tripledubs Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 i've been dating the girl in question for 8 months now. i love her to death, and am starting to hate the fact that i do. a little background info: - she has an abusive ex-boyfriend whom still shows up at her house, tries to talk to her and if she refuses he gets angry and beats her up when he gets the chance. she used to let him in, but ive taught her not to. she hid him from me for the first 3 months. - she has very low alcohol tolerance (blacks out), but is addicted to alcohol, most likely as a result of the torment she's been through. i've tried to help her overcome it. so far, ive gotten her to only drink once a week. she always asks and bitches and whines when i tell her not to drink until that certain day though. -she has cheated on me with 5 different people (kissing and/or cuddling, never sex), counting her ex-boyfriend whom she hid. (she used to let him in and they'd lay in bed and he'd kiss her. she never wanted to piss him off) 3 times sober, 2 times drunk. I forgave her for everything. the most recent was 5 months ago. obviously, she has been through a lot of abuse and feels as if she has no power in any sort of situation. with me, it is the opposite. i feel as if she takes out her anger and memories on me. would you guys consider this teasing or flat out wrong?: she constantly gets on top of me, hugs me, feels me up, wants to cuddle. however, as soon as i try to kiss her or hug her back or if i want to cuddle, she pushes me away. after pushing me away, she gets upset and thinks i dont like her because i give up on trying to do stuff with her. she likes talking to other guys, but i dont like it so she stopped. she still voices her annoyance with me not liking it though. shed hate if i talked to girls though. i have ZERO girl friends since i started dating her. she then proceeds to accuse me of cheating if the topic comes up somehow, she calls me overprotective, and she calls me controlling. i feel i have become a bit of both from being with her, but i have NEVER cheated on her. i have white knight syndrome. i need help with myself. i feel like she acts out for attention, and talks to other guys for attention. probably the attention she never had from her parents and from the abuse she's been through. sorry for the length of this, but it has been my life for the past 8 months. please help. i love her so much, and hate the fact that i do at the same. when im not with her, i want to protect her. the relationship has transformed me.
thatone Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 because she is still f*cking the ex boyfriend and that's why she is pushing you away. you do have white knight syndrome. you need to rid yourself of this woman. tell her to enjoy her black eyes and put her sh*t on the curb.
soulm8 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 would you guys consider this teasing or flat out wrong?: she constantly gets on top of me, hugs me, feels me up, wants to cuddle. however, as soon as i try to kiss her or hug her back or if i want to cuddle, she pushes me away. after pushing me away, she gets upset and thinks i dont like her because i give up on trying to do stuff with her. she likes talking to other guys, but i dont like it so she stopped. she still voices her annoyance with me not liking it though. shed hate if i talked to girls though. i have ZERO girl friends since i started dating her. she then proceeds to accuse me of cheating if the topic comes up somehow, she calls me overprotective, and she calls me controlling. i feel i have become a bit of both from being with her, but i have NEVER cheated on her. i have white knight syndrome. i need help with myself. i feel like she acts out for attention, and talks to other guys for attention. please help. i love her so much, and hate the fact that i do at the same. when im not with her, i want to protect her. the relationship has transformed me. I would say this is teasing AND flat out wrong. Stop enabling and justifying her sh!itty behaviour. Why have you been putting up with this deceit and bs for 8 months? What exactly do you love so much about her? How can you protect her... from herself?
Author tripledubs Posted January 6, 2012 Author Posted January 6, 2012 well, its hard. she's really bipolar. when she's happy and in a good mood, she is flat out amazing. she makes me so happy. just spending time with her and stuff; we click. her other half is the one that does all of this crazy **** and acting out. i dont know if its worth dealing with to get that happiness out of her.
TheFinalWord Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 i've been dating the girl in question for 8 months now. i love her to death, and am starting to hate the fact that i do. a little background info: - she has an abusive ex-boyfriend whom still shows up at her house, tries to talk to her and if she refuses he gets angry and beats her up when he gets the chance. she used to let him in, but ive taught her not to. she hid him from me for the first 3 months. - she has very low alcohol tolerance (blacks out), but is addicted to alcohol, most likely as a result of the torment she's been through. i've tried to help her overcome it. so far, ive gotten her to only drink once a week. she always asks and bitches and whines when i tell her not to drink until that certain day though. -she has cheated on me with 5 different people (kissing and/or cuddling, never sex), counting her ex-boyfriend whom she hid. (she used to let him in and they'd lay in bed and he'd kiss her. she never wanted to piss him off) 3 times sober, 2 times drunk. I forgave her for everything. the most recent was 5 months ago. obviously, she has been through a lot of abuse and feels as if she has no power in any sort of situation. with me, it is the opposite. i feel as if she takes out her anger and memories on me. would you guys consider this teasing or flat out wrong?: she constantly gets on top of me, hugs me, feels me up, wants to cuddle. however, as soon as i try to kiss her or hug her back or if i want to cuddle, she pushes me away. after pushing me away, she gets upset and thinks i dont like her because i give up on trying to do stuff with her. she likes talking to other guys, but i dont like it so she stopped. she still voices her annoyance with me not liking it though. shed hate if i talked to girls though. i have ZERO girl friends since i started dating her. she then proceeds to accuse me of cheating if the topic comes up somehow, she calls me overprotective, and she calls me controlling. i feel i have become a bit of both from being with her, but i have NEVER cheated on her. i have white knight syndrome. i need help with myself. i feel like she acts out for attention, and talks to other guys for attention. probably the attention she never had from her parents and from the abuse she's been through. sorry for the length of this, but it has been my life for the past 8 months. please help. i love her so much, and hate the fact that i do at the same. when im not with her, i want to protect her. the relationship has transformed me. She can get a restraining order. I would call the police immediately every time he violates it. If that didn't work, I would be the personal restraining order and kick is a$$ This woman has MAJOR issues. She cannot love you and you cannot save her. There are medications for bi-polar, and she can take them. But you can't make her. I am not trying to be insensitive in saying this, but you are in need of professional help if you are finding it hard to get away from her. This is a toxic relationship. Life is too short! It's better to be single than die early from a toxic relationship!
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Uhhh...wow. What exactly are her positive traits? She sounds like she has serious issues. What makes you want to be with her? And no, "I love her" is not enough of an answer.
9Lives Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Your the doormat and the other guys gets the treasures. You are her kicking post and the other guy is her love toy. people will use the hell out of you if you let them PERIOD!!! She is that girl and your self esteem is low
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Good advice, FinalWord, but will the OP listen to it?
Dust Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 This goes beyond white knight syndrome into being a cuckold. Thats really sad if guys abuse her and she never had attention from her parents. Thats not the issue here. Before you even got to the part where you mentioned her cheating I already knew she had cheated. In fact she probably had sex with that ex boyfriend and very posibly other guys since you two started dating. Not to mention she thinks you cheat which isn't suprising because she is probably still cheating there for expects the same from you. She obviously has no trust or respect for you so why are you dating her? What is your issue that you would disrespect yourself like this? Also if I understand correctly you havn't had sex with her yet but it sounds like other guys are currently...
TheFinalWord Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 - she has an abusive ex-boyfriend whom still shows up at her house, tries to talk to her and if she refuses he gets angry and beats her up when he gets the chance. she used to let him in, but ive taught her not to. she hid him from me for the first 3 months. I just want to point out one thing where you mentioned you have "taught her". Unless you are a trained professional you should not be attempting behavior modification. You may do more damage than good. This is not one of those cases where you just show her love and she sees the light. She has a serious mental disorder and needs help. You can't fix it. I know you have feelings for her. But it isn't really love unless the other person reciprocates.
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