ThaWholigan Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I think there is a marginal difference in what exactly is creepy to women. In light of the other thread (policeman stalker), I'm asking what is your definition of creepy, and how can one make sure that one is not inadvertently displaying creepy behavior? I have been in situations where I have stopped myself beforehand and asked, "is this weird" or "am I being creepy". I have to beware at times because I may not realize in the heat of the moment. This is where it becomes crucial to maximize your ability to assess risk, so while you don't do anything creepy, you also don't do forget to do something, or risk looking neutered! Also guys post too, tell us your anecdotes about creepy girls, even I've encountered a few .
carhill Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 If she likes you, it's unlikely you'll do anything creepy. If she doesn't, it doesn't matter About the only creepers I've dealt with are the middle of the night attention vampires. My fault for answering the phone.
g450 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Funny story: My Fiancee actually thought I was too creepy when she first met me. I was newly divorced and was a bit too touchy-feely. Especially after a few drinks. I remedied that and for a while I totally ignored her as I saw she had no interests in me and had another married FWB hanging out with her constantly. Low and behold she then came to me and her FWB friends all crawled back into the woodwork with the other cockroaches. Sometimes it takes women a while to see who the real good guys are. Even if they are a bit creepy or clumsy at first.
thatone Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I think there is a marginal difference in what exactly is creepy to women. In light of the other thread (policeman stalker), I'm asking what is your definition of creepy, and how can one make sure that one is not inadvertently displaying creepy behavior? I have been in situations where I have stopped myself beforehand and asked, "is this weird" or "am I being creepy". I have to beware at times because I may not realize in the heat of the moment. This is where it becomes crucial to maximize your ability to assess risk, so while you don't do anything creepy, you also don't do forget to do something, or risk looking neutered! Also guys post too, tell us your anecdotes about creepy girls, even I've encountered a few . you got it all wrong, and carhill is right.
counterman Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I haven't encountered any creepy girls, none I can remember anyways. But I do believe I may have appeared 'creepy' to some girls that I have approached, probably because they weren't attracted to me. This was a video I saw on these forums which shows something . I guess there are distinctly creepy behaviour whether a girl finds you attractive or not. I agree with Carhill.
jobaba Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) I haven't encountered any creepy girls, none I can remember anyways. But I do believe I may have appeared 'creepy' to some girls that I have approached, probably because they weren't attracted to me. This was a video I saw on these forums which shows something . I guess there are distinctly creepy behaviour whether a girl finds you attractive or not. I agree with Carhill. THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!:laugh: And I hate to say it, but it rings true a bit, at least at my last workplace. Of course, not as exaggerated. Edited January 6, 2012 by jobaba
Dust Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Some times in the morning I walk around with an errection. It's very visible even with my not so tight pants. I've know doubt creeped many a women off... Is that the definition of creepy, walking around erect?
TheFinalWord Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I think there is a marginal difference in what exactly is creepy to women. In light of the other thread (policeman stalker), I'm asking what is your definition of creepy, and how can one make sure that one is not inadvertently displaying creepy behavior? I have been in situations where I have stopped myself beforehand and asked, "is this weird" or "am I being creepy". I have to beware at times because I may not realize in the heat of the moment. This is where it becomes crucial to maximize your ability to assess risk, so while you don't do anything creepy, you also don't do forget to do something, or risk looking neutered! Also guys post too, tell us your anecdotes about creepy girls, even I've encountered a few . I think guys risk looking creepy when we try to convince a girl to like us after she turns us down. IMHO it's best just to ask early on, accept her answer, and leave it at that. I guess if you're an attention seeker and just like to know another human is crushing on you. Sometimes girls can lead you on and make you think you have a chance. When you crush on a girl bad that's all a guy needs is a sliver of hope For guys, that's when we have to face hard reality that if a girl is interested, she'll make time and welcome our advances. Walk away with your dignity. I've had a few girls pursue me. The one was attractive and we dated for a year. I never considered it creepy. The other girl I was not interested in. She was pretty but just so odd I couldn't imagine hanging out with her. To this day she still e-mails me! I try to put myself in the other person's shoes...if I declined a person would I want them constantly contacting/pursuing me? I always try to be very clear though and tell the girl I am not interested, in the nicest way possible.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 The main key to "creepy" behavior is preoccupation with one's own fascinations. Even a guy telling a strange female he thinks she's beautiful can be creepy in that it gives off no sense that she has her own space, sense of serenity or whatever her mind is engaged in and she is being "invaded" by someone who just doesn't have a clue about that--it's all about him. I thinks it's like an instant sensitivity to their being some kind of social disconnect in this guy that just reads that he's unhealthy. Guys should always be considerate and realize that the best they can do is "market" themselves--not "sell". Market just means be worthy of her interest and take your time being visible to her to let her decide if your threatening or interesting or nothing or w/e. Selling assumes way the hell too much and gives away a creep.
Emilia Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Some times in the morning I walk around with an errection. It's very visible even with my not so tight pants. I've know doubt creeped many a women off... Is that the definition of creepy, walking around erect? If she is your landlady, yes. If she is your girlfriend, no. My boyfriends are always proud of their erection like it's some kind of achievement haha
irc333 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I often question it myself, but I'm getting to an age where if I have to question my "moves" all the time as being "creepy", I'm like screw it, if she think it's creepy.....and considering how easily creeped out a lot of the female population is these days...that's her problem. Funny, how our older generation, the things they did to "Woo" a woman...would be considered "creepy" by today's standards. Friend of mine, like I said, mentioned as gentleman that we should be aware of the feelings of women in this day and age and perhaps take certain INactions and have their feelings in consideration when trying to get to know them. I've even heard some women that men should take heed on not doing the cold approach at ALL, because it's just something women running errands isn't open to. But, I saw, approach them regardless of what the MAJORITY of women are feeling....there's gotta be that ONE woman that doesn't have this kind of irrational fear. I think there is a marginal difference in what exactly is creepy to women. In light of the other thread (policeman stalker), I'm asking what is your definition of creepy, and how can one make sure that one is not inadvertently displaying creepy behavior? I have been in situations where I have stopped myself beforehand and asked, "is this weird" or "am I being creepy". I have to beware at times because I may not realize in the heat of the moment. This is where it becomes crucial to maximize your ability to assess risk, so while you don't do anything creepy, you also don't do forget to do something, or risk looking neutered! Also guys post too, tell us your anecdotes about creepy girls, even I've encountered a few . I haven't encountered any creepy girls, none I can remember anyways. Of course not, women are the victims mostly, not men. lol
Ross MwcFan Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I'm not even sure if it's possible for a woman to be creepy. I guess the female version of a creepy guy is a bunny boiler, but a bunny boiler still isn't really the same thing as being creepy.
ditzchic Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 The main key to "creepy" behavior is preoccupation with one's own fascinations. Even a guy telling a strange female he thinks she's beautiful can be creepy in that it gives off no sense that she has her own space, sense of serenity or whatever her mind is engaged in and she is being "invaded" by someone who just doesn't have a clue about that--it's all about him. I thinks it's like an instant sensitivity to their being some kind of social disconnect in this guy that just reads that he's unhealthy. Guys should always be considerate and realize that the best they can do is "market" themselves--not "sell". Market just means be worthy of her interest and take your time being visible to her to let her decide if your threatening or interesting or nothing or w/e. Selling assumes way the hell too much and gives away a creep. I totally agree with this. It's a vibe that the guy gives off that he is completely invested in his own motives. A lot of it has to do with social awkwardness too. As soon as it becomes apparent that the guy can't pick up on social cues to slow down, stop or go a different way, my gut gets it's creepdar going. And I totally disagree about girls only being creeped out by someone they don't find attractive. I've been creeped out by attractive guys before. Hell, I even dated an attractive creep before. The attraction made me want to find a way to get past the creepiness but my gut wouldn't let me. He knew I was creeped out too. I ended up just freezing every time I was around him. Obviously, it didn't work out.
carhill Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 It's helpful to define the difference between 'like' and 'attractive' From Wikipedia: Generally as a verb like refers to a fondness for something or someone. Example: I like riding my bicycle. Like can be used to express a feeling of attraction between two people, weaker than love and distinct from it in important ways. It does not necessarily imply a romantic attraction, but, as in the following case, it does. Examples: Marc likes Denise.Denise likes Marc. Physical attractiveness refers to a person's physical traits which are perceived to be aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. The term often implies sexual attractiveness or desirability, but can also be distinct from the two; for example, humans may regard the young as attractive for various reasons, but without sexual attraction. There are many factors which influence one person's attraction to another, with physical aspects being one of them. In many cases, humans attribute positive characteristics, such as intelligence and honesty, to physically attractive people without consciously realizing it.[5] Considering the connection between the two terms, my usage of the word 'like' did not convey proper meaning. I should have clarified it with adjectives such as 'admire' and 'respect'. It would generally follow that a person who would be described as 'creepy' would not be described using those adjectives. A more public example of the gist of my description would be the observance of the public and private life of our 35th POTUS. He was widely admired, respected and liked and I'm sure considered attractive by all the women he had 'relations' with while married to the first lady. Was he 'creepy'? Generally, public consensus is 'no'. He was a charismatic philanderer and a historically significant president who died far before his time. Further, his overt actions indicated that he owned his behaviors and it mattered little or not to him how people characterized them, creepy or not. IOW, if they didn't 'like' him, it didn't matter to him whether they found him creepy or not. This presumes of course that a married man propositioning and having sexual relations with other women is considered to be 'creepy'. If JFK came to your bedroom, would he have been a 'creep'?
grkBoy Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Creepy: She doesn't find you attractive. So no matter what you do, she'll see you as "creepy". A male she finds attractive could give her flowers, and she'll be flattered...but if the male she finds as "unattractive" gives her flowers, she'll see it as "creepy". I know there's a more logical definition of creepy that has to do with saying/doing freaky/scary things...but in the world of dating, it mainly comes down to how she sees you.
dasein Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Agree with carhill, thatone, dust, woggle, grk and anyone else who said it's just a measure of whether she likes you or not. Many women can't resist adding "drama intensifiers" onto the simple fact of "I'm not attracted," and such, like "creepy," is usually slanderously untrue. I'm sure they will all have 1-2 truly creepy stories about male behavior, and those stories will stand trivial in the context of thousands of normal encounters with thousands of normal men. Have experienced very stalky behavior from women in the past, but nothing rising to the level of "creepy."
carhill Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 It depends on how attractive she finds you. Wogs, that makes sense, but I like the point that ditzchic brought up, when describing dating an 'attractive creep'. That's really good information. She seems to allude to a willful suspension of disbelief, though temporary, allowing his attractiveness to rule the day until a certain tipping point; then it was all creep from that point on, hence 'not working out'. In that instance, had I been a girlfriend listening to the person gushing about this new guy she's crushing on, would I have heard 'oh, he's a creep but wow he's so hot!' or would the 'creep' part have been omitted? I ask this because of the psychology of retrospective 'rewriting' from the current emotional setpoint, where negative experiences are assigned globally to the entire timeline of the experience, like they existed from the very beginning, when in fact they didn't. This is most commonly and poignantly seen in the re-writing of a marriage during the infidelity process. I've experienced it myself with a number of MW's. Interesting stuff Since, generally, ditzchic's description of what gets her 'creepdar' going isn't a feature of men that women find initially 'attractive', perhaps further clarification on her part could help. What exactly about this attractive man was creepy, right from the start? That definition could really help.
bean1 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 "True" creepy: A man, 25 years older than you while you are 17, who stares at you while you work for 8 hours a day in a food court, then follows you home on the bus and stares at you while you get off at the last top. True story for my poor coworker. THAT is disturbing. But the rest of the men here are correct. Once we hit 30+, we welcome any/all attention, it is shorter to come by especially when we are with our babies But for younger girls ie. 18-25+, they often define "creepy" as ANY unwanted attention, whether it's from some slick loser trying a PUA line or a genuine kind dork who just isn't cute. Sad really, I feel bad for men.
Woggle Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I once witnessed a woman just tear apart a guy who simply worked up the courage to say hello. She accused him of being a potential rapist and dumped her drink on him. A few days later I see the same woman in a club go home with a strange guy who took her hand and placed it on his groin before she even noticed what has happening. Like I said it all depends on how attracted she is to you.
ditzchic Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Wogs, that makes sense, but I like the point that ditzchic brought up, when describing dating an 'attractive creep'. That's really good information. She seems to allude to a willful suspension of disbelief, though temporary, allowing his attractiveness to rule the day until a certain tipping point; then it was all creep from that point on, hence 'not working out'. In that instance, had I been a girlfriend listening to the person gushing about this new guy she's crushing on, would I have heard 'oh, he's a creep but wow he's so hot!' or would the 'creep' part have been omitted? I ask this because of the psychology of retrospective 'rewriting' from the current emotional setpoint, where negative experiences are assigned globally to the entire timeline of the experience, like they existed from the very beginning, when in fact they didn't. This is most commonly and poignantly seen in the re-writing of a marriage during the infidelity process. I've experienced it myself with a number of MW's. Interesting stuff Since, generally, ditzchic's description of what gets her 'creepdar' going isn't a feature of men that women find initially 'attractive', perhaps further clarification on her part could help. What exactly about this attractive man was creepy, right from the start? That definition could really help. Carhill, you are an amazing philosopher. I love how you prod people to dig further. It's great! Truth is, my best friends knew all along that I found him to be a bit of a creep. The conversation went something like "He's so cute and sounds so great on paper but there is something just off about him." My not so great friends only heard the good things about him. What set my creepdar off was his constant need to be in contact and be around me originally. It wasn't normal. I'm talking like we had known each other for a matter of days and he was texting me things about wanting to fall asleep with me in his arms and what not. Before we were even intimate. Even after I repeatedly told him I'm a slow mover and want to get to know him. Even after I would straight up tell him to stop saying those things that he is freaking me out. He would say he was saying it as a joke. Then he started "joking" about how his intentions were to "nail me down". I told him he was scaring me away, he still continued with the jokes. He wanted to meet my parents within 2 weeks, brought up moving in together, even mentioned children once. WITHIN 2 WEEKS!! Not picking up on the social cues. He was in love with a married female coworker of his and would talk about her all the time while denying that he had feelings for her. He said it was just a "crush". But he would still hang around with her, be at her beckon call, talk to her on the phone, hang out with her and her husband. I understand getting feelings for someone unavailable but when she is married and not interested, you move on. You don't orbit hoping that one day you'll get a chance and put yourself through the drama everyday. That shows social and emotional immaturity to me. Not picking up on the social cues. He would bring up things about sex (past and present) that I wasn't comfortable talking about him with yet. No matter how hard I would try to sway the conversation to different topics, he would keep pushing the issues. I would literally have to get bitchy and tell him straight up to stop. He couldn't grasp the concept of subject changes. Not picking up on social cues. As much as I wanted it to work with him, all those things just made me too uncomfortable and I froze up. I stopped trying at all. Towards the end I couldn't even be physical with him. It felt too weird and unnatural...
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I haven't had any trouble finding guys unattractive (to me) without finding them "creepy." A guy who does not respect (or maybe even realize the concept of) personal space can come off as "creepy." A guy who exhibits stalkerish behavior is creepy. No, being attractive does not ameliorate this, unless maybe momentarily. I had a REAL stalker (I posted about it before) and he was very good looking. Maybe I was flattered the first time he showed up in a place where I was, having obviously followed me stealthily - and if he was unattractive, that probably wouldn't have been the case. When it soon became a clear hobby of his, though, believe me - his appearance made no difference. CREEPY. That was extreme, though. Guys who make really off the wall sexual or very personal statements or innuendoes that are not supported by the environment or atmosphere can easily come off as creepy. Personally, I find a very limp and moist feeling handshake to be creepy. Unfortunately, guys who have bad social skills and / or who are quite shy will run the risk of coming off as "creepy" even if they are not creeps. Poor social skills often include poor reading of physical cues, such as personal space boundaries or when it would be a "good" time to touch vs. a really bad time. Shy guys might try to introduce physical contact in a way that is not comfortable for the girl on the receiving end, such as a very tentative and seemingly "stealth" way of going about it. OP - you've posted that you are autistic, so you probably feel more mystified by the social "signals" that are constantly being transmitted among people. You also seem like a very smart and interesting person; I bet you have it in you to be very engaging and to NOT come off as creepy at all.
jobaba Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) I'm actually going to partially side with the women here for once. Since I'm a small, harmless looking fella, I almost never come off as creepy. I have never been called creepy or even had it implied. Women are never interested in me in that way, so they usually like me. Basically, I'm the nice guy that everybody likes. I'm the nice guy who waits to get to know them before asking them out and then when they reject me, "Oh. He's such a nice guy. I feel so bad rejecting him." It wouldn't be creepy in women's eyes. Just pathetic. I had another friend who is really good looking. Like 10 out of 10. Every woman agreed. He used to hit on girls who were still in high school when he was in his late 20s, call women randomly, and basically exhibit stalkerish type of behavior. A lot of women called him 'creepy'. Of course, there were those more 'insecure' women who would be like, "Oh god, he's so good looking. I can't believe he wants to go out with me!" like in the clip, but a lot of women were good looking or secure enough themselves to see him as a "good looking creepy dude"... Edited January 6, 2012 by jobaba
serial muse Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) I can't really speak for all women or anything, and I do think that the term "creepy" is overused nowadays to just mean someone with unrequited interest. That's unfortunate, because I do think there is such as thing as someone who is genuinely creepy; using the term wrong really dilutes it. To me, the word connotes a very specific sense that a particular person is somehow unstable, and therefore being around him (or her - yes, I think women can be creepy too) feels vaguely unsafe. (I say vaguely because once a person does something overtly threatening, then we are way out of the realm of creepy.) That sense comes from the observation that the person is single-mindedly pursuing his/her passions/needs/wants without an awareness of others' feelings/thoughts or a willingness to acknowledge them as equally important (and, by extension, acknowledging others as fully realized human beings instead of objects). That's not the exclusive province of men; I've known a few creepy women in my time, too. Regarding the issue of: women find men creepy if they're not interested - well, speaking only for myself, I can easily find men unattractive without finding them creepy. I have been hit on by guys in whom I wasn't interested, but I didn't feel the need to call them names to justify my disinterest. That's just immaturity. And, conversely, I can think a guy is good-looking, yet still find him creepy - and that automatically makes him unattractive. So, yes, I won't find a guy who's attractive creepy - by definition. Creepy is unattractive. But correlation is not causation. I don't find someone unattractive creepy. I find someone creepy unattractive. Edited January 6, 2012 by serial muse
Recommended Posts