bdbmwer Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) Im sure once some of the ENA'rs that visit this board also see this they will be disappointed(sorry egojoe) but let me give a back story. We broke up late august,later found out she left me for another dude, I begged and pleaded during BU but not once after. went off and on NC for weeks at a time each time shed reach out. one time after a while of NC we met up and had a nice time everything went perfect and she asked if we could be FB friends. I told her ok and she sent the request that night. This is when my healing truly began. So i just let the request sit there really thinking about it and decided it wasnt best for me so after a week of it sitting there she took it back and from that day forth I initiated NC again for another 2 weeks till finally she asked me what I was trying to gain from ignoring her. I nicely told her to stop contacting me which made her mad and we had a huge blowout.I got over it quick and continued enjoying life. It was about this time that I started really feeling good and improving mentally she finally listened and I had another month of NC untill I ran into her at the club, she looked down and spent the whole night trying to make me jealous. I was unaffected and had a blast.about 2 weeks after this comes new years and at this point I really feel im ready to forgive my ex regardless of our situation and move on, I just dont care anymore so i text her happy new years and she sends me a "u too u meanie!" apprantly an old sports buddy I ran into at a party told me without me asking that she and her new guy had broken up. Just as i guessed would happen last night she reached out but not the way I expected. She added me on FB and I was very torn between it. Part of me thought the same as before, that shes old news so anything this brings about does not matter so theres no harm in accepting it, that maybe this is her way of reaching out and apologizing, to test the waters and finally give that "take me back speech" so I can feel vindicated and justified. Also my wall is lit up with things from other girls and just me having fun. On the other hand I thought that maybe I shouldnt accept it, that I should make her try harder and reach out more. that maybe she didnt deserve to have a window in my life and that now that she can see everything she has no need to text me or reach out anymore she can get her daily fix right off FB. Now onto my intentions. If I am to be truly honest I must admitt that If she wanted to ask for me back, I would hear her out because I have improved alot, in no way do I pine for her back nor am I even leaning towards answering yes, but it would make me feel accomplished after all the pain ive gone through. Onto my decision and question. I ultimately decided that if I am to prove I have truly healed and moved on I should accept her and not care what happens and continue like it never happened. And for the most part I am it doesnt change much, and I feel fine. Ive already unsubcribed from her page so I wont even have to see anything. But now that ive accepted her, I really cant just remove her again and start drama again, should I make her restricted so that when she visits my page she sees nothing except our old pictures together, which no doubt would have a profound effect or do I just leave it be and let her pry into my life? I want to keep her chasing Side Note: have any of you loveshackers ever had your ex first reach out with FB followed by everything else? Edited January 5, 2012 by bdbmwer
GaelicSoul Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Continue with NC, ignore FB request. Stop being so nice, grab you balls and have some self pride man. SHE LEFT YOU for another dude!
PegNosePete Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I ultimately decided that if I am to prove I have truly healed and moved on I should accept her and not care what happens and continue like it never happened Well, that is a bad decision. If you have truly healed and moved on then you would want nothing more to do with her. when she visits my page she sees nothing except our old pictures together, which no doubt would have a profound effect Yes it would have the profound effect of making her think, "oh he is SO not over me, when will he MOVE ON?". I want to keep her chasing "Keep" her chasing? She is not chasing you at all. If she was then she'd be knocking on your door, not throwing you breadcrumbs and asking to be "friends". Dude best case scenario you have been friend-zoned. Worst case scenario you are her play-thing. Oh and agree with the 2 above posters.
Author bdbmwer Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) gaelic its already been accepted. I havent been nice at all. The only thing remotely nice ive done is wish her a happy new years because our last contact had been a huge blowout and that was 1 and a half months of NC ago. Other then that ive ignored everything shes sent over the 4 months for the most part. Peg ill adress each part.I believe holding a grudge for what she did is not letting go but accepting and forgiving is so i dont necessarily agree.2nd part, why would me restricting her which makes it so you can only see things you have in common, which would be our photos together, make her think that. if anything its a push not a pull. It keeps her from prying into my life while also reminding her of the good times everytime she visits my page is why i suggested it. And I dont think shes wishing id move on finally as you say because shes chased me ever since NC and she sent the request not me. regardless I have moved on for the most part which is why im only looking for her to give me that close/justification now not rekindle things. Ive spent plenty of time listening and advising as well on relationship forums to tell when someone is not in the right state of mind and truly is desperate but my case is not one of them. advice such of yours most of the time IS valid and completely correct in most cases I agree completely ive even said it myself. But advice on these sites does tend to be a bit overly pessimistic at times. not every ex just shows up at peoples doorsteps out of the blue. I just dont think she sees me as her plaything as you say because I set boundaries even when she wanted contact and I stuck to them. nonetheless I appreciate everyones perspective and advice on the matter thank you very much Edited January 5, 2012 by bdbmwer
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