M2155 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) I did it:eek: So I'm fine with my ex. I don't like him, don't hate him, not quite indifferent yet but close. Came across something that I took from his house and never told him so I dropped him a text. He replied cordially and said he thinks about us sometimes. Then he texts again (I assume he expected me to reply in kind-- ego) and we just make some small talk. Didn't talk about the relationship other than I did tell him I was hurt for a little while and it was a challenging experience for me but I think I've come out better on the other side. He didn't reply to that other than he gets it and we had a few more LOLs. He has never admitted any wrong (he has never said anything about our relationship or the "breakup") or apologized for anything and it kinda doesn't matter as it's in the past- if he was ever to become a real part of my life (don't see that ever happening though) we would discuss it then. So I'm softening to him as a person but I still don't trust him. I just felt somewhat obligated to report. I feel like the ice has been broken to be on cordial speaking terms now, but I don't think I want or need to be friends right now. He's got his girl (that he doesn't mention) and outside of dating, I'd only see him in the rare occassion we run into each other anyaway. I know if I had done this 2 months ago I'd be a mess but I'm much more at peace with it. It made me remember some of his good qualities and gave me a smile, but I'm interested to see what's behind door number 2 (after I find door number 2) . It did feel good to communicate without the emotional stress and worry. If he didn't reply, no "are you ignoring me???!!." Ahh, I'm never going back there friends. Edited January 5, 2012 by M2155
Mack05 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I did the same. I broke NC and wished my ex well for the new year. She replied back and said she "couldn't hate me more if I tried". I read on LS (and I agree) that holding onto resentment is "like taking poison and expecting someone else to die". I sent her a text back saying I am sorry she felt that way and I took responsibility for alot of our problems and just wished her well with her life. The next day she called and we had a really unexpected cordial conversation. She said I couldn't have caught her at a worse time, that she forgave me and no longer felt bitterness or resentment towards me. She even took some responsibilty for us failing, which completely shocked me. I used to worry about her future, but the emotional maturity and forgiveness she showed on the phone, I don't any more. In the aftermath of our breakup I spent way too much time focusing on what was wrong with her, instead of what was wrong with me. I see SOOO many LS users making the exact same mistake. I see a thread with 69ways getting great advice and lashing back at people because he is getting told things (home truths) that he doesn't want to hear. He is focusing on his ex, saying what is wrong with her instead of bringing it inwards and focusing on what is wrong with him. With my ex, we apologised to the other and agreed to never contact the other again and wished each other well in our lives. Got to say I felt liberated. Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can start my journey in 2012 with renewed hope and optimism, with no baggage from the past weighing me down. I have been the biggest advocate of NC and I still am. I think in the aftermath of a relationship end that 3-6 months NC is a great tool to heal. I hadn't spoken to my ex for 8 months (I was fully healed from her), but sometimes resolving things from your past, can lead to a better future..It can also give you inner peace and harmony.. (no matter what they did to you, forgive them and move on. It is the correct way to grieve, as is illustrated brilliantly in this clip) I now am on the LONG road back to full emotional health and I have no idea how long it will take, but I wish my fellow LS people and you m2155 (one of my fav posters) all the best for the new year. Your post tells me how far you come and I hope other LS members can take heart from that..Happy 2012 make it a one to remember, life is too short not to....
Author M2155 Posted January 6, 2012 Author Posted January 6, 2012 Aw thank you Mack for your kind words, I appreciate that. Yes it is amazing to look back and realize what an experience it was! Definitely important to stop, let go and heal without that person in your life. I think my ex and I will remain cordial for now and hopefully he realizes at least internally that he has some room for improvement. I fought so hard to get to the point of realizing there was better out there that now I have to see .
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