MissMoni Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Hi all. It's been a year and two months - how time flies! I've been in mostly nc, with sprinklings of "Happy Birthday" and "This reminded me of you" here and there. But I have been in complete NC since Novemberish (not even looking at his FB account..) I'm proud of myself for remaining NC throughout the entire holiday season. I think I have finally given up on us being friends. A year ago, I wrote a letter to myself that really laid into all the reasons I felt unappreciated and unloved by him. Recently, I have been feeling a bit nostalgic (maybe the holidays) about getting in touch and wondering if there was something else more I could be doing to be a friend to him..when I realized..I don't think I actually want to be his friend! Although he has some good qualities, even a year later (we dated for almost 2) it still hurts me to think of him with someone else, even though I am very open to the idea of dating other people myself. The letter to myself really opened my eyes and made me realize that the reason I wanted to get in contact is because I started rewriting the history of our relationship and downplaying the pain I felt certain situations came up..has this happened to any of you? Even though there was no cheating, abuse, or even something really dramatic that broke it down, I had to learn to stop blaming myself for the entire relationship. I used to think it was the dumpee's responsibility to reach out and wondered if he was upset with me for not being more "friendly"...but reading that letter made me realize I deserve so much more. Rude awakening, but I think this is just a step in moving on for good..let's hope so, at least Questions: Have any of you had similar awakenings? And I wonder, do dumpers ever come to a similar realization? Hmm. I sometimes wish more than anything he'd come and apologize and say he would like to start over as friends, and I think that if that happened, I'd be willing to try to work som4ething out..but as of now, and the fact that I have only really heard from him on my birthday or when an earthquake happened in my town (don't ask lol) for a year I think it's safe to say he probably doesn't want a friendship either..
Author MissMoni Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Although I do admit I do feel REALLY stupid for how pathetic I probably looked to him in the months following the breakup...while I wasn't constantly contacting him, I did poke around much longer than I should trying to remain "friends" -_-
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Oh wow, I actually feel very similar to you! I have been in NC since October and am also proud that I managed to stick to it through the holidays, even after he did reach out to me after 6 weeks NC. Props to us I like to believe, in both our situations, that we are healing very well. I am like you, it would hurt to see him with someone else, yet I ponder dating others and such. Personally, I know I will always hold love for my ex and that I would be willing to start over and work something out if the opportunity ever came around, but at the same time, I do not obsess over him anymore. I have come to the realization that I do not need him in my life to be happy and am letting go of the past pain we caused each other. Do I miss him and think about him? Absolutely! But I think that is normal when someone was such a big part of your life and such (I dated my ex a year and half). Keep up the good work I think we are both at a point where we are at a good place in life.
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