lalalandman Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Obviously not going to send this, just thinking out loud. Although I did write it. To her, You've offered up your feelings to me more than enough, and I think it's only fair to give you some insight into how I'm feeling. I don't know any other way to do this than to write it out. Firstly, I love you. Greatly. We don't always understand why we love someone, but I love you unequivocally; with every bone in my body and every ounce of me, I do. I was lovestruck from the first second. I can't remember another moment in my life when my eyes popped out of their sockets and the world around me froze in eternity. Even after this "phase", I remained loving you. It never wore off. It just stuck. Try as much as you want to explain it, but I'll tell you, any answer you come up with, is true. If I love you for pushing me to finish school, it's true. If I love you for sharing your love of the Beatles with me, it's true. If I love you for being a sexy goddess, it's true. If I love you for the hurt you've cause me, it's true. It's all true, any way you slice it. That's the easy part... 5 years later, and here we are. This hasn't been easy. Actually, most of our relationship hasn't been easy. But apparently, that's not stopping us, is it? Why? Because we love each other, a whole lot. We adore one another. Apparently, the worst of trials and tribulations can't keep two people apart if the love is there. I've learned this, thanks to us. Crazy...us. So I've thought, what's the matter? And what are the most important aspects of a good relationship? And I know, Love is at the top, and we've got that covered, without a doubt. Friendship - well we're best. Then there's Trust, Loyalty, and Honesty. Oh and not to forget Sexual Attraction and Chemistry - covered, we're boiling hot in that department. But there's those other 3, and I can't say truthfully that we've been on our game. Probably not really. Not to say we're a dead zero, but let's just say there's a lot of room for improvement. But then, there's your idea of what a good relationship entails, and maybe I'm scratching my head a little at the thought. But none of that matters if you're not interested. It means nothing actually. It's really just an idea for a better tomorrow. But here we are, 5 years later. You broke up with me 8 months ago. I've gone no contact on you a few occasions. Actually, this last time we didn't speak for almost 3 months. And then, you unloaded on me. I won't bother repeating everything you've said to me these past couple months, but it's definitely an indication that you're having second thoughts. However, I don't want to be dragged through the mud because you're confused. Because you don't know what you want. I don't want the hot and cold, and the games. Right now, let's be Honest. The other day, you told me something to the tune of "Oh on Sunday, I loved you, but today (Tuesday) not so much". And even though I laughed this off as a joke, I couldn't help but realize how seriously flawed this sounded, and how much of a problem it is. It reeks of instability. And 5 years later, instability is the last thing we need. I've heard you say to me before that "We're just not meant to be together". I hear people talk like this all the time. But here we are, 5 years later. My mother is a very religious person, and I am not, but I don't know any other way to put this: The Lord has done his duty, and now it's up to us. We're not meant to be together only if we don't both want it. Blah blah blah. Just a rant. Just feels good to put it down.
Author lalalandman Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 I've been good at keeping my emotions at bay for a while, but reading this back got me sort of choked up and reminiscing. Sucks.
wilsonx Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 lalalandman This is very good man, its always good to express yourself somehow, if not in voice, letters do the trick One thing I want to give you a suggestion on is learning to feel your emotions and not keep them at bay but dont let them take you over either. Women love men with emotional depth. They dont like a cold hard ass that they cant feel. Keep healing man, you are doing very good
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