spice4life Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Just want to make clear that I'm not jumping down throat, I am just merely pointing out that she is still in denial and isn't fully commited to working on her marriage. If a BS and WS have decided to work on their marriage, the OW or OM should respect that and remain complete NC. Any business contact should be kept strictly professional and nothing more. Especially if the BS met with you to make it clear that they are working on the marriage. I guess the question is, what are your goals in this situation? Are you still committed to not ending up vulnerable to an affair again? If you are thinking that it is still okay to communicate in a social business setting where she may try to "talk" to you about your feelings, then you are still in a bit of denial and still vulnerable yourself. Is that what your thinking about if you attend the send off? Just trying to get a clear picture of what you're thinking, so no offense intended. In any case, she should not have contacted you asking for your thoughts. It means she has not truly "seen" the impact of what she has done to her husband. That's between them now, I know, but knowing what you know, you should do everything in your power to not give in to her fishiing attempts. If you give once inch, then the next request will be to meet and talk I bet. It's your choice though. These are just some things to consider. If it were me, I would call out that day...lol! Actually, after reading through the forum this evening and running across a few of your responses, you seem to have handle on things, so ignore the questions I asked in the above post. Just don't give her an opening and good lluck whatever you decide.
Author despicableME Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) don't be so stuffy, it was just me teasing. I see. And ya, I had to correct your misprint before quoting it... you owe me one. I am a woman who loves to be entertained. I sense that. Might I entice you with a soda pop and some popcorn for tonights entertainment. Based on your posts your attitude towards her made her insignificant in my eyes. I personally don’t care about people who don’t matter. It takes too much energy to care. The fact that you took the time to share means she does matter. I was just shocked. Since I've shared everything else, why not this also? And in answer to you and mercy's query... no she wasn't lookin' "vampy." spice, I'm LMAO... are you answering your own posts? Like I said, I'm staying NC. Or maybe it gave you just a little bit of an ego boost, especially now that you've been served. OUCH! You are on a mission today, Alice. To be honest, I've never needed an ego boost. Contrary to what you might think, the affair wasn't about ego... it was about sex. I think I've said that. I know who I am and what I can get, so my ego has always been intact. I didn't misunderstand. Pondering the situation = pondering breaking NC. If you had any empathy, you wouldn't think once (let alone twice) about possibly going to any party. Yes, you did misunderstand. This is an intra-office farewell, not some shindig where people would be tossing back drinks. As with most places of employment, people who retire, leave, or transfer out are given a farewell from those within the office/department. You make it seem like we were going to "paint the town red," or something. I say again- I HAVE NOT, NOR PLAN ON BREAKING NC. As Emme has stated, and I before, it's almost over. I just have to hang on. Edited April 14, 2012 by despicableME
spice4life Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Hahaha! Yes, I guess I was. Don't mind me...just processing a lot and a little shaken by it all, so it's coming through in my posts..lol. Good for you dm. Your doing great, keep up the good work.
Author despicableME Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) Hahaha! Yes, I guess I was. Don't mind me...just processing a lot and a little shaken by it all, so it's coming through in my posts..lol. Stll laughing. It was as if though, you were talking to yourself. Shaken... I don't understand??? What do mean, exactly? Having a woman other than your wife wanting to get in your pants wasn't feeding your ego? C'mon DM - who are you kidding. Look, I didn't say it didn't feed my ego- the affair. I said I wasn't in it for an ego boost. I hope this doesn't come off as being arrogant, but I'm quite confident in myself. I've never had trouble attracting the opposite sex. That's probably why I hadn't strayed up until now. I'm the quiet confident type... the strong silent type. Not boisterous at all. I don't pursue, but was often pursued. My ego wasn't an issue. However, you never even hinted that you were disgusted and/or turned off by it. Instead, you shockingly asked if it was harmless and that you didn't consider it inappropriate when you first read it. I'm not at all disgusted by it. Should I be? Other than the initial shock/rush of finding it, I really don't feel anything. It was deleted after I read it. I don't find it's content inappropriate. The communication itself is inappropriate, though. Edited April 14, 2012 by despicableME
Author despicableME Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) ^I guess... if you say so. Edited April 14, 2012 by despicableME
imperfectangel Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I, personally think that email had "save me" written all over it I thinkshe wants you dm but just doesn't have the self belief/balls to actually follow through like I said it seems her h is just like a security blanket
spice4life Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Stll laughing. It was as if though, you were talking to yourself. Shaken... I don't understand??? What do mean, exactly? Oh, it had nothing to do with your thread. I was trying to help a BS out in another thread by trying to look at her situation as if I were the OW (being me and not the crazy OW she describes) and the image was SCARY. Her BH's xOW is being painted as a crazy blackmailer who is won't stop pursuing her BH. She knows this because her BH gave her access to his secret account - she reading all of the OW's emails. From my perspective, it would have to be her BH crafting those emails to throw her off the scent so he could continue the affair. Yikes! The thought of that scared the living h*ll out of me because similar things have happened to some posters here. Sounds crazy, I know, but the mere thought of it threw me for a loop and now I can't get that scenario out of my head!...lol. Sorry for the length.
imperfectangel Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I disagree his ow knows where she stands with her h. If they split where would she live? How would she manage financially? Sorry dm I can't remember if she has children but if she does what's happens to them? There's a lot to consider its not as simple as if you want to leave you will leave Oh yeah, she wants him alright, but I don't see the email as "save me," but rather: Let's start things back up so I can cake eat some more now that your wife is out of the picture. If his OW wanted to leave her "security blanket," she had the opportunity to end the marriage at Dday. She doesn't want to end her marriage. She wants to cake eat, which she has already proven she is open to doing. When an AP fishes, it's to restart the affair.
wannabdone Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 You're projecting based on your experience with your own xMM. That's why you think DM's posts are "helpful" to you . . . merely because he is a man who had an affair. He's not your xMM though and using his posts to gain insight about your MM's mindset isn't going to help you heal. Good point Alice. And I think something so often ppl do when they are hurting. And something you have to be careful of. Its hard to get to the place of it doesn't matter "why/how/etc"...it just matters this is how it is.
imperfectangel Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Not at all I am not with XMm nor do I want to be I have been in NC for ages now I have no interest in him - I am indifferent to him What I think is what I think it may surprise you Alice but your opinion does not equal fact - nor does anyone elses that is the impression I get from her emails simple as that I find dm's posts helpful as their aren't a lot of men on here and I like to hear a mans perspective on here esp when he is so blunt
Author despicableME Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Look, whatever the e-mail might have meant, be it fishing or closure for her-- IT DOESN'T MATTER... I DIDN'T RESPOND! Alice, you can put whatever spin you want- concerning my ego and lack of effort in reclaiming my marriage- on my posts. The point is- I'm not "going there," again. It's OVER, DONE, FINISHED! What I post are my feelings on the situation... that's all. Things that are going through my head as events transpire. Like I said, I'm keeping my end of the bargain(regarding NC). I have not engaged her in any sort of communication, whatsoever, other than the business at hand. I will say that I did wrong by not informing her husband about the broken NC.
Author despicableME Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 How would she manage financially? Sorry dm I can't remember if she has children but if she does what's happens to them? She does quite well, angel. She'd have no trouble being on her own, and there are no children invloved on either side. I find dm's posts helpful as their aren't a lot of men on here and I like to hear a mans perspective on here esp when he is so blunt. I feel ya. Whatever helps you out, angel.
wannabdone Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Not at all I am not with XMm nor do I want to be I have been in NC for ages now I have no interest in him - I am indifferent to him What I think is what I think it may surprise you Alice but your opinion does not equal fact - nor does anyone elses that is the impression I get from her emails simple as that I find dm's posts helpful as their aren't a lot of men on here and I like to hear a mans perspective on here esp when he is so blunt Whoa... sorry IA.... I didn't know that was directed to you. I know you have no interest in being with your xMM. I'm sorry, I misread. I thouht it was meant for the poster.
imperfectangel Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 No worries iwbd I just find it frustrating when people try to tell you how to feel no one except dm's exmm really knows what that email meant And dm I'm proud of you for being so strong 1
Recommended Posts