babyblue Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now and I am very much in love with this man whom was married before for 16 years. I was also married for 10 years. We are so good together, and he has told me he loves me, and has deep feelings for me. We are already talking about a permanent future together. The only problem is he refers to his ex quite a lot. He will reminisce about things he did with her, and her name is mentioned periodically in our everyday normal conversations. I have talked to him about this issue and explained that it really hurts me when he talks about his ex, and it makes me think he is still in love with her. He has told me he is very sorry and that he doesn't want to hurt me. His wife cheated on him and he went through counseling. He tells me that the counselor tells him that there will probably be a part of him that will always love his ex wife. I was also cheated on by my ex and I honestly can say I do not love him anymore. I guess I am feeling insecure about his feelings for his ex, but is this normal? Also, can his love for me eventually get him to forget about his ex, or is this just something that I will have to accept? As I said, I love this man deeply, and I think eventually we could get married. Is there hope for our future if the ex is still on his mind?
donnist Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Well I think it is quite normal for you to feel insecure but on the same level you have to understand that 18 years isn't going to go away over night. How much time has it been since his separation from his last relationship? He surely has not ex'ed out his ex out of his life. If he is going to continue with you he need to put or focus more on "YOU". Building from where you guys stand and your point of view or refer to you instead... As far as looking into the future... I'm no psychic but the future seems like it still has hope but there needs to be a lot of mending on his behalf. Hope this is useful..
disguy Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Donnist couldn't have said it any better. I just wanted to add that it is hard to get over an ex for "x" amount of years. Especially how long he has been with his. Believe him when he says he doesn't mean to bring her up, because i have been guilty for doing just that. And i was with my ex for only 4 1/2 years on and off and i was never even married to her. The heart just takes time to mend. And you loving him is doing just that. Give him some time and eventually he'll get over it. Then all eyes will be on you.
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