New Years Eve: Let Down

January 5, 2012

I want opinions on if others think it was the right thing to break up with him, (I know i feel solid that it was right but i want other perspectives) and about how he might feel being dumped , if he realizes his mistake and if you guys think he may contact me or would anyone contact him?

heres my brief story.

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months about spending new years together many times and thats what we planned on doing. BUT. That did not happened. And heres why::

He text me the day before new years eve:

I'm in college, and was in a long distance relationship. We lasted about 8 months, the first two and a half months we were in the same state before we went to college. We continued our relationship until I came back here for winter break. Anyway I told him many times before New Years that I wanted us to spend it together, and thats what we were going to do. I told him I may be getting a hotel, but when that did not come thru i told him i still wanted to spend the new year with him. So, anyway the day before new years he sends me this text:

him: yo. it looks like im probably going to be spending new years with my dads family. He just called me saying he wants me over there

me: You didnt mention to him that you had planned to spend it with me?

him: Ya but we didnt really have plans anyway and I havent seen him yet. This is what we usually do on new years anyway

me: Thats not the point though..the whole point was that I wanted to bring in the new year with you wherever we were. And i thought you felt the same, I didnt make plans to spend it with anyonelse but you, so you dont want to atleast ask if you can bring your girlfriend?

him: No its a family thing. you can come over tonight if you want. But im going over there. Im sure you can still plan something with someone.

Soo after this I felt like there was nothing more I could do but break up with him, because a boyfriend who is not taking you for granted wouldnt treat you that way. And he never contacted me until aboout 1130 that night only to say, "sooo....whats up" And by then I had already figured out what I wanted to say in my break up. So, that night before New Years Eve, I called him up and started off breaking up with him and then he said well he was ACTUALLY he wasnt going to his dads, he was going to michael and robbys to hang with them. And then proceeded (out of anger) to tell me how im "too sensitive" and he felt like he had to lie about being with his family because he thought I would be mad and he also basically said i would be a joy kill if he brought me around his friends, like I would get mad at him all of a sudden. But basically, he didnt think I would break up with him if he said he would be with his family, or be mad at him, so he lied thinking that at the most id be a little upset, but that backfired on him. ..anyway somehow this conversation lasted three hours unfortunately and it still ended in us breaking up.

Then the next day he texted me to ask me if i wanted my christmas gift that he got me, and i asked him if he had the tags and receipt and he said yes he still had it. Then i said well u can take it back. And he replies alright if you dont want it i will take back. So then i asked him what he got me, and he said "i mean its a gift. you have to see it to find out. do you wan it or not?" so i replied, "alright well if i may come and get it over break but if u need the extra money that i understand" then he said he didnt care and that it was up to me. so i just said alright well if u dont care than take it back, so he said, alright if you say so. (and i say all this because im wondering if he wanted to see me in person, cause thats what it seemed....but at the time i was thinking why wouldnt he know to just take it back)

anyway we havent spoken since then, and no he didnt tell me happy new year, just some facebook statuses that indicated his regretting what he did and showed that he missed me, they werent directly saying that but it was obvious. We havent made contact though except I did poke him on facebook and he poked me back but i only did that because i thought he poked me first howeever it was an olkd poke.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Lionblue92

January 5, 2012

I think you did the right thing. It's messed up not to want to spend new years with you. And he lied about it. Just move on and stop reading his lame Facebook statuses that are really messages to you. If he wants to apologize he just should. And the gift thing seemed really immature to me from both sides....are you in high school?

January 5, 2012

I think you did the right thing. It's messed up not to want to spend new years with you. And he lied about it. Just move on and stop reading his lame Facebook statuses that are really messages to you. If he wants to apologize he just should. And the gift thing seemed really immature to me from both sides....are you in high school?

No I am 19, a freshman in college and I have had 1 other serious relationship before. He is a freshman in college as well and has no long ones prior to me. Can i ask how the gift thing was immature on my end? And his too I guess.

January 5, 2012

No I am 19, a freshman in college and I have had 1 other serious relationship before. He is a freshman in college as well and has no long ones prior to me. Can i ask how the gift thing was immature on my end? And his too I guess.

The gift was his way of seeing if you really wanted to break up or were just mad. Insert his name in place of "gift"

January 5, 2012

Well thats nothing I ever thought about because by the end of our conversation the night before he knew I was serious about breaking up. So instead wasnt't that just his way of seeing if he could physically see me cause had I said yes....?

Also, I do miss him as well so I was thinking about initiating contact to just ask about the gift maybe by asking if he ever took it back. But I dont know how that will turn out, and I want to make sure im not giving any power away before doing so.

January 5, 2012

Well thats nothing I ever thought about because by the end of our conversation the night before he knew I was serious about breaking up. So instead wasnt't that just his way of seeing if he could physically see me cause had I said yes....?

Also, I do miss him as well so I was thinking about initiating contact to just ask about the gift maybe by asking if he ever took it back. But I dont know how that will turn out, and I want to make sure im not giving any power away before doing so.

I don't know the whole background, but it sounds like he just thought you were mad and broke up b/c you were disappointed. Most guys at 19 are not mature. You seem much more mature in terms of wanting a committed relationship. If that is what you want, then you should wait for a man that is going to provide that. This guy is more interested in hanging out with his buddies. Some of the stuff he said was out of anger, but the whole hanging out with friends was pre-meditated.

I do know if I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I would want to hang out with her b/c you probably don't see each other that often. At any rate, if you are already playing the "who has more power" game, I think its unhealthy and probably good you ended it. If you guys loved each other you wouldn't have to play those games. Sorry it didn't work out.

January 5, 2012

I don't know the whole background, but it sounds like he just thought you were mad and broke up b/c you were disappointed. Most guys at 19 are not mature. You seem much more mature in terms of wanting a committed relationship. If that is what you want, then you should wait for a man that is going to provide that. This guy is more interested in hanging out with his buddies. Some of the stuff he said was out of anger, but the whole hanging out with friends was pre-meditated.

I do know if I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I would want to hang out with her b/c you probably don't see each other that often. At any rate, if you are already playing the "who has more power" game, I think its unhealthy and probably good you ended it. If you guys loved each other you wouldn't have to play those games. Sorry it didn't work out.

Thanks. Well its been like 5 days since i broke up with him, im just wondering if it would be ok to initiate contact, to send a text about the gift, or let him make contact (if he does) cause i dont know the chances of him being able to admit he was wrong and apologizing to me and so forth

January 5, 2012

In a past life, I have acted as your boyfriend did, sad to say. I can tell you with 100% certainty that if your boyfriend were truly into you, you and he would have spent New Years together. And you wouldn't be here wondering about whether you "blew it" by telling him to send the gift back. But he was not that into you, and so he chose to ignore your desires to spend New Years together, and in fact, he chose to spend it with his friends instead of you. And so you quite understandably broke up with him.

It's on him to realize how he might have blown it, the way you seem to be second-guessing yourself. It is also on him to reach out and apologize. So no, no texts, no phone calls, no reaching out to him period.

You deserve to have a boyfriend who would be honored to spend New Years with you.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Imajerk17

January 5, 2012

In a past life, I have acted as your boyfriend did, sad to say. I can tell you with 100% certainty that if your boyfriend were truly into you, you and he would have spent New Years together. And you wouldn't be here wondering about whether you "blew it" by telling him to send the gift back. But he was not that into you, and so he chose to ignore your desires to spend New Years together, and in fact, he chose to spend it with his friends instead of you. And so you quite understandably broke up with him.

It's on him to realize how he might have blown it, the way you seem to be second-guessing yourself. It is also on him to reach out and apologize. So no, no texts, no phone calls, no reaching out to him period.

You deserve to have a boyfriend who would be honored to spend New Years with you.

Thank you...well with that said I guess it WAS the right thing not to take the gift. I have one another question for you..being that guy, did you ever reach out to that person again to say you were sorry or to reconcile, and how long did it take for you to do so?

January 5, 2012

Thank you...well with that said I guess it WAS the right thing not to take the gift. I have one another question for you..being that guy, did you ever reach out to that person again to say you were sorry or to reconcile, and how long did it take for you to do so?

Well actually, yes I did, but it was after she broke up with me. She had moved on by then though, and far as I know, is now married to the guy she dated right after me.

We really weren't right for each other so things actually did work out for the best. And I wasn't into her the way I "should" have been so things worked out for the best. If she had reached out to me first though, I would have kept on taking her for granted.

Anyway, wanting to spend New Years with your boyfriend wasn't "needy" or "clingy" on your part, it was a beautiful sentiment on your part. You deserve to be with someone who views getting to spend New Years with you as a gift.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Imajerk17

January 5, 2012

By texting me the next day about the gift he made the first contact. But I know by texting him a few days later period or about the gift wouldnt necessarily mean we were getting back together at which he "could" take me for granted again. But I think it would simply give him a sense of reassurance about how I feel, that I dont want to give. As much as i wanted it to work, he is immature. And his actions of spending it with his friends was as well. But i'll take your advice at no contact, thanks

January 5, 2012

Thanks. Well its been like 5 days since i broke up with him, im just wondering if it would be ok to initiate contact, to send a text about the gift, or let him make contact (if he does) cause i dont know the chances of him being able to admit he was wrong and apologizing to me and so forth

I agree, I don't think you should contact him either. I'm glad you aren't tolerating that behavior. A lot of girls allow jerky guys to, well, "jerk" them around You're better than that!

January 5, 2012

The new year Resolution ...............Stay away from Girls.....

January 5, 2012

The gift was his way of seeing if you really wanted to break up or were just mad. Insert his name in place of "gift"

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 7, 2012

ImaJerk17, Another question...how long after the break up did it take u to contact your ex again to apologize and what made you decide?

January 7, 2012

I'm sorry you were treated like this, especially for New Years Eve.

You deserve to be treated better than the way this guy treats you.

Would you treat someone like the way he treated you? If not, why do you think you have to accept such terrible treatment?

him: yo. it looks like im probably going to be spending new years with my dads family. He just called me saying he wants me over there

1st lie by him.

me: You didnt mention to him that you had planned to spend it with me?

him: Ya but we didnt really have plans anyway and I havent seen him yet. This is what we usually do on new years anyway

2nd lie by him.

me: Thats not the point though..the whole point was that I wanted to bring in the new year with you wherever we were. And i thought you felt the same, I didnt make plans to spend it with anyonelse but you, so you dont want to atleast ask if you can bring your girlfriend?

him: No its a family thing. you can come over tonight if you want. But im going over there. Im sure you can still plan something with someone.

3rd lie by him.

So, that night before New Years Eve, I called him up and started off breaking up with him and then he said well he was ACTUALLY he wasnt going to his dads, he was going to michael and robbys to hang with them.

You did the right thing to break up with him.

He prefers to be with his friends on new years eve instead of you and lies to you about it. Where do you think that puts you on his priority list?

And then proceeded (out of anger) to tell me how im "too sensitive" and he felt like he had to lie about being with his family because he thought I would be mad and he also basically said i would be a joy kill if he brought me around his friends, like I would get mad at him all of a sudden. But basically, he didnt think I would break up with him if he said he would be with his family, or be mad at him, so he lied thinking that at the most id be a little upset, but that backfired on him. ..anyway somehow this conversation lasted three hours unfortunately and it still ended in us breaking up.

He thinks it's okay to lie to you and that you would not break up with up for that. And then he blames YOU for being too sensitive.

You should never tolerate this type of treatment from a guy. You deserve so much better and there are guys out there who will respect you and treat you properly.

Then the next day he texted me to ask me if i wanted my christmas gift that he got me, and i asked him if he had the tags and receipt and he said yes he still had it. Then i said well u can take it back. And he replies alright if you dont want it i will take back. So then i asked him what he got me, and he said "i mean its a gift. you have to see it to find out. do you wan it or not?" so i replied, "alright well if i may come and get it over break but if u need the extra money that i understand" then he said he didnt care and that it was up to me. so i just said alright well if u dont care than take it back, so he said, alright if you say so. (and i say all this because im wondering if he wanted to see me in person, cause thats what it seemed....but at the time i was thinking why wouldnt he know to just take it back)

anyway we havent spoken since then, and no he didnt tell me happy new year, just some facebook statuses that indicated his regretting what he did and showed that he missed me, they werent directly saying that but it was obvious. We havent made contact though except I did poke him on facebook and he poked me back but i only did that because i thought he poked me first howeever it was an olkd poke.

He didn't believe you were serious about breaking up with him. He didn't even apologize, almost like he didn't even care about your feelings or what he did to you. This guys knows it's okay to lie to you like the way he did.

How can you ever trust anything this guy says to you from now on?

Why again do you want to be with a guy who treats you like this?

Edited January 7, 2012 by westrock

January 7, 2012

I'm sorry you were treated like this, especially for New Years Eve.

You deserve to be treated better than the way this guy treats you.

Would you treat someone like the way he treated you? If not, why do you think you have to accept such terrible treatment?

1st lie by him.

2nd lie by him.

3rd lie by him.

You did the right thing to break up with him.

He prefers to be with his friends on new years eve instead of you and lies to you about it. Where do you think that puts you on his priority list?

He thinks it's okay to lie to you and that you would not break up with up for that. And then he blames YOU for being too sensitive.

You should never tolerate this type of treatment from a guy. You deserve so much better and there are guys out there who will respect you and treat you properly.

He didn't believe you were serious about breaking up with him. He didn't even apologize, almost like he didn't even care about your feelings or what he did to you. This guys knows it's okay to lie to you like the way he did.

How can you ever trust anything this guy says to you from now on?

Why again do you want to be with a guy who treats you like this?

Thanks! I honestly ask myself where and when in the relationship I dropped in his priority list and when he started to take it for granted. And some of the instances i remember that he acted out a bit was recent, like not caring about the fact that our 7 month was going to hit. But he knew he upset me and did all he could to apologize about even that. And that wasnt nearly as big as this. But when he got to this point....I dont even know! It still makes me mad when i think about how bad he disprespected me and I hope he realizes the gravity of it now. Im sure in casual conversation or talking to his friends about it that SOMEBODY told him realness of his mistake..

January 8, 2012

Soo....my ex and I are friends on facebook and he just posted this status to the world which is more, i feel, like a subliminal message to me, it says :

they pop from dude to dude and wonder why we don't care....#MoreOfAReasonToCareLessEveryday

...I mean is he mad? it seemed like something would have sparked a status like this. he put this and i have not contated him, nor made any statuses about him, nor dated any guys right after him, even back to back in the past, not once since our break up. On my own I cant understand why he put this up or what it means so im asking you all what you think??

January 8, 2012

I think he's just venting his frustrations. Maybe a bit of rationalization on his part for why it is good to "not care" (IE "MoreOfAReasonToCareLessEveryday").

Wouldn't that explain his prior non-commital attitude/treatment towards you?

Whatever the case may be, doesn't appear he is/was in a good head space to have a proper relationship and he's just kind of acting out now and being "rebellious".

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