Do women actually get rejected?

[Dust]

Oi Oi Oi!

 

Yeah I've been rejected. It was great fun.

 

During high school, I for some reason had a particular liking for the stoners, and one in particular. He was just oh so dreamy. Anyway, I was kind of like his fluffer, he was cool to be all over me and completely distract me from my school work, but once I actually told him I had feelings for him, he rejected me pretty coldly and went off with this chick that I couldn't stand. It was pretty terrible, although once I had a boyfriend and this guy found out I put out, he of course wanted on the CE Train. That didn't happen.

 

I never really went after anyone since him that I didn't 100% know wanted me. Once maybe but I knew that nothing would ever happen there so it was more getting it off my chest kind of thing than a "I love you and want to have your babies" thang. Thankfully my now husband was an open book and always thought I'm the bees knees.

 

He's a lucky guy!

[kaylan]

Another great post by Kaylan where I have to wonder wtf?

 

So a girl you're unattracted to tries to kiss you and you say "I dunno" a few times and something about working togather.

 

Then when she continues you say "I'll kiss you if you let me come and spend the night."

 

Then your friend smarter then you explains that you acted like you were into her. So you set your more observant friend on the right track by explaining you friend zoned her...

 

Damn man every post by you comes from oposite land...

You never really read with comprehension do you? Lets see if you can follow me this time.

 

1. I was not into the girl, so saying " i dunno" and "but we work together" is a nice way of rejecting her. Who the hell wants to be flat out told that someone finds them unattractive?

 

2. You seemed to blatantly miss the part where I was merely yanking the girls chain by saying Id kiss her if she let me spend the night. I clearly stated I had no intention of hooking up with her and was humoring myself. Can you not read?

 

3. My friend smarter than me? The guy I was with hardly ever knows how to read a girls signals or anything, and usually hooks up with super low quality girls. In what way is rejecting a girls advances, and simply kissing her on the forehead to let her down easy, me showing I am into her? If I was into the girl I could have easily hooked up with her and probably her friend that night. I didnt want to nor need to.

 

4. I really had nothing to gain from kissing a girl I am not really attracted to, especially when I can do way better than her...especially considering how slutty she was as well. Have

 

5. I dont get whats so hard to understand about what I described. This kind of has happened to plenty of women, and some men actually. A guy will proposition her, and when he sees he isnt getting anywhere he gets persistent. Thereafter the girl humors him for the sake of a laugh despite having no interest in him, since the guy wouldnt let up. I guess to a guy, such as yourself, who doesnt ever have the opportunity to reject a woman, would see this is an opposite bizzaro world situation. If this is opposite land then you are simply the brightest person I have ever met .

Edited January 6, 2012 by kaylan

[DirtyDancing]

Thank you DirtyDancing, both of those count. Though I'm curious as why you decided to only stop after two rejections.

 

Ha! Well, I figured if they weren't interested it was their loss! Plus I also took into account that there was a possibility that they were just flirting but didn't intend to pursue anything.

 

Stop after two rejections? I tried for a third time with someone recently and he took the bait. So I guess you could say I didn't 'stop' altogether.

[DirtyDancing]

These women getting rejected on here are mostly likely below-average in the looks department. No hot woman gets rejected outright unless she's a known slut of some kind or another. Bring a hot woman my way any day!

 

 

WRONG!!!! Unfortunately looks don't have a whole hell of a lot to do with it. You ever hear of the prettiest women not being able to get a date? I've been told I'm very beautiful and consider myself attractive... can't find get a date for the life of me lately... AND I've been rejected. Generalizations aren't the way to go boys....

[Andy_K]

WRONG!!!! Unfortunately looks don't have a whole hell of a lot to do with it. You ever hear of the prettiest women not being able to get a date? I've been told I'm very beautiful and consider myself attractive... can't find get a date for the life of me lately... AND I've been rejected. Generalizations aren't the way to go boys....

 

Age and pics or it's not true!

[oaks]

No hot woman gets rejected outright unless she's a known slut of some kind or another.

 

Hahaha. What if she asked someone who wasn't single and he rejected her for that reason?

 

Women (men, too) should realise that being rejected isn't always about you.

[Titania22]

I want to get this over with for once and for all.

 

Are there any women out there who have actually been rejected?

 

First some guidelines.

 

I consider a rejection to be a clear and obvious indication of interest in which the other person said no.

 

Looking at a guy with a flirty expression and him not coming over to you is not a rejection; unless you could tell that he understood your intention and still choose not to approach. Even then, that's a very minor rejection. If that's the worse you got, don't bother. Also, getting dumped is not a rejection.

 

If it has happened to you, please give some details. More is always better.

 

i didn't read the thread.

 

The answer is yes, i have been rejected for sex on multiple occasions (different men). I was very clear and upfront, i.e. would you have sex with me? And i was turned down.

[Emilia]

Ahh, sorry. Didn't see this until after I posted my reply.

 

Ok, so you want to hear about it from a woman's perspective... why?

 

Because deep down he doesn't like us

[PlumPrincess]

I experienced my fair share of rejection. I had a lot of crushes in high school and I know it sounds unheard of but I was bold enough to confess them to the guys' faces. I always got "No", and often more than that: "You're weird", "You're ugly", "You're psycho". Then these guys would have their friends come around me and pretend they did like me after all to get me to fall for it so they could laugh at me even more (thankfully I was never that gullible).

 

You would think after all that I became a shrinking wallflower. Not so. When I had crushes in college I would tell the guy, and I would get rejected, but at least it was in a 'nicer' way. They would just say they didn't see me as more than a friend. I accepted it, moved on.

I'm glad you got over them so well.

[Wolf18]

I used to reject women, a lot of them were hot women , for things like I thought they were boring or they were the ex girlfriend of somebody I didn't like. I always assumed there was something else around the corner and there usually was.

 

Boy do I regret it. One girl in particular I really liked but refused to date her because she was with this incorrigible douche before who I hated that was in an emo band and I didnt want his sloppy seconds.

 

Now I got no prospects and if i try to talk to any of these girls i once knew, they tell me to **** off (rightfully so). Its true that people dont value things until their gone.

[somedude81]

Because deep down he doesn't like us

That's not true at all.

 

What's happening is that I was getting the impression that men and women don't live in the same world. A world where relationship wise, women are giving everything they want. While most men have to really struggle.

 

It just didn't seem fair; which led to feelings of anger, bitterness and jealousy towards women.

 

I want to get rid of those feelings and reading stories from women is helping me a bit because it shows that they go through bad experiences just like men do.

[verhrzn]

By your very narrow definition of rejection, where I've come straight out and said," I like you, let's go out on a date" I've done it two times, and gotten rejected both times. (I'm assuming this does not include established relationships.)

 

One of them was a guy I had a crush on at my university tech job. I'd had a crush on him for about a year, but had been abroad and dating someone else... He'd spent most of that year emailing me a lot, and flirting with me. When I came back, I was single, and the flirting escalated to enormous proportions (him trying to get me to go skinny dipping with him.) I finally came out and said," Hey, I have a crush on you," to which he replied that he saw me as just a friend.

 

The second time was a guy I met at a sci-fi con last summer. After about an hour of chatting and flirting (he was touching my arm/shoulder a lot, and making little sexual innuendos) I asked him if he was single, and he said he was. I asked if he'd like to exchange phone numbers, and he laughed and said only if I would wingman for him so he could land some hot girls.

 

As for online dating, I've messaged or winked at about six guys total, and not a single one has responded.

 

When I've tried to go up to a guy at a bar or a party, they usually either ignore me or are nice to my face, and then mock me the second I turn my back.

 

You didn't ask for relationships, but I'll throw it anyway.... any time I've been the primary pursuer in the beginning stages, it's been a very bad idea. My first boyfriend strung me and another girl along for about 2 months before finally deciding to date me, but it seems he did so more out of an "Eh why not" then because he liked me.

 

The last guy I dated who I pursued never really wanted to make the relationship official, and dumped me via voice mail by saying I wasn't physically attractive. He had an official girlfriend inside of a month (who HE pursued.)

[dasein]

I want to get this over with for once and for all.

 

In order to do that, you will have to add the qualifier "rejected by a man with a dating value relatively equivalent to yours in the dating pool." I've had dozens of obese women hit on me over the years, maybe even hundreds, and don't consider my brushing them off as "rejection" more along the lines of "not completing the hail mary pass at the end of the game."

 

IMO if a 300 pound sanitation worker on the back of a garbage truck whistles at Angelina Jolie as she drives by and Angelina doesn't pull right over, -that's- not rejection.

[somedude81]

By your very narrow definition of rejection, where I've come straight out and said," I like you, let's go out on a date" I've done it two times, and gotten rejected both times. (I'm assuming this does not include established relationships.)

It may seem narrow to you, but that is the only type of rejection that I have experienced. And it's happened over and over and over. I'm also not the only guy that has experienced it.

 

One of them was a guy I had a crush on at my university tech job. I'd had a crush on him for about a year, but had been abroad and dating someone else... He'd spent most of that year emailing me a lot, and flirting with me. When I came back, I was single, and the flirting escalated to enormous proportions (him trying to get me to go skinny dipping with him.) I finally came out and said," Hey, I have a crush on you," to which he replied that he saw me as just a friend.

Ow, that sucks.

The second time was a guy I met at a sci-fi con last summer. After about an hour of chatting and flirting (he was touching my arm/shoulder a lot, and making little sexual innuendos) I asked him if he was single, and he said he was. I asked if he'd like to exchange phone numbers, and he laughed and said only if I would wingman for him so he could land some hot girls.

Did you punch him? You should have, right in his arm.

As for online dating, I've messaged or winked at about six guys total, and not a single one has responded.

In OLD, six is nothing. One of the guy's here posted a thread where he said he messaged 230 women and got 5 dates.

When I've tried to go up to a guy at a bar or a party, they usually either ignore me or are nice to my face, and then mock me the second I turn my back.

I'm wondering what kind of guys, and how much booze they had.

 

You didn't ask for relationships, but I'll throw it anyway.... any time I've been the primary pursuer in the beginning stages, it's been a very bad idea. My first boyfriend strung me and another girl along for about 2 months before finally deciding to date me, but it seems he did so more out of an "Eh why not" then because he liked me.

Did you know he was stringing along another girl? Heck, I can't see why any woman would even let herself be strung along.

[verhrzn]

In OLD, six is nothing. One of the guy's here posted a thread where he said he messaged 230 women and got 5 dates.

 

Except guys also on this board claim that men far outnumber women on the sites, and that stupid, obese, and unemployed women even get attention because females are so thin on the ground. If the conditions are so dire, then at least ONE of those guys would have responded, right? Cause they're desperate enough to go after worthless women, so they must be thrilled when an average (so I've been told) women contacts them. But... apparently not.

 

Did you know he was stringing along another girl? Heck, I can't see why any woman would even let herself be strung along.

 

Oh yes. All three of us were on the Speech team, and she was one of my frenemies. One of my worst memories is the night of the Christmas party. Everyone but me got drunk, and the two of them ended up passing out, cuddling, on the couch together in the living room. I couldn't leave, as campus was too far to walk (I tried, but no one would let me go "for my safety") and everyone was too drunk to drive.

 

While everyone else slept, I cleaned the entire kitchen. And I mean cleaned... washed every single dish they had, swept and mopped the floor, cleaned out their stove, washed the outside and inside of their fridge, and organized all the recyclables.

 

I let myself be strung along for a couple of reasons. First, because I was young and naive. I'd never even kissed a boy. Never had a boyfriend. I stepped right into some complicated relationship politics, and had no idea how to handle it.

 

Second, because I blamed myself for it. I thought I'd somehow brought this upon myself, and that if I were just more awesome, he'd like me.

 

Third, honestly, I didn't want to unfairly reject a guy and be labeled a b*tch. When I refused to speak to him for two days after the party, he actually told me I was being unfairly bitchy, because we "weren't technically dating" so it shouldn't have been a big deal.

 

Ironically, my tendency to not want to unfairly reject a guy (that thing bitter men on this forum are constantly complaining women don't do) is the very thing that allows guys to string me along.

[lemonlegs]

If they still slept with you, and rejected anything further, does that count? Haha.

 

That's the only time I've been "rejected"... but personally, I believe that's due to their own stupid hang-ups.

 

Other than that, I was only rejected by a guy when I was 15 years old, but to be fair, I had braces and was not near as good looking as I am now. He's now dating a good friend of mine and is a huge dumbass (quite unintelligent), so hey, it all works out.

[Sith Apprentice]

I'm a guy and I've rejected a lot of women, but I've also been rejected by many women as well so I've my had my turn around the may pole so to speak.

 

Here are a few of the most recent ones I can think of:

 

1. Unattractive fatty tries to pick me up at work- I lied and told her I had a girlfriend.

 

2. Unattractive coworker gets her friend to approach me and tell me she likes me-I wasn't interested

 

3. Coworker invites me out to dinner after work-She was attractive, but I blew her off because I had oneitis for someone else DAMN! It's not always the ladies fault.

 

4. Friends unattractive sister tries to kiss me while sitting together on a couch-I refused because I thought she was fugly.

 

5. I was walking my dog around the neighborhood when a a married neighbor tried to pick me up- I wasn't interested.

 

6. Another unattractive fatty and her friend trying to pick me up at work-I wasn't interested

 

7. Creeper calls me anonymously and asks me out and I had no clue who she was.

 

8. Fatty I've seen around approaches me and tells me she's been dreaming about me-I wasn't interested.

 

9. Met 3 women and went on 1 date each through online dating-I wasn't interested in any of them. One woman became obsessed with me.

[somedude81]

i didn't read the thread.

 

The answer is yes, i have been rejected for sex on multiple occasions (different men). I was very clear and upfront, i.e. would you have sex with me? And i was turned down.

This is actually not surprising.

 

Based on your previous posts I'm assuming you're saying these to men much younger than you, that you don't know. It's understandable why you are getting rejected. But there's more to it than that.

 

If I was on campus and a hot 21 year old with big boobs came up to me, "Hi, I'm Ashley, want to have sex with me?" I would just look at her funny and turn her down. She'd have to do or say something sexy to get me interested. The best thing she could do is show interest while in conversation and say something similar to, "I want to go to X" which lets me be the one who asks her.

 

In other words, I'm all for obvious signs of interest but let me be the one to take charge.

I let myself be strung along for a couple of reasons. First, because I was young and naive. I'd never even kissed a boy. Never had a boyfriend. I stepped right into some complicated relationship politics, and had no idea how to handle it.

 

Second, because I blamed myself for it. I thought I'd somehow brought this upon myself, and that if I were just more awesome, he'd like me.

 

OK, I completely understand now. Just didn't know any better.

 

 

Third, honestly, I didn't want to unfairly reject a guy and be labeled a b*tch. When I refused to speak to him for two days after the party, he actually told me I was being unfairly bitchy, because we "weren't technically dating" so it shouldn't have been a big deal.

 

 

Ironically, my tendency to not want to unfairly reject a guy (that thing bitter men on this forum are constantly complaining women don't do) is the very thing that allows guys to string me along.

Turning down a guy who is hooking up with another girl is not an unfair rejection.

 

I actually think less of a woman who wants or is being led on by a guy who is already with somebody else.

[curlygirl40]

Well I would say twice since I started dating again about 2 years ago. Both were online dates. I think on one of them I said to the guy via text after the date 'I had a great time, it was nice to meet you, thanks for dinner maybe we can do it again sometime' Or something like that. I wasn't very blunt but yet I let my interest be known, that I'm sure of. He answered back that he didn't feel chemistry with me and good luck with my search or something like that. I told him 'thanks for your honesty, best of luck to you'.

 

The second time I sent 'It was nice to finally meet you, thank you for dinner I had a great time' and he said 'you're welcome' and I NEVER heard from him again. This is a guy who texted me several times daily and called 2x in the week after we made our first contact online. I would call it rejection because I would have gone out with him again and I thought my 'I had a great time' was a sign of interest.

 

BUT, and I think this is huge, women might not be openly rejected often, but we FEEL rejected sometimes even if it's not an obvious rejection to a guy, or not like the same kind of rejection that a guy might experience. Does that make sense?

 

I have contacted a handful guys online who never returned my e-mail. Probably 20 or so. These are guys who I think are not 'out of my league', etc. so I'm not sure what put them off in my profile. I don't think too much about it I just move on, but just saying.

 

Also, since many times us girls will sit back and wait to see if the guy makes a move, when they don't make a move and we're interested, it feels like rejection even if it's not an open/obvious rejection.

 

It's all subjective.

 

I have no problem making sure I reach out and show some interest to a guy. Then I wait for him to respond. If he doesn't respond it still feels like rejection because I will spend some time wondering why he didn't like me. Am I too fat (I'm not), was it something I said (probably not), did he find my humor offensive (I'm snarky), did I seem disconnected (my job is demanding and sometimes I have a hard time turning it off). On and on. This is how girls think. Or, maybe this is just how I think. LOL

[azsinglegal]

Absolutely!

 

One time I waited for a guy after class (when I was in college), we had been making eye contact for weeks. After class I asked him for coffee or something and he said no thanks and walked away.

 

I've asked men out several times before and had them say, no. OR they say yes then I never hear from them to make plans.

 

This is actually the MOST common way I've been rejected. They'll just disappear. The "blow off" is worse then actually being told they're not interested.

 

Rejection isn't just limited to men. But maybe seen that way because men seem to be doing more of the approaching then women.

 

I've been rejected online too. I've "winked" or messaged someone and never heard anything back. But I think most of those were because I was doing a few things wrong:

 

1) Trying to date men younger then me

2) I smoked

3) Attempting to date men out of my league (younger, hotter, athletic, etc.)

[verhrzn]

I actually think less of a woman who wants or is being led on by a guy who is already with somebody else.

 

Except he wasn't technically with somebody else. He saw himself as a free agent... and he saw cuddling as not crossing any kind of arbitrary line about what he was allowed to do while technically single.

 

My point was more, a lot of times I think guys see girls are rejecting them unfairly, and label the girl as a gold-digger/b*tch/stuck-up. Guys seem to rarely think that any rejection has a legitimate reason if THEY don't see it as legitimate. For example, during the months we were dating, he and the girl had annual tickle fights on the couch. I felt very uncomfortable with this, and even said at one point I was considering ending the relationship over him being so physical with another girl (especially that one), and I got labeled as a jealous drama queen.

[somedude81]

But I think most of those were because I was doing a few things wrong:

 

1) Trying to date men younger then me

2) I smoked

3) Attempting to date men out of my league (younger, hotter, athletic, etc.)

I wonder how many of the previous stories by women contained the above?

 

dasein mentioned the brushoff, being "rejected" by somebody you don't have a chance with.

 

It's like being upset that you didn't get a job you are obviously not qualified for.

 

That's why I don't go after girls I consider to be 8-10's. It's just stupid and a waste of my time.

 

But it seems that some women haven't figured that out, and are hurt when Mc.Dreamy turns her down. Frankly, he's doing her a favor, instead of simply adding her to his harem.

[Wolf18]

I wonder how many of the previous stories by women contained the above?

 

dasein mentioned the brushoff, being "rejected" by somebody you don't have a chance with.

 

It's like being upset that you didn't get a job you are obviously not qualified for.

 

That's why I don't go after girls I consider to be 8-10's. It's just stupid and a waste of my time.

 

But it seems that some women haven't figured that out, and are hurt when Mc.Dreamy turns her down. Frankly, he's doing her a favor, instead of simply adding her to his harem.

 

 

I can guarantee you that it is. They do it because well, half the time it works if the guy is horny enough.

[somedude81]

Except he wasn't technically with somebody else. He saw himself as a free agent... and he saw cuddling as not crossing any kind of arbitrary line about what he was allowed to do while technically single.

Why did it matter what he thinks?

 

If I saw a girl that I was more than friends with cuddling with another guy I would instantly end it.

 

My point was more, a lot of times I think guys see girls are rejecting them unfairly, and label the girl as a gold-digger/b*tch/stuck-up. Guys seem to rarely think that any rejection has a legitimate reason if THEY don't see it as legitimate.

I think it really depends on how much the guy liked the girl. If I really like somebody, it's harder to accept a legitimate reason.

 

For example, during the months we were dating, he and the girl had annual tickle fights on the couch. I felt very uncomfortable with this, and even said at one point I was considering ending the relationship over him being so physical with another girl (especially that one), and I got labeled as a jealous drama queen.

Of course you'd feel uncomfortable. Anybody would.

 

As for people calling you names, that's just too bad.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Yep, women get rejected.

 

Even if not in relationships, everyone gets rejected by a partner, date, friend, job application, college application etc.

 

Failure and rejection are parts of life.

 

I think men GENERALLY get rejected more in relationships because men traditionally have to put themselves out there more and so naturally are putting themselves up to face more rejection in this area.