is on a dating site you have control. but you want someone who won't let you control them. contradictory.

 

So in your world, all women would have to date every guy who asked them out. Yes, I can see why you had no luck on dating websites.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hey Kaylan ,

I think because all these books etc tell us if a guy does not go after us he is " not that into you " and I am worried that I will always have to do the chasing in the relationship .

I have been with guys where I made the most effort , asking them out to go for dinner ( I paid ) and texting them . Didn't work out for me .

My ex chased me a bit as it was my first relationship and I was a bit scared .

But I did say I love you first and texted him right after he dropped me home on our first date .

I do want to find love again but don't want it to happen by looking for it every day . I met each guy by chance when I wasn't bothered .

Let's say I liked a guy who is a friend of a friend , I would only go after him and make the first move if I got all the signals that he is attracted to me . I am just too afraid of rejection .

I would just wonder if he said yes because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

 

I get what you want. I don't think you need to do anything as drastic as what Kaylan is proposing.

 

You just need to get really good at letting a guy know you are into him. It's really that simple. If you let a guy know you like him... then he will do the rest. If the guy doesn't make a move.... then you either sent him mixed signals, or you are not his type.

 

 

 

I think if you read the threads on LS you will see how women are branded as sluts very easily. Personally, that isn't something that worries me because I only date men who are able to make up their own mind but younger girls or those that come from smaller towns with tighter communities probably do care.

 

I'm lucky because I lived outside Western society for a while where I had to rely on myself 100% and as a result I realise how much BS a lot of these rules are but most women will never have this chance. Partly, because we get told on a daily basis that we just can't do stuff because 'we are girls'

 

Hope this helps to explain why so many women lack confidence. You can preach as much as you like about taking charge but when we are constantly being told that it's a masculine treat and women are supposed to be feminine, it's not really helping. Blame the fathers, they are the ones that bring up the daughters as daddy's girls.

 

Nobody but you thinks being assertive also means being a slut.

 

Western society does more to empower girls than any society in the history of this universe. What more do you need in order to step up to the plate?

 

We are all raised to believe in lies. How I was taught to relate to women was basically like believing in Santa Claus. We are supposed to rise above and grow. If you just fall back to blaming your parents... you lost the battle through your own laziness.