verhrzn Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Well, to be honest, when I was in a better position in my life, I was able to have whatever woman I wanted and I've always had the same attitude. Ironically, it was the period of my life when I was most closed off towards a connection to a woman (out of fear of being vulnerable to what I always saw as very fickle womankind) that I got the most girls. This isn't because I was an "*******", but rather, it was because I was physically more attractive than I am now. Now that I'm wide open towards a connection to a woman, and seek to love, share, and protect, I'm not as "hot" or "hunky" as I was maybe 4 years ago, so I get burned or taken advantage of every single time. Perhaps it was more than when you were 'closed off,' women actually read that as confidence and independence, which is attractive, and now that you're 'open' you're actually coming across as needy and desperate. But if you're so convinced it was because you were more physically attractive, then... uh, why not get physically attractive again? Obviously you managed it once. It's hard for me to be friends with women. Not because there are no women I like to spend time with, but rather because if a woman is cool enough to be my friend I usually want her to be more. Most women do not understand me or share any of my interests at all (including ones I've slept with), so the ones that do are very special. But I am still a man. And if I'm spending all my time with a female friend and she refuses to get with me, while putting out for another guy that calls her for a booty call once a month, yes, Im going to feel used and take issue with that. Female "friends" will always pick their lay of the week over even a male friend they've known all their lives when push comes to shove. It's biology. So be friends with ugly women. I have lots of male friends, and they have never wanted to date me or make a move on me. Then they're somehow not magically offended when I'm not super attracted to them, either. If you're spending all your time with her and are offended that she isn't into you, guess what, then she is not your friend. What we're advising is making actual female friends, ones you don't see as sexualized somehow. Being able to relate to women as people, and not as sexual objects, is what separates successful* guys from the bitter guys on this thread. Relating to women on multiple levels is the first step towards a healthy relationship.... so if you can't manage to have a connection with a woman that doesn't somehow automatically lead back to sex, then perhaps you've hit upon why you're having such a difficult time finding something worthwhile. *I define successful as "healthy and happy relationship," as opposed to people who seem to define it as "every woman ever wants me."
jobaba Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yeah, you're right. I'm actually an entitled gold digging whore who fell for a pretty boy who treats me like garbage and cheats on me weekly. Hey, if it makes you feel better about your failed love life to think that about me, who am I to dissuade you? And on that note, I'm going to have hot monkey sex with the love of my life. Enjoy your night folks! You little tease!
FitChick Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 it was because I was physically more attractive than I am now. Now that I'm wide open towards a connection to a woman, and seek to love, share, and protect, I'm not as "hot" or "hunky" as I was maybe 4 years ago If being less attractive now than before is your only problem, what can you do to become more attractive?
Pizzaman81 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 What women want? They want a man who's: 1) Career driven but a family oriented 2) In control but not controlling 3) Funny but not a clown 4) Stable but with a sense of adventure and spontaneity 5) Who takes a stand and doesn't waver, as long as he's flexible, open-minded and admit when he's wrong 6) Serious but playful 7) confident but humble 8) horny but faithful 9) Affectionate but not needy 10) Smart but not nerdy 11) Caring but not needy 12) Protective but not possessive 13) Tough but tender 14) Manly but vulnerable Let me know if I am wrong
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 If being less attractive now than before is your only problem, what can you do to become more attractive? Grow three inches?
AD1980 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 To the guys who are cheering this post, I have a question: Do you have trouble connecting to EVERYONE on an emotional level? Or just women? Because it just seems weird to me how you characterize people as 'options,' 'cows,' 'traits,' etc, etc. As if the person you are talking about is nothing more than a vessel to dump your cum in (at best) or an abstract list of facts and figures (at worst). It makes me feel sad for you because you're missing out on the very best of life. Connecting to another person. Loving another person. Sharing, trusting, knowing that this woman (or man) you've chosen to spend your life with totally GETS you, will have your back ALWAYS, understands you, respects you, makes you laugh, brightens your day, brings joy into your life, helps you build a wonderful future, and ultimately dies by your side. Don't you understand how absolutely FUN it is to be madly in love? Have you ever laid down with someone you adored and spent the day in bed just holding each other? Caressing each other? Have you ever passed by something innocuous on a sidewalk and smiled to yourself because it reminded you of a private joke you share with your love? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I can't wait to tell her that!" Have you ever had a truly miserable day and known deep in your gut that only a hug and kiss from your girl would make you feel better? No? Then I'm going to venture a guess here....it's probably because you don't see WOMEN. You see two dimensional characters. You see lists of traits. You don't see individuals. You don't see human beings. And that's why you'll always be alone. Even if you manage to lure some 'cows' into your bed, in your heart, you'll always always always be alone. I feel sad for you. Im sorry but women are more shallow and picky the you lead on,if you dont have the physical attributes shes looking for you wont get a chance to get a connection.. You make it sound so easy as if men just have to connect with a women and shell be yours.. Maybe when a women gets older and has limited options she "matures" and gets less picky but most women in their 20's and 30's is pretty shallow
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Yeah, you're right. I'm actually an entitled gold digging whore who fell for a pretty boy who treats me like garbage and cheats on me weekly. Hey, if it makes you feel better about your failed love life to think that about me, who am I to dissuade you? And on that note, I'm going to have hot monkey sex with the love of my life. Enjoy your night folks! There's no point in trying to convince him, Jane. My 3-year relationship with an average-height, low-earning, overweight guy who ended up cheating on me is well chronicled on here and he still is steadfast in believing that I must be lying, since all women only care about looks and money. The OP is a quite humourous read.
g450 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I have to agree with OP. Women are picky. Because they can afford to be. There are more of us to choose from. Women OTOH seem to be a limited comodity. Especially decent ones (notice I didnt say good looking ones). Their sense of entitlement is unfortunately very real in general. All you have to do is talk to them to see it. And even an ugly fat woman can get a guy if she acts skanky enough at the local bar. See it all the time. That's just the way it is. But gripping about it will just make you less attractive ironically. So just enjoy life and act like you dont care. Work on one of the golden standards that you have control over and get back on the horse.
g450 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 There's no point in trying to convince him, Jane. My 3-year relationship with an average-height, low-earning, overweight guy who ended up cheating on me is well chronicled on here and he still is steadfast in believing that I must be lying, since all women only care about looks and money. The OP is a quite humourous read. KAMU, I have to say I enjoy your posts and you make a valid point. But your situation is not the norm. I do know a few women like you, loving, unjudgmental, attractive etc and who got dumped. But very, very few. But you are the exception to the rule. Im speaking in generaliities that in my eyes are realities based on what I have seen.
Buttercup84 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 To the guys who are cheering this post, I have a question: Do you have trouble connecting to EVERYONE on an emotional level? Or just women? Because it just seems weird to me how you characterize people as 'options,' 'cows,' 'traits,' etc, etc. As if the person you are talking about is nothing more than a vessel to dump your cum in (at best) or an abstract list of facts and figures (at worst). It makes me feel sad for you because you're missing out on the very best of life. Connecting to another person. Loving another person. Sharing, trusting, knowing that this woman (or man) you've chosen to spend your life with totally GETS you, will have your back ALWAYS, understands you, respects you, makes you laugh, brightens your day, brings joy into your life, helps you build a wonderful future, and ultimately dies by your side. Don't you understand how absolutely FUN it is to be madly in love? Have you ever laid down with someone you adored and spent the day in bed just holding each other? Caressing each other? Have you ever passed by something innocuous on a sidewalk and smiled to yourself because it reminded you of a private joke you share with your love? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I can't wait to tell her that!" Have you ever had a truly miserable day and known deep in your gut that only a hug and kiss from your girl would make you feel better? No? Then I'm going to venture a guess here....it's probably because you don't see WOMEN. You see two dimensional characters. You see lists of traits. You don't see individuals. You don't see human beings. And that's why you'll always be alone. Even if you manage to lure some 'cows' into your bed, in your heart, you'll always always always be alone. I feel sad for you. Yes ! Very well said
U1987 Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) It makes me feel sad for you because you're missing out on the very best of life. Connecting to another person. Loving another person. Sharing, trusting, knowing that this woman you've chosen to spend your life with totally GETS you, will have your back ALWAYS, understands you, respects you, makes you laugh, brightens your day, brings joy into your life, helps you build a wonderful future, and ultimately dies by your side. Janesays, you can't get ANY of this until you get the girl attracted to you first. All those wonderful things you mentioned come AFTER the point a girl becomes attracted in a man, NOT BEFORE. How exactly is a man supposed to connect, love, share, trust, etc with a woman he knows nothing of and who isn't attracted to him? Everything you mentioned her does not help a man attract women. Attracting women and keeping women are two entirely different things. What you're doing is basically the same as telling a kid how to drive on the highway without telling him out to pull out of the driveway or even start the ignition. Edited January 6, 2012 by U1987
Author Ninjainpajamas Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) To the guys who are cheering this post, I have a question: Do you have trouble connecting to EVERYONE on an emotional level? Or just women? Because it just seems weird to me how you characterize people as 'options,' 'cows,' 'traits,' etc, etc. As if the person you are talking about is nothing more than a vessel to dump your cum in (at best) or an abstract list of facts and figures (at worst). It makes me feel sad for you because you're missing out on the very best of life. Connecting to another person. Loving another person. Sharing, trusting, knowing that this woman (or man) you've chosen to spend your life with totally GETS you, will have your back ALWAYS, understands you, respects you, makes you laugh, brightens your day, brings joy into your life, helps you build a wonderful future, and ultimately dies by your side. Don't you understand how absolutely FUN it is to be madly in love? Have you ever laid down with someone you adored and spent the day in bed just holding each other? Caressing each other? Have you ever passed by something innocuous on a sidewalk and smiled to yourself because it reminded you of a private joke you share with your love? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I can't wait to tell her that!" Have you ever had a truly miserable day and known deep in your gut that only a hug and kiss from your girl would make you feel better? No? Then I'm going to venture a guess here....it's probably because you don't see WOMEN. You see two dimensional characters. You see lists of traits. You don't see individuals. You don't see human beings. And that's why you'll always be alone. Even if you manage to lure some 'cows' into your bed, in your heart, you'll always always always be alone. I feel sad for you. Ah the typical "Oprah Winfrey" empowerment feminist comment where everyone gets up and clapping...even the men so they don't look like jerks. However those "feel good" terms or idealistic views don't carry over into what we call reality. You see the reality is much different from what some people choose to speak of, meaning in practice what you are saying isn't what is actually happening out there with real human beings. You know why many guys can't relate to that? Because many didn't or don't yet have the opportunity to experience most of that crap in your second paragraph...why? because they are not the total package men and don't have it as easy as even the less than desirable woman. Women can be with a man and create this whole little fantasy world....yes that guy who broke your heart in the end, that guy. But as a woman at least you got to experience that, for a lot of these guys they don't understand, and why not? because as a woman you're not walking into bars, clubs, festivals, concerts, online dating websites thinking "oh i wonder the emotional, supportive, and spiritual fortitude of this man is"...you're being just as judgmental as a man, and just as shallow but in your own way...and you think you're better because, why? No you're looking at how tall he is, how good looking, his style, his swag/charisma/charm, whether he looks poor or not. That's what you're judging off, none of that feel good talk show bullcrap that you think you do so you feel like a good person, you only want that crap with that CAN guy, don't you get that's the point? If a short guy walks your way, ugly as hell but sweet and charming as can be, don't act like you're going to embrace the troll with open arms instead of say "Ew, get away from me....not interested!" I love how women pretend not to be so basic and shallow...I'll admit women are far more clever at being deceptive in the things they really like and are attracted to and yes many of you try and pretend you want this or that kind of guy based on "qualities"...you know the not so handsome, short, average personality guy who is just looking for one woman but you're not obviously into. Until you've been burned and have settled for the "cannot" guys due to excessive heart breakage, only then do women waste their time outside of the clouds not buried into dark and mysterious man. And this is where many of the "cannot" men have to wait...at the end of the meat grinder where your values and needs have changed after you've been formed into some other package than which you had started in. But then again I guess most people like to just call that life and "growing up" instead of settling, which is what people are really doing....sacrificing desirable qualities for more secure qualities. Women have no understanding or can relate to "cannot" man. While you were getting your heartbroken, these guys were sitting around waiting for a return phone call that never came. Or being rejected by the last 20 women they talked to, or some deciding just to want to be friends. Poor you! Edited January 7, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Author Ninjainpajamas Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 There's no point in trying to convince him, Jane. My 3-year relationship with an average-height, low-earning, overweight guy who ended up cheating on me is well chronicled on here and he still is steadfast in believing that I must be lying, since all women only care about looks and money. The OP is a quite humourous read. Oh, so you've empowered a cannot man into feeling like a can man so he foolishly took it and ran with it, and now you think that changes what he really is? That was on him, that was his decision and were his values as a person. Let's be realistic, is this guy going to go to the local bar, club, or online dating site and swoon many women? no, unless he's into old drunken cougars or extreme uglies. Is he a CAN man now? no, and never will be, it doesn't mean he can't get a gf or laid. I love how people take this as a post of whether the average guy can get a gf or a date once in a blue moon, when I even broke down the level of difficulty rating with easy to read examples. The point is the CAN men are the only men that really have the magic wand that women have where they can get laid or have a relationship when they feel the desire to do so with a range of women. The rest are going to have a much higher level of difficulty and get washed out into the void of mass people...where for these men surviving in the dating world is much more difficult than for women as the standards are very different and high for them, since every woman desires or believes she deserves a CAN man quality and how they pursue men in the dating world.
HughHardcastle Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Sadly, I can't disagree with any of it. I'm short, average looking, and not that funny. And I have never been in a relationship. What else needs to be said? I also completely agree with this part. As it stands right now, I have no experience and at 30 years old, don't have a clue how women work. If I was able to start dating when I was young, I'd be very different from how I am now. I am 6'5, hilarious, and one of the nicest guys you or anyone else will ever meet. And I have never been in a relationship. Nothing is absolute.
kaylan Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Looks like I need to go to the store and buy some more cheese to eat. And a good portion of it too.
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