whoareu Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 So I just found out today that my ex got engaged 2 months ago. Well, I guess I can't really call him my ex. We knew each other from school a long, long time ago. We hooked up a couple years ago and got together when we could (we live 2 hours apart) and kept in touch otherwise via text, email, etc. I really liked him and he seemed to really like me as well. But he always wanted sex whenever we saw each other. I thought maybe that's all he wanted from me, but then again we didn't see each other as often as we would have liked, so maybe he was just ready for me. I don't know. I was always confused, but he sent me signals that I shouldn't ask about where our relationship was going. I tried a couple times and he brushed me off in a light-hearted way. So I just thought, okay, he's not ready for any kind of relationship yet. I was fine with that. I didn't suspect him of seeing anyone else because he was always so busy with work, etc. Then all of a sudden, this past May, I stop hearing from him. He texted me he couldn't wait to see me!! I texted right back, and never heard from him. Of course, I think something's happened to him. But, no, he was just ignoring me. I find out later that he met someone (young blonde) from same town. I didn't find out until 3 months after he started seeing her. Three months after that he's engaged to her. Now 2 months later, I find out because I re-activated my facebook (I deactivated a month after he ignored me) and checked his page. He did contact me a couple times after he started seeing her, but it only upset me. So I haven't heard from him, contacted him, nothing for over 4 months, until today when I checked his FB account and saw that they're engaged. I think the only reason it makes me a little sad is because I miss him as a friend more than anything. I liked hearing from him, hearing about his work, daily stuff, and telling him about my day. I don't have many friends and I looked forward to his texts, etc. It hurt so much when it all abruptly stopped with no explanation. I've been so depressed because all this time I've been hoping that he would break up with her and contact me again. Now I realize that will never happen. I just thought he didn't want a real relationship at the time we were together. But he just didn't want it with me. And I think it hurt more because we knew each other when we were kids. How can someone treat an old friend like that? I feel so stupid because looking back, obviously he was playing me. He was just so good at it that I didn't realize it. Or maybe I did, but put it out of my mind because I liked him so much. I always had a lot of fun with him and he always said he had fun with me too. Anyway, I'm just rambling I guess. My question is, should I congratulate him on his engagement? Just a very short 'congratulations on your engagement' note? We probably couldn't be any kind of friends again, and I plan on removing my facebook anyway, so it probably doesn't matter much. I just think it's something I should do just in case he sees that I'm back on FB. I don't want him to think I'm being petty by purposely ignoring his 'happy news'. If he was just some guy I had met then I wouldn't bother. But because we grew up, went to school, together, I feel like I should say something...
Philosoraptor Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Doesn't seem like he wanted anything serious with you. It's sad but the person we fancy does not always fancy us back. If he contacts you you can send a congrats, but otherwise I would not go out of my way to do so as communication with him as dropped off the radar.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Well be honest with yourself, would you really sincerely mean it if you wished him a happy engagement? Don't tell him this just because you FEEL like you have to, do it because you actually mean it. Just because you grew up with this guy does not mean you owe him anything. I mean, would he do the same for you? From the looks of it, it seems you are still a little hurt by how he used you, so I dunno if it would be in your best interest to give him any wishes. It is up to you though, just my opinion.
2sunny Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Since he hasn't told you directly - I wouldn't say a thing. Stepping in and saying anything may just restart communication - and he has his primary focus now (her). You were his option - no need to go back to that unless you intend to be his OW.
lalalandman Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Definitely agree that unless you truly mean it, then you shouldn't congratulate him. Even if he does go out of his way to tell you personally, I still wouldn't mention anything. Think about it. He got engaged while he was toying with your emotions and giving signals of reconciliation. Can you say wow? Right?
smudge21 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 You'd only do that if you were wanting those lines of communication opened again. Be honest with yourself, this isn't about just wishing him well; it's about wanting to hear from him, maybe see if he's still interested. Clearly from your post you still have that small bit of hope that maybe, just maybe there's a chance. No one on here will judge you for feeling that way. He's sadly moved on and his love is for someone else now. If you congratulate him all that will happen, whether he replies or not, will be you'll be more hurt than you are now. Believe me, I know about exs and engagements. Up until you reactivating the evil that is Facebook, you didn't know about this and although you may have wandered about him, you were living your life without any knowledge. So why change that now? Why risk any further hurt just because of some info that you've only found out by going looking for it (no one has come to you and told you this)? As hard as it will be for you to do now, you must walk away from this and simply wish them well in your mind. Your life belongs elsewhere. Try and move on.
Author whoareu Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Definitely agree that unless you truly mean it, then you shouldn't congratulate him. Even if he does go out of his way to tell you personally, I still wouldn't mention anything. Think about it. He got engaged while he was toying with your emotions and giving signals of reconciliation. Can you say wow? Right? I thought I meant it, but now not so sure. I'm just a naturally kind person, and I feel that's the nicest thing to do. But now that I read all your posts, I probably will not say anything. Another thing is, last I knew, she had a different last name. So it seems she just got divorced and is already engaged again all in the same year! Geez, I can't even get married once in my entire life?!?
Author whoareu Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Since he hasn't told you directly - I wouldn't say a thing. Stepping in and saying anything may just restart communication - and he has his primary focus now (her). You were his option - no need to go back to that unless you intend to be his OW. Noooo, don't want to be anyone's OW...
Author whoareu Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 You'd only do that if you were wanting those lines of communication opened again. Be honest with yourself, this isn't about just wishing him well; it's about wanting to hear from him, maybe see if he's still interested. Clearly from your post you still have that small bit of hope that maybe, just maybe there's a chance. No one on here will judge you for feeling that way. He's sadly moved on and his love is for someone else now. If you congratulate him all that will happen, whether he replies or not, will be you'll be more hurt than you are now. Believe me, I know about exs and engagements. Up until you reactivating the evil that is Facebook, you didn't know about this and although you may have wandered about him, you were living your life without any knowledge. So why change that now? Why risk any further hurt just because of some info that you've only found out by going looking for it (no one has come to you and told you this)? As hard as it will be for you to do now, you must walk away from this and simply wish them well in your mind. Your life belongs elsewhere. Try and move on. I will be hurt if he doesn't reply with at least a 'thanks', so I probably will not say anything. I hope to get rid of evil facebook soon anyway, just trying to get in touch with a long, lost relative...
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