arbrne_vet Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 before i met her...... Free, I was sooooo free. i lived life 100 miles per hour with my hair on fire. Had no problem meeting women, no problem dating women. Monday morning, everyone wanted to hear my "stories" of my weekend adventures...... Now, i have no idea who i am. i have lost myself. it all started 1 1/2 years ago, when i thought i lost her. i proposed. that is the point that she knew she had me, and all this **** started. nothing i did was good enough, and always had the past thrown in my face. she even told me i could do 100 great things for her, but one bad thing would bust them all........ yet.... i continued to "chase" her. i remember what it was like when we first met, and the first couple years. it was heaven on earth, something so beautiful...... sometimes i feel so broken up, i will never heal. I need to find who i was. i need to find that guy. I have allowed some woman to manipulate me, play games with me, and take me for a ride. I think it's time to get off the carnival ride, and find myself.
Philosoraptor Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Make a list of the things you want to do in life and start doing them. When you get down either knock something off your list or make the plans necessary to knock it off.
CaliBabe Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Same exact thing with me. Sometimes you lose yourself in a relationship. I am 8 months out of my breakup and I have found myself again and it's such an amazing feeling. Do as the above says and make a list of things you want to do. Each one you cross off will feel like an accomplishment. Like an acheivement. You'll be back to yourself in no time.
geegirl Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I think when you're involved with manipulative relationships or people, you lose yourself and become an extension of them. You mold yourself to fit the other person hence forgetting who you are, what you stand for and believe in because you so desperately want for things to work right. So you start to "become them". In the process, your thoughts and actions become theirs. I felt the same way. Before my ex, I was content with who I was and the way I was living my life. Post ex, I felt empty and lost. I felt depleted. I forgot what my passions were. I let my goals go by the wayside. I existed in the time frame of our relationship, for him. As PRaptor said, start putting your mind to good use and write down all the things you want to do and are hopeful of achieving. List your goals. Start there.
M2155 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yes I can totally relate to the post and comments. The loss of me was the biggest mistake I could make....I'm not even sure my ex was "manipulative" but it was definitely me doing too much chasing. I've very recently had contact with him and I feel soooooo much more in control now that I have me back (no getting together or anything like that). It's just nice to not have that stress and wonder how he'll react, if he'll react blah blah. Because these days I am confident enough in my future to WALK away. And that's power.
Author arbrne_vet Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 well, i started a list.... not much there, but i started. i have had "flashes" of who i used to be. i am getting upset... with myself for letting this happen. for allowing myself to be pushed around and manipulated. no more..... number one on my list... training. although, i have been doing this, i really want to up this. time to see what i am made of. other things to follow... Geegirl, you have been soooo good to me. so much wisdom. today is day one. reclaiming myself. will this be easy? i don't really know. i don't want to say it will be, and then have roadblocks, and i don't want to say it won't and breeze right through this. all i know is, nothing i can our could ever do will please her. NOTHING!! when i am told i can do 100 great things and one bad thing, and that bad thing erases all the good i have done, well.... i guess that says it all. no matter how much love, no matter how much i hold her, no matter how much i tell her, no matter how much i pour out my heart, no matter how much i compliment her, motivate her, blah, blah, blah...... does not matter. this is NOT the kind of relationship i want to be in. I was talking with my daughter over the weekend, on my trip. i started talking about her.... and she interrupted me and said, dad, i don't want to talk about her, she is the reason we stopped talking. i said your right, and i am sorry. she said "thank you", and it was brought up no more. it hit me then, this is the way things should be. if someone cannot move on after i have said i am sorry, and the past is CONSTANTLY thrown in my face, and every excuse in the world why she is justified to do this, and always throw things in my face...... what in GOD's name am i doing????? De Oppresso Libre words i lived by back in the day....... my turn....
Philosoraptor Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 It's good you are taking a step forward. I went through a lot of the same things and soon enough that weight will be lifted from your chest and you will feel a ton of relief. "To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself." - Master ChengYen
geegirl Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 You are getting out of victim mode and realizing that things have to change and only you can do that for yourself. That's a huge step towards reinventing yourself. The first step is always the hardest but you're doing it. Day one, from then on will be hard. There's no sugar coating it. We've all been there. There will be up days and down days. Those bad days, few and far between as time moves on and as you start to rebuild yourself. You did what you could to support the relationship you had with her. If for all those years patterns and behaviors have consistently remained the same, then maybe it is time to move on. Turn that focus around on you and start putting all that energy into rebuilding you. If you can't change what's beyond your control, then change what's within. That is you.
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