What's a good, unconventional alternative to the Ikea date from 500 Days of Summer?

January 6, 2012

I scored what will be only my 5th date from online dating (after 5 months and 230+ girls messaged). It will be this coming monday. Dinner-and-a-movie is absolutely not an option (so clichéd and overdone) but I feel drinks and some live music are a bit overly-conventional as well.

I want to do a really unique, unconventional date. I really liked the Ikea windowshopping date from 500 Days of Summer, but of course I run the risk of the girl having seen the movie and thinking "is this guy really ripping off a movie right now?"

My standard date 1st date has been Whole Foods during their food-sampling events, but that has proven to be 50/50. Some girls are really appreciative, some others have been "Umm, you're taking me to a super market ?"

I was thinking of going window shopping at our local Urban Outfitters; they have a lot of pretty unconventional wares there (record players, instant cameras, animal shaped hats, humorous books, etc)

Any other ideas?

January 6, 2012

Window shopping isn't a date. Take her to dinner. Get to know her. Stop trying to come up with crazy ideas.

January 6, 2012

Dates like "the ikea date" only happen in cheesy indie rom-coms. Not in real life. No two normal people ever have *that* much fun at Ikea. That whole scene was just a montage of them doing goofy sh*t that would probably get you kicked out of an Ikea store in real life.

Have you learned anything about this girl? At 5 dates in, I'd sure hope so. Has she mentioned she loves asian food? Find the best hidden gem sushi place in town. Is she an indie music fan? Take her to a show at a local dive venue and introduce her to a new band. Hockey fan? Go to a hockey game.

5th date is still "getting-to-know-you" territory. Focus on that. These kitschy date ideas will just come off as awkward, or trying too hard. Or both.

January 6, 2012

I scored what will be only my 5th date from online dating (after 5 months and 230+ girls messaged). It will be this coming monday. Dinner-and-a-movie is absolutely not an option (so clichéd and overdone) but I feel drinks and some live music are a bit overly-conventional as well.

I want to do a really unique, unconventional date. I really liked the Ikea windowshopping date from 500 Days of Summer, but of course I run the risk of the girl having seen the movie and thinking "is this guy really ripping off a movie right now?"

My standard date 1st date has been Whole Foods during their food-sampling events, but that has proven to be 50/50. Some girls are really appreciative, some others have been "Umm, you're taking me to a super market ?"

I was thinking of going window shopping at our local Urban Outfitters; they have a lot of pretty unconventional wares there (record players, instant cameras, animal shaped hats, humorous books, etc)

Any other ideas?

How old are you and where do you live?

January 6, 2012

Window shopping isn't a date. Take her to dinner. Get to know her. Stop trying to come up with crazy ideas.

Agreed. The venue of your date doesn't really matter, within reason of course. You don't need some wacky, unconventional date to impress a girl. If you guys will click, you will click. Just make sure whatever you do or go to doesn't impede communication. Movies and live music will do just that. Dinner and drinks may be cliched, but it works for the rest of the world. It will work for you. And if the date doesn't result in a second date, chances are it won't be because of where you went.

January 6, 2012

Dates like "the ikea date" only happen in cheesy indie rom-coms. Not in real life. No two normal people ever have *that* much fun at Ikea. That whole scene was just a montage of them doing goofy sh*t that would probably get you kicked out of an Ikea store in real life.

Have you learned anything about this girl? At 5 dates in, I'd sure hope so. Has she mentioned she loves asian food? Find the best hidden gem sushi place in town. Is she an indie music fan? Take her to a show at a local dive venue and introduce her to a new band. Hockey fan? Go to a hockey game.

5th date is still "getting-to-know-you" territory. Focus on that. These kitschy date ideas will just come off as awkward, or trying too hard. Or both.

I'm not 5 dates in with this girl; this will be our first date. This will be the 5'th date with the 5'th girl I've met on OLD.

January 6, 2012

I'm not 5 dates in with this girl; this will be our first date. This will be the 5'th date with the 5'th girl I've met on OLD.

AHHH, well in that case, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do some weird Ikea sh*t. Jeez, you don't even know this woman yet. Just meet for dinner and/or drinks like normal people, so you can focus on getting to know each other, rather than browsing random knick-knacks and trying to make the inevitably mundane "fun."

If money's an issue, suggest tea at a local teahouse.

This early in the game, the focus doesn't really need to be on the date being "unique." It will be inherently unique because you've never met this person before and know nothing about her. The whole point is to get to know each other.

January 6, 2012

If you live in a reasonably large, walkable city, I might recommend a strolling date that is centered around some favorite thing to eat.

I have done this with both girlfriends and potential boyfriends and it is quite fun: In short, pick one particular, favorite ingredients (mushrooms, shrimp, oysters, potato - whatever) and start at one place but only ordering one dish that has that particular ingredients - plus maybe a cocktail.

Then walk to another place and order something different with that same ingredient and another glass of wine or cocktail - and so on...

It removes the staid semblance of having to sit in one place and make conversation, you will get to walk and sober up in between courses, it will give you something to talk about if the conversation begins to lag, and will show you how adventurous the girl might be.

My best date on this line involved Uni (sea urchin). It is still one of the most memorable evenings I can remember.

January 6, 2012

If you live in a reasonably large, walkable city, I might recommend a strolling date that is centered around some favorite thing to eat.

I have done this with both girlfriends and potential boyfriends and it is quite fun: In short, pick one particular, favorite ingredients (mushrooms, shrimp, oysters, potato - whatever) and start at one place but only ordering one dish that has that particular ingredients - plus maybe a cocktail.

Then walk to another place and order something different with that same ingredient and another glass of wine or cocktail - and so on...

It removes the staid semblance of having to sit in one place and make conversation, you will get to walk and sober up in between courses, it will give you something to talk about if the conversation begins to lag, and will show you how adventurous the girl might be.

My best date on this line involved Uni (sea urchin). It is still one of the most memorable evenings I can remember.

That sounds like a good idea. I'm gonna try that on a future date. Except in NYC I feel funny walking into a restaurant and only ordering one thing. And sometimes the cheapest thing on the menu with potato will be $15!

Also, I see you live in Cali. Depending on where the guy lives, it might not be a good idea to do a walking date. His poor little date is gonna freeze and get tired.

January 6, 2012

Do you generally plan really fancy first dates?

I always keep them light to see if there's even a spark. If not, you don't want to be stuck for hours!

Coffee, light lunch, or a walk in the park...something simple. I usually say meet for coffee and if we seem to hit if off suggest something more interactive like an activity or event close by. If she welcomes it, then she is interested. If she says she has to go then you know and don't have to spend any more money

January 6, 2012

The girl will be more concerned with your interaction than the venue on a first date. Keep it simple and just try to click. For a 3rd or 4th date you could look to get creative, but for the first few just try to build your interpersonal connection.

You will find dating so much easier when you stop trying to impress girls and start trying to connect with them instead.

January 6, 2012

Agree with most of the above: keep it conventional. Don't make it dinner because you don't want to be stuck with someone for hours on end if you don't get on, take her to a nice bar, girls like cocktails.

January 6, 2012

Agree with most of the above: keep it conventional. Don't make it dinner because you don't want to be stuck with someone for hours on end if you don't get on, take her to a nice bar, girls like cocktails.

this 100%.

If it's going well after a few drinks then go for a walk somewhere. Don't come off as trying too hard with anything other than something basic for a first date. You'll shoot yourself in the foot.

January 6, 2012

Dates like "the ikea date" only happen in cheesy indie rom-coms. Not in real life. No two normal people ever have *that* much fun at Ikea. That whole scene was just a montage of them doing goofy sh*t that would probably get you kicked out of an Ikea store in real life.

Have you learned anything about this girl? At 5 dates in, I'd sure hope so. Has she mentioned she loves asian food? Find the best hidden gem sushi place in town. Is she an indie music fan? Take her to a show at a local dive venue and introduce her to a new band. Hockey fan? Go to a hockey game.

5th date is still "getting-to-know-you" territory. Focus on that. These kitschy date ideas will just come off as awkward, or trying too hard. Or both.

Actually....My boyfriend and I had one of the best dates ever at IKEA...and we were about on date 6 or 7 when it happened. We live in NYC and we took the free ferry from Manhattan to the Brooklyn IKEA (amazing view)- ate cheap Ikea cafeteria food and browsed. I didn't even realize that we basically relived a scene from that horrible movie.

I suggest actually going to Ikea and doing it - we had fun

Edited January 6, 2012 by vsmini

January 6, 2012

i really think that Ikea, Urban Outfitters or any kind of a retail experience would be an awful idea for a very first date. You have not even met, right?

Could be awkward X 10000 or even downright unpleasant.

Carrie's idea was great, but my rule of thumb was always to keep the first meeting simple and easy to curtail with a minimum of awkwardness and difficulty if either of you is not enjoying yourself.

Meeting someplace for a drink with a plan to walk through the neighborhood to a restaurant or music venue if you both are into it works.

January 6, 2012

Dates like "the ikea date" only happen in cheesy indie rom-coms. Not in real life. No two normal people ever have *that* much fun at Ikea. That whole scene was just a montage of them doing goofy sh*t that would probably get you kicked out of an Ikea store in real life.

Have you learned anything about this girl? At 5 dates in, I'd sure hope so. Has she mentioned she loves asian food? Find the best hidden gem sushi place in town. Is she an indie music fan? Take her to a show at a local dive venue and introduce her to a new band. Hockey fan? Go to a hockey game.

5th date is still "getting-to-know-you" territory. Focus on that. These kitschy date ideas will just come off as awkward, or trying too hard. Or both.

Absolutely. A gimmicky date isn't going to win a girl's heart.

January 6, 2012

OP, I've seen your other threads and you need to stop focusing on tricks and ploys to ensnare women. It's not going to work.

Those games ooze insecurity since it's obvious you don't think you have enough to offer as is.

Also, they suggest a lack of respect for women as people since you think they're easily duped/conned.

You seem to view women as just humans to fck.

As long as you have this mentality, you're going to repel women. There are some guys who can get away with objectifying women but they usually have something else to offer like they're very good looking, socially connected or rich. And the women they do attract tend to be low quality. Being cynical and average is a toxic combination. It will get you nowhere.

January 6, 2012

If a guy took me on a shopping date, I'd assume he was going to buy me something.

Aren't there any museums near you? Any local events? Church fairs?

January 6, 2012

If you live in a reasonably large, walkable city, I might recommend a strolling date that is centered around some favorite thing to eat.

I have done this with both girlfriends and potential boyfriends and it is quite fun: In short, pick one particular, favorite ingredients (mushrooms, shrimp, oysters, potato - whatever) and start at one place but only ordering one dish that has that particular ingredients - plus maybe a cocktail.

Then walk to another place and order something different with that same ingredient and another glass of wine or cocktail - and so on...

It removes the staid semblance of having to sit in one place and make conversation, you will get to walk and sober up in between courses, it will give you something to talk about if the conversation begins to lag, and will show you how adventurous the girl might be.

My best date on this line involved Uni (sea urchin). It is still one of the most memorable evenings I can remember.

LMAO!!! So your idea of a perfect date is not just going for dinner but going for multiple dinners at multiple places??? It' no wonder there are so many fat people out there...

January 6, 2012

Save the unconventional stuff for dates 3 and on. The first couple of dates are about getting a general feel for each other. Something unconventional comes across as you trying way too hard. If your an "unconventional" guy that will come through in your conversations. No need to try and blow her mind right away.

There's nothing wrong with the formal dinner and drinks. In fact, it's my favorite kind of first date. It's a good environment for conversation and a good opportunity to learn about how a person acts in a pretty normal mundane environment. Plus if things don't go well, there's food and drinks to keep you occupied. And really that formula has been working for decades, it can't be wrong.

January 6, 2012

OP,

As usual, the answer to your question is ... you can't win with women.

The answers are all different as you can see.

Despite you spending hours trying to come up with a fun, unique date idea that will fill time, reduce awkwardness, and make you seem creative, you may still come off as 'insecure' for trying to go the extra mile to impress a woman. You women DO realize that it takes us HOURS to plan dates, don't you?

Pick something fun and creative and be bold and assertive and DEFINITELY have another woman in the wings, multiple if possible.

January 6, 2012

OP,

As usual, the answer to your question is ... you can't win with women.

The answers are all different as you can see.

Despite you spending hours trying to come up with a fun, unique date idea that will fill time, reduce awkwardness, and make you seem creative, you may still come off as 'insecure' for trying to go the extra mile to impress a woman. You women DO realize that it takes us HOURS to plan dates, don't you?

Pick something fun and creative and be bold and assertive and DEFINITELY have another woman in the wings, multiple if possible.

No woman worth her salt expects you to take hours to plan a first date. Save it until she knows and likes you. That is when she will find it impressive.

Secure, assured women know when you are trying to hard and it's a turn off. The first couple of dates are about getting to know YOU. Not the facade that you would like to present to us as Mr. Fun Impressive Creative Guy. Any girl with options will be more interested in the guy that presents himself as he is with dignity and self-assuredness. A guy who can be who he is and be him well is much more impressive than any kind of schitcky venue. If you go too over the top with the venue, or the theme or the endless barrage of 'hey, look how awesome I am' stories, we get the notion you know you have nothing else to offer. We may like you fine but if we can tell you don't like yourself, we won't want to be around you.

January 6, 2012

No woman worth her salt expects you to take hours to plan a first date. Save it until she knows and likes you. That is when she will find it impressive.

Secure, assured women know when you are trying to hard and it's a turn off. The first couple of dates are about getting to know YOU. Not the facade that you would like to present to us as Mr. Fun Impressive Creative Guy. Any girl with options will be more interested in the guy that presents himself as he is with dignity and self-assuredness. A guy who can be who he is and be him well is much more impressive than any kind of schitcky venue. If you go too over the top with the venue, or the theme or the endless barrage of 'hey, look how awesome I am' stories, we get the notion you know you have nothing else to offer. We may like you fine but if we can tell you don't like yourself, we won't want to be around you.

NO!

That is YOUR take and that's the GAME you have to play to get YOU in bed.

Another woman on another forum when I asked for advice said if a guy asked her to do the dinner/drinks, thing, "Yawn, boring, been there, done that."

Why does everything have to be a game of psychology with women? Trying to impress you means we're insecure? God, cut human beings a little slack. We're HUMAN BEINGS.

I stand by my original advice. Take her out, be creative, expect her to reject you based on some trivial thing you f@cked up, and have another date lined up for tmrw. And even if it goes well, have another date lined up for tmrw.

January 6, 2012

NO!

That is YOUR take and that's the GAME you have to play to get YOU in bed.

Another woman on another forum when I asked for advice said if a guy asked her to do the dinner/drinks, thing, "Yawn, boring, been there, done that."

Why does everything have to be a game of psychology with women? Trying to impress you means we're insecure? God, cut human beings a little slack. We're HUMAN BEINGS.

I stand by my original advice. Take her out, be creative, expect her to reject you based on some trivial thing you f@cked up, and have another date lined up for tmrw. And even if it goes well, have another date lined up for tmrw.

You're absolutely right, Jobaba. I was only looking at it from my perspective. I guess it comes down to a compatibility issue really. If you think the way to go is to spend a large chunk of your time trying to come up with new flashy ways to impress a girl, then the girl for you is the kind of girl that needs to be impressed by new flashy things. That's not me. Personally I'd hate to be that girl. I can't imagine her staying satisfied for very long with any given person. But hey, it's your life.

January 6, 2012

You're absolutely right, Jobaba. I was only looking at it from my perspective. I guess it comes down to a compatibility issue really. If you think the way to go is to spend a large chunk of your time trying to come up with new flashy ways to impress a girl, then the girl for you is the kind of girl that needs to be impressed by new flashy things. That's not me. Personally I'd hate to be that girl. I can't imagine her staying satisfied for very long with any given person. But hey, it's your life.

So ... now you take it to the extreme.

Fun and creative = flashy and extreme and expensive

You'd rather have a man spend no time planning the date?

"Well, I'll just pick you up at your house at, err, what time can you meet?"

... and then when he gets there ....

"Uh, so where do you want to go?"

Yea. That'd fly over well with lots of women...

It takes a few hours just to pick a nice restaurant and an afterwords activity.

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What's a good, unconventional alternative to the Ikea date from 500 Days of Summer?

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