Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 C'mon man. It can't be that bad. Certain people have poor metabolisms. If in her picture, she looks like she's 5'6" ~ 130 and then you meet her in person and she's 5'6" ~ 150, so what? 20 pounds can be lost in a month. She still looks essentially the same. I had a female friend that complained that men would always post their absolute best picture up and in reality, they looked nothing like that. Grow up. It's a picture of HIM. It's not a picture of Brad Pitt. So you date someone and you expect them to lose weight? I'm with the OP on this 100% and I walked out on someone once because he lied about his appearance.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 That said, though, I think it puts the person who lied about their weight or height or age in a terrible position that I personally would HATE to be in - that of appearing before a stranger for the first time and having them look at me and see the reality. I'd much rather tell someone upfront about weight, age, etc. and get rejected BEFORE meeting, if that were going to be the case. Absolutely, I'm the same. Which is why I don't get it. I suppose lack of self-awareness or being in denial are not exactly the qualities you want in a date anyway
bean1 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 So you date someone and you expect them to lose weight? . No kidding. If she has weight to lose when single & childless, it sure as hell is not going to happen after she gets into a relationship or gets pregnant. And I say this as a wife & mother who has always been in shape, it's a hell of a lot harder now!
Andy_K Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 My last ex I met from a dating site had himself listed as average. He was 5'10, 205 lbs. That's pretty considerable overweight. Borderline obese by BMI standards. Yet it got him a date with you, and then a relationship. Had he listed himself as obese (or whatever deluded flattering name they give it), would you still have been so keen to meet up with him? Would you have written/replied to him in the first place? Many people (of both sexes) lie to get a food in the door. I'm not condoning it, but I am saying that if you're happy to date someone who lied about their body type that grossly, you're part of the problem, so you don't get to complain about people misrepresenting themselves
jobaba Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 So you date someone and you expect them to lose weight? I'm with the OP on this 100% and I walked out on someone once because he lied about his appearance. No... I don't care about 20 extra pounds. What a joke. You do realize that once you get that person naked, you're probably gonna see his/her tummy and a@@ that is full of cottage cheese. Well ... you didn't expect that either. Are you gonna dump them then? Anyway, I realize people are shallow. I'm not. Whatever...
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 No kidding. If she has weight to lose when single & childless, it sure as hell is not going to happen after she gets into a relationship or gets pregnant. And I say this as a wife & mother who has always been in shape, it's a hell of a lot harder now! Not just that. I can't stand it when people meet you and start dating you as you are only for them to turn around within a couple of weeks telling you that they wish you were skinnier/fatter/etc. Surely that's the ultimate waste of everyone's time.
ditzchic Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yet it got him a date with you, and then a relationship. Had he listed himself as obese (or whatever deluded flattering name they give it), would you still have been so keen to meet up with him? Would you have written/replied to him in the first place? Many people (of both sexes) lie to get a food in the door. I'm not condoning it, but I am saying that if you're happy to date someone who lied about their body type that grossly, you're part of the problem, so you don't get to complain about people misrepresenting themselves Under normal circumstances, no. But this guy also had unflattering and vague photos up. And I actually messaged him first because of how well-written his profile was and some common interests. He was the first guy I ever initiated contact with on a dating site. It became apparent to me pdq that he was extremely underconfident and insecure. I dated this one based primarily on personality. It ended in a big fiery crash though so that won't be happening again
ditzchic Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Not just that. I can't stand it when people meet you and start dating you as you are only for them to turn around within a couple of weeks telling you that they wish you were skinnier/fatter/etc. Surely that's the ultimate waste of everyone's time. Uhhhh. Like the one guy I dated that told me on the 2nd date that he loves brunettes (I'm blonde) and that I should consider dying my hair because I'd look so much better that way. I gave that guy a couple more dates too. I'm so stupid! lol.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Uhhhh. Like the one guy I dated that told me on the 2nd date that he loves brunettes (I'm blonde) and that I should consider dying my hair because I'd look so much better that way. I gave that guy a couple more dates too. I'm so stupid! lol. live and learn. If anything like this comes up in conversation now I shame them straight away saying that I strive to accept them as they are and how very silly it is of them to pick someone who isn't their ideal only to try to change her later. Then watch their reaction
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 If I were to go on a date with a woman I met online and it turns out that she's much heavier than I was led to believe; what should I do?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I don't actually believe that those that lie about small things should be suspected of lying about big things too necessarily but when someone lies about something that they will be definitely found out on later (ie their appearance) then all sorts of questions come into my mind. Most importantly: if they thought looks were important enough for them to lie about, why is it that they also thought they would get away with it? I mean you either have to be extremely stupid or just really really weird to believe it would pass. I'm not so sure it's the mindset of "what can I get away with" so much as "I just want this person to give me a shot because I am a cool person even if I don't meet his/her physical expectations. Since so many people do it, men and women, I don't think it means people are either stupid or weird. Just human. When you meet someone organically, you don't have to disclose all kinds of information about yourself off the bat. You don't have to tell a man your weight and he doesn't have to tell you his height. I also have found that people are much less critical of others when they meet in person then when going threw a real of available online suitors. It's a funny. I've seen both my male and female friends be very critical of others online but their exes weren't these fabulous Ryan Gosling look-alikes either. Which is why I personally think online dating is stale and why meeting someone in real life in a real situation is much more attractive.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 C'mon man. It can't be that bad. Certain people have poor metabolisms. If in her picture, she looks like she's 5'6" ~ 130 and then you meet her in person and she's 5'6" ~ 150, so what? 20 pounds can be lost in a month. She still looks essentially the same. I had a female friend that complained that men would always post their absolute best picture up and in reality, they looked nothing like that. Grow up. It's a picture of HIM. It's not a picture of Brad Pitt. 20 pounds can be lost in a month? Isn't 1-3 pounds a week an average healthy weight loss for something trying to burn weight off? I don't know too many people that can loose 5 pounds a week.
ditzchic Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 20 pounds can be lost in a month? Isn't 1-3 pounds a week an average healthy weight loss for something trying to burn weight off? I don't know too many people that can loose 5 pounds a week. Agreed. 20 lbs can be lost in a month if, say, you are 300 lbs and haven't seen the inside of a gym in 5 years. But someone who is only slightly overweight can never pull those kinds of numbers in a healthy way. If she goes on a starvation diet maybe, but unless you're into bald chicks with bad skin tone who look like the are knocking on deaths door no one would be impressed by the end result.
jobaba Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 If I were to go on a date with a woman I met online and it turns out that she's much heavier than I was led to believe; what should I do? Define much heavier? 20 lbs to me is not a big deal when someone has their clothes on. 50 lbs would make a difference. But I don't think many people would cover up a 50 lb difference in their photos. 20 pounds can be lost in a month? Isn't 1-3 pounds a week an average healthy weight loss for something trying to burn weight off? I don't know too many people that can loose 5 pounds a week. Yea. I was just hastily typing. Probably more like half a year to lose 20 lbs. But I was just illustrating a point. I really don't care. I did happen to lose 7 pounds in 1.5 months without even trying though. I just wasn't eating as much because I changed jobs. My metabolism is like a birds.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I'm not so sure it's the mindset of "what can I get away with" so much as "I just want this person to give me a shot because I am a cool person even if I don't meet his/her physical expectations. Since so many people do it, men and women, I don't think it means people are either stupid or weird. Just human. When you meet someone organically, you don't have to disclose all kinds of information about yourself off the bat. You don't have to tell a man your weight and he doesn't have to tell you his height. I also have found that people are much less critical of others when they meet in person then when going threw a real of available online suitors. It's a funny. I've seen both my male and female friends be very critical of others online but their exes weren't these fabulous Ryan Gosling look-alikes either. Which is why I personally think online dating is stale and why meeting someone in real life in a real situation is much more attractive. It's because in real life you see what you get, there is no need to disclose anything, it's right in front of your eyes. I do think it's weird I'm sorry, anyone that lies about something like that indicates a certain kind of personality. Once I asked a guy about this when I worked out that his profile photo was 10 years younger (we never met) than his actual age. He said it was marketing because he was like an expensive Gucci handbag except at a discounted price. My answer was that I could afford a full priced one Attraction is tricky, I don't need to date Mr Perfectly Gorgeous either but I will go off someone's personality straight away if they pull a silly stunt like that.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 If I were to go on a date with a woman I met online and it turns out that she's much heavier than I was led to believe; what should I do? Well that would depend on how you felt about that
azsinglegal Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 If I were to go on a date with a woman I met online and it turns out that she's much heavier than I was led to believe; what should I do? Sweetie, you need to be happy you got the date in the first place.
Saxis Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) Some other common 'exaggerations' Trying to quit = smokes like a train Drinks rarely = alcoholic Down to earth = cat hoarder Ooh can I play? :lmao: Single = going through a bitter divorce "Want to know anything else, just ask!" = I will not reply to you in a million years! "Please don't be creepy!" = I will not reply to you in a million years! "I know what I'm looking for!" = I will not reply to you in a million years! ........and don't forget this one: Body Type: Prefer not to say = morbidly obese Edited January 5, 2012 by Saxis
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Well that would depend on how you felt about that I'm definitely not into big girls nor do I like being mislead. It would be enough for me to consider ending the date and going home. Sweetie, you need to be happy you got the date in the first place. Har har I"ll let that slide
CarrieT Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Anyone else finding this kind of deceit common these days? I have the same complaint about guys who say they have bigger than average cocks when it only turns out to be average... Common, common deceit!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Define much heavier? 20 lbs to me is not a big deal when someone has their clothes on. 50 lbs would make a difference. But I don't think many people would cover up a 50 lb difference in their photos. Yea. I was just hastily typing. Probably more like half a year to lose 20 lbs. But I was just illustrating a point. I really don't care. I did happen to lose 7 pounds in 1.5 months without even trying though. I just wasn't eating as much because I changed jobs. My metabolism is like a birds. Wooo...glad we cleared that up. You are also a guy. Men tend to burn fat off easier and quicker then women because of your muscle mass. I could never loose 5 pounds a week. And I work out hard.
FitChick Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I think you are misreading her profile. I get why she changed her age to come up in a search. Men who are 45 are looking for women 37 not women who are 45. She did it so men would see her qualities and not her age (as a number). . I always lie about age because I can get away with it. When questioned later, I ask, "Would you have bothered contacting me if I had put up my real age even though I had current photos?" "No. I'd have thought those were old photos of you because no one looks that good at your age!"
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Emilia It's because in real life you see what you get, there is no need to disclose anything, it's right in front of your eyes. That's why I think people are much harsher judges online then in real life. When you have to list qualties about yourself like statistical data, people start looking at it just like that, statistical data to be evaluated based on what they think they "deserve" and what they are attracted to. In real life, your taking in the entire picture and environment and your not listing your stats in a vulnerable way. I do think it's weird I'm sorry, anyone that lies about something like that indicates a certain kind of personality. Once I asked a guy about this when I worked out that his profile photo was 10 years younger (we never met) than his actual age. He said it was marketing because he was like an expensive Gucci handbag except at a discounted price. My answer was that I could afford a full priced one Attraction is tricky, I don't need to date Mr Perfectly Gorgeous either but I will go off someone's personality straight away if they pull a silly stunt like that. What kind of personality does it indicate? Come on Emilia have you never ever lied to anyone about any matter of subjects? Or added a few more details to a story? I find that hard to believe. We all try not to lie but we are human and it happens. I'm not making a case that you should be attracted or date someone that lied about something in their profile. I'm just saying it's human, it happens and people do it because of a vulnerability and insecurity. And when you look at that way, you can start treating that person with more humanity then holding them under a microscope. I don't think it's some pathological personality trait.
FitChick Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 To add to the euphemisms list: My hair is getting a bit thin on top = bald as a baby's a$$ I know how to please a woman in bed, I'm always up for it, you won't be disappointed, sex is very important to me, etc. = impotent
azsinglegal Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I'm definitely not into big girls nor do I like being mislead. It would be enough for me to consider ending the date and going home. Har har I"ll let that slide You know I had to tease you...LOL I will tell you if someone misleads you about something as silly as weight, then they'll probably mislead you on other things too. I've gone out with men from dating sites and when I saw them they were much larger or shorter then they had on their profile. To me, it was a turn off. Just be honest, that's all I ask and I don't think it's asking too much. Also, in reference to meeting someone who "needs to lose 20lbs". Forget about it. If you go into something with the expectation that they'll lose weight you're fooling yourself, not them. Life is about acceptance. Finding that one person who accepts you for you, good, bad, fat, ugly, skinny, etc. Men go into relationships expecting women not to change and women go into them expecting men to change. I'm still looking for that one person who accepts me. In the meantime, having fun with the other ones.
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